Today’s girl dinner is half a dragon fruit and some honey with lemon because I just found out my boyfriend of 8 months does not actually live alone.
He always said his sister sometimes stayed over because she worked nearby. I dropped by to surprise him and a woman answered the door wearing his shirt. She looked just as confused as me, then asked if I was one of his coworkers. Turns out she’s his girlfriend too and they’ve been living together for almost 3 years.
I had money saved for a weekend trip with him, so at least I can use that for something less humiliating. We exchanged numbers and agreed to meet for coffee so we can figure out exactly how long he’s been lying to both of us.
i 100% did this once. it was awesome. we didn't stay friends, but we had an epic vacation and i didn't have to lose my deposit, just switched the name on the reservation
Don’t confront him until the trip and then you both send him a photo together and tell him you’re grateful the trash took itself out but introduced you to each other. That’s how I’d do it.
The petty person in me would drop hints about how im planning a 2 person trip somewhere nice, and then on the day go “oh im sorry, I meant im going with your girlfriend”
Lol, you’re being nice, I would never say anything to him and just let her and I post like crazy and have the time of our lives then on our way back if we got along ask if she wanted his spot and tell him in a phone call to get the hell out!
I did this once lol. Once we figured it out we both went to his place while he was at work and waited for him to come home. We were on his bed laughing our asses off at breaking his brain. Then we went to a Tori Amos concert together. We are both married to other people now and still root for each other. As an extra karma bonus, I ended up marrying my exes friend lol. He's still single 20 years later and an alcoholic.
This is the way to go! When my ex’s other girlfriend and I found out about each other we discovered we had tons in common, cross-referenced all the ways he gaslit both of us, and became close friends! Over ten years later she is still one of my bffs and we have attended both of each other’s destination weddings. We call each other sisters.
My parents divorced in 1981, he remarried in 1992 to lovely woman, we even eventually called her Mom. Fast forward 2009, Mom 2 left him one morning. Never packed a bag for clothes or medicine, hid her cell phone in a bookshelf and drove away. Chaos ensued, divorce settled two years later. My Moms took an 18 day vacation in an RV around the Florida Keys fours years ago. I even bought them matching bumper sticker style magnets “I had 18 days of fun in the Florida Keys with my ex-husband’s ex-wife”.
It’s not insane. I was contacted by a live-in gf that I didn’t know about. We shared info and the next day I picked her up from work and we confronted him together. The look on his face. We remain best friends for 20+ yrs
Nice work! One time I went to a sewing class and two women had travelled together to come to it, bffs, had met because they both divorced the same man (one after the other, not a sister wife thing). They said they often had people who were very surprised about their connection. Apparently the first wife contacted the second at the point of her divorce to say “if you need a friend” and the second wife said “actually yes, that would be fab”.
Some of my mum’s friends recently got married, they met because they used to be friends, their previous spouses cheated on them with the other one, and about a year after the divorces they got together. They’re a lovely couple honestly.
So John & Jane are friends with Mike and Laura for ten years. It comes out that John is shagging Laura and both couples get divorced. A year later, Jane and Mike start dating, now married after a happy 15 years together!
I agree - not insane. Live-in GF did not know about New GF. New GF did not enter relationship knowing about Live-in GF. Since they were both surprised, they realized they could activate some wonder-twin powers. Good for them.
It’s an entirely different kettle of fish when the new woman KNOWS about the live-in GF. “Oh, I want to meet her,” is a standard line. That woman is simply sizing up competition and plotting to steal a man. Makes the girls’ trip less likely…
There's definitely horror stories of people making someone who was not in the know the bad guy. But it looks like both of them are clear who the bad guy is and I'm so here for that!
When people tell you Feminism gave you nothing, remind them that at least Feminism normalized Women sticking together instead of stooping in the gutter and fighting over an unworthy man like Patriarchy had indoctrinated into us for Centuries.
Sticking together is it. I recently became acquainted with 2 women who were both pregnant to the same cheating scum (never met him) when they figured it out. They ended up lived together as friends for a couple years whilst their kids were babies to support each other. They (and the kids) are still very close and he’s still a deadbeat. I don’t think the children have seen him in a decade.
Wow, I’ve never heard of this happening with kids being involved and the women raising them together. That’s actually kind of beautiful. Such a testament to women’s empathy and compassion
The way they described it was that basically they both were dealing with tiny infants and had not a lot of other support. That gave them something else in common and they became each others support and a friendship grew from there.
My nephews have siblings their same age - apparently there were two other mommas at the same time as my sister... All the moms are friends, and the kids all consider themselves full siblings. I live in another state now, but one of my 'nieces' and her bf just visited this past winter. I'm Auntie to all of them. I believe there may be 2 additional kids out there (with 2 additional moms) that I don't know yet, but my nieces and nephews keep in touch with.
My exs ex wife is an awesome human, and when we finally got to meet in person, we just hugged and cried for so long that our kids were making fun of us. We have so much in common, we even have the same name. I'm glad I got to keep her in the divorce.
Oh I still talk to my ex's ex who he cheated on while with me. (Confusing, lemme explain - he was getting back with her, then met me and ghosted her. And was extremely mean to her when she confronted him about it, meanwhile his side of the story was of course totally different. I had to apologize to her so much for believing his lies.)
It's a weird dynamic but extremely healing tbh. We kikid a lot about him in the beginning but also we just support each other in our lives. She's doing so well without him, as am I. Both just living our best lives out here :)
Yes it sucks the man sucks. But hell YES to solidarity amongst the victims of the man! It only makes us stronger to stay together and remain laser focused on who the real problem is!! The fact that the gf has accepted this so quickly shows her maturity and the fact that she might be a great friend to OP.
I know someone whose then-boyfriend cheated with his ex wife AND got her pregnant. To “apologize” he proposed (SHE PAID FOR THE RING). She married him and had two babies. She and his ex wife were pregnant at the same time for a short while. The man has remained trash the entire time. 0/10 would not recommend.
Good for you and for OP!
Edit: HIS ex wife not hers LOL
I know! This is so awful for OP but I can’t stop thinking about how terrible this is for the gf he lived with. Wouldnt even doubt she is doing all the house work while he is a cheating a**hole
Calling that cockroach a cheating asshole is like an understatement. What a spineless loser. He WILL get his karma.
I hope these girls heal for the better and get the best life possible.
It blows my mind that people get away with two full blown relationships at once for quite some time. How the fuck do they do it?!! They usually get caught eventually but in this case took 8 months. I’ve seen it take years!
I have so many trust issues in relationships over shit like this (and personal experience.) You just never fucking know dude.
It really does not compute to me how that works. cheaters are sooo goddamn slimy, so I definitely mean morally but also purely in logistics. they LIVE together!! how are you getting away with this you evil toad!
but also be careful OP, could be safe but you never know the girlfriends intentions. after all, she knows now that he was cheating with you, whether you believed you were his only girlfriend or not.
Oh my god dude I had this same thing happen. He was looking for a roommate. His friend was leaving an abusive situation and was now his roommate. Loud incorrect buzzer noise. It was his ex gf that smoothed things over and back together w him 4 months in to us dating.
She was so sweet and truly was leaving an abusive home, he was also leaving an abusive home so I agreed to pay for a place to stay, get a roommate, and relocate my job. He moved her in, she didn't know I existed. It also turns out the house we were both just giving him money. It was his brother's vacation house.
The shit you find out when you're finally able to get the truth gives you stories that will be passed down through your bloodline. Me and his affair partner both agreed we dont want a friendship so we dont talk, but lordddd it felt good to have that shit talk.
No, I was living a few hours away. I was going to relocate my job and move in in about 2 weeks, he panicked and asked if I could stay in the guest bedroom. I said 🤨 its a 2 bedroom house where's our roommate gonna stay. Then I dumped him when his reasoning was with her, she found out. She dumped him.
My best friend of 20+ yrs came from her being the live-in gf who I didn’t know about. She contacted me asking questions, I was honest about the timeline and immediately didn’t want him anymore, and the next day I picked her up from work and we confronted him together. I was solely there to have her back cuz he kept lying.
I hope you get a great friendship or life experience out of this. I learned so much in a good way!
You are better off without that liar. An ex of mine from a lifetime ago (15 years now I guess) cheated on me and I ended up becoming really good friends with the other woman - once we both figured out what was going on, of course! There was nothing more satisfying than sending him a selfie of the two of us poolside 😂😂 Enjoy whatever you decide to do for yourself with the money you saved up and congrats on lightening the load.
A John Tucker Must Die moment. I found out about a pregnancy that happened while I was involved with someone with one of those chats, fascinating once you're healed.
May I recommend date syrup for your fruit? I eat it the exact same way and found date syrup to be a bit life changing
I know some people might think this is over the top but imo there should be legal consequences for cheating. Being cheated on and lied to on that level is so so disgusting.. changes you forever and gives you PTSD/emotional damage, or even STD
Especially when bills are involved too. What if bills cost both their incomes combined? I would not be financially okay at ALL if my live in boyfriend was suddenly removed from my life.
for real, my best friend got h3rpies from her husband, sued him for it and won and couldn't collect because he said he had no money after he quit his job when the child support was enforced.
They said 8 months. He's been living with the other lady for 3 years, so I'll asume that's around how long their relationship has been too. Cheating on his girlfriend with OP.
I am super ADHD, and as such my memory is not great at all, I could never keep that sort of thing straight for even a month let alone 8 of them!? Not that I'd ever cheat to begin with, its stupid as hell and super hurtful and makes no sense to me what so ever. Still tho, my brain is just not wired to be able to do that at all, plus I hold being truthful as far too important to ever lie like that!
Also, who has the time or energy? He must be doing NOTHING to support his own life. Girl, go to Chumplady.com, the people in the comments pages have been through it too, and you'll get inspo/good advice.
Exactly. And chances are someone so bold as to give his real home address to the woman he’s cheating with has a whole roster of women he’s playing mind games with. Just sad all around for these ladies, especially the gf who actually lives with him and can’t just block and ghost him.
oh my GOD?? im so sorry OP, this is genuinely insane. were you at his place often? i cant imagine what kind of couple dates for three years and has no evidence of their relationship in their apartment! was he hiding picture frames and shit? what a psychopath, i feel for you and his (other) gf
Dang! That’s awful! Meet the other girlfriend for coffee, become best friends, and take her on the trip instead of this F boy. Both of you deserve so much more!
WHEEEWW girl 😮💨 buckle up! Your post made it to /r/all!
Congratudolences! 😅 If the rate of notifications starts getting to you, no need to delete your post! Instructions in Sanity Saver #5 can help you mute them. For the rest of y'all...
We love when new girlies stumble in! But a few unique things about how we roll here:
➽ You're now entering the Girl Zone 🚨 Guys' guidance summarized: stick to GIFs or emojis, or otherwise be patient for mods' manual comment reviews. Don't embarrass your mama. 🤨
➽ Approved users only! Newbies will be prompted to take 10 lil seconds to get approved. Nbd.
➽ BE KIND, BE THOUGHTFUL or BEGONE. Our communication standards are higher than just "don't be mean." Check em out here.
➽ Queer friendly. The end.
➽ ED-recovery friendly. No food critiques, body shaming, diet advice, or calorie counting kinda talk. Call your almondmom for that.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Were there any signs? I’m dating a guy who says his mother lives with him and this is one of my fears. I’d like to know what signs to be weary of 🥹
Some years back - pre cell phone days, Im kind of a dinosaur (right before I met my second husband! ) I was using a dating service and got an extended message from a man who gave me his phone number and gave me specific hours he would be able to answer the phone. He was particularly clear that I should Not call after 6:00 in the evening, he would not be there.
Which struck me as odd. Because- people leave messages, right?
So I called at 7:00 and a woman answered. I told her who I was and why I was calling.
She sighed and said- " I told him if he did this again, I'd divorce him." I told her I was sorry. She told me she was grateful and wished me well.
I bet you’re so grateful that the positions weren’t reversed and you didn’t have to face the moving out part. But I know you’re in a lot of pain. And I’m so sorry. But I’m so proud of the way you handled yourself!
Especially the part where they want to figure out how long he has been lying to them. Well, they are a couple since 3 years/8 months. So isn't that very clear..?!
None of this makes sense
This once happened to me once, but even more of a mind fuck for me was the the girlfriend was also the former intern of my ex who horribly lied, cheated, and left me utterly traumatized and with severe trust issues. So to find out “the roommate” was also a partner AND connected to my worst ex / I used to hear her name from him too was so so yucky.
I am so sorry you’re going through that. Honestly, you may not feel this way… but you may have played a pivotal role in liberating that woman from her misery. And saved yourself your own misery!
Oof I’m so sorry. That sounds like an episode of The Dating Detectives podcast. Which, if you are interested in telling your story after it has settled more, you should reach out to them!
I’m so sorry for you and the gf of 3 years, but I’m glad you guys are gonna meet up. Please go on a trip or do or get something you love with what you saved or whatever you decide to do with it. Be kind to yourself. 💜
7.5k
u/SofubiShogun Enby & Eatin' 1d ago
Use that money to pamper yourself! I hate to say it but at least it's months and not years, the trash took itself out.