A very close friend of mine of two years now canceled our dinner plans last minute, texting me that she had a terrible migraine and needed to rot in bed. At midnight, I saw a mutual friend’s Instagram story. She was fully dressed up, doing shots at a crowded bar, looking completely fine. I texted her-"glad your migraine cleared up lol".

When I texted her about it, she got defensive and said she was too tired for a heavy catch-up dinner with me but just wanted to mindlessly let loose at a party. She claims I'm being an exhausting, controlling friend for caring.
Am I overreacting?

So I wanted some options on whether or not I'm going too far. My wife and I are expecting our first and we don't really want to announce it online. We're pretty private people and don't really want people coming out of the woodwork to talk to us. (If they haven't talked to us in years they can continue not talking to us) Here is the dilemma we're facing, I'm adamant on not letting my MIL put it on Facebook, my wife doesn't want the attention and I don't want my child to be a topic on there before they are born. My MIL says she "has to" because she has so many friends she doesn't see all the time so she can't tell them in person and the way she worded it is she's essentially jealous of all her friends showing off their grandchildren. My wife thinks we should fold because she doesn't want to make her mom feel bad but I want to stand my ground. Am I overreacting in this?

I should also include that we're not on Facebook so whatever is posted we aren't going to see anyways.

EDIT: I'm going to include this because there seems to be Alot of the same. We don't want it on Facebook as a public forum then people reaching out to us and things of that sort. Our family can tell people they see or know but we would rather it stay offline

My boyfriend (33M) has never been married, while I (38F) was married and with the same person for 19 years. We’ve been dating for about a year and a half. We’ve broken up three times and gotten back together, so yeah… it’s been complicated. I’ve been divorced for almost two years.
Long story short, I’m a teacher and a single mom of two kids under 6. It’s not easy, to say the least. Right now my kids are with their dad for part of the summer, so I’m on summer break.

Last night, after my boyfriend got home from work, I made him chicken-fried steak with homemade gravy, mashed potatoes, and green bean casserole from scratch.
I cook a lot, especially when my kids are home, and sometimes he’ll grill. Whether I cook or he cooks, I’m always the one cleaning up afterward. It’s my house, so I also end up doing most of the household chores. This week, while he was staying with me, I even did his laundry.
Tonight, I brought up something he’d said in the past about us “being a team.” I told him I didn’t feel like we were acting like a team anymore because he never helps clean up after dinner.

His response? “You didn’t do anything all day.”
That immediately triggered me.
Then he said, “Can I not just relax?” and asked what my problem was because I was “bickering” at him.

I’m sorry, but I came out of a marriage where I was taken for granted and did everything. I refuse to go back to that. I told him that if I didn’t tell him how I felt, I’d eventually resent him. He’s always preaching the importance of communication, so I thought that’s exactly what I was doing. I never raised my voice or attacked him—I simply told him how I felt.

Later, I asked if he’d go for a walk with me after dinner. By that point I’d already cleaned up the kitchen while he was lying on the couch with his eyes closed. He said he didn’t want to go, and I told him that was completely fine. Then he groaned and said, “Noooo, I’ll go.”

The thing is, I wasn’t trying to force him. Honestly, if you’re in a bad mood, I’d rather just go by myself. I was genuinely okay with that—not “fake okay.” He truly didn’t have to go.
He kept insisting that I was upset, and eventually I just gave up and went to take a bath.

When I came out, he was angry, saying I couldn’t let anything go. His apology felt half-hearted, and he said I just kept dragging things on. At that point, I did get mad because he raised his voice. I yelled, “Don’t worry, I’m over it all,” and walked out of the bedroom.
He went to sleep. I stayed on the couch reading my book before eventually going to bed myself.
The night before, he’d been upset with me because I stayed up late watching TV while he was sleeping. He was literally snoring, and I was watching with subtitles so I wouldn’t wake him. After that, I read my book for a while, and apparently he didn’t like that I was staying up late either.

What’s confusing is that not long ago, he made a comment about saying, “Let K do what he wants to do.” Okay… then why can’t I do what I want to do?
This morning, he left for work without saying a word—not even goodbye. Great. That’s always a wonderful way to start fixing things.

At this point, I know we’re clearly not ready to move in together, and honestly, I already knew that. I’m also nowhere near ready to get married again.

Am I expecting too much by wanting my partner to help clean up after dinner instead of assuming it’s my job every single night?

Edit: He does help me around the house with little things if I ask him, but it’s never a -you must do this. I even tell him if he’s tired it can wait.

I divorce my husband 1 years ago because we were in long distance and it wasn’t the only reasons i had many
1-he change the place he live in for years just because i say he was seeing his ex gf and he change it i didnt tell him to do it
2-he start working with girls coworker and living with them in same apartment so he start to change speaking to me less and he don’t have energy to speak to me and he was going out with them and he was disappearing alot and have two phone she was also washing his clothes like he likes her
3-he wasn’t making plan for us or even want to come back to see me like he get one night with me and left me without any clue
4-he was drinking and he didn’t tell me that
5-telling his mom and sister all of our problem
6-not knowing how much was his salary or money he have
7-we got divorced and he just not even think about me just walk away
I don’t understand it he act like he love me i love him alot and he just when we fight go and talk to his exes and bring back her number i dont get him or me yeah i have alot of false thing i did i dont know what to do

Context: my sister planned to go on holiday to Italy with someone. That someone couldn't go anymore because of an emergency situation. She had initially asked me if I want to join and I declined because I had some issues going on in my life. Then when she told me that the other person can no longer go with her and asked again if I'm sure I don't want to. The hotel and flight couldn't be cancelled anymore. And I thought 'ah what the hell let me enjoy a little, my problems can be dealt with when I'm back'. So I decided to go on holiday with her. I asked how much I should pay for the flight and hotel and she said 'don't worry I'll cover it'. While she earns a lot more than me, I still didn't feel comfortable not paying but accepted this in the end. She said just bring €200 I'll cover the rest there too. I decided to take €600 instead. Used it all up there.

On the last day we ended up having an argument. It was about my boyfriend.

If you're interested in what the argument was about, I have posted about it here: https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/sDCrcJUmV6

After the argument she said she will send me a bill for every single thing she paid for. Mind you in Italy it wasn't like she was paying for everything. Sometimes I paid for dinner, sometimes she did. It was 50/50. I accepted the flight and hotel because she insisted. So in the end I transferred her the money for my share of the flight and hotel. She has a habit of 'punishing people' after an argument. And that hurts me so much. Even if I was the one in the wrong in that argument, would this be justified?

I felt extremely hurt. Am I too sensitive or is this actually hurtful?

It's been 2 months and we haven't spoken since. Is it an overreaction that I don't want to stay in contact with her anymore?

We have been dating since May 2026, but we’ve been friends since May 2023.

Unfortunately, a day before my birthday his mother suffered a horrible injury. He texted me on tuesday saying she had been hospitalised, he’d been at the hospital all day, and that he hasn’t been able to use his phone or answer texts. She had fallen from a significant height, had facial and internal injuries, and even had a seizure in the hospital. So it was REALLY serious.

He told me he’d talk when he had time. I said I love him and I understand but to not worry about me and focus on making sure she’s okay. He’s so sweet that despite him going through so much, he wished me at midnight on Wednesday on my birthday.

After that, he disappeared and of course I understood. I was worrying the whole time so I texted him that I love him and I hope his mom is okay. He loves her a LOT, like a lot. He’s very very close to her.

At one point in our relationship, he said something that I found hurtful. He said “I love you a lot but I will always choose my mother over you”. This was bad because I never asked him to choose between us. He said it only to showcase how much he loves her. I have a terrible relationship with my mother so I struggle with understanding familial relationships as easily and I also have BPD and it’s very very painful for me to hear something like that.

Anyway, after wishing me on my birthday, he stopped responding. I checked in to see how his mom was and how he is, but he hasn’t responded. Yesterday, I was so anxious and I was afraid that something truly horrible happened and she isn’t here anymore, and he’s grieving her and that’s why he’s so withdrawn.

I was anxious enough to text his best friend to get some information on my bf. He said that my bf is okay, his mom is stable now and she’ll be okay in a few weeks. He said that my bf isn’t doing mentally okay and he’s busy at the hospital.

I said that it’s great that she’s doing well and that he’s okay too, but can he (the friend) please tell him (my bf) that I miss him and I wish he’d text me once reassuring me that he will reply as soon as he can because it’s been quite a while and I’m really worried. I hate uncertainty, but I feel horrible because this situation is out of his control and maybe he needs to be away from me to deal with it. But I don’t know for how long because he won’t speak to me.

It’s been three days!! Is it unreasonable to expect a text like “I’m okay. I’m still at the hospital. My mom is alright. I’ll text when I can, I love you”. It would take less than a minute. Especially because he’s in contact with his friend and not me. But I feel guilty for thinking all this and expecting him to act a certain way and reassure me. I don’t want to make someone’s family troubles about my feelings. But like I said, I have BPD and he knows that. Silence is incredibly difficult for me. I’m trying very hard to seperate my fear of abandonment from what is actually reasonable to expect from a relationship.

If your partner disappeared for three days because of a family emergency like this, would you expect at least one short text, or would you consider complete silence understandable?

I need honest opinions because I do not trust my own judgement right now. I’ve never had this happen to me before (in a healthy relationship).

TLDR: My boyfriend’s mom is in the hospital after a serious accident. He wished me happy birthday and said he loved me, but then stopped replying. It’s been three days and I’m worried. I feel hurt that he hasn’t sent even one text, but I feel guilty for wanting him to. Is this an overreaction from my part?

ETA: (i commented this but also putting it here for context) he told me that he’d pick his mom over me in 2023. i should’ve clarified that our relationship had always had a romantic undertone. we would hook up but didn’t date until this year.

ETA 2: im going to stop responding now. i appreciate everybody for helping me understand this situation better by illustrating where i was in the wrong. i wish some people had been kinder, because i really am struggling and it hurts to read things that suggest that im too selfish, too needy or too much to be in relationships, or that i sound 15 lol. i can be immature but it still hurts to read that. i’m sorry for blowing up at people, i got reactive because i felt hunted. i know that sounds dramatic but it did seem like some people responded very aggressively, im too sensitive for it despite knowing better and i apologise

what happened to his mom was a horrible accident and it came out of nowhere and neither of us really knew how to deal with it. that’s why i came here for objectivity. thank you so much to everyone for different perspectives.

I (26F) have been friends with S and N (both 26F) for about 10 years. We've always considered ourselves a trio.

A little backstory: 2 years ago, I briefly hooked up with a guy, A (It was my first time actually which I dont count because it was extremely bad). It was never a relationship, and I've completely moved on, barely in a day actually. I'm actually getting engaged next month, and both of my friends are invited. "A" also happens to be a family friend of N, so they still see him occasionally.

Last year, when "N" got engaged, she had lied to me saying it was only family. Then I got to know that S had gone. She later told me she didn't invite me because "A" was going to be there., that was the reason. I wasn't thrilled, but I respected that it was her engagement and moved on. She did call me to her wedding.

In last year end, S and N planned a weekend villa trip. They never told me about it. I only found out because of Instagram. When I confronted them, they said they didn't tell me because "A" was coming and they assumed I'd feel awkward or hurt.

And guess what, the same thing, exactly same thing happened this year some days ago.

A few days ago, the exact same thing happened again.

Here's the thing: I genuinely wouldn't have gone anyway. If they had simply said, "We're going to a villa, but since A was coming, we'd rather keep it this way," I would've completely understood. I wasn't expecting an invitation. My fiancé's birthday was that Monday anyway, so I already had plans around that weekend (although they didn't know that). They didn't even tell me they were planning a trip.

What hurt me is that they chose to hide it instead. One of them even video-called me while they were at the villa saying she missed me, without mentioning where she actually was. Later, I found out that N had specifically told S not to tell me anything because A was coming.

This is now the third time I've felt like things have been intentionally hidden from me. It feels like they keep deciding how I'll react instead of just telling me the truth and letting me decide my own feelings. I tell them about everything happening in my life, and they're two of the very few close friends I have left.

To me, the issue isn't that I wasn't invited. It's that they repeatedly chose secrecy over honesty. I told them exactly that, and now I'm wondering if I'm making this into a bigger issue than it is.

AIO?

My girlfriends friends are very fake flirty with each other and we been together for a couple months (like 6) now. the first months it didn't entirely bother me as much but the longer we been together it just starts to bother me. 1. no im not scared that she would cheat on me 2. I have nothing against her friend 3. I have not told her or her friends that she can’t fake flirt with each other, some other things id like to mention is that my girlfriend is pansexual, I am a male and her friends are women, she does respect me and doesn’t fake flirt with other men but her friends do tend to make sexual jokes a lot and it makes me really uncomfortable and I will admit I am a jealous person but it does make me like certain friends more than others that fake flirt and she does fake flirt back, I would like to ask her if she could stop with the fake flirting with them or at least minimize it but I don’t know if i'm overreacting about this or if y'all could help me go about this another way.

I (26F) have been with my boyfriend (29M) for more than a year now. We recently had our anniversary. He's a great person overall if you're his friend, but as a boyfriend, I don't think he's considerate enough for me to feel that he genuinely loves me.

The reason I feel this way is that whenever I ask him to bring me something when he visits, he never does. The things I ask for are very small, like a specific kind of juice that's available at a store near him or a specific type of bread that's only sold at a bakery near him.

Another thing is that on my birthday last year, he showed up empty-handed. No cake, no small gift, no flowers—nothing. I told him how much it hurt me because of the principle behind it. We talked it through, and he said he'd change.

But fast forward to this year, on our anniversary which was last month, he also came empty-handed, even though I specifically asked him for something just two days before our date.

After our date, I sent him a breakup paragraph. I'm bad with confrontation, and he knows that, but we were still able to talk in person. He begged me to take him back because he said he had plans to give me some things from his trip abroad, which was in two days. I said okay but now, I can't bring myself to talk to him, and I told him that. He said he'd give me space. But I didn't tell him that I still can't wrap my head around the fact that he came empty-handed that day. I'm tired of having to explain these things to him.

I’m thinking that maybe it’s just that gift giving isn’t his love language but isn’t weird that me, your girlfriend, specifically asked a simple thing from you and you can’t even give that to me? You can’t give me the juice or the bread I told you I want?

AIO?

For more context, I don't even know what his love language is because I feel like he treats everyone with the same level of thoughtfulness and effort that he gives me. I don't feel like I'm treated any differently from his friends or anyone else in his life.

I’ve been a passive reader on this subreddit for years. I’ve always used it to read about other people’s situations and, in a way, process some of my own. I never thought I’d actually be writing my own post, but the last few days have left me really confused.

So, a bit of backstory.

I’m a 33-year-old woman. I have bipolar disorder, ADHD, awful migraines, and a mild blood disorder. I live quite far away from my mom with my husband, so helping her isn’t something where I can just drive over for an hour when she needs something.

Growing up, I had a difficult relationship with my parents, especially my dad. After my parents divorced, I mostly lived with my mom. She’s always been incredibly hardworking and ambitious, and because of that I grew up pretty fast. I helped around the house a lot, but it often ended in arguments because I never seemed to do things the way she wanted.

When I was 16, I had my first manic episode, followed by the worst depression I’ve ever had. Looking back now, I can see how hard that must have been for my mom. She worked herself to the bone, she worried constantly, and I think she tried to control everything because she was terrified of losing me.

Eventually I ran away from home. As awful as that period was, it became a turning point for both of us. Our relationship actually became much healthier afterwards, and over the years we’ve become really close. She also got help for a lot of her own trauma.

That’s why this has been so confusing.

Because of my own health, I haven’t been able to be there for her the way she’s been there for me. That’s something I’ve felt guilty about for years. So this summer I finally thought, “Okay, I actually have the energy to give something back.”

I took almost two weeks off to stay with her. It’s the longest I’ve been away from my husband and home in years. I even asked one of my close friends to come and help with some of the bigger jobs around the house and garden that are difficult to do alone.

At first everything seemed okay.

Then, almost out of nowhere, she started getting really short with me. She’d talk down to me over little things, and when my husband came for a few days to help as well, she spoke to him in a way I’ve honestly never heard before.

He told me almost immediately that he didn’t feel welcome and that he didn’t want to come back. I respected that completely. I’d never expect him to keep helping someone who’s talking to him like that.

A couple of days later, my mom said something to me that made me stop. I calmly told her that what she’d said had made me really sad.

Instead of apologizing, she became angry and told me it was hard always having to think about everyone else when nobody thought about her.

Two of my friends were there helping in the garden, so I really didn’t want to get into an argument. I ended up apologizing, even though I didn’t really feel like I had anything to apologize for.

Afterwards I tried to explain it away.

She lives with constant pain in her feet, she struggles to walk, and she’s alone a lot because everyone lives far away. I know chronic pain changes people. I know loneliness does too. So I kept telling myself that maybe she was just overwhelmed.

Later that day, when we were standing alone together, she started what sounded like an apology.

Instead, she told me that I was just too sensitive and that I’d never been the easiest daughter.

Again, my friends were only a few meters away. I was so caught off guard that I honestly don’t even remember what I said. I think I just agreed with her.

The thing is… she’s not wrong that I’m sensitive. Between bipolar and ADHD I get overstimulated easily. I know I wasn’t an easy teenager. I know she went through a lot because of me.

But hearing that after spending two weeks trying to help her, bringing my friends to help her, asking my husband to come help her… all I heard was, “You’re still not a good enough daughter.”

On the drive home my husband told me he won’t be helping her again. He said enough is enough.

Honestly… I understand him.

If she asks why he won’t come back, I’ll tell her the truth.

But I also feel guilty. She’s done so much for me over the years, and still does. Part of me feels like her pain and everything we went through when I was younger explains why she’s acting this way.

At the same time, I don’t think it’s okay to treat people like this, no matter how much pain you’re in.

If this continues, I know I’ll have to confront her, but I keep wondering if I’m making this into something bigger than it really is.

Am I overreacting?

(Sorry in advance if this is a bit vague but I feel like the details of how student committees work in my country are probably not relevant.)

I wanted to do something useful at uni besides studying, so I became part of my university's student commitee. A few weeks after I had joined, there was a vote held for a rather important position in the committee which I was interested in. I ended up winning the vote. I was having a bit of a rough time after a very bad breakup and was actively trying to focus on other things during that time. Being voted into said position was a huge boost for my self-esteem, it really made me feel good that people seemed to like me and trust me to do this job responsibly. I really put a lot of effort into doing good job and I enjoyed doing it.

After seven​ months or so I was hanging out with a past member of the group who still had access to the chat group where the discussion about the vote had happened. Something in our conversation inspired me to ask how exactly the vote had gone down and whether there had been people who were unhappy with me winning. He then proceeded to look up the conversation around the vote and read all the messages to me.

Through these messages I learned that while a few people commented positively on me, there were three people who were very against me, calling me aloof and arrogant and that I was taking myself very seriously and was very full of myself. There were also multiple people who after the voting complained that it had been so short notice and they hadn't had time to think about it or missed the voting period, calling the vote "unfair". Apparently of the other three candidates one was disliked more than me, one was liked but not deemed responsible, and I forgot about the last.

Him reading all that to me felt very humiliating and awkward and I don't get why he even did it. But I also didn't stop him so whatever.

Afterwards I claimed I was sick and then resigned from the position. I disassociated from this group entirely and actively avoided going where they usually met up. I deleted everything I had worked on, dropped all plans and connections I'd had. I tried to completely delete this thing from my life.

It's been 1.5 years since then and I still feel the impact it had on me. It took away a large part of my self-esteem and left me insecure and vulnerable. This incident showed me that my self-perception was wrong. I thought I was a moderately confident person who was likeable enough, I thought people liked my motivation and drive. They didn't. They thought I was an annoying self-centered prick who thought he was amazing.

Since then I've found it very hard to let people in. I keep everyone at a distance, I don't share my opinions, I never talk about anything personal anymore. I'm trying to be calm and polite and otherwise I just shut the fuck up.

It's insane how much of an impact this incident had on me.

DIO by resigning and then completely changing my personality as a consequence?

My husband and I have been married for four years. We have had our ups and downs, but I always believed we trusted each other. few weeks ago, I noticed he was always smiling at his phone and turning the screen away whenever I walked in. At first, I told myself I was just thinking too much, but something is not right. One evening, he left his phone on the kitchen table while he went to take a shower. I was not planning to look through it, but a message popped up with a woman’s name I had never heard before. I picked up the phone and opened the chat. My heart go spoiled when I realized it was his ex. They had been texting for weeks. Most of the messages were about work and old memories, but there were also a few messages where they joked about the time they dated.

When he came out of the bathroom, I asked him why he had been talking to her without telling me. He looked surprised that I knew and quickly said it was nothing. He said she reached out because she needed advice, and he did not tell me because he knew I would get upset. That answer only made me more angry. We started arguing, and I asked him if he still had feelings for her. He kept saying no, but I found it hard to believe.

The argument got worse. I told him I could not trust him anymore and even packed a small bag because I

wanted to leave for a few days. He begged me to stay and said he had never cheated on me. He admitted that hiding the messages was wrong and apologized for keeping it a secret. He even offered to block her and promised to be more open with me from then on. After calming down, I started thinking about everything again. I realized the messages were not romantic, but what hurt me the most was that he chose to hide them instead of being honest from the beginning. I know I let my emotions take over, and maybe threatening to leave was too much. At the same time, I feel like anyone would be hurt after finding out their husband had been secretly texting an ex. Now I keep asking myself, was I overreacting, or was my reaction normal after what happened?

Sorry this could be a long one,

My (35f) husband (36m) has a lot of friends, he’s a a very loyal and caring person and very easy to get along with, traits that attracted me to him in the first place, because of this he has lots of friends, not just one large friend group, but multiple groups of 5/6 people.

Because of that, this year he’s has been best man twice, and a groomsman twice, as well as being invited as a guest the other weddings. Well with weddings come all the stag dos and that’s where the problem started. He’s been invited to 7 stag dos this year, one of which he couldn’t make because they were at the same time, but he’s attended the rest, but the issue has been they’ve all been in a 3 month period.

All of these stag dos have been multi day trips away, a few have been abroad, and 3 of them were consecutive.

It’s been rough, and it has caused issues in our relationship, I’ve spent back to back weekends at home looking after the kids, while he’s off having fun, I’m mentally and emotionally exhausted and to be honest it’s been lonely.

We’ve argued and talked about it multiple times, and he’s been sympathetic that this has been tough on me, but his POV is that these are close friends, he doesn’t want to miss out on a special event with them and it’s not his fault they’ve all been so close together. He planned 2 of them being the best man, but they were planned a year in advance and he didn’t know about the other stag dos at the time.

His most recent one was a 5 day trip abroad, apart from being extremely expensive, I wasn’t happy that it was for so long, and he’s used up all his annual leave, I’m again left looking after the kids/ house/ day to day life on my own.

We’ve argued a lot while he’s been away, I’ve felt his communication hasn’t been great in general as well as periods of him not being contactable at all, I felt if there was an emergency with the kids or something along those lines he can’t be uncontactable?? But he’s always had an explanation or excuse.

He’s given me incorrect flight times, told me the wrong days when he’s leaving ect, but he’s said that with so much going on he keeps getting things mixed up, it’s worth noting he has ADHD, so he does struggle with this kind of stuff in general.

Basically it’s just been stressful from start to finish.

So he came back from his last stag do and I won’t lie I was relieved it was over, to which he tells me, he’s going away again this weekend, the groom of the stag do he just attended has arranged a local stag as not many people could attend a 5 day trip aboard, go figure? To which my husband is attending, I was so upset, and I asked him could he not just give this one a miss, he’s been on so many and has just been away with this group for 5 days.

He said he’s not going to miss it because it’s important to his friend, but he did admit he’s known about this for weeks and didn’t want to tell me because he knew I’d be mad.

In the end we compromised and he’s going to get the train rather than drive which means he won’t need to stay over night, he will just be gone for the day, we agreed that’s what he would do.

I’ll admit I’m still not happy with this, I’d prefer him not to go, but I understand his POV and appreciate that he’s compromised to make things easier for me.

My best friend thinks he’s walking all over me and said most women wouldn’t put up with this crap and that he’s being extremely selfish.

I understand that he can’t help the timings, he’s even said himself he wish that it hadn’t been all in the same year, and that he didn’t want to be away as long as he has been, but I don’t feel his prioritising our family and he’s always putting his friends first. And this has highlighted some deeper issues in a relationship, this isn’t the first time we’ve fell out because I’ve felt his priorities his friends over family, before we were together he was single for 10 years and his friends were all he had, he’s so close with them, I don’t want to come I between that but at the same time I’m sick of being brushed aside for whatever social event comes next.

My best friend thinks I should start considering divorce, I’m not sure if this is just a rough patch or if he’s shown me who he really is.

AIO, or is my husband really walking all over me?

It’s the weekend today, so I specially bought a limited-edition cake I’ve been craving, stashed it away carefully to enjoy for afternoon tea. I only stepped out for ten minutes to pick up a package, but when I got back, my husband had opened it without asking. He ate all the soft, creamy top layer completely, leaving nothing but plain cake base and leftover edges.

I’d already told him clearly this dessert was only for me and begged him not to touch it, but he just totally ignored my words.

I felt really hurt and mumbled a little complaint, only for him to fly off the handle right away. He called me way too petty, saying it’s just a piece of cake and I shouldn’t make a big fuss over nothing. He even pressed me sharply, asking if I never make room for him in my heart and refuse to share even a tiny bit of food, his tone full of impatience and blame.

He was the one who went through my stuff without permission and disrespected my wishes—he’s clearly in the wrong. Yet I ended up getting lectured and stuck in a nasty fight. I was upset and furious, argued back a little, and now we’re giving each other the silent treatment. The whole house feels icy and tense.

After calming down, I’ve been going back and forth inside my head. I know it sounds like such a tiny thing and I shouldn’t dwell on it, but that feeling of being disregarded and brushed off so casually stings so badly. I can’t stop overthinking: is he being unreasonable and holding a double standard, or am I just too narrow-minded and overreacting? I really want to ask everyone—am I out of line for getting upset and fighting with him over this?

My girlfriend (f22) has an online friend (m23) she’s known for a while. A few months ago they wanted to go on a trip to Europe together, just the two of them. I said no, that it’s not normal for a single guy to go on a vacation alone with a woman in a long-term relationship. She argued with me a lot but eventually dropped it.

Now this guy has flown to our city to see her in person. While here, he’s lent her his $3,500 gaming laptop with no return date mentioned at all, and took her to Best Buy to buy her a $530 gaming headset.

I told her this isn’t normal friend behavior and that the whole thing feels off to me. She and this friend both insist I’m overreacting, and she’s even suggested it might just be a “culture” thing on my end since I’m not from here.
We’ve been fighting about this for days. I don’t think I’m being controlling, I just think expensive gifts and no-return-date loans from a guy who wanted to take her on a solo international trip are pretty clear signals, regardless of what anyone’s calling it.

Am I overreacting here for pushing back??

I (F23) have had a stalker for around 2 years, I met him online through gaming and only had him added for around 2 weeks before quickly realizing he was weird and dangerous and blocking him.

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 months now and last month I got new messages on a new account from my stalker, which my boyfriend saw. My boyfriend asked who it was and after I explained the situation he decided he wanted to mess with the guy from my phone. He started sending him messages like "I miss you" and "I keep fighting feelings for you" and was trying to get my stalker to call me so he could tell him it was actually him sending these messages and to leave me alone.

That did end up happening and I recieved messages the next morning from my stalkers friends calling me and my boyfriend names. Everyone was quickly blocked, but my boyfriend thought he needed to mess with him again and asked for his number to shoot him a text pretending to be a girl. I told my boyfriend that it wasnt a good idea and to just leave it alone but he did it anyways and immediately started receiving phone calls from 3 different numbers.

My boyfriend and I were on a call while this was happening and he eventually hung up to answer a call, after 5 minutes I started getting worried and shot him a message asking what was going on, 15 minutes later he called me back and said my stalker had made up lies about me and said I was the crazy one who wanted him and was talking shit about me the entire time and even threatened to show up at both mine and my boyfriends house. I immediately got irritated not only with what was being said about me but also because my boyfriend didn't defend me besides for saying "I dont think you're telling the truth".

I told my boyfriend I was irritated because he unnecessarily started more drama with someone I want nothing to do with and I had already said I was uncomfortable with it happening then answered the call and let me get talked down on and lied about for 15 minutes and did nothing. He said he had gotten scared after hearing that the guy might show up at his house and wanted to get on his good side but why even take the call or send the text in the first place if you weren't gonna do anything?

After I explained why I was upset with the situation, my boyfriend started crying and said he was going to bed. I dont think im wrong for being irritated, I understand being scared after that, but he knew what kind of person he was before sending the message and did it anyways because he wanted to "get back" at him. So am I overreacting?

I can’t tell if I’m overreacting, ’cause this might seem like no big deal to most people.

I’m 22 and my little brother’s 18. Growing up, my parents always drilled it into me that as the older sister, I had to be sensible and give way to him, so I’ve gotten used to backing down and accommodating him all the time.

I’ve tried my best to be understanding and cut my family slack, but every time I compromise, they never appreciate it. Instead, they just take my kindness for granted and always side with him no matter what.

A while back, my parents went out of town on a trip, so I was stuck with all the housework and looking after my brother. I’d come home from work every day, cook meals and clean the whole place, busting my butt without ever complaining. Meanwhile, my brother just glued himself to his phone and video games, refusing to lift a finger to help with any chores at all.

Later on, he spilled hot water and ruined a brand-new tablecloth. Scared of getting yelled at, he snuck off and hid from the mess. I felt bad for him and cleaned everything up myself to fix it. But once our folks got home, he straight-up twisted the truth and lied, saying I’d been lazy and careless and caused the mess.

I tried to explain what really happened, but my parents wouldn’t listen to a word. They immediately took his side and publicly chewed me out for not being forgiving enough and being too petty.

I’ve got nowhere to let out all this hurt and frustration—I’m furious and heartbroken all at once. I worked my tail off to take care of everything, got wrongfully blamed for something I didn’t do, and still end up getting scolded.

I’ve wanted to argue and let everything out so many times, but I’m terrified it’ll blow up into a huge fight and ruin the peace of the family.

Am I overreacting? What on earth should I do?

Am I AIO, I (19F) and my boyfriend (20M) have been in a relationship for almost 3 years and there's obviously been ups and downs in our relationship or miscommunications that we always resolve. But I've been feeling like there's something he always goes back to and I can't help but always feeling like I'm overreacting to my feelings or just feeling so confused overral. I do feel like he acts quick on his actions..sometimes it can be logical thinking or emotional thinking. Even unpredictable because he tends to not open so deeply on things he mostly keeps to himself.
We're always there and open to each-other when we're at our lowest and this year has been majorly that because our own life circumstances. Most of the time we're both going through really rough times and I don't tend to open up about absolutely everything but I still share the big parts with him, although the times when I remain to myself and he's going through it rough, I truly put myself aside despite being so mentally exhausted I still show up for him. He always tells me he's grateful for me and how I'm truly the only person he has and can trust and talk to deeply. Anyone would love hearing that from their partner knowing that they're a safe space.
Recently, we had a tiff because I'm customized to have overthinking thoughts that he still wants to go back to his ex from high-school because they shared the best years everyone experienced (2020-2023) and were best friends before they got together. That greatly tugs at my heart strings because him and I didn't start off as best friends even if I'm aware every relationship with someone is different. It's been 3 years since and I obviously used to stalk non-stop and now I don't. But when I did, it would always be non-stop things about him and him, the over and over 10's of playlists targeted towards him, the times she's tried following him on spotify, and the bots I see on my story or her friends checking my story, how she's copying my current interest.. all of that. But again, since I've stopped it's been out of my mind as such.
I won't go into such detail of our miscommunication that happened and is part of the situation but I did misunderstand his guilt of his past and made it about how I feel about it myself. I regret it and I wish I never went that way and we did talk and fixed things up, I apologized greatly because I had him feel like his pain is unheard.
Out of nowhere he mentioned it today how he feels like he can't talk about certain things with me and feeling like we're on different planets. He told me to not take it the wrong way but he does appreciate how I try to reassure him but he can't remember a time I've said something that's helped him. It feels 'empty'. Is what he told me. It came out of the blue despite yesterday he told how much he loves me and how greatly his life is changing, he wants me to be permanently part of his life.
I feel so confused and I don't know if I'm overreacting to this because I can't seem to understand what I'm doing wrong like yes our miscommunication on my end that argument a while ago did hurt him and he brought it up again. I don't want to make the conversation completely about me even though I'm drowning in my thoughts how I'm doubting the times he's told me how I'm always there for him and wondering if he meant how I help him feel better. He didn't even continue what he was saying at the moment after I asked him, why does he feel empty? He simply told me, "I'm sorry I'm probably just seeing things thru a bad lens right now."
But I'm so so frustrated because I just told him to not hold back what's on his mind and why does he feel this way with me...he didn't respond for 35 minutes and it pisses me off because he always does this in the heat of something and goes cold on me when I THEN overreact and ends it with a 'night'. I know he won't talk to me tomorrow. I feel like I'm always doing something wrong and never right.

Is he always doubting me? Does he want me? Please help :(

I'll try not too make my story complicated and stick to important details only. So if any additional context is needed. Lmk.

Anyways, im insecure. And a lot of my insecurities are about my body. I had 2 kids under 2 and watching my body change so drastically has made my insecurities worse and I feel like I don't even recognize myself. I've expressed this to my husband. I tell him my fears that he doesnt think im the most beautiful girl in the world anymore. He doesnt compliment me nearly as much as he did before I had kids. And its adding to an already big insecurity. He reassured me and I moved on.

I go to the gym almost everyday. Im now down to 125 lbs. But I still feel very insecure. That morning I went into the bathroom to send my husband a post workout. When I looked at the photo, all I can see was my flaws...so I never sent it. I was scared he wouldn't want to see a photo of me.

Anyways, long story short. After the gym. I got hundreds of photos of me from a friend that she took right before I i married my husband (we've been married 4 years). Just photos at our hangouts. Long ago I mentioned these photos to my husband. He said he would LOVE to see the photos of me and I should find a way to get them. Well it took a few years lol. But I finally got them from her. When I came home I mentioned them to my husband. I said "oh ya remember those photos I mentioned SUPER long time ago?" He said yes. I told him i finally got them. I asked he wants to go through them with me.....he said "i don't want to lose my appetite"

I immediately just went quiet and he could tell my mood shift immediately and said "thats a joke" I just said ok. But I wasnt talking as much. He said "are you seriously mad? It was a joke" I just said that it wasnt very funny to me considering how he already knows im insecure that he doesnt find me beautiful anymore after i had our kids. And its a weird thing to joke about. I mentioned that just that morning I didnt send him a photo of me at the gym because I was scared he wouldn't find me pretty. So the "joke" is just hitting an insecure spot for me.

He sighed and rolled his eyes and said he couldn't believe I would ruin the night over a joke. And he got up and walked away.

Conversation was eventually forgotten about. For the most part. But again today we were talking. Don't remember the context but I said something needs to be bigger (i wasnr talking dirty) and he said "you know what else needs to be bigger?' And he touched my butt. I went silent again for reasons you can already guess right now. He got mad again and said "holy cow it was a joke" and made me feel like im overreacting. So im asking here. Am I over reacting ?

I'm not really sure if I'm overthinking/overreacting or if I'm valid cuz I don't really date much but I feel like this is going too fast.

Earlier today I ( 18 F) was getting dog food and the cashier(22 M) at the store gave me his number.I thought he was my age and he was cute and I was interested in getting to know him more (before he gave me his number I was actually going to give him mine but he beat me lol). After he got off work we started texting and at first it was okay but after a couple texts he just kept talking about My looks. Even while I was trying to start conversations and get to know him, he kept going on about how pretty I was and how my red hair was so pretty and that I was the only person he has seen that could pull off red hair (that made me uncomfortable the amount of times he brought that up And also sounded like he was trying to bombard me with compliments. It felt weird).

When I complimented him on his looks back (which was only twice at the start of our conversation)he would say he wasn't pretty and that he was average (even though he's not, he's conventionally very attractive).He kept wanting to call me pet names ( he kept calling me babygirl and baby and then finally resorted to Baby wolfie because I like Teen wolf and twilight ( I hate the nickname but he wouldn't stop even though I ignored it every time he tried to call me that and also never called him a pet name only by his name and I thought it was weird that he kept wanting to nickname me something with the word baby in it, which weirded me out since he's older than me, but maybe it's nothing.). He also wanted photos from me (a normal photo but it made me uncomfortable because of how pushy he was about it and asked me multiple times even after I ignored and said I didn't want to ).

I'm also aware that he's older than me I don't date much older than me usually. ( The highest I would go is about a year or two older .I've had a lot of bad experiences with guys older than me wanting to date me and being obsessive and weird even though we weren't in a relationship and I told them no and have seen other people have bad experiences too .) but he was respectful and I wanted to give him a chance because to some people the age Gap isn't that bad and maybe im overthinking it .Some of my friends have said that it's normal to date above your age and that it's not that bad at my age that some have also said that it can lead to a control thing which is what I think too ( that's the reason I don't date much older people )But he was nice at first and didn't see any red flags but now I think I do. I am thinking about blocking him and never talking to him again. Am I being too hasty or is he a red flag?

Sorry if this is written poorly ❤

Any advice or constructive criticism is welcome and appreciated ❤

I can’t tell if I’m overreacting or not.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 9 months. He has a lot of friends, and I’ve met pretty much all of the ones who live in our city, and even some who live elsewhere.

The one exception is a girl he used to have a thing with. I don’t actually know what happened between them, whether they casually dated, slept together, etc. I’ve never asked because it didn’t seem important at the time.

He sees her once a week because they go climbing together. I don’t climb, so I understand that’s one reason I haven’t met her. But they also text quite a bit, and he rarely brings her up. I can’t tell if that’s because he thinks it would be awkward or if I’m reading too much into it.

It just feels a little strange that I’ve met basically everyone else in his life except the one person he has romantic history with.

For context, he has quite a few female friends, and he’s even still friends with one of his exes, so it’s not like I have an issue with him having female friends in general. This is just the one situation that’s been making me wonder if it’s odd or if I’m creating a problem where there isn’t one.

AIO for feeling a bit uncomfortable about this, or is this something I shouldn’t really be worried about?

I (married ~4 months, it was an arranged match, we spent about 2-3 months getting to know each other before deciding to go ahead) overheard a senior family member - someone who’s been married into the family for 17 years and basically helped raise my husband - talking about someone else’s rejected marriage proposal, saying the girl “wasn’t beautiful enough” and “too short.”

Then, without realizing I was in earshot, she brought me up as an example: something like “even when we first saw her, she wasn’t that appealing either, but once we got to know her, it didn’t matter.” She didn’t know I heard it.

Logically I get that the second half was meant as a compliment. But it landed as: someone had to be talked into accepting me. And once I started thinking about it, I remembered other things she’s said before that my husband was initially unsure because I’m “too religious,” subtle digs about my clothes (“this suit/dress isn’t good,” “why aren’t you wearing gold jewelry”), and once, when I said I don’t know much about makeup, she said “you don’t know about suits (as during our pre wedding shopping, I casually said that I don’t know much about fabrics etc. So, buy whatever you like for me.) , you don’t know about makeup what do you know about, actually?”

None of these are individually dramatic. She’s generally warm and well-liked, everyone’s favorite, honestly. That’s exactly why it’s hard to bring up; I know if I said anything, the response would be “she didn’t mean it that way” or “you’re misunderstanding.”
I talked to my husband and he was clear that none of what she implied about him needing convincing is true, he made his own choices. That helped, but I’m still stuck two days later feeling unsettled, a little sick to my stomach, like I was never accepted as-is, just tolerated after some kind of internal debate.

Am I overreacting to something that was “just a comment,” or is this a real pattern worth taking seriously? How would you process something like this without blowing up a relationship that matters a lot to your spouse?

This is going to be a long one. I hope someone reads this and it does not get ignored.

So I'm 17 years old legally. In reality I'm a year or so younger than 17 because my parents messed with my birth certificate by giving it to my relatives to change something they wanted. Now my date of birth, month and year are messed up for life, which is the least of my concern right now because things are going downhill fast.

You know how a kid who grows up without any love or hope might normalize their cold environment because they know nothing else. Seeing a sibling receive that love completely shatters that baseline. Basically that's what's been happening in my life from the beginning until now and it's only getting worse.

My sister, who is 5 years older than me, gets everything because she is better in studies while I am neglected in every way possible. It's not even neglect. Sometimes it's mental and physical abuse.

There has always been this comparison between me and my sister. While she gets everything she wants, I'm really underfed. I'm about 40 kg at my age and really thin.

My parents always celebrated my sister's birthday but stopped celebrating mine. They stopped celebrating my birthday when I was 9. Whenever my distant relatives call to wish me a happy birthday they make me lie. Whenever I get a little money from relatives for any occasion, whether it's my birthday or something else, I keep it in a box or somewhere safe and then it disappears. My father takes it because we are not doing well financially. At least that's the excuse. They would sell me if my sister needed something they couldn't afford.

I also don't go out at all. Literally never. I only go to school and stay at home all day. I don't go out because of how thin I am. I'm like a human twig with body hair like a bear. I always wear full shirts with my school uniform, but going out normally means I have to wear a half-sleeve T-shirt because it's always hot where I live. People make fun of me, even my friends. If I tell my mother I want to wear full sleeves and explain why, she beats me, shames me and forces me to wear what she wants.

The reason I'm so thin and underweight is because of the food they feed me. It's a plate of rice with a sprinkle of vegetables, only one kind, all day. We eat meat and eggs maybe once every three weeks, mostly because my mom is religious and thinks eating non-veg food is against God and unhealthy. She thinks eating the way we do is good for our health. No wonder our whole family and relatives have multiple health issues.

Another reason I don't go out is my body hair. I have leg hair like a literal bear. My friends tell me to trim it, but when I mention it to my parents my mother beats me, screams at me and shames me. She tells me to become a girl and strip myself. Because of that I get shamed from both sides. One side tells me to trim it because people will get scared, while my parents and relatives tell me not to because it would turn me into a girl.

The food situation wasn't always like this. When my sister was still here before she moved to university, my mother would make whatever she wanted. Whenever I mention my weight and how thin I am they blame it on me not drinking enough water. My relatives say the same thing. I'm worried about what this will do to my health in the long term. Meanwhile my sister is eating good food in her university hostel and every bit of money goes toward whatever she needs.

I really wanted to become a game developer when I grew up, so when I was 13 I started learning game development from YouTube. We didn't have a computer. We had a very old laptop which was mysteriously broken and blamed on me even though I did nothing.

So I started learning and making games on my phone using a game engine called Godot because it has a mobile version. Progress was slow as expected, but I was slowly coding my own 2D dream game on my phone, which became my only hope. Eventually my old phone couldn't handle it anymore because the project got bigger.

I begged my parents to fix the broken laptop. Only the screen was broken and it would have cost around 50 dollars at most, but they never fixed it. It ended up in the junk.

Then when I was 14 my sister was in college and needed a laptop for GIS. Somehow my parents bought her a 1000 dollar gaming laptop. That was when I realized how unfair my life was and made a promise to myself that I would leave this house and this country when I turned 18 if I became successful in game development or freelancing.

I was able to use her laptop to work on my game whenever she wasn't using it, but only for about 10 months because she moved to her dream university. The timeline might not be completely accurate because I'm trying to remember everything.

When I found out she was leaving I went into depression because I knew I would be back in the dark with nothing to do. Playing mobile games doesn't bring me joy. I wanted a better life where I could eat healthy so my legs wouldn't shake while walking downstairs and my hands wouldn't tremble when lifting something.

About a month before she left I started a Ko-fi for my dream game. I thought it would be another useless attempt but people actually helped me. I received around a thousand dollars in donations, which was unbelievable. For the first time I felt hope and happiness, but it didn't last long.

My parents called me an e-beggar, took the money and used it for my sister's university expenses. I was devastated again. They told me I needed to focus on my studies and that after my final examinations they would buy me a laptop.

After 10 months they finally bought me one. It was much cheaper than the 1000 dollar gaming laptop they bought for my sister, but they did buy me one.

It wasn't much use though. If you've ever coded before, you know that if you leave a project untouched for too long you'll forget how everything works. After 10 months my game's code was completely unreadable to me. I was heartbroken and couldn't continue it in any meaningful way. My dream was broken.

They don't see me as a human being who needs love and care. They see me as an investment or a retirement fund. I thought they were being kind by buying me a laptop with my own donated money, but I was wrong. They bought it hoping I would make even more money.

My mother asks me every day what happened to my game, whether I'm going to upload it and whether I'm still working on it. If I tell her the truth she would take my laptop away. They only bought me the laptop so they could squeeze more money out of me and spend it on my sister. Every day she guilt trips me by saying that because of my laptop they are now in debt.

I've started a YouTube channel now, but I don't think that's going to work either because I can't upload regularly. I don't have my own SIM card or a Wi-Fi plan. I use the internet from my mom's phone. She gets 1.5 GB every day and usually finishes it by morning.

I also can't use my laptop freely because my mother says that if relatives come over I have to hide it or they'll think we're rich.

The weather where I live is horrible. The heat and humidity make it feel like 50°C or more. All I do is sit under a fan while the heat drains me. We don't have an AC. Even at night it's still incredibly hot, which means I can't really use my laptop during the day. At night when it's finally possible, I don't have internet.

I'm writing all of this in my phone's notes app because I have nothing else to do without internet.

Studying isn't going to solve things either because I live in India and we have the caste system. Different groups like ST, SC and OBC get advantages in competitive exams, including additional marks and reservations. I'm in the general category, so everyone gets advantages over me. It's already incredibly competitive, and because of the caste system it's even harder for me. We aren't rich either. Most of the money has gone toward my sister, so I can't afford coaching or anything like that.

Because of all this I have to eat terrible food every day. I'm getting thinner and thinner, and guess who gets blamed for it. Me. Literally everyone blames me.

I can't just go work at McDonald's because that doesn't exist here and nobody is going to hire a teenager. There are already millions of unemployed adults ready to take those jobs. In India teenagers usually don't work. It's seen as shameful for the parents and mine would never allow it. Even if I did find a job, the pay would be almost nothing.

Here parents are expected to provide for their children until they finish studying and become whatever their parents want them to become. After that the parents retire from whatever terrible jobs they had and live off their children's income while continuing to control every part of their lives because they never gave them any freedom or privacy.

There is nothing I can do. I don't have anyone to talk to. My relatives are just like my parents. My friends probably won't stay friends if I tell them all this. Most people here would probably just say this is normal life.

I have no privacy as a teenager. I don't have my own room. Every door stays open. My mother knocks on the bathroom door every five minutes asking what I'm doing and why I'm taking so long.

I hope someone reads this even though it's long and messy, I tried formatting it the best I could (if the formatting is bad, plz tell me how I can make it better). I can't ask the people around me, so this is essentially the only way I think I can get objective opinions.

My mom and grandma: 
When my mom first married my dad, my dad’s mom lived with them. I don’t exactly remember all of it (because I tend to kind of repress/block off those memories when my mom tells me about it).

• According to my mom, my grandma made my mom feel a stupid and worthless “servant”.
• When I was born, I needed to be constantly rocked when I slept or else I’d wake up and start crying, so my mom didn’t get a lot of sleep for a year. She couldn’t sleep at night, and during the day my grandma would constantly make noise to keep her from resting properly.
• She’d also lie to my dad about my mom and vice versa, and they fought partially due to that. My mom wanted to divorce my dad at one point but she stayed for her kids.
• All of these incidents added up and it got to the point where one time my mom wanted to stab my grandma in the back with a knife when she saw her back turned at the kitchen sink. After that my mom convinced my dad not to live with his mom. The incidents I listed are from what my mom told me, not that I remember them.

My mom has admitted to getting depression primarily due to my grandma, to the point where she was advised to take antidepressants (she didn’t take them though). After my grandma left to live with my aunt, my mom was depressed until around when I started high school, where she started initiating social contact with local people and making friends. 

My grandma and I: 
My grandma lied to me about my mom and insulted her when I was growing up, (I don’t remember all she said, I'm listing out the ones that I do remember hearing).

• She said that my mom loved my younger sister more and that my mom “abandoned” me as a baby to go work and take care of my sis (I believed her) and I was antagonistic to my sister and mom as a result.
• As for the insult part, she insulted my mom’s cooking even though my grandma didn’t cook (but I have to admit that my mom’s cooking wasn’t exactly the best during those years).
• Also, she said my mom had a fat ass as big as an elephant butt (she does have a big butt but it’s not colossally ginormous). I’m sure some people would think of it as a compliment, but she used a degrading disgusted tone when she said that (when I told my mom a couple years later she guffawed and said it’s better than having no ass at all like my grandma and my dad lol). Also a big butt helps people live longer. 

For some context, I was a rather hotheaded child who tended to get angry really quickly, and my mom yelled a lot and got angry quickly too. My mom was busy taking care of my young sister and my dad was busy at work. I remember my grandma being the only person I loved, and at the time, I trusted her with my life. I believed her lies because I trusted and loved her, while my mom’s temper didn't really do anything to dissuade me from believing my grandma. 

My mom and I: 
The relationship I had during my elementary school years with my mom: it was a vicious cycle where I would be rude and my mom would take offense easily and then get angry at me, or my mom would say something and I would get easily offended and get angry with her. I had a sense of dislike and was rude to her since I believed my grandma’s lies about her. My mom thought I hated her. It was easy to get mad at her when her temper didn’t exactly help with the fact that my grandma planted negative lies about her in my mind. We argued and shouted a lot.

Our fraught relationship escalated during covid year, until she told me that my grandma lied. It was a shock to my system when she said that. Despite our strained relationship, I believed her immediately that my grandma lied since I know my mom is not the type to lie. I also confirmed with my dad a couple months later. My relationship with my mom got significantly better after that. I felt really guilty for treating her badly when I was in elementary school (my mom told me she doesn’t blame me since I was a kid).

After she told me, my mom kept bringing up the stuff my grandma did. It felt like she was ranting and emotionally dumping stuff on me (or maybe I was being too sensitive, I’ll admit that I am sensitive on this topic).

• I told her 2-3 times that she needed a therapist, and she replied she didn’t need a therapist. I didn’t like her bringing up the stuff (it wasn’t every week), but I didn’t tell her to stop since I thought it would make her mad.
• Internally, I was distrusting of her since it sounded like she was emotionally ranting (people can get carried away and over exaggerate) (and my trust was shattered by the one person I loved so I have trust issues), while I simultaneously hated what my grandma did. It was a strange cocktail of not believing my mom but believing that my grandma did those things at the same time??? Cognitive dissonance of some sorts.
• During those rants I got mad at my mom for being so mentally “weak” and letting my grandma’s words get her depressed (I know I’m wrong for thinking that way) and got mad towards my grandma for making her this way. I feel so guilty and dumb for believing her.
• And her rants made me guilty of having any sort of positive feeling towards my grandma. Even though she lied, I can't help but feel bad for her in her current situation and have mild fondness for her at times. I eventually told my mom I didn’t like her rants, and she told me she was just informing me about the things my grandma did. Whenever she went on those rants, I felt an overpowering cesspool of negative emotions. 
• A couple of months ago, my mom apologized for her behavior towards me when I was young; she said it was partially due to her depression and trauma, but I can’t help but want to feel emotionally detached from her. If I get attached, I’ll overwhelmingly feel the negative emotions she feels, and in my opinion, I think she is emotionally unstable sometimes and gets angry quickly (said the pot to the kettle). I think it’s better for me to detach myself so she can hurt me less. 

My mom has said she’s ok with me visiting and keeping in contact with my grandma, but I sometimes feel guilt, rage, or sadness whenever I stare into her eyes or hug her or hear her voice. 
In my visits to my grandma, she has toned it down, and has not really insulted my mom. She’ll do this thing where she asks leading negative questions about my mom. It’s mildly nice hanging out with my only grandparent in the usa and someone who doesn’t scold you.

Emotions: 
I’ve been partially repressing my emotions. Typing this out is hard. All of these emotions have been stewing in my mind and I feel so stuck. I do believe that part of the reason why I have undiagnosed mild depression is because of this situation; I felt extremely dumb as to have believed my grandma. I wasn’t in a good mental space during that time already, and I started hating myself for being manipulated so easily. I felt sick that I was manipulated so easily; as a result, I don’t trust anyone I know, even my parents. I have a healthy (or unhealthy, one might say) dose of cynicism, skepticism, and distrust about people in general. 

I also feel so weak and petty for feeling this way because objectively, I know I have lucky circumstances. I live in the usa, in a family where we don’t need to worry about the bills, I haven’t been starved or abused, so talking about this feels like I’m obliviously complaining about 1st world problems here. 

Right now, I feel guilty. She is an 80 yr old woman; last time I visited I witnessed my aunt snappishly berating her. She has also complained about being lonely multiple times and my aunt reviling her. Whenever I visit her, she says it might be the last time I see her since she's old. I told my mom this; she snorted and said that my grandma is as fit as a fiddle and is saying this for attention. I, my dad, and my sis visit them a couple times a year. I’ve promised to call her once a week this year, but I’ve not been doing that. The thing is, I do want to keep in contact with her out of a sense of duty and lingering faint fondness, but at the same time I feel a lot of negative emotions associated with it.

Should I call her once a week? I am the one who’s overreacting? Maybe I’m just an oversensitive brat who can’t take a scolding?

Edit: typing this out helped my process my thoughts. Calling her once a week or every few weeks won't be a hassle on my part. I'm going to call her tomorrow.

Okay so here’s the sitch:

I’ve been talking with a guy for a few weeks now.
A couple times I’ve mentioned being just friends and then he always steers the conversation intimate again. We have not been intimate irl (not even kissed or held hands) we met once at a party and have the same shared life passion and have been texting while he’s currently out of the country.

Last week we texted in the morning and I sent a very short “mhmm” sound to a text about him scratching my head.
He asked for a longer one. I didn’t feel quite comfortable with it but sent it anyways (not his fault).
I think it’s just that this guy and I are SO aligned on this shared passion and he’s so knowledgeable and there is this part of me that yes, wants something to work because that’d be amazing. He is WAY out of my normal dating age range: him(56M) me(29F).

Anyways I sent a sexy voice memo. Not one where I “go all the way”, but close.
He reply’s with “Yu da best”

In my next audio I joke and say “the next time you say something vulnerable I will say, “you da best”
To which he reply’s, “don’t you dare!”

After the last page of these texts, the one where he’s asking to see the outfits, I just stopped replying. I had something to do and that gave me space to digest what happened. Giving the convo space I realized I felt incredibly hurt. I have NEVER had a guy say something like that to me in this context and it made me feel like I am just some dismissible-piece-of-trash to him.

Because he said “don’t you dare” when I talked about doing something similar,to me, shows that he knows this was the inappropriate thing to say. Btw, because of his background, I know he knows how to make a woman feel incredible in response to her sending something like that. This made it hurt more.

I actually became incredibly angry at myself for letting someone who would say something like that to me close. It also made me realize I’ve been really loved before and I have men in my life who I have deep trust and safety with, where I know something like that would never be said. So this response juxtaposed that.

I haven’t replied to him in a week now. I went through waves of anger and hurt and then just became so disinterested.

It’s this weird blurred line though and I did really like getting to know him and wanted to work with him on a professional level. I guess that’s why I’m here asking , “did I overreact?” As a double check.

I’m also fine not working or talking to him ever again.