r/AmIOverreacting • u/throw_away_3140 • 4h ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO for telling my girlfriend it’s not okay that her male “friend” flew into town, is letting her keep his $3.5k gaming laptop indefinitely, and bought her a $530 headset?
My girlfriend (f22) has an online friend (m23) she’s known for a while. A few months ago they wanted to go on a trip to Europe together, just the two of them. I said no, that it’s not normal for a single guy to go on a vacation alone with a woman in a long-term relationship. She argued with me a lot but eventually dropped it.
Now this guy has flown to our city to see her in person. While here, he’s lent her his $3,500 gaming laptop with no return date mentioned at all, and took her to Best Buy to buy her a $530 gaming headset.
I told her this isn’t normal friend behavior and that the whole thing feels off to me. She and this friend both insist I’m overreacting, and she’s even suggested it might just be a “culture” thing on my end since I’m not from here.
We’ve been fighting about this for days. I don’t think I’m being controlling, I just think expensive gifts and no-return-date loans from a guy who wanted to take her on a solo international trip are pretty clear signals, regardless of what anyone’s calling it.
Am I overreacting here for pushing back??
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u/HoidsRoommate 2h ago edited 1h ago
When it comes to the trip, just the two of them, certainly not overreacting. And your argument was right. A single guy has no business taking your longterm girlfriend on a trip with just the two of them.
The expensive laptop and headset is still strange. Have you asked them why he even gave that to her for? In my opinion anything other than, "so they can game together" is a hard no and even with that, with how expensive this is, you're right for calling it out.
Even if it were all alright, the best and easiest thing to do, without coming off as an asshole is to tell your girlfriend: I have no issue with you being friends with him, but things like the trip and the expensive gifts need to stop. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I don't can't continue a relationship where I feel like another guy is pursuing you and you're entertaining it. I will not tell you what to do, but I will leave you if you continue to do so."
Not much else there is to it.
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u/statikman666 2h ago
Nor. This is not the behaviour of a woman who is in a committed relationship. She's 100% into him and is receptive to his attempts to get between you two. I would dump her, all youve done is now be the bad guy in their relationship, which will continue online. You actually gave them something new to have in common; you being in their way.
Sack up. Calmly break up and let her do what she wants to do, which is go on vacation with the guy she's interested in. Why would you want her after this?
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u/Connoisseur5 1h ago
she's not into him. she just wants free trips to europe, laptops, and headsets and needs op to calm down so she can keep rinsing her online "friend"
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u/lordlothar99 1h ago
NOR. But you're mistaken on one thing, OP. Your job is not to tell what to do or not to do. You just have to tell her how you feel, and the rest is her decision. She cannot and should not be controlled. If she decides to keep this "friend" (I agree, he's not a friend as he's looking for a non platonic relationship with her), the only thing you can do is to acknowledge her decision, and leave.
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u/ScarieltheMudmaid 2h ago edited 2h ago
Damn. you ain't gonna let her keep her sugar daddy? jk
nor but remember you can't tell her what to do you can only decide what you're going to do. dumping her seems like a great option
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u/No-Finger-2204 1h ago edited 1h ago
NOR.
The way she just dismissed your concern is the real problem. If you get married she will brush off your concern about spending too much money, or taking expensive trips with friends you don't know, or other important decisions. She will do other things that make you uncomfortable and she won't ever think about or care about how you would think. Her having a relationship with this guy or "cheating" isn't even the big deal.
Narcissist. Run. Run fast.
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u/r0ttencav 2h ago
If their vacation plan wasn't in the air, I'd say let her get free shit. You're gonna end up using that lap top too, my friend. But yeah .... That vacation is way over the top. She's either a dumbass that doesn't realize that it's inappropriate. Or she knows damn well it is and gives zero fucks about your feelings. Either way dude, I think you have to take the L here and start thinking about getting yourself a new girl. She is definitely thinking about her and herself only.
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u/somerandomguy1984 1h ago
NOR - in fact you’re under-reacting.
You’re young and this can’t be that serious. Just break up with her. She’s either painfully naive and stupid or she’s cheating on you.
Maybe pause on the break up and see if that dude will buy you some good stuff first. But the only option is to end things
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u/Possible_Patience_84 47m ago
It seems very inappropriate to me, especially the trip. I think her friend has ulterior motives. How would she feel if the situation was reversed? If you’re not comfortable with it, then let them have each other. You cannot dictate her behavior but you can dictate your own. She may be using him for the gifts but that is very dishonorable in itself. I wouldn’t give her an ultimatum, I’d just leave and tell her why. She seems very selfish.
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u/Blue-Shark2236 29m ago
NOR. There’s very likely more to this story. I understand not wanting to see it. But this guy wants more than a gamer buddy.
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u/Allbur_Chellak 26m ago
NOR and I think you know it.
Have a calm conversation with her that you are very uncomfortable about the whole thing. It’s all too intimate and personal for a typical ‘friendship’.
If she keeps up with this kind of behavior it’s up to you to let it go or leave.
The dude is clearly trying to build a much more intimate relationship with her even if she says she says is not interested.
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u/Allbur_Chellak 26m ago
NOR and I think you know it.
Have a calm conversation with her that you are very uncomfortable about the whole thing. It’s all too intimate and personal for a typical ‘friendship’.
If she keeps up with this kind of behavior it’s up to you to let it go or leave.
The dude is clearly trying to build a much more intimate relationship with her even if she says she says is not interested.
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u/ClamatoDiver 21m ago
Dude, why are you fighting? There isn't anything to fight for because what exactly are you going to win?
Wake up and realize that it's over. If you're not living together, then great, because that's quick and easy, and if you ARE living together get started on either getting out of getting her out.
I hope you have better luck with your next relationship.
You're under reacting.
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u/iheartdattenborough 12m ago
This is grounds for leaving her. Please save yourself. She has no loyalty
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u/No-Guest-1501 8m ago
Looks like you aren’t worth more than 4k to her.
Imagine if professional athlete/musician/athlete slide in her DMs. RIP
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u/Tabby865 2h ago
NOR and I am a female who is 100% all about supporting other females. How long have you been dating? Are you invited when they go out? Men do not normally spend that kind of money unless they are interested in a romantic relationship or maybe life long friends who grew up together and are like family. But even my brothers don't spend that kind of money on me. It seems like your gf is either using him or dating him. Regardless, if she cared she would respect your feelings and end whatever type of relationship she has with him. It is absolutely okay for her to have male friends, but it is not okay to make plans with him and exclude you without even a discussion and very tacky to accept expensive gifts, especially when you aren't comfortable with it.
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u/HeatherDS1968 1h ago
Nope. Your girl is cheating or about to. Do the same to her and see how she feels about it.
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u/fpuk69 1h ago
NOR it’s not socially acceptable for a woman in a long term relationship to have a relationship with another man like that. You have a right to be pissed off about it.
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u/redsfromrhone 1h ago
NOR. “Friends” don’t randomly buy expensive gifts for each other and effectively give away expensive hardware. She’s entitled to her friendship, and you’re entitled to your boundaries. There’s no peaceful long term future with a woman who seeks validation from other men.
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u/Altruistic_Donkey555 2h ago
I think it depends on socioeconomic status. Do either of them come from significant wealth?
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u/1cingI 1h ago
You're the excitement, he's plan B.
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u/CalibratedOpinion 1h ago
If she was planning a trip with this friend, I think he’s the excitement and OP is plan B.
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u/Ok_Researcher8377 2h ago
MOR It can be normal for friends to do that, in my relationship that would not be a problem.
That being said every relationship and every person is different, if you don't want that for your relationship it's okay to say that. You cannot forbid her to do stuff though, you can tell her it would hurt your feelings, if she does not care you should move on.
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u/Mystery-Ess 1h ago
Men and women can be friends. What a shocker.
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u/Glad_Internal_4188 58m ago
MOR but she’s just getting herself free shit and u should trust her in a relationship and u should feel guilty that u even made this post. Then again she could be cheating on you so maybe u were right to doubt. Your not gonna know till something happens so keep being a good bf and let her know how u feel inserts of writing it here. Also maybe u should plan a surprise vacay with her and get her gifts instead of letting another guy do that. Hope u don’t find this rude im really just tryna help!
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u/HoidsRoommate 52m ago
Absolutely insane response to say he should be feeling guilty for making this post. She is incredibly untrustworthy lol
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u/Stockzman 38m ago
Nah, if you're truly in a serious relationship, you would react the same way as OP. You must either be single or have not been in a serious relationship. Trust is earned not a right.
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u/Tabby865 32m ago
Horrible advice. Do you have personal experience with this? If you are having to buy your significant other's affection in hopes they don't cheat with someone who can spend more than you, then maybe you need to follow OP's example and seek some advice here as well.
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u/AnthonyRespice 48m ago
Nothing good will come from trying to control her. You need to let her make her own choices. Is there a reason she would choose you over him?
Nothing in your post tells us how you feel about her. Unless you are in love and ready to propose, let it go..
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u/superfrugal1 35m ago
It’s called grooming, he is going to sell her into white slaveory in Europe or steal her from you. Donald trump sole a wife from a Canadian family by bombarding her flowers and gifts, she left her husband and is now a hasbeen or something, my point is NOR! If she canceled the trip it means you have a real grip on her heart, and you should game with her too, work to get her a gaming computer?
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u/Classic_Blood_7012 1h ago
YOR You don't own her and can't control what her friend gives her. Geez. I hope she never marries you if you're this backwards at 23. Grow up.
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u/Enoch8910 47m ago
What business is it of yours? You’re not being controlling, but you’re trying really hard. She’s just not letting you and you’re frustrated.
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u/Basic-Piccolo-6356 2h ago
The guy clearly has other intentions. And here’s the news for you: she knows that. But she’s never going to risk losing the laptop just because you don’t like it. So do whatever you want with that information.