Hey y'all. Update to my viral post on interviewing with the Chief Communications Officer at a major beauty brand, crying involuntarily, having a corrective experience where a powerful man witnessed my vulnerability without punishment, and then waiting to hear back on the decision.
Spoiler #1: I didn't get the job. But not before an agonizing 3-week wait to find out whether, by some miracle violating the laws of physics, an American corporation decided to take a risk on an exceptional external candidate, OR did the thing nearly all corporations do, which is choose the internal candidate. They chose safety.
I received a boilerplate rejection letter, and I get it — that’s HR doin’ what HR do. I supported a (fantastic, female) CHRO in my previous role; I know how the sausage is made.
BUT. I couldn’t let the moment pass without telling the CCO what that interview meant to me — how it inspired writing that was witnessed by 3.8M Redditors. Because, literally, writing is the job I applied to do — and it’s the job I do better than anything. I had written something that had moved 11.3K people and generated 200+ comments wishing me well.
So, I sent him an email to that effect. It was a little cringe if I allow myself to zoom out, but it was also true, and I'd operated inside institutional silence too long to let the door close without a final word. The email had zero ask in it: didn't ask him to stay in touch, or keep me in mind for future roles. Just: here’s what that interview meant to me; here’s what it produced (without a hyperlink); and here’s what I know about myself (namely: I am that bitch).
He responded right away, after hours, from his work email, and said: we’re going to stay in touch, no question; in fact, I’m going to be in your city for a couple weeks this month; I would love to meet up for coffee and “dream up how we work together in the future”; also, are you going to share the Reddit post with me? (Spoiler #2: NO ❤️)
My initial reaction was another exhale. I’d extended vulnerability to this man twice: once, completely involuntarily, during an interview; another time, voluntarily, in a goodbye email. That he responded so fast, so warmly, and with such Big Feelings felt like recognition and relief. That’s the read I wanted to maintain. That’s the read that protected him as a corrective experience: a man who had witnessed my tears out of genuine feeling for another human being, not because he had... other motives.
But I’m ngl. When I interviewed with him, it was 100% clear he was attracted to me. While he didn’t cross any explicit lines, his eyes and body language did plenty of talking. He also offered me a more senior role in NY (conveniently: near him), despite us knowing each other for 45 literal minutes and me being on the opposite coast. On one hand, great: he believes in me and thinks I’m talented. On another: how much of his offer was influenced by his attraction to me & his desire to keep me in proximity?
I felt this in my body but didn't have language for it until later. I had sent him a thank you email and he’d responded effusively… but his tone suddenly flatlined when I followed up two weeks later about timeline for decision. He replied mechanically, which may have been his way of priming me for rejection. But it legit reminded me of every man who has lovebombed me (“here’s a role in NY!”) and then went cold (“collective decision next week”) as soon as the stakes got real.
That’s when it flickered: I don’t think this is a purely professional relationship.
When he asked me for coffee after the rejection, I was 95% sure this wasn’t a purely professional relationship. But I still wanted to protect the story of who he seemed to be. I posted a warm update here, and a few commenters rightly pointed out: hey, the dynamic between you two feels like it’s tipping toward him wanting something sexual. I felt flooded with shame as the 5% that still believed the story evaporated, and deleted the post. Aw fuck. Did I really get got again?
Then silence. 7 days pass after I’d already accepted his offer to “dream up” how we’ll work together. I send a low-stakes follow-up to test whether he has a specific opportunity in mind. No response.
And I’m ngl again. It sent me into a spiral. Was he ghosting me? Did I misjudge him from the start? Was he just another charismatic man in power who leveraged that power over a woman whom his institution had rejected, despite confessing that she was extraordinary?
Dear Readers: I believe he was.
Not all men, but somehow always a man.
After insisting on re-opening a door I had formally closed — coffee! dreams! — he disappeared.
I’m not even devastated. I feel nothing but pure, unadulterated rage. For the little girl inside me who still feels like she needs male validation. For the teenager who dated a string of avoidant men before finding the secure attachment-absolute love of her life-20 years together and counting partner. For the young woman who got a PhD by 28, toughed out 10 years of low pay and disrespect in higher ed, transitioned to corporate and increased her salary by ~300%, and got restructured twice in the last three years.
That woman. She deserved better.
pictured: fiery hodo tofu bc I’m vegan AF
