My roommate bought another kitten a few years ago, and my kitty really bonded to her. I'm moving away, and I'm worried my cat will be upset that she lost her buddy.
How will I know if she's upset or just adjusting to the new home? Should I get her another kitten, and if so, how long should I wait before adopting?
Do you happen to know what breed the long haired one on the left is? The cat distribution system blessed me with one that looks just like yours and is also obsessed with the bathroom, so I’m just curious if this is a thing with them or???
Omg this was so interesting, thank you for taking the time to type all that out! I'm a dog person who found out she's also a cat person in the past several years and I got my first cat in December, it's been so exciting to learn as much about cats as I know about dogs!
This happened when me and my ex divorced, she wouldn’t let me take her cat and didn’t want my cat to stay. A few years later, my cat is doing well, he’s a bit more clingy to me, but he adapted. It would have been ideal to keep them together, but life happens and cats will adapt if they have to, you’ll need to be understanding and give him time
THIS. Most of these comments here aren’t necessarily realistic. Sometimes shitty things happen and cats get separated. Definitely keep a close eye if they do end up splitting and later down the line when they’re comfy- that’s when you should introduce a new buddy. It’s really about the effort you want to put in
Yeah, cats also die. It’s not like they’d be together forever anyway. It’s okay to separate them in a situation like this. Both roommates need to live their lives.
This is exactly what happened to me. I had a bonded pair and one passed from FIP. My girl was very confused and sad, but with lots of love and attention she warmed back up, and eventually I got her another buddy.
It’s hard but it happens. Your kitties will be okay.
I also lost one from a bonded pair (brain tumor.) The remaining cat got really clingy so I worked hard to give him extra attention and he eventually adjusted. (And I hate to say it, but it was fortunate that Sheridan went first, because Sheridan probably would have suffered more if it were Sinclair who passed first. They were bonded, but Sheridan was more attached to Sinclair than vice versa.)
I eventually got another cat and boy, that did not go the way I had hoped. Lulu bullied the shit out of Sinclair and it took significant work to just reach "co-existing to a tolerable extent." 😞
When I described a similar dynamic between my cats to the vet, she nodded and said, "ah, they are in the same social group." Like, not friends, but they did cohabitate without murdering/committing murder, and they did frequently sit in the same room so they could both hang out with the People
How long did it take for your bonded kitty to bounce back? One of mine passed away about a month ago. We have 2 other cats but they never got along with the remaining bonded cat. She's very sad and eating less and just looks depressed
I’m so sorry 💔 it took mine about 2-3 months, but the worst was the first month. They were litter mates which made it worse for her imo.
She never got along with my new kitty like she did her pair but they will still cuddle, groom each other, and they like to play next to each other if I’m playing with them.
Maybe another kitty will help their dynamic? I think though she might still be grieving and to give her some more time.
My boy Archie died recently, and my younger cat Toadie loved him. The second night without him, Toadie started screaming in the middle of the night, like weird death meows, and wouldn't move from under the bed. He was panting and wouldn't stand up on his own.
We rush him to the emergency vet, they say he is fine, no internal issues, breathing fine, no blockages, nothing.
To this day I think he had a panic attack when he realized that Archie wasn't around anymore to get up to midnight shenanigans. It's sad, but cats adapt. Just keep loving them all the same.
They can pass on from this realm, but when they do they get the opportunity to fight god. Upon winning they become gods of their own domains. If they look upon you favorably for your time together, when you die they may take you in to live as a being in their world. So try not to be too sad.
Thanks for being a good & empathetic person. I'm sure they say the same thing, as they glare at you with those judgy ass eyes for daring to breathe in their presence lol ❤️
Seconding. My best friend and I lived together for a while and our babies were bonded. But she got engaged and moved out - hell no she is not taking my cat, lol.
Our girl we adopted 2 years ago had a bonded brother and the cat cafe they got turned into due to the owner being deployed requested they be adopted together…needless to say someone just adopted her brother and she was very sad, it had just happened before we went and decided we wanted her. She is now the clingiest lil girl ever and refuses to leave my wife or Is side when we are home.
Same here when me and my ex broke up. I moved back in with my mom and she really doesn’t like Luna, my female cat, but she loves Boycat, my male cat. She gave me an ultimatum that either I only bring Boycat or I can’t move back in with her, I am disabled and chronically ill so I had no option but to move back home and leave Luna with my ex. I was not about to give Luna to a shelter or adopt her to some stranger, I got really lucky that my ex is incredible and loves Luna so he was more than happy to keep her for me. Luna always preferred him anyways (despite me bottle feeding her every 2-3 hours, not getting any sleep, spoiling her with love & toys, spending over $10k in vet bills… but okay 🫠💔) and vice versa but it worked out well.
They never fully bonded but still loved each other a lot and cuddled from time to time. Both Luna and Boycat went through a bit of sad phase immediately after but it’s been almost a year and they’re both thriving. They get bored sometimes but we both have open schedules so we spend lots of time with each cat to play and cuddle.
OP’s cat will be okay, life happens and life moves forward. The cat might be sad for a bit but they’re very adaptable creatures so lots of play time, cuddles, yummy churu’s, toys… they’ll be fine! 💓
My mom has never been much of a cat person until I forced her to be when I found Luna at the park when she was 2-3 weeks old. I used to dislike cats but Luna made me fall in love with them so no way in hell I was giving her to the foster I had set up for her. She liked Luna when she was still a kitten but as Luna got older, she got her feisty attitude, loves to climb you like a cat tree but won’t let you cut her nails (we take her to the vet for a trim every 2-4 weeks), she’s very hyper & loud, and she doesn’t like to be pet & will scratch or nibble on you if you pet her for more than a minute even if she loves you immensely. Lunas also a tortoiseshell and she 100% has tortie-tude like crazy 😅
My mom doesn’t understand that cats simply have a wide variety of personalities, that they’re not like dogs where they instantly love you, and doesn’t understand that they have strict boundaries & will check you if you push them which Luna will do. Boycat is veryyy cuddly, sleeps all day, he wants to cuddle every minute of each day, doesn’t scratch (unless making biscuits on you and that’s by accident), lets you pet him anywhere and for however long you want, etc., so he’s what she assumed Luna would be like. I’ve tried to explain all of this to her but she wouldn’t budge, she’s close-minded when it comes to Luna unfortunately.
My oldest boy is gonna be 13 this year, I’ve lived with a handful of people with cats but my cat bonded super hard with someone I only stayed with for like six months. He’s never gotten along with another cat like that. Here they are holding hands while bird watching
I had a similar experience with my cat when I divorced my ex. He took the tuxie and I kept my white kitty. She is very clingy and affectionate. More than previously. I did end up getting another cat so she would have a friend. But he’s an orange idiot and they fight as often as they snuggle.
Commenting because I think this comment section is being a bit extreme. Your cat will be sad and may become depressed if you separate them, but sometimes that’s how life goes. The cats will recover.
I live with my sister. I have a cat and she has a cat. They love each other so much, I think they’ve conspired a master plan to never be separated. My cat spends the entire night curled up in her lap while she’s watching tv, and her cat lives on my shoulder while I’m at my computer. Neither of us would ever be happy without our cuddle buddies, thus we can never live apart and separate them.
I mean my ex had a cat, I got a cat while we were together. When we separated, she kept my cat too as the two were basically bonded. It sucked and hurt but I felt like that was the right thing to do.
Felt like it was too much stress to ship a cat across country, AND break up a bonded pair.
The, to say the least, "concerning behaviour" of actually and seriously treating pets as fully human or more important than humans has been spreading in the last decade, like im not one of those "my dog is only a dog which i would eat if i ever starved" people, my pets are my babies, but only emotionally, logically i understand that they are dogs and cats, cute animals that deserve so much but are not on the same level as other humans for all intents and purposes, thats why specially online you get so many individuals being completely disconnected to reality about matters of pets "suffering", people genuinely hating you over bonking your cat when playing or when the little shit annoys you, like the cat is made of wet sugar glass, or treating stress for pets like the black plague, can't ever allow your little devil of a cat to stress or else...
Honestly, I think a lot of people (on Reddit, anyway) care more about cats and dogs than about other humans. And I get it - for some reason, the idea of a grieving cat makes me want to sob, while the idea of a grieving human doesn’t hit me the same way.
But I agree that it’s getting out of hand. Animals are more resilient than we give them credit for… in fact, I’m not sure à completely friction-free life (I’m thinking here of people who freak out over à cat being temporarily stressed or annoyed) is really good for any living being.
It’s not good for humans to be completely encased in a protective bubble in which we never experience challenges or discomfort, so why would it be good for cats?
I’m speaking generally here btw, not about OP’s specific situation… although I do think her cat will recover, even though he’ll be sad.
Even then, different towns, different states, different continents - what's the difference? It's not like your cat is going to be going on play dates to visit the other cat multiple times a week.
man i'm so relieved to see this take. no one in this situation should have to give up their cat. like you said, it will be very hard on both cats but they at least still have their humans to rely on during the change
Agreed. My kitten had a rough year last year both her big brothers passed. It was rough and she was very sad and needy but a year later we got her a new friend and she was hesitant to love again but now she does.
We want to protect the people and pets we love but unfortunately some things cannot be avoided, only dealt with.
I was thinking the same. Ideally you never break bonded pairs. It's really not good for them.
But if you both take care of your respective kitties, they'll eventually get over it, like a human would. And it sure beats abuse/shelter/etc that unfortunately a lot of cats have to deal with.
Don't separate them if you can, but sometimes life has other plans.
People surrender cats because they don't like that they shed fur or something. As a huge cat guy, that makes my blood boil. This is very low on the list of bad things you can do to cats.
Here to agree with this! After my dog died, my cat was really depressed. (As we all were.) I thought she would like another buddy and we kind of impulse got one after 6 months... she was not a fan. Everyone is fine now, but it took a while. I should've let her grieve longer in peace.
U can also take along a "security blanket" with both cats scents on it.
Of course, the idea is that this "scent memory" serves as a reassuring bridge, in the new house, while settling in -
Put it over or under the crate, while yer traveling - over, to create privacy & a hidey-hole, under, if yer kitty likes to look at U for reassurance.
[If U put it > Inside < the crate & Kitty gets nauseous, or begins "wool sucking" the pad / towel / infant wrapper, it's gonna need immediate laundering, & there go those precious scents.]
After the 1st week to 10 days, when Kitty is more familiar, U can start bagging the dual scented blanket in a zip lock bag, with the air pressed out, to extend the scents' lifespan.
Bring it back out, a day or 2 later. // Keep cycling it into vacuum sealed storage, & out for cuddle time, w-i-d-e-n-ing the time the blanket is stored, over time.
U can also use Feliway to help yer cat relax, during the packing period, the day of the move, & the 1st month in the new house.
Personally, as a trainer, I've found the plug-in diffusers ineffective; it's occurred to me that the way a diffuser works is extremely bizarre, for a scent mark usually applied to a surface, with their chin, cheek, or head.
Having "cheek pheromones" be airborne, ALL OVER, but concentrated near one wall, of one room? ... Weird.
I spritz objects, in places A CAT would cheek - the open side of a crate doorway, at head height.
The inside of the barrel on the cat tree, 3 or 4 inches from the edge.
The wide, flat, upholstered "shelf", atop the back of the sofa.
The face or body of a kick roy, a small soft-toy for carrying / swatting, a cushion face to cuddle or lean on.
Each day, I refresh 1 or 2. That way, there are some fresh & others a day or 2 old; some will be 4 or 5 days old.
OP your cat will be sad but with a lot of love and time they'll get over it. Jfc y'all need to cut the extreme takes out like they're committing emotional murder or something 😑
Seriously. As if the the roommate isnt also a dedicated, loving cat owner. Would any of these commenters give up their cats if their roommate asked? Most likely not. Also, cats bond with their owners just as much as they do other cats.
I can’t believe some of these comments! Sure, it will be a little sad to separate them, but they’ll be fine in the long run. I could never give up my kitties unless something horrible happens and I’m physically unable to take care of them.
My cats were this way, completely bonded for life. My boy was my baby in every way but I always joked that my girl wasn’t my cat, she was by boy’s cat. She liked me but was more distant and 100% preferred hanging out with her kitty bestie. There was about an 8 year age difference; I found my girl as a kitten and my boy basically raised her.
Well the problem with that big of an age difference was that my boy passed at 16 and my girl was left without her best friend. She seemed very scared and sad initially but immediately started to cling to me more in a way she had never been with me before. I joke that we bonded with each other cause we both lost our best friend.
It’s been a couple years and at this point she is a completely different cat. She follows me around, always sits with me, gets upset if I’m gone too long. She’s even picked up some of the quirks that my boy had like sleeping on my pillow at night.
I know my situation is a bit different than moving away, but cats are pretty resilient and I think your baby will be ok in time.
Your cat will adapt. Consider getting another kitten when you move if you have the capacity. It may be difficult at first, but they will be okay in the end. Best of luck.
Guys my ex and I broke up after our cats lived together for almost 2 years. I’ve lived in my apartment for a month now and they are literally as happy and healthy as can be. OP please do not worry. The people saying you need to ask your roommate to keep the cat are insane. Cats are adaptable. It’s okay.
I had a similar situation! My roommate moved out but left her cat with me for months. She came back one day for her cat and I begged her to let me keep her as she had become friends with my cat. She took her back. My cat adapted and was very clingy to me. But I was always her person anyway. I eventually did get her a kitten. I let her choose a companion by fostering different cats. It was stressful for her at first but they can and do adapt.
"Steal the cat" "give up your cat" "they cant be separated"
Good grief.
The cats will both be sad. Depressed even. But as all things time will allow them to heal.
Do not steal your roommates cat. Do not abandon yours. Do not ask to take their cat and offer to get them a new one (be so forreal with that advice. Like, ask yourself if you would be willing to give your cat up so your roommate can have both)
The cats will eventually be fine. Give yours time to heal before getting another.
You guys need to touch fucking grass. Yes this is sad, yes the cats will be sad for a while but it's life. They will eventually move on, especially if op gives them a new kitty companion.
To answer your question, they will miss each other. I had cats that were siblings and when one died the other definitely noticed they were gone. They would wander around the house looking for them and meowing, and they became very clingy. Over time they got better but I'm sure they still miss them.
Ideally you'd want to keep them together but if you must split them up I think it would be good to get another cat, but don't do it right away. Cats get easily overwhelmed by change, so adding a new cat while they're still mourning the loss of the other cat and getting used to the new home will be very stressful.
I got my boy as a kitten and we had another cat. They bonded big time. 2 years later, she had kidney failure and we had to put her down.
We were all devastated. He had a really tough time. He was walking around howling and it was too much for me and my husband—we were struggling too and his intense grief made it so much worse. We ended up getting a new cat 3 weeks later because our local shelter posted about an influx of cats from a bad situation and he obviously needed a buddy. Him and the new cat became fast friends. She honestly helped put all our hearts back together.
All this to say that it will be devastating for these cats to be split up but life breaks us all from time to time. Get a kitten or an adult cat with a complimentary personality and your cat will persevere like we all do. <3 ==
People are being extreme. Yes, your cat will be sad and miss that cat, the same way I've missed many of my friends over the years as I've moved, they've moved or time has made things hard to meet up. It's sad, sometimes depressing.
People seeing if you can give her your cat or vice versa are wild. MAYBE they'd be down for it, but...that's your roommate's cat. My housemate's dog and my cat have bonded but damn I'm not going to try to keep her dog over it. Under this logic any bonded pet that passes away, what would they say should happen to the other pet? Idk, the comments on here are out of hand.
Give lots of cuddles, maybe buy her some nice treats for a while, use a calming air thing. Spoil your perfect kitty for a bit but no need to go extreme over this.
these comments are so ridiculous…your cat will adapt and i do not think you should leave ur cat with ur roommate nor do i think you should take your roommates cat away from her. it’s still a sad situation though.
Not the same situation but when our cat panda passed away of cancer of male cat kept looking for her for a good few months after he'd skulk round her favourite hiding places and nap spots but in time he adapted and just pestered us more since he couldn't play fight with her anymore.
We a couple years after her passing bought a kitten called cinder she runs rings about our male cat he loves and hates her in equal measure. Photo of current pair binx and cinder
I’m hoping you see this because there’s hundreds of comments but I went through the same thing. Toby, my roommates cat, moved out with her. My cat when back in the apartment (we hung out at my neighbors’ while she moved out) was devastated. She was looking around for Toby. I cried I felt so bad
A few weeks later, my friend desperately had to rehome a kitten. I took her in. They fought for weeks. But now they’re best friends. I don’t regret getting a second cat even though I was worried it would prevent future roommates. My cat is so much happier with her sister, she and Beezy have a bond that is like no other bond.
I think it’s sad when cats separate and there’s no way around it. But I think cats are better in twos. I feel so much better knowing my cat has her sister when I travel and they’re such a sweet pairing. It brings me comfort knowing when I’m not there, at least her sister is.
Yeah unfortunately she probably will be upset, but in my experience with cats it's pretty hard to guess how much or for how long. Sometimes they adjust to loss pretty quick, sometimes not. It's even harder to predict how she'll respond to a new cat being introduced -- kitten + adult cat strikes me as bit more easier on average than adult cat + adult cat...
To give you an idea on the latter, we once adopted an 8yo female cat once who the previous owner said was good playmates with another cat of theirs who had passed away. She loved us humans and adjusted to the move just fine, but wanted absolutely nothing to do with the rest of our cats, for the rest of her life. They can be choosy like that.
We've also adopted bonded littermate males who are now closer to some of our other cats than to each other.
Ultimately she already has the best medicine though: an owner who is paying attention and cares how she feels. I believe you'll both get through it.
I’m sorry. I know both of your hearts will hurt for a little while.
I went through similar, I think many people can relate. I had to separate my kitty cat (Churches) from my sister’s dog (Ollie), of all things. We all lived happily together for about 4 years; cat would even follow dog and us on walks around the block.
Advice? Maybe?
I don’t know if this helped or not, but we got two stuffed animals (a cat and dog), rubbed them on our cat and dog several times over a few weeks before I got married, then we traded when I officially moved out.
My sweet Churches snuggled and played with that stuffy dog for years until she passed away in 2009. If I remember correctly, Churches sulked for around 3 weeks before focusing on me, my husband and stuffy dog. I hope that helps and even more that your kitties heal quickly. It takes some time but it’ll be okay!
Awe they're so cute. You'll definitely need to be patient with your baby but she'll adapt. A kitten is an excellent idea as long as it is doable for you.
There will be an adjustment period but they’ll be ok. At some point if you are able to take on another kitten, I’m sure she’d be thrilled. The comments saying one of yall need to give up your cat are insane lol
Will the cats be sad and miss each other ? Yes they will as they are bonded but sometimes these things happen and we just have to get on with it .Just keep a close eye on your kitty(and your roommate the same with theirs) and try and spend extra play time and cuddles to try and comfort kitty afterwards it should be ok but maybe have a plan for if it’s not too .
Usually I don’t comment but my girlfriend showed me this, and I was lost I thought she was showing me a photo of our cats until I saw the background. We were completely shocked thinking how similar they are. And then she said that I had to leave a comment.
I think it’s valid for both people to not want to give up their cat. I understand the general sentiment of not wanting to separate the cats, but these cats weren’t adopted together. OP had a cat, then roommate got a kitten separately. Yes they’re bonded now, but IMO it’s not unethical as a cat owner to not want to give up your cat to a roommate because your cats bonded.
Monitor how they are after the move. They’ll be stressed and missing their buddy, but they’ll have you! My current cat was most certainly bonded with my previous cat who passed away, but we ended up adopting another cat a couple of months after and it helped him (YMMV).
Just my 2 cents. Was surprised to see how adament people would be that you must keep them together at all costs. Of course there are work arounds, but I don’t think it’s unethical of OP to keep their cat.
These comments are crazy. OP, the cat(s) will be fine. They may not like it initially but they adapt. Life happens. Don't ask your roommate if you can have their cat. If someone asked me that I'd be mad as hell.
These comments are insane. Even if you do take your roommate's cat with you, that cat will then grieve your roommate. Both cats might be a bit upset. Both cats will get over it. You should not leave your cat with your roommate or try to convince your roommate to let you have their cat. Those suggestions are insane.
It's also possible that the cats aren't as emotionally invested in each other as you think. My cat and I moved in with my sister and her cat for a year. They got along well, slept together, played together, all that jazz. When my cat and I moved and were solo again my cat was not at all sad about it. I even discussed it with my vet beforehand because I was concerned she'd be sad and if I should get her a kitten. My vet told me if she was a solo cat before she'd probably be relieved and happy to be a solo cat again because cats like the environments they initially grew up in. She was 100% correct.
“Just take the cat away from your roommate, what’s the big deal?” We cannot be serious.
OP, your cat will be sad for a bit but will move on. If you think she wants another sibling after moving, there are plenty of options!
My roommate got a kitten and I begged her not to. My cat got very attached. My roommate decided to go live with her parents and took the cat back. My cat is sad and needy but she is ok. She begs for treats a lot more.
Cats do get depressed. Please try to spend more time with your cat if you can and give extra attention. They go through loss like we do. If within a few months you feel your cat is lonely try getting your cat a companion so they are not stressed and lonely.
When my 14 year old dog died, my cat went through a 7 month depression... I went through vet visits thinking it was other things not realizing he was severely depressed missing his brother who he had since he was a kitten. I shouldn't have waited a year to get him a kitten.
I have two healthy boys. 11 and 6 now best friends. They love each other but a squeak of a dog toy every now and then still makes my oldest cat perk up!
I hope your cat does well on this new journey. 🤘🏼🐾🐈⬛🐈⬛
I had a pair of bonded cats, Lily and Skeeter. They were inseparable. Skeeter died when she was 6 from a saddle thrombus. Thought Lily would be depressed but she moved on like skeeter never existed. So in my non-professional opinion, how the cats will react can’t be predicted. Sorry you’re going through this.
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