I’m looking for honest perspectives because I’ve been going back and forth on whether I made the right decision.

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years and lived together for about 3. Throughout our entire relationship, I never met her parents. Not only that, but her parents don’t even know we lived together because she chose to hide it from them and told them we were just dating.

One important piece of context is that she’s adopted. Her adoptive parents are her real parents in every sense of the word. They’re very close, they love and support her, and they’re actively involved in her life. This isn’t a situation where she’s estranged from her family or doesn’t have a relationship with them. They have a good relationship, which is part of why this has been so confusing and painful for me.

My family welcomed her from the beginning. She knows my parents, my siblings, and my extended family. She spent holidays with us, went out the country on vacation with us, and everyone knew we were together. Meanwhile, after almost four years, I was still being kept separate from one of the biggest parts of her life.

Whenever I brought up meeting her parents, there was always another reason to wait. Eventually she told me I needed to become “the man she wanted to marry” first. She wanted me to be a better leader, communicate better, listen more, and eventually be able to handle all of the finances.

The thing is, I never said I was perfect. I agreed that I could improve in those areas and was actively trying to. My perspective was that those are things couples continue working on throughout a relationship and even throughout a marriage. I didn’t think I had to become the perfect partner before being introduced to her family.

From my perspective, introducing me to her parents wasn’t the finish line—it was a milestone that showed we were building a future together. I was looking at the bigger picture while she seemed focused on issues that, in my opinion, could continue improving over time.

What made it especially difficult was that we had already built a life together. We signed leases together, shared a home for three years, split responsibilities, and planned a future. If I was trusted enough to live with her, why wasn’t I trusted enough to meet the people closest to her? It also bothered me that she continued lying to her parents about us living together for years, even though we were sharing a home every day.

We are currently breaking up. What surprised me the most is that she hasn’t seemed very emotional about it. She hasn’t really cried, or fought for the relationship. That almost hurts more than the breakup itself because it makes me question whether she valued the relationship the same way I did.

I know I’m not perfect. I made mistakes during the relationship, and I’m not trying to paint myself as the victim or say I did everything right. I’m genuinely trying to understand whether I placed too much importance on meeting her parents, or whether after almost four years together—and three years of living together—it was a reasonable expectation.

Anyone else feel like there’s nothing fun to do in life? Like it’s just mundane and nothing that makes you happy ever happens?

My life has been built around taking the easy route, the route that kept me safe. I have missed so many opportunities and denied myself a stable life because the risk of failure was just too much. The fear I had kept my immobilized, never going forward, always staying stuck in a perpetual cycle of settling for less. ….i want more!

I am now 43 years old and I am just now starting to live life. It’s brutal and scary as all hell!

This week I pushed past the fear (which had me physically shaking), got registered as a student at a local college, got awarded grants to cover school, and have enrolled in 3 classes. I am excited, proud, scared as all hell… but ready to start this new chapter. Though, the anxiety has had me nauseous all day, kinda wanna scream “HOLY F*CK!!!!”

Anyone else starting over later in life?

I just need to get this off my chest because I'm still trying to process what happened.

I have therapy every Thursday at 9:00 AM. Normally I'd do it in my bedroom, but about three weeks ago we had our carpets removed, and my room has basically become a storage room while everyone slowly moves things back. It's so crowded that there isn't even enough room for me to sit comfortably, so using it for therapy wasn't really an option.

The day before my appointment, I told my brother I'd be using the living room for my therapy session since it was the only private space available.

The next morning, before my session started, I knocked on his door and reminded both him and his girlfriend. I said, "Hey, I'm about to start my therapy session, so please don't come into the living room for a little while."

They both replied with, "Oh, okay, sounds good."

I started my session and was talking with my therapist about personal things when they walked into the living room anyway. I had to stop talking because I wasn't comfortable continuing with them there.

After my session ended, I let them know they could use the room again.

Instead of moving on, my brother became upset and said I was "hogging the space" and that I should've told him ahead of time because he needed the living room.

That confused me because I had told him ahead of time. I told him the day before, and I reminded him again right before my appointment. I even tried apologizing, despite feeling like I'd already done everything I reasonably could.

What made it even more confusing is that there was another time when his girlfriend needed to use the living room for something private. She didn't give anyone advance notice, and nobody got upset with her. So I genuinely didn't understand why my situation was being treated so differently.

Then my brother told me to "fuck off" and said he wished I had never been born.

That hurt more than anything else that happened.

I've been replaying the conversation in my head, wondering if I somehow deserved that or if I should've handled the situation differently. I wasn't trying to inconvenience anyone. I just needed a private place for a therapy appointment and thought I was being respectful by giving everyone advance notice.

I don't really know what else I could've done differently, but hearing someone in your own family say they wish you were never born is something that's hard to shake.

Thanks for reading.

For context, I did my Master's in London, but I commuted two hours each way every day because I couldn't afford to live there. I was ill for my entire undergrad experience and so stayed close to home but i was SO excited to do my masters in London , but I just feel like i’ve missed out on so much. I know there’s so much of life to still come and it will only get better but I grieve this experience I never had and that i’ve always wanted.
People always tell me, "But at least you got to experience London."
The thing is... I didn't.
My university was about ten minutes from the train station. Every day I'd get off the train, go to lectures or the lab, and then head straight back because if I stayed too long I'd miss the last train home (my last train available home was 8:30pm). My life became a cycle of station ,university ,station.
I never got to wander around the city after class. I never got to stay in the library until midnight because everyone was trying to finish an assignment together. I couldn't go to last-minute socials, society events, or drinks after lectures without calculating whether it was worth being stranded. I missed networking events because of trains. I missed opportunities to build friendships because everyone else's day continued after mine had to end. And ultimately I ended up being the ‘outlier’ and everyone else was more closer to each other than me.
It wasn't just that I commuted. It felt like I was living on the outside of university life, looking in.
What hurts most is that I'll never get that year back.
Even if I move to London one day(and I hope I do)it won't be the same. I'll never get to experience being a student there. I'll never get to pull an all-nighter in the library with friends, complain about deadlines over cheap takeaway, decide at 9pm to grab coffee or go have some fun because no one has to catch a train, or simply exist in that environment where your whole life revolves around learning and the people you're learning with.
That chapter has closed.
I know there are bigger problems in the world, and I'm grateful that I even got to study for a Master's. I achieved things I'm proud of. But I can't help mourning the version of that year I imagined. The one where I wasn't constantly watching the clock. The one where I felt like I belonged to the university instead of just passing through it.
I think what I'm grieving isn't London.
It's the person I might have become if I'd actually been able to live the student life.
Has anyone else ever felt like this? Like you've lost something that technically never existed, but still feels like a real loss?

53m here. Everything is a chore, I don’t feel like doing anything. Cba to try a jog, haven’t done for weeks.
Work is repetitive where the same issues crop up like the first time every week. Body parts ache and I cba to socialise.

{chinchilla}

Just curious—what projects is everyone working on this week?

I'm always interested in hearing about new ideas, tools, or APIs people are building. Feel free to share what you're working on or anything interesting you've learned recently.

I’m 30 and have been working since I was 16. I built my life around school, work, and trying to build a career. Now I have a great wife and two kids under 4, and after work I genuinely enjoy spending time with them.

But lately I’ve realized, I don’t really know what I enjoy anymore. I don’t care much about cars, watching TV, gaming, or even going to the gym just for the sake of it. Most of my satisfaction comes from being productive, learning something, or becoming a better engineer but it’s not the kind of satisfaction where I remember the day I smiled or laughed so hard because I don’t. When I’m not doing those things I feel out of place.

Has anyone else gone through this? What hobbies or interests did you discover later in life? How did you figure out who you were outside of work and being a parent?

I sometimes feel unhappy and I just feel like somewhere along the way I forgot to develop interests that weren’t tied to productivity.

25F - Career-wise, I'm a late bloomer. My peers graduated at 21 while I graduated at 24. Anyway, I don't really have a problem with that since I have very supportive parents. I have a Financial Mathematics degree (I don't even like Maths like that, that's why it took me quite some time to graduate) and currently work as a Sales intern in an Insurance company (I was hoping for the Finance Dept but anyway, I'll get to one somehow).

My main talk is that people are really pushing to progress in their careers and I feel like I'm too relaxed. Even some people younger than me are way up the ladder and I'm not even flinching. I'm taking my time way too much (probably because I'm still trying to find what I'm comfortable with doing/working as in companies). In the meantime, I'm currently trying to acquire qualifications from CFI to be favourable in the job market.

Do I want to work in corporate forever? No, I have no intentions, but I want to do enough in the meantime, get the good money, learn the skills I need to make in my own businesses and make my exit.

Personally, I feel I'm moving in the right path looking at what I want for my future. But I'm not going to lie, sometimes my future scares, the fact that I don't know what it holds.

I just wanted to let this out. Advice is welcome.

27F this side. I recently came out of a long term relationship where I had imagined marriage, children, and an entire future with that person. I fought with my parents for over a year to be with my ex and even left my job because I was trying to build a life with him. Somewhere along the way, he cheated on me, and eventually, I had no choice but to let go of the relationship. Now that it’s over, I feel conflicted about marriage altogether.

A part of me still wants companionship, a family, and a home of my own, but another part is scared of losing myself, compromising too much, or getting married simply because of age and family pressure. My family has started bringing up arranged marriage, and while I’m not completely against it, I don’t know whether I’m emotionally ready or whether it is even what I truly want.

I’m also considering studying abroad so I can live independently, gain more exposure, and understand myself better before making such a major decision.

Is anyone else in a similar situation? How do you view marriage after a serious relationship ends? And for those who chose arranged marriage, how did you know you were genuinely ready rather than just giving in to pressure? Has anyone of you tried to escape marriage pressure by moving outside the country? If yes, was it at the same age as mine or older? And what are your thoughts on getting married at an older age or not getting married at all in life?

29F here..

1st boyfriend- dated all throughout high school, I was a good church girl, he was a pothead rebel. He cheated approx. 3 times and I thought it was whatever cause at least he was honest about it. At the end of it, fast forward five years and he randomly confesses he still loves me that he learned a lot from me.

2nd boyfriend- used me, took advantage, took for granted, beat me. Begged me to come back after I packed my shit and left, that I was the best thing that he learned a lot from me..

3rd boyfriend- I believe was the love of my life. My best friend. We just misunderstood each other.. both were stressed, at different points of our life. He ended up cheating. Fast forward, he confessed he still loves me, that he’s learned a lot from me.. that he will always love me and be there for me.

4th boyfriend- got pregnant with, ex fiance. Not sure if he’s bipolar but I know he won’t have it as good. I moved him out to a home, a good ass home. I made him financially free. He only got this because he was the father of my child. I disagreed with him about something so small it was like arguing about what color the wall was. It ended with sexual battery. I left with stitches, chipped teeth, loose teeth. Almost 10k in dental that needed to be spend the first month.

Anyway….. why? Why do you think I keep attracting these men? The men that realize too late.. I feel like a stepping stone. I want to find and be with my soul mate, but I’m starting to think God’s purpose for me is to be single forever and be a stepping stone for others.

Anybody relate? Any ideas? Advice? Observations?

Need to break a cycle.

I recently turned 20 and I noticed the change in my appearance, I just wonder why I look way better now ? Is anybody else experiencing the same thing as me now? Its exciting but scary at the same time.

I want to know, meet and stick with just one person who is truly genuine, not just looking for their own goodness in life.

I’ve been awake since 6 or 4 pm and now it’s 10am, I decided to not sleep so I could sleep tonight to fix my sleep schedule, and to stay awake made coffee, and my dumbass said why not use A QUARTER OF THE INSTANT COFFEE WE HAD, and I drank that shit and not my stomach hurts, keep farting and lowkey need to actually shit

I am a 19-year-old student, and I am currently in a difficult situation as I have to work part-time at a printing company whilst continuing my studies; my parents have separated and I am currently living with my mother. In class, I’m always relied upon to work on programming projects because I’m studying Information Technology, and that’s a good thing for me. However, on the other hand, I don’t have enough time to do my part-time job.

At first, I took this job because I had plenty of free time before classes started, but now that the economy is struggling, I have no choice but to keep working to pay for my tuition. Just when I want to focus on my studies and pursue the dream I’ve always longed for, I feel increasingly burdened by my work schedule.

I was thinking about quitting my job to focus on my studies while applying for scholarships and earning some extra money using my programming skills—in other words, by working as a freelancer. I really need some advice right now.

Been chilling too much doing shit I like and enjoying life and being an incel. Many attempts here and there at dating nothing ever lead to anything still a virgin after 5 years of attempts, then boom graduation happened and my social life has been cut to just going to an mma school 1-3x a week. Now I want to start dating new people, and have no idea where to even start. So I want to optimize myself, to give myself the best chance.

There's a girl in my college class that I sometimes study with 1 on 1 and in a study group, we went out to lunch one time after class, and we usually walk out together after class. We text sometimes, talking about both our classes and sometimes personal things. She seems pretty open and easy to talk to, which is why I asked her if she would want to go out sometime on a date and she said "not right now because we're pretty busy (we are in a program that requires a lot of studying, and is very demanding, and finals are coming up) and needs time to focus on school" but she said yes to going out when the semester is over and depending on her schedule.

So I took that as a good sign even though it wasn't really set in stone, but I do wonder if the "depending on her schedule" was a way of letting me down lightly. She hasn't started treating me differently after I asked, things are still proceeding as usual which is a decent sign.

I do wonder, if in the back of my head and maybe this is my anxiety that I am secretly bothering her and that she wants me to leave her alone, but she is too nice to say anything. I haven't seen any signs that that's what she's doing, but I have had a couple of experiences in the past which make it hard for me to trust people. So I look for any sign that I am making her uncomfortable or that she just wants me to go away. I just really don't want to get my hopes up just to find out that I was just being a pest.

I do make it a point each day to talk to her, but I also make sure to give her enough space too just so I'm not overbearing. I tend to put every interaction under a microscope because I want to make sure that my approach is welcome but I know some people are really good actors and you would never know that they don't really like you. I would hope that if my approach wasn't appreciated that she would make it known. Am I overthinking this?

Hi, I think we are a lot in this situation, the 9 to 5, the monotony. I have a healthy lifestyle and friends but the titles says it all, I am all for big changes in my life but they can rapidly turns into another routine or discipline stuff.
Just looking for your exemples 🙂

A choir is proof that humans can turn air into emotion.

There is something fascinating about watching different voices come together and become one. No single voice has to be the loudest or the most perfect, somehow, harmony is created when everyone contributes.

It made me think about how beautiful it is that something as simple as singing can connect people, carry feelings, and create a moment that words sometimes cannot explain.

Have you ever watched a performance that made you just sit there and feel something?

I don't get it why people come in relationship when they are so risky. There is a guy I believed him so much He just broken my heart for his ex because all of sudden he started missing his ex. Is it necessary to come in relationship? They are just so risky you never know what kind of person you are going to be in relationship like when that person will back stabbed you.

What kind of drawbacks I could face if I never come in relationship and stay single for my life?

I think at least I would be saved from red flags.

So it started with two flatmates of mine getting kicked out of the flat by the owner . We were 4 girls living in a 3bhk. These two were living in the same room . They got kicked out for a number of reasons and then one of them(f24) gossiped about me to her boyf(m26) who then spread rumours about me to a mutual friend.(f24) This happened 8 months ago .
Now apparently this mutual friend was into a guy (m27) but this guy was always bread crumbing girls and he was from my school . So I didnt entertain him back when he used to like me .
And now to make the mutual friend jealous he mentions of adding me on insta and told her that I offered him to sleep with me. I DID NOT .
And this mutual friend is common in both scenarios. I didnt get them kicked out and i wasnt interested in this guy . i feel like maybe i attract these people so maybe im a bad person. and she told me both these things yesterday when i got mad at how could the guy lie about me offering to sleep with me , she goes , people talk shit always , m26 also said alot of shit about you , leave it.

I left my office job to become a Trainer and teach. Then I wanted to explore the school systems and make a difference in kids lives. I don’t regret doing what I did but it feels like I left a salaried and a sitting job where I was covered in politics that all I had to do was sit there and collect a paycheck. The problem was that although the job was killing my mental health, and making me hollow, I made good money. Now I’m sort of stuck at starting all over again…at 34

I went to the gym and left my phone at home, locking the door behind me. When she got back and couldn’t find me, she panicked and called emergency services, she’s visiting from Sweden. When I came back I found the police and fire department at the door of my flat. Luckily, they did not break anything to get in. I live in Japan.
When I asked her, she said she thought something happened to me inside as in a medical emergency.

I feel like I’ve gone through a lot recently, even though it’s probably not much. im 14 right now and just would like some guidance on making it better.
my dad broke up with his wife and is living in a motel alone waiting for his apartment. my mom, her husband, my brother and me are being kicked out in a month due to the owner selling the place. my dad only makes 20k a year and my mom 60. While 60 is a lot both her and her husband are hardcore drinkers and smokers, as well as we have medical debt.

I guess what I’m really asking is how do I make my life better? I feel victim which is terrible, but I want to start finding ways to distract myself until it gets better. I’ve been thinking about getting a job to help my dad out but im not sure.

I just would like some guidance, not something anybody I know can offer