Dinner is hospital food.

This is my first time posting so sorry if this is weird or my writing style is meh…
Anyway, my MIL is an extremely toxic person. She’s progressed more and more through the last year since I’ve moved closer to her. At first we lived on completely different countries so it was easy to just ignore her texts. When I was pregnant she would go crazy and send me 5+ instagram posts about baby raising, what could harm the baby, etc. And she would put all her fears and worries on me. I love my husband and he’s a great man so I always made the effort to text back and even text after every Drs appt.

Fast forward to now she’s evolved into a narcissistic, manipulative, volatile person that is affecting my mental health. She’s done everything from “jokingly” say I dress/do my lashes/ do my nails like a hoe (used a different slang word that they use here) to telling me I should get rid of my cat because I’m gonna make my son sick. She’s extremely pushy even in the smallest things like whether I should shower my son once or 3 times a day (she says she used to shower my husband that often and so should I).

She’s constantly talking me over her fears and telling me that no one should have children and that we shouldn’t have a second because we’re all crazy and we shouldn’t pass on that crazy…. It’s gotten to this point for me because my husband doesn’t back me up, he chalks it up to culture and to me being closed minded of how his mom is just trying to help. There’s been instances where she’s literally lied about my family (they took a trip here to celebrate my son’s baptism) wanting to buy some chocolate strawberries that caused us to miss a bus service that we payed for - turns out we were all waiting for my father in law but she didn’t want my husband to know that so she made a whole lie -

To conclude this before I ramble too much, she was not a good mother to my husband and many members of his family attest to this. But for some reason he has this undying loyalty for her. And he does not notice when she purposely says things to make us fight, make him upset or just slowly dig the knife in so that my husband ends up blowing up (not in a physical way, he just gets upset).

I’ve tried to talk to him about all of this but no matter how much we have hour long conversations about this and he agrees with what I’m saying…as soon as we are around her, he completely changes his mind and feels sorry for all the lies she tells him (like that I don’t let her see our son).

I’m torn and I’m sad because I never ever pictured my marriage getting to this point because of my MIL and it saddens me because I love my son with all my heart and I had pictures a specific life with him and my husband.

But coming off emergency gallbladder removal, my husband still getting into arguments with me over his mom, saying things like he feels like he picked wrong breaks my heart and doesn’t let me recover.

Hickory brown sugar bbq chicken thighs, homemade veggie skewer, leftover broccoli and roasted baby potatoes 🤤

——

My husband did the most adorable thing for me and I need to tell the world.

Background context: I (32F) work full-time as an accountant, but on the side, I’m an author writing her debut spicy fantasy romance novel. My husband (34M) is a sports and statistics guy who has only ever read non-fiction books and would never choose to read any fiction books (but fully supports my endeavours regardless).

When I finished book one, I asked my husband if he’d read it so that I could talk about it with him since it means so much to me. He always responded with a “I’ll try, but you know I’m not a reader and I don’t want you to be sad if I don’t love it.” Which is completely understandable, but still, I wanted to share what I’ve been working on for the past year with him.

Fast forward to this month. I went to my family’s cottage for a weekend, but my husband had to work so he stayed home. On my way back home with my sister, I kept saying I needed to go to the gym, but was super tired and didn’t want to. She kept pushing me to go, which I thought was odd. Then when I get home, my husband was also really pushing me to go to the gym, which again, I thought was odd, but was happy he was thoroughly supporting my fitness journey.

So I went to the gym, then came home to a printed binder of my book (all 450 pages) with highlights and hundreds of notes by my husband. Turns out, he purposely stayed home from the cottage to print my book, binge read it, and comment/highlight all over it to give me all his thoughts while he was reading. He said he planned this surprise for over a year and he was just waiting for me to be done with the book, and waiting for an opportunity where he could easily be home alone. He still had 30 pages left when I was coming home, which is why he told my sister to push me to go to the gym! The best part? He LOVED it! (I assume because I was the one who wrote it 😅 but still!)

I’ve never happy sobbed so much in my life going through his notes (which he sat with me to read together and discuss). He said he was actually scared because I turned purple from happy crying so much 😭❤️

—-

TLDR; my non-reader husband surprised me by printing my debut fantasy romance novel, secretly binging it all, and leaving me hundreds of notes for me to treasure for the rest of my life 🥹❤️

Ladies, remember: IF HE WANTED TO, HE WOULD.

Today I fucked up by falling for a scam.

It was one of those "you give us a certain amount of money and we'll give it back WITH commission."

I did it one, and then twice, and then thrice. It's always returned with commissions.

On the third one the scam kept asking me for more money BEFORE it gave me back by money and commission. So I transferred my money, twice because it was required of me to do.

Now the person running it said that my money is locked in my account without any way to transfer it to my bank account UNLESS I give it more money.

Worst part is, it was the money I had wanted to use for my tuition AND it was also part of my mother's loan payment because she borrowed from a friend. My mother and my older brother are righteous, rightfully so.

I just don't know what to do.

I've also been looking for work, and signed up for an 0F–but I'm not even that hot so I don't know why I did it. Maybe some part of me is so desperate that I'm willing to sell anything I have on me right now.

I've emailed my bank about it, hopefully it'll get processed soon. I'm just spiralling right now

(Pic is Aglio Olio spaghetti I made, I made it too greasy but the shrimp was good)

Meal: pizza that got turned sideways in the the delivery driver’s car

My fiancée is going through it with her family (dad specifically), and I feel like it’s my fault. I can sit here and know it’s not, but it doesn’t change the guilt I feel when the issues start flaring again.

The really short version (yeah, these six paragraphs are the short version) is he yelled at me during a holiday visit a couple years ago, like spoke to me in ways my own father hasn’t, and my fiancée lost it. Once she stopped crying from the shock, she started fighting with him, and it’s been on and off since then.

This past year, I had a breakdown on the way to go see her parents for the holidays because the last time I saw them, her dad had made no effort to change. He was just chattering on like he did in the five years before he yelled at me, ignoring every tiny adjustment that my fiancée begged him to make. There was no yelling. The worst thing that happened was some side eye in an elevator when I got a little annoyed with it being crowded. (Which, like, I’m allowed to take a deep breath and keep it to myself.)

I didn’t go back to their house, mostly of my fiancée’s decision, and he took it personally! My fiancée tried to talk to her parents about the fact that that I was to be on my best behavior so her expectation was that they would also have been trying to be more welcoming and accommodating. The conversation went off the rails, and she left their house telling me I didn’t have to talk to her dad ever again if I didn’t want to.

So he clearly doesn’t like me, especially with all of the terrible things he’s said about me to my fiancée since they’ve started fighting. He clearly thinks they’re fighting about me when she’s airing her grievances of his behavior broadly. I just happen to be a very clear and recent example.

He then tried texting me to “figure things out” between us, which I accepted (suspiciously). The conversation turned into him taking jabs and telling me to “chill out” when I told him I wouldn’t continue if he was going to make jabs throughout. My fiancée ended up calling him and yelling at him about this too, even though I told her not too. That phone call didn’t go well either.

He’s also been lashing out in their family group chat at both my fiancée and her sister, in ways that are shocking both her sister and mom. It’s about similar ferocity to how he’s been engaging with my fiancée when they’re actively fighting, but it’s on a hairpin trigger.

I know his sudden turn face isn’t my fault. I know it’s not. But I’m seeing so much damage happen to their family because of this anger. He didn’t do this — not to this severity — before he yelled at me. I personally hadn’t even seen him more than a little miffed before that! I’m clearly the catalyst for whatever is going on here, and I feel responsible for their relationship crumbling. I can’t shake it. It lives right behind my eyes and makes me want to cry when I think about it. My fiancée doesn’t deserve this! She deserves a dad who listens to her and hears the ways he’s hurting her and adjusts. It makes me so sad that she thought she had that, and he’s proving to her repeatedly that she doesn’t.

Now, she doesn’t want him at our wedding. And that feels like my fault.

Hello!

This is my second post on this sub. I really enjoy reading about everyone's lives here because it makes me feel part of a larger community.

Last time, I shared some good news and today I feel like sharing some more joy.

The love of my life moved in with me recently, and we have been fixing the house together. He's been so hands on with everything and seriously made the house a lot more liveable. I have to say, he has never looked sexier. He's already a full course meal as is but man, the handywork suits him.

We have been going to the beach on foot often since we live only a walking distance away from the sea and our shared goal to stay healthy makes me truly appreciate this relationship more. We stay on our toes. My goal now is no longer seeing the scale go down, but to see my muscles grow.

I have also just accepted a partial scholarship for a Master's program in GRC. So this girl is gonna be balancing work and studies for quite some time, I couldn't pass up an opportunity like that!

Looking back, I also learned a little more about myself, and most of it is thanks to my ever loving boyfriend. I hope he doesn't see this anytime soon because he'll get a look into how big of a crush I have on him again. Sometimes, you just gotta keep the admiration lowkey 😂

Never really thought a relationship can be transformative. Things haven't been easy, we have a lot in common, but there are some fundamental parts of us that clash, especially our nervous systems, but choosing to learn each other instead of declaring war against each other is another level of devotion I though only existed in movies 🤷🏻‍♀️

All that to say, I still have a bit of growing up to do. I can be too emotional and explosive sometimes. But this man has an impressive amount of staying power and I have to make sure from this moment on, it's smooth-sailing from here. We both have work to do, but I am focusing on my part of it for now, I see how good he's been and determined he is to build a life together so I trust him wholeheartedly.

But here's to a better half of 2026. I am so looking forward to all the exciting stuff to come. We still have a trip to Venice to go to.

And... my cycle is late. I tested once, but it came up with nothing. Probably should wait it out?

I present to you, mince with mushrooms, garlic, onions and cheese fried in a bit of balsamic vinegar (surprisingly was a good combo), a bit of curry rice with an egg on top with a side of yogurt for extra pizzazz.

I also blended fresh oranges and carrots with spearmint for refreshment. Summer has been a bitch, the only thing I really like about it is the swim.

Here's me wishing you ladies the same luck or good fortunes. And I hope I don't jinx mine in the process! I really love having a full heart and an even fuller belly! 🥰

I feel like ranting a bit but I dont want to bother any friends so I will post my life story on the internet to rant about. It might be long, sorry in advance

I met my now husband when I was 15 at the gym. He was 21 but I thought he was younger. Yes I know how this sounds, at the time I didnt think much of it tbh. I was the one who actively pursued him.

Over the years I made many choices ive come to regret. He was leaving to another city for studies, i switched my studies to the same town. By 16 i was already living with him multiple days a week.

I also dropped this study by 18, which was the legal age to not study anymore here. I got an opportunity to work somewhere and I did and enjoyed it more than school. Ive always been someone who doesnt quite fit in and i felt more accepted at the job than in school.

By 23 i was pregnant of my first kid and I stopped working to take care of the kid. Then the second and third kid followed. I was and still am a stay at home mom and i took care of the kids and house all on my own.

My entire twenties i lost my own identity cause i was busy raising kids and i had no time or energy for myself.

We also got into big fights. My memory is very bad so ive forgotten most of the smaller things but this one stood out cause it was the first fight that ended in talks about divorce. This happened 6 years ago. The trigger was that i complained about our sex life which had been horrible. We had sex maybe once every 2-3 months and we never did any foreplay. Looking back i am not sure why i accepted this so long.

Anyway we made up, but fights like this happened a few more times until a few months ago when i just agreed on that we should divorce and did not try to fight it anymore.

A day later he came back from it and we had another talk that ended with the agreement that we should divorce. But then a day later without any communication he just started acting like nothing happened.

We had a holiday coming up and i didnt want to ruin it for the kids so i stayed quiet. But now that holiday is over and i need to go have the dreaded talk about divorce again. I feel guilty towards my kids cause now ill be the one destroying our family, but i just dont have any feelings left. I feel disgusted when he tries to kiss me and we have not been intimate for over 2,5 years.. Im just so tired. Ive lived purely for my kids for so long i think its time to live for myself now

Food is from the buffet at our holiday

so i found out my boyfriend watched porn once and we talked about it and figured it all out. now he doesn't actively seek porn. however, the porn he saw was on twitter, so of course i told him to delete his account. he said that he'll just delete the whole app because "it'll be better for both of our mental health." so i agreed. we both agreed he would delete it.
i guess he didn't delete it or his account. i called him out on it and he said he "thought the problem was the porn and not twitter." but whenever i open his twitter, his feed is literally ALL porn. even after this argument, he said he'd delete it but he just takes a day-long break and then redownloads it. i'm literally so heartbroken but idk if i'm overreacting. tf do i do. i'm so tired of having these arguments but it's eating me up inside.

EDIT: OKAY I HAVE LEARNED!!!!! it's controlling for me to tell him to delete an app. i didn't really know this before but i know it know. however, it still hurts that he made a promise to me and still broke it/went behind my back. i'll have a talk with him later today and tell him about my expectations, and it's his choice if he wants to respect them or not!!

Canned chicken noodle soup, saltines, and pain relief for dinner/breakfast.

I've had a scratchy throat for a couple days and assumed it was the wildfire smoke. Yesterday morning I woke up with a fever and very sore throat. I debated calling out and decided to go in anyhow because I'm on vacation next week. (ETA: I'm in a bit of a flare right now so fevers come and go regularly.)

I made it to work and started having weird crushing chest pains that started extending to my left shoulder. I told my boss I was running to see my PCP who is just across the road.

Primary examines me, takes two swabs from my throat and rapid strep comes back negative. He Dxs Tonsillitis and Rxs Abx. He checks my BP and HR and tells me to get myself to the ER, and if I can't- he'll call 911.

My fiance had just finished work so he came and took me to the ER... It took 2.5 hours just to see the triage nurse. An hour to get registered. Another hour to get an ECG. Then they told me it would be about 4 hours to get my blood drawn, and an hour minimum after that to speak to a doctor.

I took that as indication enough that I wasn't having a heart attack and took my leave. They called at 3am wondering where I was because it was time to do bloodwork. Hokay buddy!

Anyhow, I'm dealing with my first bout of Tonsillitis now at my advanced age and am miserable. My throat is on fire and I'm losing my voice. I can't wait 3 days for the Abx to kick in, if they even work.

(I'll go back to my PCP for follow up on the chest pains, but literally a hundred people in the ER were there for chest pains yesterday so I'm assuming it's the same for me.)

TW: Death of a loved one

My girlfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me over the phone the day after my grandmas funeral, I dont know if I'll ever be able to forgive her fully. This all happened about two months ago.

Now, every time I think about her, i feel such a weird mix of anger, betrayal, and guilt. There's so so much I could've and should've done differently, but a part of me also feels like it was doomed to fail at this point in time. I was planning my life with her, I was so excited for our anniversary date and our upcoming holiday, I honestly don't know how to live without her, how to find joy without her, this was basically also my first relationship.

I just hope that one day, once I've worked on myself enough, I'll have someone who loves me this much again, maybe even her. I hope that I'll find friends wherever I end up.

Pic is sushi me and my best guy friend got in Hamburg a while back.

Advice Encouraged

I’ve been friends with this individual who I will refer to as “M” for my entire years of high school. We started off as a talking stage my freshman year but that didn’t work out because I tried to take my own life.
Nevertheless, over the four years, we hung out and from time to time I would go to third base on him but because of past trauma, I never let him go there to me. But generally and in recent years we would just smoke together and have really good jam seshes(we’re both musicians). Fast forward to January of this year, it had been a while since we talked or hung out because he was in a pretty long term relationship that didn’t work out. We finally hung out and after so many months I realized I had deep feelings for him that weren’t there before.
I initiated a kiss and he pulled me back in.
THIS moment led to the predicament im in now almost 6 painstaking months later.

What do I do???
I really love him and his family. We’ve grown SO close this past couple of months. I’ve let him into my heart, my mind, and my body. We’ve had a few pregnancy scares, I’ve saved his ass from getting into severe trouble with the law (drug involvement) and protected some of his dark secrets. Additionally, he’s seen, touched, and loved my SH scars. And he knows the stories behind them. I know his trauma and pain and have been there for him in some of his worst moments. All in all, this has been a very emotionally invested situationship without a label, I thought I was ok with that but time and time again I tell him Im not comfortable with doing this(sexually and emotionally) without knowing for sure he’s committed to me. Is it too much to ask for a title to be SURE. Lately, I received some rumors that he entertained a girl over snapchat that reached out to him to hook up. I confronted him about it and he swears he was drunk and trolling her w his friends since she was one of his friend’s exes.
I then brought up the fact that this made me really think about if I was wasting my time with him since he does sus shit like this and can’t commit. I really do know he loves me deeply but it hurts that we do all this relationship shit and he’s too scared to commit himself to me even though Im giving him my body and my soul for free. I leave to Europe in September for college (he doesn’t know) but I was hoping to have a beautiful summer with him and continue this overseas but without him being my boyfriend, I don’t know if the accountability for him to hold us down will work.
He wants to continue this relationship we have without locking this down because he “cant be a good boyfriend right now”. He and his family are very financially unstable and he works A LOT, to just live paycheck to paycheck. His jobs are also dangerous too, so I respect where he’s coming from—however, he still always makes time for me so I don’t see why he thinks he can’t make this official.
Should I just go with the flow until I Ieave for my semester abroad or should I cut this now and try to difficultly move on without him, spending my summer alone? (I live in a small town, he’s my best friend and my only friend)
I will eventually return to my small town in December after 3 months of studying abroad,
but I wonder if I should stay stateside so we can grow in our love or if I should leave this behind and finish my studies elsewhere (Brazil).
I don’t want one more than the other.

Help

So my sister is currently in 10th grade while I just finished my high school and a lil backstory, when I was in 10th grade I had 0 freedom to go out or hang out with my friends or even use the bus. I was so annoyed by this and I had to stay home except for going to school even on a saturday/sunday I had to stay home and study​​. My parents arent divorced but don't live together so I was staying with my mom till my 10th grade and I lived with my dad when my 11th grade started.

The first time I ever got to even go out of my friend was to a mall and it was after my 11th grade got over. After this, my sister also got to go after her 9th grade to literally all the malls, go to her friends house whenever she wants, buy clothes together, stay out even after 7pm

It's soo annoying only because I couldn't get the same freedom she got and even now, I had recently asked my dad to let me go to the mall after my 12th grade just got over and i had to practically beg and make my friend talk to my dad just to let me go😭

But my sister has all the freedom and gets to go shop with friends blah blah

Its just unfair I can't get the same freedom ​​​​​​

My post was removed cause it had a drink on,y and no food, I need to actually bitch about life and find support.

Don’t mind me eating pure salami, I just like it the way it is.

Goddamn man child u fcked me so good I almost said I love youuuuuu
But you are just a man and that’s what u doooooo

U make u make me fckinnnnnn BLUE

CAUSE U R A MAN

AND IT IS YOUR NATURE

You just couldn’t do it without tears

Blueeee blueeeeee

U make me cry
And why. Do I still
Like uuuuuu

Uuuuuuuu

Its Friday, my favorite day of the week and i wake up in a good mood, speaking to my ldr Husband on my laptop.

Side rant we are waiting for our Fiancé visa to be approved so i can move back to UK, its been a hell of a 3 months apart🥲 been waking up everyday and frantically refreshing my email. Hope it comes soon as we are entering 9/12 week waiting time…

Anyway im in a good mood and i pick up my phone and it looks like it has reset! But who would have known that resetting would have been better than having bikini bottom on my phone 24/7 (if ya get ya get it) the bubbles are spiking my stress even more, like being away from the love of my life aint enough now i wanna drown my phone aswell… Apple is so weird to change from an elegant and minimal look to askin their 5 year olds to design the new update. Anway please rant with me so i font feel alone

im 20F. Im extremely shy when it comes to just about anything. I’m already a bit self conscious because his past girlfriends were a lot more experienced than I am. They probably had it all figured out and I’ve never even went down there on anyone. But I love him so much and I constantly find myself thinking about wanting to make him feel good. I just don’t know how to be not awkward about it.

I brought it up kind of like a joke the other day (but I was lowkey serious) and I was like, “how would you feel if I did the thing with my mouth??”😭😭. He seemed shocked and his eyes widened at me, and he kind of chuckled. he must have thought I was joking, but I was being dead serious. He’s one of those respectful gentalmanlike guys. I don’t want to feel like a freak for asking

I've gone 23 years feeling like I never really had friends that got me. Like yeah I had friends but was always the one left out of things or the joke. It sucked.

But skip to like January, it's the last semester of college and everyone in my (small) major is wrapping up their time. We were all friendly and would help each other but mostly kept to our own throughout the years. Idk it legit felt like overnight something shifted and we all just decided to go out to eat together. We made a group chat and actually use it. We ended up going out after every class to get dinner together. There's 12 of us total, 4 girlies and 8 guys.

We graduated in May but literally still text everyday. Every weekend since graduation we've had a plan set, whoever shows up does and whoever can't will come to the next one. There's no pressure for anything it's just easy. Even when we're hanging out everyone's welcome to bring their partners or other friends and the group just makes everyone feel welcome.

Today, I mentioned I've always wanted to learn how to throw a football in the group chat. In a few hours I was back on campus learning how to throw a football and do some fancy soccer kicks with one of the guys and his brother. We were just shooting shit the entire time and catching up since I skipped the last beach visit. I was a sweaty mess by the end of today, I sucked at throwing and was even worse at kicking. But at no point did I feel like an idiot or a burden, they actually took the time to try to teach me something. I just left feeling so loved.

On top of that some of us are moving away at the end of the summer (myself included). But some have already bought flight tickets to visit each other after the move. The girls are planning to come visit in December since there's super cute Christmas markets by me. One of them is actually planning to move near me in a year or two, she's always wanted to but was nervous to do it without knowing anyone there. I've gotten close with some of the girlfriends of the guys and am always texting them, making plans and going out with them as well.

It's so stupid but it feels really nice to be around people that genuinely care about one another. It's nice to have a friend group that can lean on each other or just make a random plan in the middle of the day and actually have it happen by the evening. Just being able to be myself around people that aren't my boyfriend has been new, but I've never felt judged for anything.

Anyways sappy girl dinner thinking about how lucky i feel: homemade Caesar salad

My boyfriend has been stealing for me and I love him way too much to say anything. He is going to med school so I know it’s very difficult for him right now. I already graduated so I have been there. I feel bad for him so sometimes I put more cash in my purse whenever he steals from me when I am not looking so I can help him. 

Fruit Salad

I’m a server, and the franchise I work for was recently bought by a larger hospitality company, which is whatever, but because of the buyout our pay period stopped when it was signed. So the period was shorter than normal, so my paycheck is way smaller than it’s ever been. I’m in college, and I need that money to pay bills, get groceries and pay rent (like anyone would do with their paycheck). I know it’ll be larger when my next paycheck comes in, but that’s not until the 31st. I’m just very annoyed.

Dinner was spaghetti and meatballs that I made, and garlic bread that I made as well.

Some crackers, veggie dip, vegan meat slices, turşu, soy greek yoghurt with mango puree.

This will be long, sorry.

Back information: Now I am a confident woman but when it comes to friends I still have insecurities. In the past I always had friends that treated me badly and were toxic. Maybe I always met this type of people because in the past I had so many insecurities, did not stood up for myself and did not know how healthy relationships would look like. Not only in a romantic way but socialwise. I never learned that from my parents.

So by now I have a friend group I love. We are in our early 30s. Two of them I know from university and another one is a childhood friend from one of them. We are very close and I would say they are my closest friends. But sometimes I get my insecurities again and feel like others only tolerate me and not like me as a friend. I know it is irrational but this is how feelings work.

Especially in summer I get fomo. I don't have many friends and I know they have their own lifes (I have some more friends than these 3 but this is the closest group for me). This is normal. But I wanna make cute memories, spend time with the people I value and also wanna feel valued.

And sometimes all of my friends are busy with their lifes at the same time and I spend my time alone. Which is fine. I know. But sometimes it makes me sad.

Why I feel like this sometimes. Since years I ask them to go on vacation together. They all say yes but always say "let's plan this later. I want to decide later." So we never made a vacation so far because we never start planning. This year again I tried to make some more pressure to plan. The pressure looked like this: "where do we wanna go? Here are some destinations, please pick" or "can you tell me when you have time? Here are some dates." So I was told I should chill, we can plan in 1-2 months.

But in all these years asking I see them going on vacation with other friends :/

Another thing that makes me sad is that I am usually the ones that asks for meeting and doing stuff. I wish they would ask me to meet or ask how I am doing and just talking about whats going on in life with me. I know they still care for me but I need more reassurance.

And I know they see each other here and there. For example yesterday they were at the beach. They never asked me but in a groupchat they started asking "who is already there?" And "where are you sitting?".

Edit: another situation that stuck in my head. On time was in the car with two of them. I was in the backseat. We had conversations and they started talking about some situations in the past and how they value and love each other. Me in the backseat third wheeling. Then one said to the other that she can always trust her unconditionally. Then she said to me she can't trust me 100 %. I really don't know why. I am always loyal to my loved ones. But this hurt a bit.

And I wish they would be more understanding when I talk about my feelings. I did not text that much in a different groupchat for some days and one asked me if everything is okay. I told her that sometimes I feel left out of their lifes becaus this and that. She just told me I shouldnt give a shit, I should chill because these are not really problems. Of course this is not the biggest problem in the world but these are just my feelings and I always listen to my friends drama without judging. I just want them to be more empathetic sometimes.

I know they value me and they are planning something for my birthday and stuff. They are amazing people but with my insecureties I need people to show me their love a bit more :/

Thank you for reading this much.

Yummy pizza I had with a friend in the park.

I'm 32f and I'm blessed to be with the most amazing guy ever (35m) He isn't perfect by any means but he's perfect to me and I truly want to spend the rest of my life with him. We are both ride or die.

Earlier this year I went through a lot of life events, moved in with him in a different city, transitioned into my new job role that I had trained for for years, and I also unfortunately started spotting (bleeding) almost every single day out of no where.

I've been to 2 different gynos, had ALL of the testing done, pap, transvaginal ultrasound, hormone panels, etc. All came back negative, they told me no explanation and they gave me BC & sent me packing.

This really put a damper on my sex drive, as I've been really scared, anxious, and just ashamed tbh, this combined with my high stress job that was killing me working 12 hours a day as a hairstylist in a high end salon. It was like night and day and my desires just disappeared.

I think he's the sexiest guy in the world and my attraction to him hasn't changed but having an ongoing issue that's embarrassing combined with a low self esteem and being always exhausted it's become a chore for me to be intimate. I ended up quitting my job and that also caused me a lot of depression and I've become insecure about my body.
He told me he's okay and he'll stick by me regardless, but I know our lack of intimacy probably affects him and it makes me so insecure and sad for him

I just want to feel like a normal young woman again and have a normal intimate life with my partner. It's caused me a lot of depression and anxiety - but in the end I guess I'm blessed to be with a man who is so understanding and actually loves me for who I am and isn't just with me for sex. I truly feel i don't deserve him.

I've been trying so hard to write songs recently, earlier I spent 35 minutes straight thinking of lyrics and only came up with one I liked. It feels like when I want to write my brain won't cooperate and I'm just so frustrated with myself. I've been trying really hard to write stuff because it's how I process my emotions and I guess my emotions just don't wanna be processed. Maybe I'm just being picky with my own work, I don't know. Most of the stuff I write just doesn't feel right. That's about it, I'm just mad at myself for repeatedly failing to write songs when I'm usually good at it.

Fridays are always homemade pizza days here, featuring hot smoked salmon, cream cheese, dill and Colby cheese on top. I forgot to buy mozzarella and shit is expensive here in NZ.

I’ll go first.. I honestly couldn’t decide. I spent years working in a job that provided us dinner so I just ate what was on offer. I rarely have a roper craving.

It might be an authentic seafood laksa, a seafood chowder with garlic bread, a really high quality steak with mushroom sauce.. I need to think on it 😂

Hey :)

First time poster from Australia 🤗

Recently had what feels like the worst month of my life, had a surgical procedure, lost my boyfriend and my dad disowned me after he discovered I used some of his money to pay for it, he withdrew support and caused me to have to leave my accommodation.

Last week I got a job at a cafe just serving people and making sandwiches, one night this week it was raining really badly and my boss offered me a lift which I like declined she wouldn't take no for an answer and as we left the cafe (with no destination) I started to panic, after a few mins of diverting the conversation as best I could I asked her to drop me in the city which she said wasn't really gonna work she kept pushing me to let her take me home and eventually I just started crying because I'm living in a tent in a park near the cafe, she asked me what happened to end up like this and why I had lied about living in share accommodation, I explained everything and she just let me cry it felt embarrassing but like something I needed, afterwards she offered me some help to get my stuff dried at the laundry, we went online and found a cheap room on a website called gumtree and I moved in today :). (She paid my first 2 weeks rent after giving me an advance on my wages and is gonna allow me to pay back $50 per week)

I don't have any bedding, all my stuff is wet again from the rain but I'm finally able to sit in a room I managed to get (with some support) without my dad and his critical views and abuse of me for making choices about my own body, I get my first pay cheque from work on Wednesday so life's looking alot better than it did last month 😭🙃.

Cold Domino's pizza I found at the bottom of the share house freezer (technically stealing but hope to replace it next week 🙃)

Thankful I'm able to Think about the future again :)

Feat: my 1st attempt at swedish meatballs. Not a very good one.

I got a head injury 3 months ago and I'm sooooo over it. I started physiotherapy last week and it worsens my symptoms so much. The PT said it was going to get worse before it gets better but hey, can I get to the next part already please?

My sisters kids are at my parents for a holiday (there's 4 of them and sis is only coming next week). Sis & her kids live abroad so we don't see each other too often.

We went to visit my parents and the kids over the weekend. It was nice seeing them (and I look forward to seeing my sister next week!), but it left me so fatigued and I had a migraine after. I can barely talk to 1 person without problems and 4 kids and my own parents were too much for my poor post concussion syndrome brain. (My mom just talks. So. Much. Every. Time. And dad wanted to talk about his health problems and he never talks about those so I was kinda freaked out).

My husband planned to visit my parents today again to finish fixing some stuff he started over the weekend. And I was soo not feeling up to the chaos of that household today.

So I lied to my husband like a cowardly bitch 😬

I booked a massage for todays afternoon to help aleviate my symptoms. I absolutely knew while booking the massage that husband wanted to go to my parents today, as he mentioned it on Monday already.

But hey, I usually remind husband of our plans like 3 separate times because he always forgets about everything. I think I deserve to "forget" the plans once in a while as well, right?

Soooo yesterday when my husband said he plans to go to my parents today I was like "oopsie doopsie I completely forgot, honey, sorry, I booked a massage for the afternoon and I can't cancel so late, there would be a fee! Can you go there alone?"

The most funny thing is that if I would say "hey I'm not feeling up to it today" he would be just like "okay, stay at home and get some rest" 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

But he would either have to lie to my parents and tell them I have a baaad migraine or something, or my mom would guilt trip me next time we would see each other. And the kids would be loudly disapponted that I don't want to see them. And my dad would be quietly disappointed. Because if I would go there, the kids would focus on me instead of on them and my parents are tired already - but hey, it was their choice to take 4 kids for a 2 week holiday!

And I just didn't want to deal with all that.

So here I am, lying for the first time in our 10 year marriage about forgeting our plans.

When I am the anxious person that never forgets any plans.

I have no idea if husband bought the lie that I forgot about the plans (probably not). But whatever, at least I can go enjoy my massage and peace while husband deals with the pandemonium that is my parents household right now. Good luck, honey, I'm already SO SAD about missing it.

Sliced cucumber with lime juice and Tajin. Bowl of baked sweet potato, carrots and tomatoes with some A1 on it. And Advil PM because I can’t sleep for shit! Doing a re-watch of The Crown.

I’m quitting drinking again. I’ve been sipping on some shitty domestic beer I don’t even like to keep the shakes away today. I’m also just hungover af.

I can’t do another day of this. The waking up late feeling like death. Being afraid I sent a cringey text. Being afraid I was rude to my husband, who deserves the entire world. The impulse purchases online for junk I don’t need. Being heavier than I want to be. The GI issues. The damage in general I know I’m doing to my body/organs. I could go on and on and on. So yeah. On one hand, I know this is going to suck as soon as the cravings come on. But I’ve done it before, so I KNOW I can do it. So this is a happy girl dinner post, because I’m happy for a new chapter in my life. I fucking need it ☀️

If anyone wants to share their journey with quitting alcohol I’d love to read it. Also tips on falling asleep without alcohol are hugely welcome lol. Otherwise thank you for reading. It feels good to get it out sometimes ❤️

TLDR: I’m tired of being drunk every day. I’ve quit before and I’m going to do it again, hopefully for good. Happy for a change.