Bf informed me he's in catasreophic debt and left

[u/Acrobatic_Hold4558]

Udon noodles with mushrooms, carrots and fried egg.

Bf of 2 years, just before he was supposed to move in, told me he's in a LOT of debt. He isn't paying it off and just took out another loan. Wasn't even able to tell me what he does with the money. He rejected any help, got snarky and cussed at me, wasn't able to have a normal convo about it. Then he stood up and left. I don't want this in my life.

Please offer encouragement for me to NOT take him back. I'm starting nursing school in 2 months, I have savings and live super responsibly. I don't want to live my life in fear of debt.

[u/spotlight-app]

OP has pinned their own comment:

Oh everybody thank you so much for all the comments! Whenever I'll feel like contacting the bum in question I'll open this post and read through them. 

I wanted to add additional info for any nosy girls: I'm not in the US, so I don't have to be concerned about credit scores. The amout of debt he told me about is about his yearly salary. Last month he took a new loan of (our currency equivalent of) 5000 dollars. For what? God knows. Are there more debts I don't know about? Possibly. Now that I think about it I suspect a gambling+weed combo. 

He is 37, I'm 31 and going into nursing school after 10 years in marketing. I have meticulously calculated all my finances and should be able to finish school with no debt.  

I'll be changing my lock tomorrow, for the night I'm deadbolted inside. All of his belongings that were present in my space have been evicted to the trash can. 

^{[What is Spotlight?](https://developers.reddit.com/apps/spotlight-app})

[u/Your_faves_girl]

LEAVE! RIGHT NOW!

[u/alexandrap21 → u/Your_faves_girl]

Alexa play Get Out by Jojo!

[u/iwantmommyiwantmilk → u/alexandrap21]

And No Scrubs by TLC!!!

[u/Rabbit-1989 → u/iwantmommyiwantmilk]

✨wearing scrubs not dating scrubs✨

[u/PeachyWolf33 → u/Rabbit-1989]

OPs new flair. Love it.

[u/ReadingSad3238 → u/iwantmommyiwantmilk]

Bills bills bills by destiny's child has entered the chat

[u/jellyd03 → u/ReadingSad3238]

Adding ‘Independent Women’, also by Destiny’s Child.

Humble mention to ‘Since You Been Gone’ by Kelly Clarkson

[u/Visible_Cloud6277 → u/jellyd03]

could we also add ‘i dont f*ck with you” by big sean💁‍♀️

[u/BetMyLastKrispyKreme → u/Visible_Cloud6277]

And Rihanna’s “Bitch Better Have My Money”! Oh wait…🫢

[u/Ok-Try-857 → u/BetMyLastKrispyKreme]

Erykah Badu said it best. Tell him to call Tyrone.

[u/No-Investigator-2756 → u/Ok-Try-857]

B.A.N. by Kennedy Ryon

[u/ReadingSad3238 → u/Ok-Try-857]

Ugh gotta go listen to some of her music now bc all I could think was "and if you don't wanna be down with me, you dont wanna pick from my apple tree" and i won't get it out of my head tol.i hear the full song

[u/blondeheartedgoddess → u/jellyd03]

Pretty much all of Kelly Clarkson's 'Stronger' album got me through a break up or two.

[u/ReadingSad3238 → u/blondeheartedgoddess]

Screaming along to stronger by Kelly Clarkson is so refreshing. Great way to let out those negative feelings without cussing someone out

[u/Tootsie-Louise1 → u/blondeheartedgoddess]

Adding Kelly’s Since U Been Gone to the playlist!

[u/042614 → u/jellyd03]

Red Flag Collector by Kelly Clarkson

[u/FitGuarantee37 → u/ReadingSad3238]

Most Girls by Pink

Get Another Boyfriend by Backstreet Boys

He Thinks He’ll Keep her by Mary Chapin Carpenter

I have a playlist for these occasions.

[u/cozyemberheart → u/iwantmommyiwantmilk]

Alexa!!! Play To The Left 📦👈

[u/kadyg → u/cozyemberheart]

https://giphy.com/gifs/G0bVqvhbRFd1C

[u/FunAd1406 → u/cozyemberheart]

Haha this was my thought 😂🙌

[u/vinniethestripeycat → u/iwantmommyiwantmilk]

Showing our age here 😂

[u/No_Reporter2768 → u/vinniethestripeycat]

Yes! But my teenager loves them too 🫣

[u/vinniethestripeycat → u/No_Reporter2768]

Raising them right! 😘

[u/No_Reporter2768 → u/vinniethestripeycat]

Heck yeah!! I got at least one thing right😂

[u/officially_js → u/No_Reporter2768]

Happy cake day!!!

[u/commanderquill → u/No_Reporter2768]

During COVID, I was a nanny for a 6 year old whose favorite band was TLC.

When she told me, it was so out of the realm of possibilities that I didn't even remember who TLC was. Thought it was some new band. And then she played me a song.

[u/TangerineSprinkles → u/No_Reporter2768]

Happy Cake Day!

[u/PeachyWolf33 → u/No_Reporter2768]

Happy cake day!

[u/thisgameissoessy → u/No_Reporter2768]

Happy Cake Day! 🍰

[u/no_one_you_know1 → u/vinniethestripeycat]

Hit the road, Jack!

[u/thelibrarina → u/iwantmommyiwantmilk]

10 or 12 years ago we were at a Bastille concert, and when they launched into a cover of "No Scrubs," you could literally see the generation gap. Everyone over 25 leapt to their feet and screamed, and anyone younger...did not.

[u/spooky_action13 → u/thelibrarina]

I saw Ed Sheeran in ~2013 and he did an acoustic cover of Hit Me Baby One More Time. Absolutely spectacular, but you could see all the twelve year olds there staring at their parents and wondering why we all knew this song they’d never fucking heard lol.

[u/Paradox_of_Ravens → u/spooky_action13]

There’s a guy on YouTube who goes on public transportation and starts singing Hit Me Baby One More Time to see how many people he can get to sing along. The young people always look mad confused when their parents join in on the chorus

[u/Independent-Army5755 → u/thelibrarina]

Love their cover of it!!

[u/mexican2554 → u/iwantmommyiwantmilk]

https://giphy.com/gifs/jxcVQj02t1jYovV4bi

[u/anand_rishabh → u/mexican2554]

https://giphy.com/gifs/pzQYbaoecSK88

[u/4Dogs4Life → u/iwantmommyiwantmilk]

OMG. 😳 dying here 😂😂😂😂😂

[u/Any-Sea-4228 → u/iwantmommyiwantmilk]

The only scrubs OP should let in her life are going to be the ones she has to wear for school and work 😌💅🏻

[u/4Dogs4Life → u/Any-Sea-4228]

🙌. I still have my original nursing uniform. ( showing my age 😏)

[u/PeachyWolf33 → u/iwantmommyiwantmilk]

And DONT GO JASON AFTERALL!! (Or whatever the lyrics are 🤣)

[u/IllustriousBicycle68 → u/iwantmommyiwantmilk]

And No Broke Boys - Disco Lines and Tinashe

[u/FearTheMomerath → u/alexandrap21]

Get out!

Right now!

It's the end of you and meee...

Welp, time to add that to the girl power playlist

[u/Front_Mousse1033 → u/alexandrap21]

I always tried to sing the main parts and the ad-libs. LEAVE! NOW! WASTE OF TIME!😂

[u/ijusttunemyselfout → u/Front_Mousse1033]

🤣🤣🤣🤣 cackling bc now all i hear in my head is leave! … … … now! … … …who! … … …why! lmaooooo

[u/Front_Mousse1033 → u/ijusttunemyselfout]

LMAOOO

[u/4Dogs4Life → u/alexandrap21]

https://giphy.com/gifs/WiCahQsVaUjksEn7aT

[u/Am1AllowedToCry → u/alexandrap21]

I just want to let you know that I saw this comment about 20 minutes ago, and the Alexa in my head must have heard you, because since then "Get Out" has been stuck in my head!

[u/Conscious-Sign1459 → u/alexandrap21]

And “There you go” by P!nk

[u/mzmm123 → u/alexandrap21]

Miss Independent by Ne-Yo

[u/Wainains → u/Your_faves_girl]

He's gambling. It only goes further downhill 

[u/MariettaDaws → u/Wainains]

My exact thought. What's he doing with the money? Feeding an addiction and that's the hungriest one.

You want the strength to leave him, OP? You will never have financial peace again if you stay. Do you like evictions, calls from debt collectors, and surprise late fees? This isn't a minor flaw.

I'm sorry. This really sucks.

[u/Acrobatic_Hold4558 → u/MariettaDaws]

Before he stormed away I had the chance to see his email inbox. There's already debt collectors flocking in with promises of court proceedings... I haven't had the chance to think about it all properly but these comments showed me all the hellish scenarios at once

[u/MariettaDaws → u/Acrobatic_Hold4558]

I'm thankful that he told you the limited information that he did. Good luck in nursing school!

[u/Few_Projects477 → u/Acrobatic_Hold4558]

Run while you can. I got my first husband out of $50K credit card debt and saved for a deposit for a house in less than 3 years, all while he was lying about money, stealing cash out of my wallet and pretending he didn’t know what he was doing. I got us into a house, and left 10 months later. He ended up in foreclosure even though he got a massive raise right after I left and could easily have afforded everything on his own if he wasn’t acting like a cranked-out toddler. This man doesn’t want to change. Unless you want to be a janitor cleaning up his messes, the realty will always be lopsided.

[u/BetMyLastKrispyKreme → u/MariettaDaws]

Maybe add in having her belongings stolen, with no way to get them back, or even know where they went?

[u/LavenderGinFizz → u/BetMyLastKrispyKreme]

Or ends up with surprise secret debt under her name.

[u/ToiIetGhost → u/MariettaDaws]

🥇 I like the way you gave her future scenarios. I hope she reads this and imagines every one of them. If she takes him back, she’ll end up drowning with him

[u/SeonghwaStoleMyBias → u/MariettaDaws]

Also won't be able to take out loans on stuff like a mortgage or a car bc of his credit and if she married him the debt would become hers

[u/Lala5789880 → u/Wainains]

Yep. And I bet he lost big on the WC

[u/bebetaian → u/Wainains]

Gambling (inc phone games, loot boxes) or drugs.

[u/Ramenpucci → u/Wainains]

My dad wrecked our family’s finance due to gambling.

[u/Ou-Sama-12 → u/Your_faves_girl]

The trash took itself out, you don’t go back digging for it

[u/divuthen → u/Ou-Sama-12]

https://giphy.com/gifs/QVP7DawXZitKYg3AX5

[u/Working-Glass6136 → u/divuthen]

https://giphy.com/gifs/QLyhWVTvAHbAbAdWcp

[u/curvydiana → u/Your_faves_girl]

Huge Red flag

[u/McDego4542 → u/curvydiana]

🚩

[u/Ok_Warning5115 → u/Your_faves_girl]

Couldn’t agree more with this comment.

[u/mrsristretto → u/Your_faves_girl]

[u/purlawhirl → u/Your_faves_girl]

https://giphy.com/gifs/mBwAA4gFpizsF9Law0
🎶🎶 Hit the road, Jack. And doncha come back no more, no more, no mor, no more🎶🎶

[u/UncleNedisDead → u/Your_faves_girl]

She can stay. He must never has a key to her place!

[u/PockysLight]

https://giphy.com/gifs/QVP7DawXZitKYg3AX5

[u/AdSensitive5691 → u/PockysLight]

No but fr. Girl don’t you dare go back. The trash took itself out. You don’t want those problems babe! You’re doing so well, keep avoiding debt. He is an anchor!

[u/Nikki-C-Puggle-mum → u/AdSensitive5691]

Worse than an anchor he's an anvil.

[u/ToiIetGhost → u/Nikki-C-Puggle-mum]

OP needs to beep beep the hell out of there 😭

[u/SloppyTroppy → u/Nikki-C-Puggle-mum]

Anchors are useful. He’s a poltergeist

[u/MarshaMinus100 → u/PockysLight]

🤌🏽🤌🏽🤌🏽🤌🏽

[u/4Dogs4Life → u/PockysLight]

One of my FAVORITE GIFS

[u/ceviamavi]

he rejected you WANTING to help him. trust me, if he gets even the sliver of a chance, he will help himself to what he can, at your expense. you’ve built your own life. he does not get to destroy that. TL;DR trust yourself, don’t take him back

[u/Evening_Bet_9749 → u/ceviamavi]

Exactly, often men will TELL us exactly what they are afraid of doing to us. Before he moved in he told you, he did you a favor.

[u/InappropriateGirl → u/ceviamavi]

This, OP please read this ☝️ If he has keys to your place, get them back, maybe change the locks.

[u/AngelHeadeadHipster → u/ceviamavi]

Yup! RN here whose traveled the world, consistently made more and more money, and went back to school for bigger and better things.. OP, when you're with a decent person things just get better all the time, when you're with someone like this, it's a nonstop struggle despite all your hard work. I let one suck the emotions, the money, and the fun out of everything for about 2 years. Glad that was all.

[u/Lonely-Perception232]

Don't take him back it could be gambling or a drug problem do you want kids with a man thats potentially an addict? you have so much going for you stay strong 

[u/tr4pxxx → u/Lonely-Perception232]

This. It won’t work. Itll cause constant problems down the line. Also, men who are secretive with money and how they spend it usually have hidden agendas and will drag you down with them financially and mentally.

[u/Ok_Warning5115 → u/Lonely-Perception232]

Yeah if he doesn’t want to tell you what he’s spending it on. That’s a huge red flag 🚩

[u/Narrow-Medium-9339 → u/Ok_Warning5115]

Agree. I’m all about support for people who have spending issues- it feels shameful to talk about, is overwhelming, it’s hard to get help. 100% understand that. 100% understand that feeling embarrassed or vulnerable could make one lash out (WITHIN REASON) to a partner. 0% confident it’s okay without knowing what the heck it’s going to. It could be SW, drugs, gambling. It could also be generous donations he doesn’t have the funds for. Regardless, if he’s not willing to discuss it or open up, it’s not worth it.

[u/ghostdoh → u/Lonely-Perception232]

It could literally be any vice. My friend left her husband because he had a live cam girl addiction. All he did was talk to them because he was lonely and depressed.

[u/Kailsbabydaddy → u/Lonely-Perception232]

Exactly and him hurting your credit etc

[u/Goblue520610 → u/Lonely-Perception232]

Thisssss ☝️ it absolutely sounds like an addiction. Consider this your lucky moment and saving grace.

[u/Ok_Stable7501 → u/Lonely-Perception232]

Or prostitutes, or only fans… so many bad possibilities

[u/PaleoSpeedwagon → u/Lonely-Perception232]

This. Because no matter how much he may love her, he doesn't love her as much as he loves that addiction, whatever it is.

[u/alexandrap21]

GIRLLLL absolutely do NOT take this man back! The fact that he can’t even be honest with you about how he accumulated that crippling debt and why he’s not paying it off instead of taking out another loan is a major red flag. 🚩 you’re gonna have a lot on your plate with nursing school, don’t go down with the sinking ship.

[u/CristinaKeller → u/alexandrap21]

Couples need to be able to talk about these things. If he can’t manage this, he’s not ready for a relationship.

[u/alexandrap21 → u/CristinaKeller]

That part 🎯🎯🎯

[u/No-Signature-5648]

He stood up and left. Leave at that. Close that door and move on. You dodged a big ol' bullet there.

[u/4Dogs4Life → u/No-Signature-5648]

Close the door and change the locks 🔐

[u/Deer_Negotiation]

Its fantastic he told you before you moved in together! He is going to get in huge trouble with debt collectors sooner or later and you do NOT need to get involved in that!

[u/whatrutalkinbout → u/Deer_Negotiation]

All I can think is her studying for an important exam and getting a knock on the door with someone trying to serve him to go to court over these debts

[u/RedditForMeNotYou → u/whatrutalkinbout]

Or worse.. depending on who he owes.

[u/Dangerous_Song_972 → u/RedditForMeNotYou]

Yeah, given how bad his credit must be, where TF is he getting these loans?

[u/InappropriateGirl → u/whatrutalkinbout]

Yeah, and OP doesn’t need his shit while focusing on school.

[u/rhaizee]

Don't get pregnant, finish school!!

[u/Reggies_Mom → u/rhaizee]

THIS!!!! Omg- get out now!!! OP has someone looking out for her up there for this to surface now, and not when she’s pregnant/married/has ruined credit/finds out he owes money to crazy people/etc!!! OP should consider this a message from the universe

[u/ConfidentMeaning → u/rhaizee]

And freeze your credit!

[u/Artistic_Rice_9019 → u/ConfidentMeaning]

Hell yes. And change your passwords.

[u/ginny_uine]

you didn't bring him into this world, so that doesn't have to be your problem. if you think of taking him back just visualize all the bullshit you'll have to deal with and imagine you working extra shifts to pay for his gambling/porn addiction (my bet). yeah no thank you

[u/tr4pxxx → u/ginny_uine]

FACTS

[u/Narrow-Garlic-4606]

Look up “partner in huge debt” on Reddit and see how people’s lives are affected in literally every aspect due to this.

[u/Emergency-Minute-112]

You sound smart, I hope you dont let him move in with you and you move on swiftly

[u/lostweekendlaura]

People fall into debt for a ton of reasons but if there was an understandable reason (medical bills, bad investment, etc) he wouldn't have been a dick about it. Whatever it was that got him in this situation has to be pretty bad. He just did you a huge favor by leaving. You don't want to whatever problem he has becoming your problem too. Thank your lucky stars and carry on without him.

[u/demonbrotherjonathan → u/lostweekendlaura]

Even if it was understandable, he is a grown man and needed to tell her about it way back when they were first discussing moving in together.

[u/calicofriends → u/lostweekendlaura]

Right that's the part that's the biggest issue, at least for me. Like yes being in huge debt in and of itself would already be enough reason to leave of course, but I could see myself staying if the money was for something necessary or urgent, maybe even dumb like a bad investment like you said. I definitely would not stick around because he put some sleazy addiction over me though

[u/freshwatersofmysoul]

Girl, let me tell you it is some sort of addiction. Addicts always love their addiction before anyone else. His addiction is his partner before you. We can never know what it is for sure, maybe he is paying OF, maybe its cocaine, who knows? What we know is it was more important than you ever will be to him.

[u/shortmumof2]

If he hid that for 2 yrs, what else could he be hiding. You don't need that in your life and you know it

[u/Brattney985]

Financial stability is v important in a relationship. Don't let him embarrass you

[u/Guilty-Use4558]

Baby that’s the nicest thing he’ll ever do to you. RUNNNNNN😭😭😭😭😭🫪🫪🫪🫪

[u/geekyheart225]

[u/Naive_Mango8525]

https://giphy.com/gifs/sS2REqknR8s5G

[u/BluebirdOk6080]

Gambling, drugs or sex/escort addiction

If he were to live with you he would just spend more money and maybe not have enough to chip in for your house hold.

And the fact he can’t even have the conversation about it with you or tell you what he does with the money is super weird.

[u/Cynner85]

Do not invite that shit into your life! Focus on yourself, you owe him nothing!

[u/Lost_Relationship_41]

https://giphy.com/gifs/1gUWdf8Z8HCxpM8cUR

[u/societyisfcked]

Why would you offer to help him pay it? So that he can go into more debt and rely on you to pay it off?

[u/xzeus1]

He's in massive debt, actively accumulating more, shady about where the money's going, verbally abused you and stormed out. Why do we need to convince you not to take him back? He'll probably steal from you and stuff while you're out making an honest living. Your life will be chaotic with this person.

[u/Acrobatic_Hold4558]

Oh everybody thank you so much for all the comments! Whenever I'll feel like contacting the bum in question I'll open this post and read through them. 

I wanted to add additional info for any nosy girls: I'm not in the US, so I don't have to be concerned about credit scores. The amout of debt he told me about is about his yearly salary. Last month he took a new loan of (our currency equivalent of) 5000 dollars. For what? God knows. Are there more debts I don't know about? Possibly. Now that I think about it I suspect a gambling+weed combo. 

He is 37, I'm 31 and going into nursing school after 10 years in marketing. I have meticulously calculated all my finances and should be able to finish school with no debt.  

I'll be changing my lock tomorrow, for the night I'm deadbolted inside. All of his belongings that were present in my space have been evicted to the trash can. 

[u/the-soul-moves-first]

You listed enough reasons not to take him back.

[u/Wonderful-Pollution7]

https://giphy.com/gifs/ONr3KIb3WqRcbrtODq

[u/Professional-Lie-111]

https://giphy.com/gifs/L07URdI6a56MwunJfS

[u/Generic-Cornflakes]

Don’t waste your time on someone who is inevitably going to drag you down with him.

[u/Sufficient_Claim_461]

Three big reasons for that kind of debt; drugs, escorts or gambling. All three vices are full of liars, so you would never know the truth.

No you do not want that in your life.

[u/Fool_In_Flow]

I bet it’s gambling. I’m sorry OP. If this is true, it will wreck your life. Either way, something is wrong and he’s not turning to you for help. That’s not good. I offer you encouragement to not take him back.

[u/Acrobatic_Hold4558 → u/Fool_In_Flow]

I also suspect gambling and I have a feeling it's weed and maybe other substances... this probably just confirms it

[u/Fool_In_Flow → u/Acrobatic_Hold4558]

I have to tell you though, there’s something about gambling that’s so bad. Legally losing thousands of dollars in one second from the comfort of your home using the routing number to a bank account has a way of destroying your whole life in a flash.

[u/Auxryn → u/Fool_In_Flow]

This. There are a bunch of sports betting and "odds market" gambling apps that are actively and aggresively targeting young men. They are all poison. Stay away and don't tolerate any young man you care about gambling.

[u/Straight-Wheel1682]

He was the one that walked away. You can take that as him breaking up with you and BLOCK HIM EVERYWHERE, GIRL!!

[u/Acrobatic_Hold4558 → u/Straight-Wheel1682]

Dude is blocked 🙅‍♀️

[u/drunkeymunkey → u/Straight-Wheel1682]

This OP! If he walked out without saying anything after he cussed at you then he technically ended the relationship. Block him immediately. No takesy backsey.

He already dumped you girl, have some dignity (Said with love & light)

[u/tr4pxxx]

If you guys are under 25 and he had catastrophic debt, then your life with him will be terrible and the next 5-10 years will be paying it off, if he starts now. If he doesn’t, then it will continue to pile and take longer

[u/Business_Trainer_142]

Girl.

[u/Any_Earth_8976]

How he handled this conversation concerns me more than the debt. Do not offer forgiveness when he cools off and tries to backpedal. Wish him well on his debt journey and cut all ties. I know this sucks and I’m so sorry you’re going through it, but for real— what would you feel if he stole from you? Because that is a very real possibility if you don’t end this now

[u/RoberttPostsChild]

OP, you've been given a great gift, your freedom before you even knew you needed it. So many people get trapped in awful situations in their relationships and you've been spared that terrible ordeal.

[u/Odd-Worth7752]

He did you a huge favor. Don’t take him back. He probably has either a drug or gambling addiction.

[u/Winterwynd]

Do NOT take him back. The man just sprouted red flags like the desert sprouts wildflowers after a flash flood. You sound like you're a reasonable and self-sufficient person, and your ex-bf sounds like the opposite. Change the locks ASAP, hopefully if he was about to move in none of your stuff is at his place. Gather his things, package them up and arrange for him to get them (hopefully while you have a friend over to prevent any BS) and then block him everywhere. Virtual hugs! There are good men out there that are honest partners who can communicate and aren't hiding mountains of random debt, you deserve way better than your ex.

[u/MerOpossum]

Financial incompatibility should be a dealbreaker. Being in some debt (for reasons that make sense) is one thing and if he'd been transparent about it from the moment things became a little bit serious and was actively working on it then fine. But this is different. He hid it until continuing to hide it was likely to no longer be possible soon. He's not working on it, doesn't want to work on it, and is continuing to make it worse. He got an attitude when you tried to have a grown up conversation and be helpful/understanding. Nothing good could possibly come of letting him walk back into your life. Lock that metaphorical door and throw away the key.

Edited for a typo

[u/Relevant_Grass9586]

https://giphy.com/gifs/TJaNCdTf06YvwRPCge

[u/Different-Idea-8203]

Atleast he popped off and left before he became your hobosexual!

[u/superbondey]

At least he was decent enough to let you know before you got more involved. Move on, block him, take care of yourself

[u/tr4pxxx]

Can I ask his age?

[u/Acrobatic_Hold4558 → u/tr4pxxx]

Ripe old age of 37! I'm 31, in the process of a huge ass career change and I thought he'd be supportive while I do it. Well...

[u/ellstersmash]

if you take him back you will be suffocating in his debt forever. he refuses help even as he digs himself deeper. do NOT let him drag you in!!

[u/camdenscakes]

girl for what reason do you want to take him back? the only thing is, he’s most likely and highly likely going to drag you down in it. Don’t do it to yourself, please work on yourself for all of us.

[u/Shot-Ambition8371]

That looks fantastic.

Eww don’t date a man with money problems, let alone a *bad* man with money problems. Drop your burden, friend.

[u/Ghosty_Boo-B00]

Leave the loser! You will find a hot doctor when you’re a nurse. Better more responsible men in your future!

[u/winterluften]

You need encouragement? For what? To not attach yourself to a life of being chased by debt collectors, bad credit, never being able to qualify for decent credit cards let alone a mortgage and property ownership?

[u/whatrutalkinbout]

From someone who’s been in nursing for almost 6 years now… don’t do it
Men see nurses as big money (it’s not as much as their brains think) once you become a nurse this man will drain you in any way he can

You also do not need his chaos over your head during school

[u/Direct_Cook_7690]

[u/MLocks28]

offer you encouragement... ok my girl. you just have to reread your post . over and over. until it sets in. hes a loser and will bring you down. praise the universe that he was decent enough to expose himself before he moved in !

[u/RubyTx]

This doesn't feel good, I know, but it is good in several ways I hope you will be able to see as you step forward.

1. He's been lying to you for 2 years about his finances. That usually means addiction, gambling, or cheating. You need none of that in your life.
2. Next question is what else he has been lying to you about. Lies usually travel in packs.
3. You are not married, so his debt is not yours-including the new loan he's trying to get.
4. You have plans. Now you can work toward them without carrying his deadbeat butt behind slowing your progress.
5. Your dinner looks delicious, and it's all yours to enjoy. Just like your life.

You can do this, OP. Also, freeze your credit, after checking to be sure he hasn't tried to open up cards or loans against it.

If he has, report him for fraud.

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[u/zeppismom]

That man is trash! He clearly is not mature enough to have a conversation, and having money issues?!? Goodbye!!!!

[u/bogmonkey]

https://giphy.com/gifs/CUbiYQbsKSGAM

[u/Kailsbabydaddy]

Absolutely not he’s a bum !!! They don’t change

[u/Substantial-Equal661]

https://giphy.com/gifs/wYyTHMm50f4Dm

[u/NextNeedleworker4624]

Ex bf probably addicted to Pokémon cards

[u/Pacperson0]

https://giphy.com/gifs/bwicramVu4NwtXhkEu

[u/Pookie1688]

There is NOTHING good for you with him.

[u/SingleRecognition791]

Girl in a couple of yrs you'll look back and thank yourself a million times. 0lz don't be another example of a great woman who lets a man ruin her life

[u/fiv3-bi-fiv3]

Girl, do not take that bum back if he comes asking for another chance.

[u/aftercloudia]

you've got good food, a career you're training for, and your own place! you've got a lot to look forward to and don't need his baggage pulling you down! you are going to be just fine without him in your life ♥️

[u/RabbitsAmongUs]

Girl, RUUUUN!! 🚩🚩🚩🚩

Not only do you not want those problems in your life, but a man who can't sit down, be honest, communicate like an adult and instead is snarky and leaves, taking zero responsibility for his own mess and having zero care about you or your feelings, has no place anywhere near you!! You deserve SO much better! 💖

[u/PruneUnfair230]

If this is what he does as your bf of 2yrs imagine what’s he will do after if you stay with him.

He already left. He did you a favor.

[u/MacaroonLarge5012]

I mean what’s the end game here? You take him back with an end goal of marriage (otherwise why waste your time?) and then once you’re married you inherit all of the debt?

[u/Neither_Relative_252]

Hi nurse here! Men look for us. They see the stability of a good pay check walking. Job security. High earners. Ability to always make more.. shift workers. I have a bill, a problem, a vacation.. I picked up a shift. My husband is an electrician also a high earner and a hard worker but! I can beat his OT check in my sleep.. although it's a partnership.. not a competition.. but nurses are THAT girl 💅🏽 and men know it. I mean we need a raise for all we do.. but it's decent reliable pay in most regions. So girl, run. I don't even want people to know I'm a nurse. Example.. I need a roof.. I invite some people out to get a quote. Me and contractor are vibing. He thinks I'm interested in financing the project. He know he needs a credit check so he casually ask me.. what do you do? I answer.. I'm an RN. His eyes light up. Happens all the time. I didn't hire that company. No reason why not just found another one. Car dealerships. Men in the future you date. They'll know you can afford it. And it's hard work or I mean we work hard. But it's not stocking shelves in a warehouse pay. Not knocking people that do that because I hear after covid thats great pay.. anywho I am done rambling now. Just go girl. Get away. Block him now.

[u/Dr-Satan]

There's nothing anyone on this earth can do to keep you from taking a man back unless you decide you don't want that shitty person in your life. If I believed in a god I'd pray for you, but I don't.

[u/SwimmerIndependent47]

Your dinner looks yummy. There’s a service specific for men like your ex.

[u/FrenchieMama807]

https://giphy.com/gifs/WRQBXSCnEFJIuxktnw

[u/bookaddict1991]

https://giphy.com/gifs/8OaIFqZXBjIwS3Bgzr
What you need to do with him. 😂

[u/thenewfoundlandyeti]

https://giphy.com/gifs/9rRacglGbs68E

[u/Terrible-Fun-4992]

https://giphy.com/gifs/KZAavJr9mehCtlkdEH

[u/_darling_clementine]

get the fuck away from him. he will ruin your life

[u/Particular_Breath879]

He’s latched onto you because you’re successful. Rid yourself of the leech.

[u/pinotnoirinthebudoir]

Off topic, but how did you cook that egg so perfect???

[u/Acrobatic_Hold4558 → u/pinotnoirinthebudoir]

On one of those nonstick pans that supposedly leech chemicals into your food 😭

[u/thenbr1killjoy]

https://giphy.com/gifs/TJaNCdTf06YvwRPCge

[u/__The_Kraken__]

In addition to his poor money management skills, he is a poor communicator and cusses at you when he feels frustrated. These are all dealbreakers. You know what to do. Listen to your gut!

[u/RustbeltMaven]

My lady, you are living within your needs and working towards a lucrative and rewarding career. You don’t need a anchor strapped to your ankle, keeping your head below water.

In the immortal words of my dad (when he told my sister who was working on a nursing degree to ditch her loser husband)
“It’s time to cut him loose”
be for little fishy-

[u/chateauobscure]

https://giphy.com/gifs/NPWYfrZFYnBjG

[u/Loud-Salary-1242]

Oh, WHY does he not want to tell you what the money was spent on?

WHAT HORRIBLE THING CAN'T HE ADMIT he spent HUGE AMOUNTS OF MONEY ON?

My vote is to never find out

[u/PaleoSpeedwagon]

Sometimes the trash takes itself out

[u/Cute_Assumption_4784]

adding nursing school just for u

[u/ellebeens]

You helping him would not be the flex you think. In fact, he will resent you for it while simultaneously draining your resources.
Nursing school is effn hard. You cannot afford this type of lesson. Turn him loose and let him grow up on his own.

[u/THlRD]

My cousin married a guy that was in a ton of debt. He didnt tell her until after they married.

He had a heart attack and cant work long, and he always tries get rich quick schemes.

She works 2 jobs and is trying to maintain the house, pay those debts, hospital bills, money he lost in get rich quick schemes, and raise two college kids.

She is constantly exhausted and had no life.

Dont take him back.
If he is financially irresponsible now, he will be financially irresponsible forever.

[u/ihtuv]

It’s sad but it’s also lucky he was honest and left. Don’t take him back.

[u/sockpoptart]

Dump him. Block his number. Block his socials. Block his momma.

You do not want that in your life. He'll become a hobosexual.

[u/animalcrackers0117]

going to be honest, in my experience the only people who have a reaction like that when you ask where their money is going… are spending their money on an addiction. and the addiction is frequently gambling or porn.

[u/asimplepencil]

Sometimes the trash takes itself out

[u/Gidget76]

I like to reframe is as "what advice would I give to a friend." You know that answer. Take care of yourself and good job setting healthy boundaries for yourself!

[u/istanforwendy]

Until you said you were a nurse, I thought you might be my ex husband’s gf. 🤣

[u/-NewTitsNoMoreBits-]

https://giphy.com/gifs/3mjkNnfCNT7okhdArX

[u/Babsee]

You’ve got a wonderful future planned out and in the making. Why would you let this scumbag disrupt that??? You won’t!