AIO for getting mad at my boyfriend after he "confronted" my stalker

[u/dobbysonlysock]

I (F23) have had a stalker for around 2 years, I met him online through gaming and only had him added for around 2 weeks before quickly realizing he was weird and dangerous and blocking him.

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 months now and last month I got new messages on a new account from my stalker, which my boyfriend saw. My boyfriend asked who it was and after I explained the situation he decided he wanted to mess with the guy from my phone. He started sending him messages like "I miss you" and "I keep fighting feelings for you" and was trying to get my stalker to call me so he could tell him it was actually him sending these messages and to leave me alone.

That did end up happening and I recieved messages the next morning from my stalkers friends calling me and my boyfriend names. Everyone was quickly blocked, but my boyfriend thought he needed to mess with him again and asked for his number to shoot him a text pretending to be a girl. I told my boyfriend that it wasnt a good idea and to just leave it alone but he did it anyways and immediately started receiving phone calls from 3 different numbers.

My boyfriend and I were on a call while this was happening and he eventually hung up to answer a call, after 5 minutes I started getting worried and shot him a message asking what was going on, 15 minutes later he called me back and said my stalker had made up lies about me and said I was the crazy one who wanted him and was talking shit about me the entire time and even threatened to show up at both mine and my boyfriends house. I immediately got irritated not only with what was being said about me but also because my boyfriend didn't defend me besides for saying "I dont think you're telling the truth".

I told my boyfriend I was irritated because he unnecessarily started more drama with someone I want nothing to do with and I had already said I was uncomfortable with it happening then answered the call and let me get talked down on and lied about for 15 minutes and did nothing. He said he had gotten scared after hearing that the guy might show up at his house and wanted to get on his good side but why even take the call or send the text in the first place if you weren't gonna do anything?

After I explained why I was upset with the situation, my boyfriend started crying and said he was going to bed. I dont think im wrong for being irritated, I understand being scared after that, but he knew what kind of person he was before sending the message and did it anyways because he wanted to "get back" at him. So am I overreacting?

[u/enotaebi]

NOR. I am genuinely baffled at your bf. What is he doing?! What’s the end game here??? He didn’t even respect your wishes and managed to make the situation worse girl 😭😭😭

[u/CompleteTumbleweed20 → u/enotaebi]

Like, I thought he was doing the tough guy thing but he’s there quaking in his boots crying after realizing how dangerous the stalker is

And now, OP is in even more danger because of his dumbass??

OP I don’t think your (should-be ex) bf cares about you and he doesn’t respect you and your boundaries because you told him not to antagonize the creep further and he still went ahead with it

[u/RandomCleverName → u/enotaebi]

I think the boyfriend might be borderline braindead.

[u/callmebuzzsaw]

NOR. What your boyfriend did wasn't just stupid, it was legitmately fucking dangerous. I would be livid if I were you. I would also be reconsidering the relationship entirely. 

Instead of listening to you, the person being stalked, he decided to antagonize and escalate the stalker. Which is wild. 

His need to feel like a big macho man defending his girlfriend outweighed your actual sense of safety and that's really fucked up of him. He didn't start to question his behavior until he was being threatened. 

I'm sorry you're dealing with both a stalker and a dumbass boyfriend. 

[u/dancingkelsey]

Nor. Your boyfriend put you in serious danger. Please stay safe, which may mean not being with someone who purposely puts you in danger for a laugh.

[u/longestyeahboiiiever]

NOR. What an awful thing to do, take a vulnerable situation and make it about himself.

[u/delinaX]

NOR. Your boyfriend is psychotic. Who irritates a stalker? Who invites a stalker back into someone's life? To mess with him? He gets to suffer the consequences of his actions, this is a classic FAFO. And then when you explained why this obviously affected you, he turned into a cry baby and went to sleep. He's a walking red flag and has 0 social awareness and he didn't even take you into consideration. He put you in harm's way and for what? To mess with him? Leave. This man is unstable and I don't care if he has autism or whatever cause that tends to be the first excuse people give now.

[u/Ok_Corgi_817]

Underreacting if anything.

Ditch the 🚩boyfriend and report the stalker to the police for harassment.

[u/Witchy_Craft]

No, you’re not overreacting! Your boyfriend could have caused some serious, dangerous problems and could still happen! It was very immature and stupid on his part!

[u/DearEvidence6282]

Your boyfriend sounds SO IMMATURE. 🤮

[u/AubergineForestGreen]

Girl you are in danger

Please take a break from this guy
He put you in serious harms way just to play a game

He did not listen to you, keep poking the bear and now he’s crying from fear.

If he’s scared, he didn’t think to imagine how you feel.

This is how people get hurt.

Inform your parents or someone reliable. This could have triggered you stalker and it could lead to him looking for you

[u/Careless-Ability-748]

nor your bf is a dipshit. He was provoking your stalker. 

[u/phallusaluve]

NOR!! Your bf doesn't respect your thoughts or words, and he put you in unnecessary danger just for kicks. That's completely unacceptable. This is something you could come back from if he's truly remorseful and starts listening to you and trusting your opinion. If he doesn't do anything to sincerely apologize or make it up to you, dump him.

[u/Easy-Concentrate2636]

People need to stop messing around with other people that have serious anger issues. What your bf did was incredibly reckless and endangered your safety.

Nor.

[u/Glad-Hat-7661]

NOR - umm how old is your bf? Wdym he just started crying after someone threatened him?

[u/ExternalCress6187]

NOR bro your boyfriend put you in danger. That shit is so disappointing and irresponsible I would not be with someone like that. If he has anything else to say that isn’t full of apologies for being an idiot, or he tried to make you feel bad about it in anyway, or you end up comforting HIM for being scared (which wtf bc it’s YPUR STALKER???) then break up with him

[u/Mystery-Ess]

So your boyfriend put you in a potentially dangerous situation and then cried when you called him out on it? I hope you mean ex!

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Pepperoni

[u/DidjaSeeItKid]

Call the POLICE. If you have a stalker, you have a crime problem. Your bf shouldn't have done this, but now it's done and has to be dealt with. You have information on this guy; give it to the police. Stalking is nothing to mess with. Your bf was trying to help, but the right thing is to report this and make yourself safe. Your bf has probably learned his lesson. This isn't a movie, and he's not a movie hero. Call the police before something worse happens.

[u/vitalesan]

Your boyfriend is a typical “keyboard warrior”. As soon as shit gets real, he’ll put his tail between his legs. No wonder you’re angry, he’s a gutless idiot. No you’re not overreacting. You said you didn’t want the drama.

[u/ShreddersWheat]

I just don’t think I could be with someone who’s dumber than a rock.

And that’s the charitable view.

The uncharitable view is that your fear and distress didn’t matter a damn to him when it was only yours; and he played with a situation that was upsetting and dangerous for you. Just for his own entertainment. Now his fear and distress is on the table, and you have to feel bad for him. “Never mind you, what about meeee?!”

[u/Pure-Development8412]

NOR. Your boyfriend needs to grow up. He creates a situation that didn't need creating - expressly against your wishes. Then "goes to bed crying" when you call him out on this ridiculous behaviour.

There's no justification for what he did. He involved himself in a situation that you were already managing fine and then made it about him - "he's scared".

5 months. Do you want to put up with this sort of shit for the next 50 years?

[u/TeaAndQuaintThings]

Your boyfriend is an idiot for how he handled it and potentially put you in more danger.

[u/Dizzy-Case-3453]

YOR because at every point you gave your bf the details to contact this stalker. Learn to say no.

[u/EyeKnowBall → u/Dizzy-Case-3453]

Be ffr