Original post: My (25F) stepmom (44F) has blocked me from seeing anything involving my dad (59M) and says she will unblock me when she feels ready. I feel shut out.

UPDATE:
I did have dinner with my dad tonight, which I am so thankful for. I could tell he was so happy to spend time with me.

The first thing he told me when I picked him up was how he had a hard time sleeping last night and had high blood pressure because he was so anxious about how his wife (my stepmom) would react to us having dinner together privately. He shared with me that she argued about feeling “left out,” (mind you they do EVERYTHING together, go EVERYWHERE together, etc).

She tried really hard to get him to cancel, and knowing it might upset her, he went anyways. She claimed my dad only cares about my feelings and that I was trying to “start things up again,” like last year.

My dad said that she also told him this, which made my mouth drop to the floor in anger, “Who’s going to be there when you are sick or on your deathbed? Not your kids, ME!”

Who on earth says that? My stepmom clearly doesn’t understand the love I have for my dad and I am so offended by that. He said himself he feels like she’s put him in a position where he feels like he has to choose between her or his kids (my brother and I) and that only her kids seem to matter. He also admitted to noticing that she has seemed to use her feelings/emotions as a way to try and manipulate him.

We talked about so much involving this and I can’t remember everything, but he did also confirm that while they never argue about anything, the only time an argument comes up is when it involves us (his kids). I think this dinner really opened my eyes and affirmed the suspicions I had, and hopefully his as well. He was already very anxious so I did not show him the post and comments because I didn’t want to make things worse.

For those of you who claimed my dad was the bad guy here, I hope this update might make you see things differently. Thank you.

I also shared this on [r/AskMenAdvice](r/AskMenAdvice) but thought I’d pop it here too for more opinions, including from other women who might have done similar things!

| (29F) am planning to go on a 2 week expedition with a casual friend of mine (32M). We're not that close but went on an impromptu 7-day hike last year and found that we travelled well together (i.e. can rely on each other in tricky situations, are both technically proficient). I would have loved to go on this expedition with some of my female friends but unfortunately none of them have the mountaineering skills needed.

I asked my male friend who said he was interested/ free and we're basically set to go.

When I mentioned this to friends, most have said a 2 week expedition with someone of the opposite gender isn't normal "friendly" behaviour. In my mind, we share a hobby and are simply doing that together. It's logistically smarter and safer than going alone.

Looking for advice on whether this is something you'd do with your opposite gender friend without any ulterior motive - or is it "too intimate" a thing to do?

original: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1uye5wq/my_boyfriend_28m_said_it_is_disgusting_to_him/

first, i just want to thank you all for your replies and advice. i would like to reply to all of them, but there are too many. i read all of them and really appreciate all of them.

most of you have advised me to break up since he has been using me, it is really understandable. but i guess my mindset has always been: i have been so much more stable mentally. if I change drastically, what would i do? and i don't want to go back to the psych ward. i want to keep doing research and teaching. some of you said that im doing a phd but dont even want to leave a "hobosexual" or a "user," i guess i just have been a too well-protected nerd. some of you suggested that i get assessed for autism, you are so sweet, and guess what, i just mentioned it to my psychiatrist during my last checkup.

first, i have already demanded that he move out last week, so he's staying with his mom right now. he still has a crazy amount of stuff here in my apartment so he still has to take care of that.

something has changed last night. i was trying to talk and discuss a plan. i guess i feel like people here don't know what this relationship means to me, but also i feel like am i valuing it way too much more than what it is. i texted him something like "ive been feeling unequal and taken for granted in our home. i was too afraid to ask that i seemed demanding. im definitly not asking you to buy me expensive stuff, but i think we should be able to talk about this and have an equal arrangement without being called disgusting and transactional"

he said hes willing to do more practically, which seemed like a good start. then i found out that my dad, back in japan, has messaged my bf without me knowing. my dad knows about my mental issues. he really likes my bf, also me and my bf have traveled there to visit him and stuff. 

my dad was asking what happened, also my dad doesn't speak english so he just translates everything, and he sounded weird. he was talking about how much i value my bf and this relationship and he should make plans for the future (i do feel betrayed by my dad but we have also talked). then my bf replied something that was truely hurtful to me, especially after all the considerations and plans i made. he said exactly this:

"Respectfully your daughter is not mentally well and does not act in a way thats predictable or logical a lot of the time. Things that might normally be thought of as respectful or responsible do not always seem that way to her, surely you're aware of this too. If she seemed okay with our situation before then it did not seem like a good idea for me to tell her another way of doing things, especially when our relationship can change drastically in any moment like it did yesterday. I told her the same thing, you cannot make long term plans with someone this unpredictable and unstable"

i was so hurt over this. it makes me feel like less of a partner with basic needs (equal arrangement) and more of someone who can't make even normal judgements. ive done a lot of crazy shit over my maniac period, but it's really not right to justify his silence over mental health problems, especially after i tried everything to be better (being on loads of meds, attending weekly therapies, doing DBT, paying for couple therapies). 

he said he still thinks our relationship has more potential. i said im not talking face to face unless a therapist is present. meanwhile he can pack his stuff and i will leave the place when hes doing it.

My parents and birth parents had an open adoption of me. My parents would write letters and send photos once or twice a month and my birth parents would visit me once a year for 10 days. My birth parents and parents also spoke on the phone occasionally. I grew up with that being normal. I knew I was adopted. My birth parents never tried to overstep when I was a kid. But now that I'm an adult they had this imaginary relationship with me in their head. It's completely one sided.

They thought I would feel this natural pull to be with them and to spend more time with them. I only have that urge with my parents and my siblings (my parents bio kids). I don't even feel it with my birth siblings, who were born in the last four years.

To be honest for the last three years I was thinking the good thing about turning 18 was I could pause/stop the relationship with my birth family. I just don't feel the connection to them that they feel to me. They consider me their real kid still and not the bio kid they gave up for adoption. But my parents are my mom and dad who raised me. My siblings are the kids I grew up with and who know me inside and out.

My birth parents started off this summer upset that I wouldn't stay with them for the whole summer. They used the birthday of one of my birth siblings as an excuse for me to fly out and I told them I had plans which I sorta did. They told me I missed all the other birthdays and I need to make it up to my birth siblings because I was at almost all of my siblings birthdays, minus the three my sister had before I was adopted into the family. They have referred to my siblings as "those other kids" so many times when this was discussed. My birth parents also told me that if mom and dad said I couldn't go then I should tell them and they'd speak to them. I cleared that up real fast but they said that my parents and them had a deal and everyone should have expected our relationship to outgrow the adoption. I don't know what they really meant. But I think they mean that they expected to be mom and dad not birth mom/birth dad over my mom and dad who adopted me because of the contact we had.

I have an email drafted where I explain that I don't want a relationship with them anymore. It's gentle but firm and I'm almost entirely finished. But I question whether I'm being unfair when they're not really the worst. I know they love me and even if they're being selfish about it now they did give me a better life when they chose my parents, who adopted me through an agency. They're very blinded by their own wants and feelings though and ignore me when I speak up. And between that and how I feel in general I just don't know about this relationship.

But I don't know if I'm being too harsh here. I just know how I feel. The fact they want a more active relationship with me is not something I am open to at all. But I don't know if I should reconsider no relationship. Thoughts? Advice? Thanks!

I (19F) never remember my mom (46F) being very nice to me. When I was little and before she met Mark (48M, half sister's dad) she used to tell me all the time I was "Tim's spawn" and she would say my dad was a POS and I was all him, just like him and other insults like that. She never ever stopped saying how awful the guy was even though I never met him. I remember making her cards and drawings for her Christmas, Mother's Day and her birthday during art class at school and she would always say mean things like I made them look ugly or I made her look like a monster and she'd say I wasn't very good and I should have bought her nicer cards. Like I was 5 years old and that's how she talked to me.

I was 7 when she met Mark and got pregnant with my half sister. My mom and Mark never married but they're still together. They both blame me for them never getting married. He said he would only marry mom if I called him dad. But he didn't ever make any effort with me either. Mom would yell at me for not calling Mark dad, but she would yell at me for being Tim's as well.

She adored my half sister. The mom she has been to her from day one is so different to the mom she ever was to me. And I know from her sisters (39F/42F) that mom always resented me and she pawned me off when I was a baby on whoever would take me. She was always loving on my half sister in front of me. Always spoiling her and calling her sweet things like her sweet girl. She would also emphasize the my every time. Where I was always Tim's. She'd tell me if I wanted her to see me as worth her time I should have been like my half sister. It made me so sad and resentful at the time. The resentment really grew very fast.

So when I was 15 and mom started wanting me to babysit I said fuck no and she would fight me over my attitude. She would start yelling that I never pay attention to her baby and I told her I didn't care about her baby and I wanted nothing to do with her. She would tell me I was nasty and ugly and I had no love in my heart if I felt that way about her sweet girl. Sometimes Mark would jump in and throw fuel over the fire by bringing up the lack of marriage because of me. So mom would be more explosive in those fights.

All that continued until a year ago when I moved out and went no contact. My mom got really angry when she realized how serious I was and for months now she has bothered her sisters about me and she has called my friends parents to harass them and demand I go back to her. She left a couple of messages with other people for me saying I needed to talk to her and stop being a brat.

I'm mostly wanting advice on whether people think no contact should be for good or do you think I need to talk to my mom and forget no contact? I already refused it but she keeps trying so idk if saying yes has any real value here. She doesn't bring anything good into my life.

My boyfriend, whom I've dated for 7 months, is so irresponsible with animals that it's concerning. It's giving me, as the kids say, the ick. I don't know how to bring it up with him. He most definitely has some unmedicated ADD.

He grew up with dogs but that his parents took care of. I think he's lived with partners who have dogs, but I'm not sure how their care was fleshed out. Anywho, my concern started a few weeks ago. We were pet sitting for his sister: one dog, one cat. I told him he could keep all the money if he was solely responsible for the animals. He remembered to walk the dog twice a day, but he was forgetting to feed them, forgetting to refill their waters, and forgetting to clean the litterbox. I kept reminding him. He had a detailed list of what to do for these animals, but it didn't help because idk where this list even was.

Then, this past week, I was out of town. My roommate was watching my cat but had a family emergency, so my boyfriend started coming over every day. I didn't give him instructions because he's watched her before. She has an automatic feeder and I can see when it's dispensed. In 3 days, he forgot to feed her twice. He checked the litter once after I reminded him. Here's the big thing: I got home and her water bowl was bone-dry.

I didn't explicitly remind him to refill it, but still, I'm trying so hard not to be mad. I don't know how to broach the subject because he was doing me a favor coming over everyday. But it's not just my cat. It's his sister's pets, too. And frankly, not just the pets. With his ADD, if something isn't dangled in front of his face, it's like he's blind to it. Yes, the water bowl, but also, items in the fridge.

How do I tell him my concern about how he cares for animals without coming across as really accusatory?

Edit: I'm seriously considering dumping him. I went to his house to talk with him. I saw the state of his house and how much he must've smoked and drank while I was gone and he was supposed to be caring for my cat.

I (20M) feel bad saying this but I deeply resent my parents having so many kids. My dad (38M) works and mom (38F) has never had a job and went from training to be a good wife to marrying my dad at 18. My parents are deeply religious, come from religious families and birth control or trying to control the size of the family is not allowed. Even if there are medical risks, which there have been, you keep going. That's what their church promotes. My parents and grandparents grew up going to that church. My siblings and I (I'm the oldest) grew up there too. But I formally left the church when I turned 18. I never really bought into their teachings though.

My dad doesn't make the kind of money required to raise a family with more than 10 children. I don't think my mom really enjoys being a mother so the responsibility for my siblings was pawned off on me most of the time. There were harsh punishments when I refused. My dad would make sure I didn't become too effeminate because of my responsibilities to my siblings. My dad also put his foot down that I was the only boy that could be asked to help and the five kids after me are all boys so... yeah. It was a big fight in the house because my dad really hated me stepping in because it wasn't manly. But he also realized my mom was not holding the reigns tight enough.

My siblings and I all developed issues from the type of childhood we have and to be honest putting the responsibility on me has made me resentful of my parents and my siblings. I don't have one single sibling I had a close relationship with. And I moved out at 18 and refused to provide any more "help" which my oldest sister won't do either.

My dad has come around now that nobody is really raising my siblings and he calls with mom to tell me to come home and help and they tell me that I'm needed to keep the family running. They fucked with my education by putting so much on my shoulders and I dropped out of high school my junior year with my parents full support. My grades were shit and I had zero hope of improving them.

My mom's pregnant again too and they have increased their efforts to get me back home. Even some of my siblings have joined in because I was the one did stuff for them. And I feel a little guilty for this buuuut, I don't want to. Like at all. I don't even want a relationship with any of my family. It doesn't bring me anything good and it just risks me being stuck back in the cycle of "helping" which is mostly being the only parent in the house outside of discipline.

I'd like some advice because I'm not in a position for any kind of therapy right now and I'm not looking to go back to school right now either. I'm close to moving to another town but it will still take a couple of years or more for me to be on my feet better than I am right now. But I want to know what I should do about my family which is why I'm looking for relationship advice.

I (30F) have been with my husband (34M) for 3 years. We have an 8-month-old son together.

I'm feeling lost and confused, and I would really appreciate advice from people who may have experienced something similar.

My husband can be incredibly kind, loving, funny, and affectionate. Those moments make me believe everything will be okay.

But when he's angry, it's completely different. He yells at me, insults me, calls me names like "bitch," criticizes me constantly, and says things that make me feel worthless. He's told me I'm a loser, that I'm poor compared to him because he earns more money, and that I'm not beautiful enough. He has also insulted my family in front of me.

During arguments, he follows me from room to room when I'm trying to get away, keeps arguing even after I ask for space, and won't let me calm down. I often feel like I'm walking on eggshells because I never know what mood he'll be in.

One time he punched a hole in a door with his fist. He has never hit me, but that incident frightened me.

Since having our baby, things have become even more stressful. When our son has difficult nights, my husband gets frustrated, and I often end up feeling blamed or guilty. Recently, when I told him I was thinking about divorce, he told me that if I took our son away, our son would never forgive me. That comment has stayed with me ever since.

The hardest part is that after these incidents, he goes back to being sweet and loving again. That's what leaves me feeling so confused. I start wondering if I'm expecting too much or if things really are as unhealthy as they feel.

I've started looking for a lawyer because I don't think I can keep living like this, especially with a baby. At the same time, I'm terrified of making the wrong decision and breaking up my family if there's another way to handle this.

I'm not looking for anyone to tell me who's right or wrong. I'm looking for advice from people who have experienced similar relationships.

Does this pattern sound familiar to anyone?

How did you know it was time to leave or stay?

Is there anything you wish you had done differently?

What would you recommend as the next step for someone in my situation?

Thank you for reading. I really appreciate any advice or perspective you can offer.

FIrst of all, thanks for all the replies, specially the ones giving advice and being supportive. And also the critical ones, which I clearly deserve but helped me understand his point of view

Well, we talked after he got here from his work trip. Talked for a few hours and about a lot of stuff. And as I expected he wanted to break up with me. He says he saw a side of me he didn't knew the other night and he didn't like it at all. He felt pretty embarrassed when my coworker mentioned what I just said to him and the other guys and they all laughed and covered their faces. Apparently she didn't know he is my bf, but I don't believe her, that's a lie. She knew what she was doing, but he isn't upser with her anyway.

I accepted his view and told him that for a few hours, and since I was with him, I let my guard completely down and behaved like that, but that's not who I want to be, and not who I will be in the future. That I have been already working on myself and my habits, specially since I met him and that I take him as an example and inspiration. That I've decided that from now on, no matter the circumstances, it's zero alcohol for me and that I'm going to focus on myself and my children and the person I need to be.

He said that this is a great decision and that he knows I will eventually get there and wishes me the best, but still, he feels like we are not the right companion for each other and that he wants to focus on his daughter for a time, and that maybe he won't be dating anyone in the near future because being a good father is the most important thing for him.

He said that since I didn't really bring up completely the way I got my kids he already imagined something similar to what I told the other night. That we all make bad choices and that he had a difficult and wild youth with a few legal problems and violence even, after his first gilrfriend died in a car accident when he was 15 (he never before mentioned this) and he got mentally lost, but managed to get back on track eventually and marry. So he was ready to not be judgemental because he knows what it is to struggle and really liked me and finds me very attractive and funny, but right now his daughter is his universe and he will solely focus on her again.

I think the image he has of me completely changed after seeing me like that, and after being embarrassed publicly by my stupid words and actions. I think he doesn't see me the same, and I could see it even in his eyes while we talked yesterday. I feel like such a failure. And I feel so ashamed of myself.

So it's over. Sorry I didn't come back earlier but I was heartbroken and sad, because he is leaving me and he is right doing so, I would leave in his position too. I feel like without him by my side it's going to be more difficult, but I will get up and progress.

Thank you everyone.

last week, some gay guy asked my bf out to some really fancy restaurant, and he would pay for the date. we went from taking that as a joke to having a breakdown. i left my bf alone at the park because i was just thinking my bf never took me out somewhere nice.

we have been together for almost 3 years. honestly, everything about us was really good except for the money problem. I have really bad mental problems (bipolar &bpd) and we went through so much to have this trusting and supportive relationship. We went to therapy (i paid for it), communicated, and both worked hard to "be there" for the other, which was special for me. 

but i have always been bothered by money stuff in our relationship. my bf came from a really fucked up family but he's hardworking and has a good job. my family is more well off but it is not like very rich. my bf's exes were like ultra-wealthy families, from multi-millionaires to the daughter of some oil chain. he talked about his exes could just study art and never have to worry about money. I came from a normal family, but i would still buy expensive gifts for him (designer jewelry, nintendo swtich, fancy hotels etc)

my family bought me a small apartment in the city we live in (where the rent is insanely high and renting is very hard). he bf moved in a year ago. now i have to pay for 2 people's groceries and bills. i cook and do all the chores. i mentioned this to him (about doing housework), he said that he has to work 5 days a week, and i don't (im doing a phd and working as a lecturer, so i can work at home as long as there is no lecture, and im earning not as much as he does since it's only part time lecturing). i dont know what i should expect, but i guess i was expecting a bit more than this.

he is really into fashion and he has way too much stuff (like 15 times the amount of my clothes). he spends a lot of money on it and complains about being broke. we take turns and pay for our dinner if we go out. we dont go to expensive places, he usually pick the cheaper place if it's his term. its really not a big difference and he can spend all his money as he wants as an adult, but sometimes i just cant help myself being disappointed, like i guess i was expecting a little more in this household since we are living together.

i tried to break up last week. it was so painful for me to say "it's because of money," but i am also scared to say "can you buy this or do it". we both kind of agree that my bf is doing more emotionally since i am a really difficult person with all the mental issues. so asking more is just too scary for me. i told him i want to break up, and "it's because of money," and he thinks it's disgusting and im just transactional. he left telling me “good luck finding someone who can pay for everything,” which is not what i was expecting

this relationship really means so much to me. but i just really so unequal to be in it?

At the beginning of our relationship, I agreed to lose weight because I was already on a weight loss journey, so how hard could it be. We met when I was 240 before I met him. I was 295, and with him, I became 215. Then, I got pregnant.

During pregnancy, I gained back everything I lost, and my husband hasn't stopped mentioning about me losing weight again, like I didn't just have a baby 4 months ago. He mentioned weight loss before pregnancy which I adhered to, then during and now after pregnancy he won't stop nagging me about my weight and now says that if I dont lose weight then he won't be attracted to me anymore and it will make or break our relationship.

He says that the reason he got with me was because he thought I was a good person and if I lost weight he could be attracted to me.

I knew weight loss was a condition of our relationship, but I didn't think it'd be the foundation on which our relationship relied upon.

It makes me think, "What about when I lose weight again and it's not enough for him?" "What about the next time I have another child and I gain weight again and its harder to lose weight than the last time?"

Will he want to leave when I'm 40 with the weight, rolls, and sagging skin of a woman who's borne two children, instead of growing old together because he doesn't understand?

How do I move forward from here? I want to give my child a family, but I dont want to be worried about being left alone if he decides that I've got one too many rolls.

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half. I was his first girlfriend and the first person he ever kissed. I had one previous relationship, so I have a little bit of experience, although my ex and I weren’t very sexually active (we only had oral sex twice).

About a year ago, after six months of dating, my boyfriend and I decided to become intimate and tried oral sex for the first time. As expected, it took some practice, but within a few weeks he figured out what worked for me and could make me orgasm fairly easily.

The problem is that, to this day, I haven’t been able to make him orgasm at all, no matter how long we try or what techniques I use. He is uncircumcised, and his foreskin is very tight- it barely retracts when he’s hard. When he’s not arroused, it retracts perfectly. It’s also extremely sensitive, so I have to be very gentle and super careful or it becomes painful for him.

After about a month, we decided to try penetrative sex, but he still couldn’t orgasm, no matter how long we had sex. He refuses to do anything involving his foreskin, including circumcision. I even went with him to see a urologist, who said everything looked healthy and prescribed a cream that was supposed to help loosen the foreskin. Unfortunately, my boyfriend never used it consistently.

He tells me that he genuinely enjoys giving me oral sex, but that penetrative sex feels like a chore because he doesn’t experience any pleasure from it. I’ve asked whether it’s painful, and he says it isn’t, it just doesn’t feel good or enjoyable. The only way he can orgasm is through masturbation.

Since he was a late bloomer and had never dated anyone before me, he also watched a lot of porn before we met. I’m not sure if that’s relevant, but I thought it might be worth mentioning. We also use condoms because I don’t want to use hormonal birth control.

I know this probably sounds like a minor issue compared to what some couples deal with, but it’s really starting to affect me. Our sex life mostly revolves around him giving me oral sex. Even though he says it doesn’t bother him that he can’t orgasm during sex, it bothers me. I also enjoy penetrative sex and wish it were something we could both enjoy together.

I love him very much and want to make this relationship work, but I’m honestly at a loss. What can we do to improve the situation?

I (21M) am gay. Three years ago, during my first semester of university, I met “Anna” (22F). We became incredibly close and hung out every single day. She always called herself an ally, was super supportive of me, and most of her friend group actually consists of gay men.

About a year ago, Anna met “John,” and they started dating. At first, John seemed nice and friendly. Anna never mentioned anything bad about him, so I had a positive impression. Little did I know, she had been purposely hiding his bad side from me the whole time, knowing full well it went against everything she claimed to believe in and that I would hate him if I knew the truth. Eventually, they became inseparable, which meant the three of us started hanging out often.

That’s when the mask slipped. One night, John and I were at a bar. He got pretty drunk and said to me: “You know, you are pretty chill for a gay guy. When I first met you, I thought you were pretending to be her gay bestie to sleep with her. I couldn’t even tell you were gay if Anna hadn’t told me. You are not like those other gays, I fuck with you.”

I was disgusted. As a gay man, I have zero interest in hanging around homophobes, and I certainly don’t need a bigot’s validation. I also immediately felt the need to re-evaluate my friendship with Anna. If she truly cared about me like she always claimed, how could she date someone who views my identity this way? To me, you aren’t an ally if you choose to share a bed with a homophobe.

Because she was a close friend, I tried to talk it out with her first. Instead of understanding, Anna completely defended him. She claimed John “isn’t a homophobe, he just hates annoying gay people and woke stuff,” and reiterated that John thinks I’m cool. She told me I was being “too sensitive,” that it doesn’t affect me, and that I “can’t force my beliefs on him.” I told her I can’t force his beliefs, but I can certainly choose who I associate with. I distanced myself from both of them.

On top of all this, I’ve also seen firsthand how John talks to Anna directly. He regularly calls her a “b\*tch” and a “h03,” even in front of other people, like it’s normal or funny. I don’t think any man should speak to a woman that way, let alone his own girlfriend, and it’s honestly made me lose even more respect for him. The crazy thing is Anna doesn’t seem to mind getting called by her boyfriend with those derogatory terms.

Lately, things got even worse. I hadn’t unfollowed John on Instagram yet, and I started noticing him constantly liking and sharing reels promoting literal n\*z1 ideology like how the world is ruined because of immigrants and white supremacy stuffs. The hypocrisy is mind-blowing. The guy is a white immigrant from South Africa with an Asian girlfriend, yet he’s online LARPing as a white supremacist, brother YOU ARE AN IMMIGRANT DATING A POC WOMAN.

Seeing that, I officially blocked both John and Anna on everything. Earlier today, Anna spammed my phone calling me. When I answered, she blew up, telling me again that I’m being too sensitive, need to relax, and that I’m going to regret throwing away a three-year friendship over this.

I don’t regret cutting off John, but I’m struggling with how to handle Anna going forward. Is there any way to salvage this friendship if she keeps choosing him over acknowledging how this affected me, or is it time to just let it go for good?

**TL;DR:** My close female friend of 3 years has been dating a guy who made homophobic comments, regularly calls her degrading names, and posts N\*\*i content online. She hid his true colors from me and defends him when confronted. I’ve cut him off and blocked them both, but I’m torn on whether to try talking to her again or just let the friendship go.

As the title states my soon-to-be husband told his ex (who he shares a 5 year old with) when I was 2 days pp with our 18 month old son that she is his twin flame and that he will always have love for her. When this happened I was upset but was more worried about my newborn.

Three nights ago I asked him if he still believes that after almost 3 years with me, and they have been broken up for over 4 years. He said yes, that he will always believe that and to “do my own research” on the concept.

So I did and everything I have read about “twin flames” makes me even more upset about it. It’s gotten to the point where it’s hard for me to even say i love you to him. It kind of seems pointless for me to say that. It also doesn’t help that she’s constantly in communication with him, not just about their child but over pointless things. Telling him she misses him, or how that he looks like Justin Bieber. Or calling him just to see how he’s doing.

Is this really something acceptable in a long term relationship? Has anyone ever been in this situation?

We've been together for three years now, and looking at that time objectively I can say that we've done really well together and have a great relationship. Before we met I had purchased a home during covid and have been living here since. Its not a mansion, but IMO its a nice 2 story with an attached 2 car garage, in a city that consistenly ranks in the top 10 places to live in the US. My monthly payment is completely managable, and with what they contribute towards living expenses we are at a comfortable 60/40 split with me taking the larger share of the monthly bills. That also leaves us both with plenty of fun money and the ability to save / pay back our debts.

When we met, they made it clear that they also want to own property at some point, especially since they have no real assets yet being fairly fresh out of college and the house being in my name. Ive always maintained that it was a good idea to pursue and that they should go for it, and we came to an understanding that I already have a home and would not be cosigning or putting anything towards a downpayment ; I would however pay my fair share (rent, utilities, moving cost, etc.) if it made sense to move into their property whem the time came. Never had disagreements about this arrangement, and they have plenty of space to call their own and do what they want with in the home and promised the same if we ever moved. Individually we've always been fiercely independent, but we work well together as a couple and never had much of a hard time coming to a compromise.

The issue is that they have recently started actively looking at purchasing a house, which is about 30 minutes away from us and in the city that I work. I admit that I probably should have dug a little harder when they mentioned going to look at a house, because I assumed at the time it was just some open house window shopping. Nope, they have an agent and are active in the process of getting a loan. The lack of conversation on that is an issue that Ive addressed, but the one that I cant get my head around is this - they want to move into the house and assumed Id just go with them.

The thing is, Im not so attached to my home Id never consider moving out of it as long as it made sense. To me, moving into this house makes no sense. To be fair, its a cute house and well maintained, but its a much older home, and it has some qualities that would turn me away from it if I were looking (detached garage, off a busy main street, right across from a sketchy motel, much older building techniques, east side of indianapolis iykyk). Between that and the fact that Im about to start a medic program on top of working my normal job, it just doesnt make sense for me to move into what I consider to be a downgrade.

Weve talked about all this already, but they still seem intent on following through and purchasing the house. Theyve also said they wouldnt want to rent it out and would actively want to live there, even suggesting we could live seperate with roommates if need be, which Im actively against.

I feel like my relationship is on the knifes edge and theres just lose / lose options from here forward. Am I being unreasonable? Is there a compromise here Im not seeing? Or is this irreconcilable and Im about to undergo some serious heartbreak?

EDIT : I've realised I should clairfy a few things. 1. Im not opposed to purchasing a home together, however they want something soley in their name in case we were to ever seperate. I agree with them that its good to have that to fall back on and it wouldnt change my willingness to essentially pay them rent if we moved into their property.

1. We've lived together in this house for a bit over two years, they moved in shortly after they finished college. Ive lived here for about 6 years now.

2. Moving into their home would have me covering my full mortgage + whatever their rent would come out to be, at least until I could figure out renting it out which I have no experience in.

3. My program starts in less than a month, and cuts off any ability to work overtime / part time. I cant fathom handling moving homes plus all extra expenses associated with that while working 80-100 hour weeks.

4. Again, this a failure on my part of not clarifying with them, but when they mentioned looking at houses I assumed it was just an open house or idly looking on zillow, not that they were preparing to buy. Ive known some people and been in relationships where that type of window shopping wasnt out of the ordinary.

Those parents that have had to burry your child. Whatever you comfortable to share. It never get better doesn't it? How you doing after all those years? Did you ever heal? Life just never the same isn't it?

We have accepted our toddler death, we both choose to carry this pain with us till the day we die. But it still hard. Depression is very real too.

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Together 16 years, married 14 years. This is the pain that me and my husband both choose to carry with us until the day we die, we doesn't need to get better. It just it just so hard. The pain it excruciating. Me and my husband has never been the same since 2019, we both basically plunge into depression since.

Our child died in 2019 when he was just 1.5 years old, he had Periventricular Heterotopia, it a rare condition so most people never heard of it before, it called Periventricular Nodular Heterotopia (PVNH). It is gene inherited (got it from me the mother the maternal side), congenital brain malformation.

It been 7 years since our toddler gone and my husband just can't let go. Our toddler ashes is with my husband, he leaves our child room as is never change a thing, even our toddler DIRTY shoes my husband not let me throw away. Yep. our child DIRTY SHOES and dirty clothes my husband still held on to.

Because he is the only son, his mom even told us to try surrogate, he snap back to his mother, he said unless that woman is me (his wife) that carry his child, he rather not have any. He seems perfectly fine with not have a child to carry on his genes, knowing he is the only son.

A dead child can break a marriage, statistics say so too. But it only bond him to me more. He stays married to me despite knowing he will have no offspring.

Maybe it my depression voice talking, but I do feel that he wasted 16 years of his life with me.

This is a very educated man with an University degree at Stanford. With 20 years of experience in his job field. At work hold the Executive position, Executive Vice President of Engineering, with a salary of $450,000 a year (not counting bonus). He can go find another woman easy.
BUT
He tied himself to me and to a dead child, than go find his happiness with a better wife and a healthy child to carry on his genes.

Depression is very real too, which we both have. I do not think there ever be true happiness for both me and him anymore. But at least we always have each others.

I know I have depression. He on the other hand said he never think of continue living without me, he said if I die before him, he will die with me and our toddler (whom already dead).

I recently discovered that my husband has been doing coke. It started out "recreational," but at this point he seems to be doing it multiple times a week, including when he is around our child. I had no idea, and I am having a hard time getting a straight answer from him about exactly how much/often/when/where he was doing it.

I told him I wanted a divorce. He initially minimized the severity of the betrayal ("some wives would be OK with this") as well as the magnitude of the safety issue (he "only did it when kid was asleep"). He claimed that he will stop immediately and that he had no idea that this would be my reaction. He wants 50/50 custody.

He has subsequently acknowledged that he understands it was wrong, and apologized, but I'm not sure if he's saying that as a strategy to retain custody.

For additional context, our marriage was not great in the years leading up to this, though it's hard now to know how much of that conflict was due to him hiding this habit. That said, we have been doing IVF for multiple years as well as being in couples therapy--so he was giving me every indication that he was invested in the relationship.

I am torn between feeling like he is a good person who made a mistake (and therefore I should try to work it out with him) vs. feeling like he's a monster who I don't know at all (and therefore I should divorce him).

My question is: If I were to try to reconcile with him--or even just explore whether I want to reconcile with him--what would be the right approach? I don't trust him now, which makes talking to him seem kind of pointless. But how do you rebuild trust if you don't talk to someone? He swears he's not an "addict" but I'm not sure.

tl;dr: Husband did coke; need advice on next steps

My boyfriend and I have been together for a long time. I currently take citalopram, which was prescribed to me by my doctor last year. I have told him that I would eventually like to come off it, and a few weeks ago I said I would call my GP to discuss tapering, but I haven’t done it yet. I genuinely keep forgetting and putting it off.

I have already started slowly reducing the medication myself. This morning, my boyfriend woke up in a bad mood and asked me when I was finally going to call the doctor so I could come off it. He became frustrated that I haven’t done it yet and called me a “druggie.”

I understand that it might be frustrating for him when I say I’m going to do something and then don’t follow through.. but I’m starting to feel as though I’m being pressured into coming off medication before I’m ready. He has been angry and impatient about me taking them for a long time now.

he’s made negative comments about my medication before and says it’s because he cares about my health and my brain.

I’m 30F and I feel like I’ve experienced this pattern about six times now, and I’m starting to wonder if there’s something I’m not seeing.
Things start off really well. The guy is interested, consistent, affectionate, talks about the future, wants to spend time together, and starts integrating me into his life (or wants to be integrated into mine). I start to feel safe and let my guard down.
Then at some point, I feel a shift. It’s usually not a dramatic change, but little things: less reassurance, less enthusiasm, pulling back physically, hesitation around taking the next step, or a feeling that I’m suddenly trying to figure out where I stand.
In my last situation, the guy eventually admitted he was unsure after previously talking about future things. That really hurt because I felt like I was responding to the version of the relationship he was showing me.
Now I’m dating someone new, and I’m noticing some things that are triggering that same fear. He has actually made steps toward me. He met my friends, has talked about wanting a serious relationship, and has talked about future plans. But lately I’ve felt some hesitation and distance, and I’m scared I’m repeating the same cycle. It’s that same push feeling.
I’m trying to figure out:
Am I ignoring early signs and staying too long?
Am I interpreting normal relationship fluctuations as rejection because of past experiences?
Is there something about how I approach dating that contributes to this pattern?
How do you tell the difference between someone naturally slowing down and someone losing interest?
Has anyone else experienced this? What helped you break the pattern?

TLDR: I’ve had about six dating experiences where things start strong, the person seems invested and talks about the future, but once I open up and feel secure, I sense them pulling away. I’m trying to understand if I’m missing red flags, misreading normal changes, or repeating a pattern.

Hi there friends. I'll try and make this short and to the point. My (24M) girlfriend (24F) of nearly 5 years is leaving tomorrow for a few days for a vacation, and I'm having an extremely hard time with it. I will preface this by saying we do regularly spend time apart, although not overnight very often.

Over the last few days as I've been preparing for her to leave, I've come to the conclusion that I likely have some form of separation anxiety, possibly stemming from childhood abandonment issues, I'm not sure.

I absolutely love this woman, with every ounce of my being, and I want to better myself so that I am not so dependent on her being around, and so that I'm not such a wreck when she leaves, I don't want to be that boyfriend that is seen as overly clingy.

I plan on calling a local therapist tomorrow morning to see if I can schedule an appointment to try and get to the bottom of this. But in the mean time, does anyone have any coping mechanisms or strategies I can use to help get me through? I don't know exactly what it is that I fear the most, sleeping in an empty bed, her being several hours away, the quietness of our house, etc. I have a family member coming to stay, but she can only stay here for one of the nights. I greatly appreciate any help you kind folks can offer!

(Copy/pasting this on a few subreddits to try and get some more eyes on it)

I don’t think the decision was wrong, he definitely wants kids and I don’t.
But it was a wonderful relationship of 2 years, we lived together. We were very compatible, he was kind and caring. Everyone who knew us could see we were genuinely happy, it was just so easy. We definitely had arguments but it was never personal, we were always able to talk it out.
I know there’s other people out there, but I don’t know if I want to find anyone else. It physically hurts me to be away from him.
I can’t compromise on this and be a mom, and I wouldn’t ask him to not be a dad, I know he’ll be an amazing dad. It feels so hopeless because there’s no way around this problem, but how do I move on? At least to the point it stops hurting so much?

TLDR: I need ideas/advice on how to make additional income outside my full time job for a financial safety net in case things don’t work out between us? We live together, I have a limited skill set, hesitant about a second job due to a chronic condition, and no family in my state.

I’m 21F and my boyfriend is 26M. We started dating nearly a year and a half ago. Around 8 months ago we moved in together. When we moved in together I sold some of my furniture and had spent the rest of my savings on my share of things. There is room for budgeting growth. I’m only recognizing this now.

I make roughly 45k annually with little ability to work OT or advance in my position. I work 4 days a week (totaling 39-40 hours). I don’t have any skill sets outside of medical. No family in my state.

My boyfriend makes around 100k annually and is in the military. He never hangs this over my head and offers to take up any extra/more expenses, we try to split things 40/60 per my request. He pushed to take more financial responsibility as he is aware of my finances.

I’ve mentioned getting a second job maybe something I can work 2 days out of my 3 days off but is that even a thing?? I also don’t think it’s realistic for me to do so, I’m so fucking beat by the end of my work week and already struggle with the poor status of my health. My boyfriend also isn’t fond of the idea.

How can I create additional income to build a safety net? I’m royally fucked if things don’t work out between us. Additionally, I don’t want my boyfriend to know about this insecurity because I’m afraid he will take it wrong or think I’m trying to leverage marriage (I know this wouldn’t fix my insecurity anyways).

I 28F have been in a relationship with my partner 29M for almost two years now. It was a rough start from the beginning to be honest, at first he wanted me, then he wasn't ready to commit, then we were friends with benefits until I gave him an ultimatum because my heart couldn't handle it anymore. Ever since then we've been together.
Not without problems though. At the very start he was keeping me a secret in front of his friends, I confronted him. Trust issues grew and grew, he didn't want the relationship to be seen on the internet or anything. I felt weird. I started snooping (4 months in the relationship) and FOUND SOMETHING. He texted multiple women during our relationship even saying to one on his birthday that her message was the best one ever. He weirdly sent a girl his location on a business trip (they didn't meet up tho, I got receipts) but he can't tell me to this day why he sent her his location. Okay these incidents have been going on when we were together up until 6 months I think. I haven't found anything new since then.
But one more thing: he kept it a secret that he went clubbing and then tried lying about it, I told him if that Happened again that I'd leave. Surprise, it happened again 8 months later but I forgave him.
Now onto my problem: he found out about the snooping right when it happened, and he was (rightly so) pissed at me for invading his privacy, but then again I found something. We agreed that I could now always just ask if I wanted to look through his phone but not do it in secret. 10 months have passed now and I didn't snoop. The day before yesterday I got weak. I snooped and saw that the girl he sent his location to, requested to follow him on instagram so I deleted her request and blocked her. I shouldn't have done this, I know. It's wrong, I should've asked for his permission.
Now, he doesn't want to move in with me, literally yesterday we were informed that we could lease an apartment and he's not sure anymore. He told me that he's not sure if he still loves me and that he loves me less. He told me he couldn't trust me anymore and that he can't give me another chance. I have been a mess, I can't stop crying, I apologised so much and I don't know what to do. He told me to not contact him for 4 days, and I'm trying, but also I feel like I'm dying inside.
Is he wrong for telling me that he loves me less? I mean every one makes mistakes, I have been cheated on in the past, I'm trying to trust but it's a work in progress. I forgave him too? I just don't know what to do anymore, please give me some advice because I feel like my whole world is falling apart.