r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/Bike_thief_ Short Story Long™️ • 17h ago
FML He married someone else 6 weeks post breakup
Found out last week that he was getting married this week and after being in complete shock things are finally landing that it's really over.
Things weren't really working out between us because he never seemed to fully commit to me and was having doubts, so him marrying a complete stranger in an arranged marriage hit me HARD.
My self-esteem and self-worth are at a total low but at least I'm eating again. Tomato, feta and zaatar with flatbread.
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u/mrsvongruesome Body By Cheese 🧀 17h ago
he set you free. time to spread your wings and find yourself.
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u/No-Routine-9963 chismosa, metiche, en bata 17h ago
This. OP is finally free. It hurts now, understandably, but eventually OP will see this as the blessing it is.
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u/CelticHipi1616 APPROVED✨ 17h ago
Sounds like he was held back by family expectations. It has nothing to do with you.
You deserve someone who sees you and loves you for all that you are. Not someone who wants you to fit in a box they can check.
Let them have their passionless arrangement so you are freed up to find the real love you deserve.
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u/Powerful_Leg8519 💚 Pickle Freak 💚 17h ago
It sounds like the arranged part has been in the works for a lot longer than you think. I’m sorry.
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u/Horror_Preference208 🧂Salty By Nature 17h ago
My sister went through the same thing except she and him were still a thing at that time. He ghosted her. 6 months later, this asshole had the audacity to message her while being married and was whining about going through a hard time
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u/Bike_thief_ Short Story Long™️ 17h ago
Men and their audacity 🙄
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u/Horror_Preference208 🧂Salty By Nature 17h ago
It was a week after she started dating someone else too, like the timing...
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u/srkaficionado Wahala Witness 🍿 10h ago
LOL. Reminds me of a dude I used to date and in hindsight, I really wasn’t all together with my shit at that point and I was a bit clingy. Four years of on and off and dude had broken up with me by telling me he never promised me anything and he meant it when he said casual( he also had about 17 years on me). Tell me how he came crawling out of the ether to check in and whine about how his girlfriend saddled him with her kid and would go out to party( girl was about 24 to his >50). I told him if I was 23, I’d be out partying too and he can play dad since he just wants to sit at home. Absolutely no sympathy for him. Blocked him after that…
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u/PeachyWolf33 🧂Salty By Nature 17h ago
My ex married his best friends sister the day after he broke up with me. He started dating her shortly before he broke up with me (this was confirmed by messages/emails).
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u/Bike_thief_ Short Story Long™️ 17h ago
Good riddance
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u/PeachyWolf33 🧂Salty By Nature 17h ago
Absolutely. I took 5 years to work on myself and met my (now) husband in 2019. Our toddler turns 2 Sunday. Best of luck OP!!! 💜💜💜
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u/AbaloneImportant6323 🪿 feeding the soft animal of my body 16h ago
👀 Do you have an update on them? If she knew, she can’t have been too nice, but she took a bullet for you.
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u/PeachyWolf33 🧂Salty By Nature 16h ago
Oh girl she knew. She asked why I wasn’t at the wedding. As far as I know they’re still married. My mom sees him occasionally in public and says he’s gained a looooooot of weight (he was an MMA fighter when we were together). Seems happy. Good for him.
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u/Suspicious_Reason405 Oversharer 🗣 17h ago edited 15h ago
My ex got engaged within 6 months of our breakup in the same place he had proposed to me. That was wild to me and I always wondered if he told her that was the case and if she was okay with how he chose to do it there again.
I wonder what your ex’s wife feels like knowing he’s maybe hopping around. People fall in love quickly, yes, but doesn’t seem like adequate time to address things ?
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u/Street_Condition7111 Assigned Hungry At Birth 17h ago
Lmao he went to his mom after the breakup to get arranged IMMEDIATELY. No matter the culture, there is one thing in common with men: they hate being alone. He doesn’t want to work on whatever he’s got going on by himself. He feels so bad he needed someone else immediately.
You shouldn’t feel bad about yourself. You’re capable of moving on with your life, and you will do it on your own terms. Him not fully committing to you has nothing to do with you, trust me I get it. It hurts so so bad it feels so personal. It’s not. Whether it’s timing, personal issues, all of the above, men don’t change for you unless THEY want to.
It’s not that you weren’t enough. He wasn’t enough for you. Hugs OP it gets better💕
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u/IcyZookeepergame9070 APPROVED✨ 15h ago
I actually disagree. I think he wasn't taking this relationship seriously.And probably was fielding prospects from his parents, and then found one that he liked and decided to break up and go with her.
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u/Big_Bowler8424 we listen and we only judge a little 16h ago
This sucks. Something similar happened to me. I had so many emotions and it really sucked. I felt like an idiot. The guy who put me on a pedestal replaced me so quickly. I realized I was just a place-filler for him. He wanted a wife. It felt like any wife would do.
I so badly wanted answers to make sense of it. But finally accepted that I dodged a bullet. He obviously wasn’t the type of man I wanted in my life.
It gets easier.
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4h ago
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 4h ago
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u/Weird-Box-1094 Tea Time Hostess ☕️ 17h ago
Arranged marriages where the people don’t know each other before they get married are not weddings in the way we understand it. It’s a legal ceremony that often precedes a very cookie-cutter, cult-like life.
Source: I grew up in a country where arranged marriages were the norm.
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u/maesardsara Body By Cheese 🧀 15h ago
I had a coworker from Vietnam whose parents arranged her marriage. Our western coworkers did. not. get. it. The bride was very unhappy that her family had done this, and everyone at work was all “Congratulations! We love this for you!” where anyone with eyes could see she was miserable about it. She hadn’t even met him until the day before the wedding.
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u/spectaphile 💚 Pickle Freak 💚 17h ago
It’s not often you get the opportunity to know who took a bullet for you. Hopefully with time you’ll find someone with the courage to stand next to you in your awesomeness.
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u/sarahbeth124 Overthinker 💭 17h ago
Breakups are so hard, but the good thing is letting go makes it possible to find better.
And better is out there for sure.
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u/Ditto_Ditto_Ditto Carb-Based Life Form 17h ago edited 14h ago
Oh woah this post was a little bit of a rollercoaster. I'm wondering if his parents were upset he still wasn't married? So they made the decision for him.
Edit: just fyi I wasn't saying that it should hurt any less. It was just a thought about what's happening.
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u/Bike_thief_ Short Story Long™️ 17h ago
It was his own choice since he was balding and 34
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u/Ok_Contribution4047 APPROVED✨ 16h ago
My darling, go find a man who adores you for all the wonderful things that are you AND someone with hair!
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u/Crow_with_a_Cheeto Overthinker 💭 15h ago
I read once that a strong predictor of a man deciding to settle down and get married is percentage of hair loss he is experiencing.
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u/Ditto_Ditto_Ditto Carb-Based Life Form 14h ago
Ohhh.. And he had trouble committing to you during your whole relationship?? That would piss me RIGHT off!
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u/My2cents_0 APPROVED✨ 17h ago
Yikes! I feel for the poor woman who ended up with him. I wouldn't wish that guy on you. I'm sure it's doesn't feel like it, but he did u a favor. Even if it was an arranged marriage and he was pressured into it, tells u about how he would have handled family conflict in the future. Go pamper yourself and celebrate dodging that bullet. 🥂💃🏽🎉💕
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u/MerOpossum 🥝 Herbivore 🫒 17h ago
My condolences to the woman he married. Congratulations to you on being rid of a noncommittal man so you are free to find a real partner who is as sure about you as you are about him.
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u/Longjumping_Choice_6 Trader Joe Hoe 17h ago
Good thing it wasn’t with you! But I know that that doesn’t erase the hurt and I see how that kind of news would hit hard. 6 wks isn’t long enough to mourn multiple years with someone let alone move on, but it’s an insane timeline to get married. I do not wish him all the happiness in the world, but I hope you find it for yourself whether in peaceful solitude or with a new person who values you and wants to make a life together.
Edit: also za’atar rules! Haven’t found anything it’s not good on
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u/Leonie_final_DEF Barbecutie 17h ago
Lieverd, eet die heerlijke pannekoek eerst rustig op. Bekijk het per moment, per dag, per week. Je zult er achter komen dat waar een deur sluit, er altijd weer een open gaat. Je kunt het! ❤️
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u/Jazzlike_Concern_587 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 16h ago
I know right now none of this makes it hurt less. But sometimes the wrong people leaving clears the space for the person who’s actually supposed to come and stay in your life.
My friend went through something like that. She found out her bf got engaged (arranged) while she was on a month long work trip, after she agreed to convert to his religion since that was the only way they can marry. They had gotten into a fight before her trip and did not talk for 3 weeks (which was not unusual) and by the end of that week he was engaged! It was awful at the time, and she was gutted! But years later, she met a great guy and now she’s been happily married and just had her third child. So it can feel brutal now but trust me, one day it will all make sense.
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u/Which-Adhesiveness44 ⚐ Marked Safe From 90s Diet Culture 17h ago
I promise that this has everything to do with him if it’s arranged marriage that swift! VERY wild
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u/Outside-Yak217 we listen and we only judge a little 17h ago
Aw OP, I am sure it hurts & he did not handle your relationship well. He sounds line he has family obligations. This isn’t you, hold your head up. Sending virtual hugs.
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u/res06myi Livin' on a Purse Snack 👜 17h ago
Or he needed an arranged marriage to get someone to marry him at all. That's not who you are. You deserve a partner who values you.
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u/finemelater girls just wanna have pho 16h ago
I get why you’re feeling this way, but you came out ahead here. I know you won’t see it this way for a while, and that’s fine.
When people act in whatever way they do, it isn’t about us, it truly is about them. Here, you have an even more crystal clear reason—there was an arranged marriage. He couldn’t commit to you because you’re not part of the culture.
However, even if none of these things were at play here, it’s still not about you. What he chooses to do after you isn’t a reflection on you at all.
He also did you a favor and set you free. You deserve someone who is so certain they want to be with you that there is no wavering. Don’t settle for less.
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u/Either_Wear5719 APPROVED✨ 16h ago
Oof, that's a rough experience. You deserve better that what he was willing to give you. Dinner looks delicious, I've recently discovered Zataar and I've been putting it on everything. Is that mint tea?
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u/brittanywbxo Overthinker 💭 15h ago
This happened to me too, and four years of him treating me like I was nothing. He was so emotionally unkind and would go back and forth with what his parents wanted. I’m thinking of you.
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u/FinallyHappy-ish Dinner for One 🍽️ 14h ago
Some people move on really quickly and fall in love even quicker. Won’t ever make sense to me, but all you can do is move on.
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u/billiarddaddy 🩵🎀girl dad🎀💙 13h ago
Whew. The first girl I wanted to marry cheated on me the last six months of our relationship, broke up with me when I got home for the summer, and I helped her move in with him.
I had no idea what was going on. She let me look stupid in front of him and her entire family that I'd known for almost a decade. They were married less than a month later.
They're still married and have five kids but she still reaches out to see if I want to be friends every few years.
I've never looked back and neither should you.
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17h ago
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u/jponce155 APPROVED✨ 17h ago
Arranged marriage? He’s probably not even happy and doesn’t like the person anyway.
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 15h ago
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 15h ago
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u/Agreeable_Excuse_897 Thick Thighs ⏳ Thin Patience 15h ago
I am so sorry, men like this are awful. You deserve better. They marry availability and easy control
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14h ago
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 14h ago
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u/Over_Dar Madame Pipelette 🐦⬛ 13h ago
GIRL! Something similar happened to me 6 years ago. Was dating my ex for about 2ish years and he breaks up with me out of nowhere and ofc im upset. Unfortunately our families grew up in the same town so we had similar friends on Facebook and I find out that he married his baby mama 2 WEEKS after he ended things with me. The anger and betrayal I felt was unbearable and it took atleast a year for the tears to stop but im glad I dodged the biggest bullet of my life (haven't heard good things about him since 👀)
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u/PollyannaFlwr Dinner for One 🍽️ 9h ago
The same thing happened to me after my divorce finalized. I had NO idea another woman existed mind you…. I got a Facebook friend suggestion of a woman with my married last name. Stupidly I thought to myself “I’ve never met this relative,” click out of curiosity and SURPRISE remarried before the ink even dried.
Try not to play the comparison game, it will only make you more upset. I totally get the blow to your self esteem and there’s really no good answer for how to process this whole thing. Be kind to yourself.
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u/burnt-heterodoxy Sugar, Spice & Not Very Nice 💕 4h ago
If it makes you feel any better my ex married within months without the benefit of an arrangement or religion to explain his choices. He was just an ass and probably cheating. It hurt a lot that he could suddenly be the dude he’d been promising to be for years and failing but honestly losing him is the best thing that ever happened to me. It opened my life up to blessings I couldn’t have imagined. All this to say that this feels terrible right now, but when a man leaves your life so abruptly like this, the healing is swift and violent and the upswing is worth sticking it out for.
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u/SnooOpinions5819 💚 Pickle Freak 💚 1h ago
Marriage doesn't equal happiness or love even.
My relative got married 2 months after his breakup with his long term girlfriend. He had some sort of life crisis, didn't want to be alone and wanted to get married asap. Well the marriage lasted like 3 years and was a nightmare in all ways. She basically showed a completely different side of herself after marriage. Something he had learned if he didn't marry her right away.
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u/SpecificInitial666 Certified Snacker 17h ago
Does he come from a culture where arranged marriage is the norm? Being a desi woman, a lot of times men will have multiple years long relationships, then breakup with them to marry someone their parents appointed for them. It is manipulative and spineless behaviour.
Eitherways, I hope you feel better and I am sorry.