**Edit** - thanks for everyone’s inputs on best practices when one parent is away and the other is solo parenting. What makes me sad is the number of downvotes and accusations I received for “spying” “not trusting my husband”. I still stand by me looking at my kid on the camera (and not my husband. I literally wanted to see my child!!!) . My husband knows I do this. We both do it! It’s easier to check in than text each other “hey is he asleep”. We have nothing to hide and I don’t doubt my husband for a second. We’re both obsessed with our kid and when we are away we have major FOMO so we like to watch him get ready for sleep since it’s such a special time! I just wanted the group’s opinion on if I should suggest a different approach to my husband but I totally get how he’d be annoyed by it. I’m upset that so many people make me seem like a villain in this story.

My husband is a very present father and we both love spending time with our kid. He does work longer hours so I try to give him a rest from night time duties most nights.

Well last night was my first night away from both my 3 year old and husband. They video chat me me to say goodnight and I can see my son is already upset and asking for me as soon as he sees me.

Fast forward 15 minutes where I get a notification from my Nanit that there is motion so I connect to see my kid getting ready for bedtime. Instead I hear loud crying “I went mommy I want mommy” and he’s facedown on his room floor. My husband is saying “look at me. Look at me let’s go take a shower and get ready”.

My son’s screaming escalates so then my husband screams back at him “LOOK AT ME!” then walks away. My heart breaks watching my son cry on the floor. But I’ve also been in those high stress tantrum situations where he’s just inconsolable. But somehow my husband screaming didn’t sit well with me. I just wished he had held our son and comforted him because he was clearly having a hard time with me not being there.

Should I say something to my husband? I don’t want to micromanage his parenting but I also don’t want him to yell at our kid if he’s (frankly both of them) are deregulated. I’m not perfect and get irritated in such situations but I always try to comfort and save the loud voice for when I need to enforce discipline. Thoughts?

I have an 18 month old daughter, she has super fine silky hair that’s wavy in the back.

It’s gotten so long and she’s started to actually look like a girl which elated me after everyone always thinking she was a boy.
It had grown so long that it kept getting in her eyes and she didn’t really like wearing clips or having her hair up. I figured I’d cut some bangs only up to her eyebrows.

FML.

I cut it but she was looking down when I did it, so it ended up being WAY too short. Like mini bangs.
She looks like she has a mullet now.

I genuinely felt so sick to my stomach and was fighting back tears when I saw the hack job I did. That was the first time her hair has ever been cut at all, so I felt a million times worse because that was the hair that has been there since she was in my belly.

Obviously I’m just going to have to wait until it grows out again, and accept the situation, but I seriously am kicking myself for this.

Praying that her hair grows quickly, but not so sure about that lol

I have a babygirl who just turned 4, and a newborn who is 5 months. Both girls, both the light of my life and the joy of my days. 

My 4 year old is my firstborn, we love her to pieces, sometimes so much I can’t fathom how a heart can hold in so much emotion and love. She is very close to me and for almost all of our relationship, that love and trust has felt so rewarding, and validating and ego-boosting if I’m being honest. I’m an only child and grew up quite alone, so having a mini bestie has been the most incredible, joyful and healing experience for me.

But I guess like the saying goes, too much of a good thing is a bad thing - her need to be so close to me and my husband has metamorphasized from cute and loving —> a little annoying but still quirky —> overbearing and becoming stressful, and to where we are now —> suffocation. She will.not.leave.me.alone. Not to pee, not to poo, not to shower, not to step away and make food, not to change clothes, not to walk over to the laundry and throw clothes in the wash. It’s happened over the last 6-8 months and now causes so much anxiety and stress. I am at my wit’s end, overwhelmed and touched out, and her constant shadowing me has resulted in screaming matches and worst of all, resentment and irritation on my part at her. 

I have no idea where this crippling tension has come from. She is beloved, she is given so much attention but is/was well adjusted and socialized. She has been in a daycare since age 1, a full-time schedule so it’s not like she isn’t socialized or used to being away from us.

Also, it’s not necessarily only me - she just needs to be close to someone. If she’s with my parents, it’s one of them. She is constantly freaking out needing multiple reassurances that she won’t be left alone, someone will take her out of the carseat.

She has never been left alone, so I don’t know where this fear is coming from. It’s stressing me and also frightening me, making me wonder if something harmful has happened to her that I don’t know of - or if I’ve done something to her to stoke this irrational fear. 

I know the obvious answer feels like it’s her newborn sister and feeling left behind or passed over, but she doesn’t have any animosity or negative feelings/behavior toward her sister— and this started before she was even born, so I don’t think it’s quite that. I’ve just restarted at my job after my maternity leave and so I really don’t have the physical time to devote every second to her. 

I’m at my wit’s end and unfortunately we don’t have the financial means to get a professional for her at this time, so I’m hoping I may get some constructive advice from parents here. Willing to try anything, my priority is her happiness, safety and sense of security but also our own. 

If the partner were to go out of the country for 8 days and nights, would it be easier to handle when the child is 9 months old or at 3 years old (exactly 36 months)? Assume that there's no support from anyone, outside of a nanny maybe 20 hours per week, if any coverage at all.

Recently, having my first born has given me a sudden burst of energy and huge appetite for making as many memories as possible. I know trips at a young age serve no purpose to her whatsoever and it is 100% for her mother and I. And that’s OK. We want the pictures we want the memories with a silly baby in places that we have been before.

When I was a year and a half my parents won an all inclusive Safari trip to South Africa. So left with no other choice they took me with them, and even though I don’t remember a thing, the pictures are priceless. And as a little boy I would tell people I’ve been across the world.

I don’t wanna take her on some grand adventure like that, but I wonder what is a safe age to put her on airplane for a few hours, or take a family trip to a national park, etc. (Based in the US)

To keep it short-ish...brushing teeth for my SS12 is a twice-daily ordeal. That isn't surprising but I get frustrated with the reminders, listening for the brushing, watching the brushing, checking that toothpaste was used, etc because I'm the only one doing it. My husband doesn't care if his kid brushes.

When I complained to 2 friends, one said that she only brushes her preschooler's teeth 1x per day, and the other said that she lets her kid face natural consequences of having fuzzy teeth.

I'm not interested in natural consequences because I want my SS to build habits & routines. I honestly thought this was basic & now I feel so alone in my principles! My husband says I'm the only person that cares about this and I should just let it go, but obv I'm not going to. But it would be so great to have support.

Can anyone out there please confirm that they feel like brushing 2x a day is really important?? 😭 ​

Father of 3 girls, 7,5,2. When they get home, the older two have no interest in anything other than playing silly games with each other (like really annoying silly games involving stupid noises, wrestling, farting, spitting, screeching, etc). No desire to read, play board games, puzzles, musical instruments, drawing, arts and crafts or any other myriad forms of entertainment available to them at home.

I can’t stand it. Sometimes I feel like enforcing quality entertainment (though it’s like pulling teeth) and other times I just check out but then feel guilty that I’m an absentee parent.

Is this common? Any recommendations?

​

This might be a long post so please bear with me. We have a 3.5 year old daughter, but we're currently struggling in terms of how to deal with her emotions, tantrums and meltdowns. Lately we feel like her mood and decisions change by the second. I will give a couple of examples that happened the past week and how we're trying to deal with them or not to deal with them:

- We woke up all happy and jolly, my daughter told me to go downstairs to the living room. I told her okay, and as we were going down the stairs she stopped mid way and said I don't want to go downstairs and just stopped. I ask her what happened? why don't you want to go downstairs anymore? is there something wrong? no answer, just a tilted head and her making grumpy sounds and saying I don't want to go downstairs. After trying to make her talk and express why the sudden change and failing, I just left her at the stairs. She cried for like 5 mins or so, slowly went downstairs by herself and all of a sudden she was back to normal.

- She told me she wanted a bell shaped like a unicorn for her new bike. The very next day I bought her one, and I was overjoyed to surprise her after daycare with her new bell! She was super happy to see it and told me to install it on her bike. I started installing it where it should go, and then she started crying and saying no I want it placed down (basically on the lower section of the bar right above the wheel).

I explained why it's a bad idea and that she might fall down trying to ring the bell that way and that it should be up right next to her hand just like my bell and her mom's bike bell. She got triggered again and started crying. Her mom hugged her and tried explaining things to her and then told her okay so we won't install the bell for you now. The next day she asks me to install the bell in the correct place, but I tell her that because the first thing she did when she received a gift was not to say thank you and made a scene out of it, you're now punished and you can't have your bell for 3 days. She took that well, but I don't think she understood why she couldn't have the bell.

- Then there's the everyday madness trying to make her get dressed. If she wants to wear a certain thing and we say no, then reality shatters and she just falls on the floor and starts crying. sometimes we just give in and tell her okay on whatever she picks just to spare ourselves from a battle at 7 in the morning. But sometimes it's just something that's really stupid that triggers her such as her saying that she wants to wear an undershirt and us saying it's way too hot outside to wear one and she would collapse.

I know girls her age are full of emotions, and her thoughts are all over the place. But how can we navigate through this maze in a way that doesn't hurt our daughter emotionally and spares us as well. We feel that whatever we do and offer her goes down the drain when she does those actions.

We got her books that are suitable for her age that describe anger, cheerfulness etc. and we try to go over them frequently but guess what 5 mins after reading them she does the exact opposite.

Sorry for the long post, it felt like I needed to vent out but also get some practical tips from other parents or professionals.

Also, when did the night wakings with tantrums and crying and screaming stop if you did NOT cosleep? I’m not knocking it. I personally cannot do it for my own sleep health and reasons.

Our kid is old enough to start walking to friends’ houses or being dropped off at home before we get back from work. We are looking for recommendations for a simple smart watch for her. We really only need the call and GPS functions. We don’t plan for her to wear it all the time or be able to contact friends with it. To be honest, we are not very tech savvy so something that is simple to set up is easier than getting a regular smartwatch and having to set up lots of parental controls or limit access to lots of apps. We just want to be able to call each other if need be and track her to make sure she got home/to her friends’ house safe if she hasn’t arrived when expected. What watches have you liked?

Thank you, fellow parents!

This evening, right before dinner, our almost 5-year-old pooped and clogged the toilet (we obviously still have some work to do on wiping efficiently and not using too much TP).

He said "mommy, you need to go get the plunger" and I said "yes, but we'll do it later, we're about to have dinner."

Fast forward to just after dinner and of course by then it's slipped our minds, until we're looking for our 7yo and realize where he is. Too late! With that one we clearly have some work to do on checking the toilet before you sit down to make sure you're good to go. 🙄

Anyway, I hope nobody else had to deal with anything that gross today!

I'm sorry if I used the wrong flair, but I need to know how to get my son to stop breaking my eggs!!! As the title says, he's 4 and has a learning disability. He struggles with communication both ways, he has trouble understanding what people say and he has trouble talking. Anyway, he really likes eggs. He thinks all eggs are easter eggs and will have a treat inside, and no matter how many eggs he breaks he will check every single one. I have tried sitting him down and explaining that's the eggs in the fridge aren't for him to break, Ive tried time outs for breaking them, I even put child locks on my fridge and he figured those out in 3 days, We had a metal baby gate blocking off our kitchen and he broke the gate after a month of us having it, and I am not able to keep eggs in the house.

Also want to note we do watch him, but he wakes up at 4AM almost every day (still trying to get him to stay in his room if he wakes up before us and no matter what we try he's always up at 4) and sneaks into the fridge while were asleep and breaks them. I just want to have eggs and not have to clean yolk off my floor all the time. Any tips are appreciated!!

ETA: Thank you guys for all the suggestions! I'm going to contact my landlord and let her know I'm installing alarms and locks on my front door, and I'm looking at the egg that's already beat up to start using those instead. I'm also working on a visual aid for the fridge today and see how he responds to that. I'm grateful for all the tips and constructive criticism, I don't have mom friends to ask for advice and have no family so me and my bf have been sort of winging it tbh

I have a 15 yo boy who I coparent with his dad who lives about an hour away. My kid’s school, friends and activities are close to our home so he is mostly here during school but mostly with his dad during summer. He got into a summer leadership program recently and was very excited, but he hasn’t been going while he’s at his dad’s. He has been with his dad for three weeks now. He had summer activities and stuff, but my kid didn’t even attempt to organize going to any leadership group events. We’ve had a trip planned for months that is coming up and now he’s saying how is he going to go to the leadership event when we’re away? I said well you have known you wouldn’t be here during those dates, and you could’ve asked your dad to take you over the past three weeks but you didn’t, so I’m sorry but all I can do is take you if there is an event on while we are in town. He got pissed and snapped at me.

Edit: I do try to communicate stuff like this to his dad where possible, but I feel my kid should be taking at least some responsibility at this age for his own extracurriculars.

I know how this sounds but my kid really isn’t entitled. He is not materialistic or whiny. He is reasonable about going out with friends and doing chores, and does well in school and does what I ask of him. This is part of a pattern where when anything goes wrong, it is my responsibility, never dad’s. He never blames his dad for anything and has zero expectations of him. Whereas I’m the one who is expected to always be there, take him places, help him with you name it, etc. I get it that this is “safe parent” stuff. There has been past trauma between my kid and his dad. However in the past 3-4 years his dad has legitimately been listening to him better and is trying hard. While there was past shitty behaviour on his dad’s part, there has never been abuse.

Is it a realistic expectation that by 15 my teen should start to understand that it isn’t fair to hold me to these kids of standards while not doing so with his dad? I love my kid so much and love being his safe harbour. But it’s exhausting being blamed for things that aren’t my fault and aren’t entirely even my responsibility. How do I balance these things? I also want to be aware of the gender dynamic of my male child expecting more of me as a woman than his dad.

My bonus daughter is 5, almost 6. She is a brilliant girl, and has a tonsss of energy as most 5 year olds do lol. Her parent’s divorce settlement includes that any extracurricular activities the kids do, we pay for. And we’re happy to do it! Dad & I both grew up playing sports and doing other activities such as theater & chess club & believe strongly that they help build character & teaches lifelong skills.

Mom & bonus children live out of state, and we see them monthly but they only live with us during the summer. Since i grew up playing sports I fully recognize that the biggest commitment is not the money, it’s the time. The travel, the meetings, the practice… regardless of the activity she does we know that the majority of the commitment falls on her mom & we’re cognizant of that. So we’re looking into girl scouts. The only problem is that i have 0 exposure to girl scouts & before presenting it as an option for mom, we want to know what the time commitment looks like?

Does anyone have a child this age in girl scouts to give us some insight? I know in many youth sports leagues the parents HAVE TO rotate doing snacks and other things like that, and we just cant put that type of commitment on her mom. Shes in another state with not a lot of help and 2 children.

My bonus daughter really does need an outlet, particularly something that forces her to work with others towards a common goal, consider their ideas and feelings, and it would be awesome for her to see women in leadership positions because even at 5 years old she is truly a girl’s girl lol she loves feminine energy and being around women & girls. She’s an awesome kid but she has a few habits we want to nip in the bud and we feel that girl scouts checks off all the boxes from what we’ve researched.

My 6m baby just started daycare this week and I’m not sure if I’m being too much of a helicopter parent. He is struggling quite a bit which is to be expected, it’s a new much louder/busier environment for him. But he is coming home so exhausted that it’s really concerning to me. He normally does 2 naps that result in 3-4 hours of sleep between the two. He wakes up at 7 and is usually ready for his first nap around 9:30. He usually sleeps an hour then is ready for his next nap around 1:30 and this is usually his longer nap that gets him through to bedtime at 7.

The daycare however has a scheduled nap at noon that they are sticking to for even my 6 month old. They are only getting him 20 minutes of sleep at 10 then putting him down again at 12 where he usually gets another 1.5 hours of sleep. When I expressed that maybe he would need a 3rd if they were going to go with this schedule they sort of just said this is the schedule and we let them nap when they need to nap.

Am I expecting too much? I feel like 6 months is too young to be held to a rigid schedule but maybe I’m wrong. It’s also compounded by the fact that he has come home really hungry so I asked them to let me know how many oz he is drinking, but they only let me know for 1 of the 4 days he’s gone. Now today he came home in a poopy diaper, this is on me I didn’t check before leaving the daycare so he could’ve pooped during the car ride.

I just don’t know if this is just the nature of daycare or if I really need to find another option. It just feels as though I have no power, if I leave they have a million other infants waiting to take his place, it doesn’t feel like they need to earn my business. I pay them the same price as my mortgage every month and I feel like I have to be grateful for what I get.

Not sure on the flair. But, my girl is 18mo and we are at our neighborhood playground basically every day. And she hasn’t had a ton of social interaction with children yet, but that is going to change very soon and she’ll be in a 2 day a week program.

Anywho, it’s like I’m sitting on my hands watching her learn to interact with other kids and just people in general. She watches and observes a lot and other kids find it off putting which, valid. But, I just want my girl to make friends and not even that it’s just hard to see other kids not be like super welcoming to her.

She is all personality at home and then totally clams up when we’re around other people and it’s just hard for me to like watch other kids not give her a chance if that makes sense. And I’ve sat on my hands and let her learn and just include herself how she sees fit, but dang it’s still just hard to watch.

Does it get easier?

Edit: Ok yall are saying exactly what I needed to hear! She’s our first and it’s hard to know what’s normal and what is unique to your kid I guess. Thank you for talking some sense into me!

So right now we have the whole row except one seat, so I’m trying to figure out how to configure it so that it makes the most sense (and not end up with a random person in the middle of our family where we will be passing toddlers around).

We have 3 kids, one of them will be in a car seat. The other 2 will both want to look out the window for takeoff and landing because this is only their second flight ever and they will be very excited. It’s only a 3 hour flight so it really isn’t the end of the world either way, but I figured others have done this before and might have good ideas.

when i found out i was pregnant, i was actively saving up to move out with my boyfriend. then that plan kinda derailed since we had to spend most of it on baby stuff.
so we decided to stay living with my mom and 2 siblings, my baby is 7 months old.
is there anything wrong with my baby being raised in a house with my mom and siblings?
sometimes i feel guilty for it, for not having our own home, for having baby stuff everywhere. it doesn’t bother my mom or my siblings, does anyone have experience with this?
i’m going to add, we’re saving up to move out, im hoping we’re gone by the time my baby is 2-3, id rather be financially stable than struggle. i help pay the bills, the rent, groceries, anything my mom needs. and i do NOT use my mom as a live in babysitter. me and my baby will go and sit with her, my baby will play with her, but everything else is on me obviously. if my baby cries, i don’t immediately expect my mom or siblings to grab her. i just wanted to clarify that before posting

Please help, I'm losing my mind.

My three year old is in the why phase. Why are you doing that? If its a science or education related question like "Why is it raining outside?" that doesn't bother me because I see it as an opportunity to learn about weather patterns (as an example).

The thing thats driving me nuts is: Why are you doing that?

Why are you cleaning? Why are you brushing your teeth? Why are you eating? Why are you driving the car? I tried flipping it around and saying Why do you think i would need to do that? It kind of helps but not a lot.

I don't love doing this but I've been telling her that "I don't need to explain or justify anything to you" and that adults dont need to explain things to kids. Again, I'm not proud of it but it is getting to a point where its overstimulating and I'm going to cry if it doesn't stop.

My son is 11 years old, and he is handsome. Last school year, there were two girls who had crushes on him. Surely, he was oblivious about it.

Do I start to give him a relationship (romance) talk? How do parents approach this?

Is there a way to schedule a birthday call from a Paw Patrol or a Disney character? My son said his friend got a call for his birthday and asked whether he can get one too for his birthday. Now I kind of want to surprise him :) I feel like I’ve seen something before but I can’t find anything on Google.

Please allow me to preface this by saying that I am endlessly grateful to the mother of my daughters. She is their rock. She has done all of the hard work. I was her first husband but now that she’s on husband #4, I feel like we have a very good co-parenting relationship.

We all get along. He’s a good dude and we can go golfing together, borrow tools from each other, host bbqs together, etc. I treat his kids like my own (but, side note, there’s no word for the step siblings of your own kids when you’re the divorced dad! I joke with my daughters’ step sister that she’s my “spider daughter” because I’m not a god father, less than a Thor father, but maybe a spider father.)

My daughters are now 19 and 21 - the only thing I’ve wanted to do was help them make the move to adulthood and feel independent. They are both humble, grateful, and always willing to work!

However, I recently got chewed out by my ex wife because I’ve given them “too much money.”

I decided to check the account of my older daughter to see how much I’ve given her and between transfers, her insurance, and her car payments, it added up to around $55k during the last 3 years.

My younger daughter is ready to move into a new apartment and I paid for her car in cash, paid for her hair school, and helped her with $5k when she moved out to get her business started.

For context, I’m not an extremely wealthy man by any means. I don’t buy new clothes for myself. I got most of my appliances from the landfill and then fixed them up. I drive an old truck and I eat a lot of ramen.

But, helping my daughters is the thing that brings me joy and makes me feel like I’m still a valid part of their lives.

I realize now that perhaps that is a co-dependency of my own to validate myself as a divorced dad, but I’ve kept most of that money to myself and never tried to use it as a reason to become a “favorite” or anything like that.

It stings a bit when my girls refer to their mom and stepdad as their “parents” but I know that they have a half brother and multiple step siblings. They always treat me with respect and gratitude.

I’ve gradually lowered the amount of money I give them every month when they hit certain milestones. My goal has always been to give them enough to support their dreams but never enough to become entitled, spoiled, or lazy.

At this point, I’m just surprised to find myself getting yelled at. My ex tells me it is because the step kids don’t get the same advantages as my biological daughters, but I also let the step kids work at my house for money when they need it.

What am I doing wrong??

My baby is 9 months old! My husband and I said we thought we’d like 2 kids when we first started dating. Once we were married and talking about starting a family, we decided to be open to being “one and done” and talk about our family without the pressure of multiple children. We have now said that we think by the time our son is 3 we will know if we want another kid or not. People talk about “feeling complete.” What age was your (youngest?) kid when you felt this? I do not have the urge for another kid right now, I have worked hard to be present in my baby’s early life and not wish for more already. I feel like our income will provide the best life for us and him if he’s our only, I don’t miss post partum, I won’t miss daycare sick season again, or sleeplessness.
I love my son and our little life! I struggle because as adults we love our relationship with our siblings and I worry about not providing that, even tho it’s not a guarantee. Are other people wanting and imagining their other children? I am not sure what it feels like to feel complete. I don’t feel a rush to have it figured out, but I’m just curious to hear other parents line of thinking.

My 1.5 year old takes her diaper off, can throw it away, and knows the potty is for using. Is this signs of her being ready to potty train? She turns 2 in two months if that matters.

I have a 15mo daughter and she is the love of my life.
But every night I just cry bc I feel like I’m doing such a shit job at being a mom. I’m a SAHM mom so she is quite literally my only priority but I still catch myself prioritizing chores and myself over her. I get so over stimulated so quickly and I don’t know why. My husband works a lot (50-60 hour weeks) but when he’s home he’s so patient and loving towards her and seems to truly enjoy playing with her. Why do I get so frustrated after a few min? Why is every spill a big deal for me. Why am I not letting her be a kid and scream and explore and make a mess. I was raised in a way where I would be getting yelled at for everything and my emotions were suppressed so why am I doing the same to my own baby.
she throws tantrums now and I find myself yelling at her a few times a day and I hate it so bad.

Why can’t I dive into this role of a mother why do I still feel like I’m losing myself and need to find myself when I have a little girl looking up to me all day long. Why can’t I be happy and cheerful and fall in love with motherhood. I feel like I’m always looking for a life savor or helping hand to come and save me from dealing with the hard parts of motherhood when it’s been over a year and I should know by know that this is my life. She is my baby no one will come and do my job for me.