Woken up to be confronted by four of my best friends.

[u/Turbulent_Movie6652]

Using a throwaway account but made myself a pity party of sautéed mushrooms, pea and mint purée, and roasted lamb.

This weekend, my four friends and I had a weekend trip. These girls are my best friends and have been so for decades. We have been a group of friends since a little after college. We as any group of friends have things that have happened through the years but always manage to have a good time and had a really amazing time this past Saturday. We went to Pilates, the farmers market, watched the World Cup, did karaoke, drank, and got dinner. During dinner, I started to feel nauseous so I left, I fell asleep during the Argentina game around 9pm. In the middle of the night, I was awoken by one of my friends that things had changed through the night and I needed to come outside and be apart of this conversation. That’s where four of my closest friends insisted "this wasn't an intervention." Maybe it wasn't by definition, but it sure felt like one.

For at least a hour, I listened to each person one by one tell me the ways I've hurt them, annoyed them, or fallen short as a friend. I asked how this all started to which I was told that one of them made a comment about our group friendship that spiraled into airing out grievances back and forth to one another. I wasn't angry that they had feelings. If I've hurt someone I love, I want to know. I want the opportunity to grow.
What hurt was the way it happened.

I didn't have time to prepare emotionally. I wasn't asked if I was in the headspace to have that conversation. I wasn't really given the option to say no. I was tired, vulnerable, and suddenly sitting in front of four people I love while they took turns telling me everything I'd done wrong. They all walked away saying they saying they felt closer. That they felt heard. These types of conversations are uncomfortable but give us an opportunity to be a better friend.

I walked away feeling small, ostracized, and alone. The part that keeps replaying in my head is that while everyone had something they wanted to say to me, I genuinely couldn't think of anything I wanted to throw back at them. Not because they're perfect, but because I know they're human. I know their insecurities, their struggles, and their flaws, and I've always loved them through those things. I thought friendship meant choosing each other despite our imperfections, especially when we're actively trying to be better.

I know I'm not easy all the time. I know I have things to work on. I'm already working on them. But if someone chooses to keep me in their life, I guess I assumed that choice came with some level of grace. Once everything was said and done they kept at it while I stared off into space for 45 minutes then flight kicked in. I’m in grad school and had a final paper due tomorrow (scratch that today as it was 3AM at that point) and I know now I won’t be able to fall asleep as my mind is racing. I started freaking out saying I needed to leave and I didn’t to be there and it was only a hour and half drive. They started telling me they love me and that our relationship has changed and we needed to discuss that. They didn’t let me leave instead one of them gave me an Ambien and put me to sleep. Luckily one of them held my hand while I fell asleep. When I woke I left as soon as possible with saying as little as possible, even had to drive one of them home in dead silence, fighting back the urge to cry as I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction.

Do they genuinely enjoy having me in their lives, or do I mostly drain them? Do they believe I can grow, or was this their way of listing every reason I'm difficult to love? Could these conversations have happened one-on-one, respectfully, over time instead of all at once? Those questions have been sitting heavy with me.

The hardest part this is my main core group of friends. I have never been good at making friends, especially people I trust. I am easy to speak to but like to keep people at arms length as I don’t know who I can trust and I thought I could trust them but I don't feel like our friendship is stronger. I feel more isolated from them than I ever have. I still love them. I still want the trips, the birthdays, the random dinners, the years of memories together.

I just don't know how you come back from feeling ambushed by the people you trust most. Maybe they needed that conversation. Maybe they truly believed they were helping me. But I also think intent and impact can be two completely different things. Right now, I'm just trying to figure out whether this is something friendships recover from, or whether this is the beginning of realizing you've already lost your place in the group and honestly I just don’t know where to go from there with that.

TLDR: my friends woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me all the ways I am not a good friend and I don’t know what to do.

EDIT: I have to say I really didn’t expect for this to blow up like it did. I woke up got to work and got bored to check on this post and wow. I won’t be able to respond to everyone but I wanted to address a few of the things I keep seeing. Yes, they had a conversation of going around and getting things off their chest before waking me up and I do think they wanted to include to not talk shit behind my back. I do have ADHD and take meds and go to therapy. Y’all are definitely right about the Ambien. It is a controlled substance and they/I were stupid to think it was a good idea. I obviously still deeply care about them and I know I am being more lenient but that type of care you have for a person doesn’t disappear overnight even after being wronged. I have distanced myself from them and am trying to constructively move forward from this. I am definitely still in a place where the reality that I may end this with not being friends with them is bringing me to tears but I understand it’s where we are at. Thank you so much to all of you who shared kind words and similar experience, it genuinely makes me feel seen. I will still be looking and trying to respond when I can but please continue to send constructive ways to move forward with steps as I’m surely my neurodivergent girlies would agree I like to be given tasks to complete.

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[u/snugginator]

Sounds like they were drinking. Waking someone up in the middle of the night to air your grievances is fucked up, even if the things they wanted to discuss are valid. Why not come together at a more appropriate time? I'm sorry that happened to you. 

[u/Turbulent_Movie6652 → u/snugginator]

They were and hindsight I shouldn’t have let it go any further once I was awake. I should had said this is not the time or place but they it’s 20/20 right

[u/skincare_obssessed → u/Turbulent_Movie6652]

I’m sorry but it’s actually so messed up to wake someone up and blindside them like that. It also sounds like they discussed you without you and I’m not surprised you feel isolated by that.

[u/hydrangeasinbloom → u/skincare_obssessed]

And then give her an ambien??

[u/brainnebula → u/hydrangeasinbloom]

Right?? Why is them not letting her leave AND DRUGGING HER not the main point here? I don’t care how valid they were or were not, I don’t care how kind they are 99% of the time, if anyone did that to me I would be beyond never talking to any of them ever again.

[u/PoeForeverMoreABLee → u/brainnebula]

THIS! I would never speak to any of them again.

[u/Visual_Positive_2666 → u/brainnebula]

Truly this turned into kidnapping and drugging, like what're we doing here??

[u/nada-accomplished → u/skincare_obssessed]

That's the part that's the most hurtful. They talked about her behind her back instead of each individually having those conversations with her. That's fucked up.

[u/ComeAlongPond1 → u/nada-accomplished]

I think sometimes something happens and you feel like you have to check in with someone else to be like “that was weird right? Or is it just me?” And when you realize it’s not just you it can become sharing time. Maybe OP was doing a lot of the things they took issue with that day.

I had a situation where Friend 1 did something and it was upsetting but it was only when Friend 2 brought it up on a group text with me and a couple others as a gut check that I felt like I could admit to myself “yeah that wasn’t ok,” (we’re talking a friend group big enough that there are lots of group chat permutations and I doubt any of us are in all of them, so it wasn’t like we just cut out Friend 1 for this discussion) and then we slowly discovered that the entire friend group felt the same way as more people started quietly mentioning it.

The situation I’m thinking of is a little different in that it involved a very specific situation that was a celebratory occasion for Friend 1, so they were entitled to have what they wanted to a degree, and is very unlikely to recur. But Friend 1 seriously upset the entire group and it was such a relief to realize we all felt that way and kind of process it with each other. But we did that because we had no intention of ever bringing it up with Friend 1, because it was a unique situation, one that was very happy for them, and none of us wanted to tarnish that.

All of that is just to say I don’t think it’s automatically terrible that the friends were talking about OP behind her back because it sounds like it just started that night and wasn’t an ongoing thing.

Waking her up in the middle of the night is a whole different story. There’s no excuse for that unless there’s an emergency. Plus OP didn’t feel well and had a final paper due that day and I’d be surprised if they didn’t know that, so it was a doubly horrible thing to do.

[u/Embellishment101 → u/Turbulent_Movie6652]

You were ambushed with a very stressful situation, it’s neurobiologically very hard to think straight and advocate for yourself in these circumstances. Cortisol levels shoot up and block your ability for rating thought. Do not blame yourself.

Edit: *rational thought

[u/MaidaStars → u/Embellishment101]

Psychologist here: That’s why it’s used as an “advanced interrogation technique,” aka torture to obtain a confession.

[u/Next-Introduction-25 → u/Turbulent_Movie6652]

This is not your fault. That would be incredibly disorienting to be woken up that way and you had no idea what was about to happen. I’m sorry they did that to you.

[u/JailhouseMamaJackson → u/Turbulent_Movie6652]

My first thought was that they must have been drinking as well. Only way they would have thought it was a good idea (the hand holding was also a giveaway). It does honestly seem like they were doing it out of good intentions and a desire to remain friends. It’s unfortunately easy for me to see how they got to that point, where you go full steam ahead with an idea and don’t think out what it might be like for the person who isn’t in your drunk pod.

That said, it must have felt horrible for you and I’m sorry you experienced that. Anyone would be a wreck afterwards. You’re absolutely right about intention ≠ impact and you definitely have some thinking to do about the future of these relationships. I’d personally suggest having honest conversations with your friends about how it all made you feel, and then maybe gauge where to go based on how they handle how deeply they hurt you. I also think that if you’re not in a place right now where you can have those conversations, that’s also extremely valid. Again, I’m sorry you experienced this!

[u/BloodGullible6594 → u/JailhouseMamaJackson]

Yeah, I can see how maybe drinking might have lead to this decision making process. However, intention does not negate impact. I also have a similar group of friends that I have known for over a decade. If this happened, I would never speak to them again. Sorry OP, best of luck in however you choose to handle this.

[u/Loose-Chemical-4982 → u/Turbulent_Movie6652]

All I can say is they are shitty friends because they knew you'd left the girls night early because you were nauseous, and yet they thought it was a good idea to come to your home in the middle of the night and wake you up and tell you all the things you are doing wrong?

So incredibly inappropriate and thoughtless!

You did not deserve to be treated like this by people you trust 🫂

[u/the_virginwhore → u/Loose-Chemical-4982]

When she had a final paper due the next day!!

[u/1K_Sunny_Crew → u/Loose-Chemical-4982]

They didn’t come to their home, the five of them were on a trip together - OP mentions it’s “only an hour and a half drive” (home).

I do think it’s shitty they woke OP up but I am guessing they were drunk.

[u/inanutshell → u/Turbulent_Movie6652]

I don't think these girls are your friends... Really think and evaluate these friendships, like do YOU get anything positive out of it?

[u/856077 → u/[deleted]]

This is a great take imo. You just know that there is one mean ass witch in the group who has it out secretly for OP and started that “game” as a way to get everyone to tag team and rag on her. (Could be out of jealousy, could be for a multitude of reasons) but there’s a ringleader 100%. The rest were probably just very drunk and she took advantage of them by presenting it as something positive in order to lowkey mass bully you. Anyone who suggests a “game” like that, already has very bad intentions

[u/trowzerss → u/Turbulent_Movie6652]

Getting drunk dialled by an ex is bad enough, getting drunk dialled in person but a group of friends is wild.

[u/Which_Material_3100 → u/snugginator]

Agree. A true “let’s talk” scenario is more thoughtful than this “0-dark-hundred wakeup” bash fest. I’ve had friends give me hard truths but it wasn’t as a group. It was one and one. I’m all for personal growth and I’ve sought therapy for my stuff. Highly recommend. But maybe seek out one of your friends singularly (for lunch or something) and ask why, when everything seemed to be going so well during the weekend, did this happen out of the blue?

[u/856077 → u/Which_Material_3100]

0-dark-hundred wake up 🤣made me cackle so loud

[u/Key-Airline204 → u/snugginator]

I agree with all this to a point but I also wonder if a couple of people were going on and one felt that it wasn’t fair to do this without giving OP a chance to participate or respond? Like trying to not have this occur behind her back?

Regardless of the intention it does all suck, if someone woke me up for that I’d probably claw their face off.

[u/PresentRaspberry6814 → u/Key-Airline204]

It was bullying. Waking her out of sleep to bully her was premeditated and cruel, she was super vulnerable and had not been party to the prelude of this epiphany. Such long term friendships can not be let go of easily, but this crossed several lines it will be hard for those women to come back from.

[u/JailhouseMamaJackson → u/PresentRaspberry6814]

I feel like you’re very much underestimating how stupid drunk people can be.

[u/PresentRaspberry6814 → u/JailhouseMamaJackson]

Look this is absolutely the case! I am scared by unpredictable people and avoid contact with drunk people as much as possible, especially men.

[u/PracticalPain7835 → u/JailhouseMamaJackson]

doesn't matter. If they truly cares about her and had a drop of empathy they would have realised the gravity of what they did and would make an effort to make amends.

[u/BloodGullible6594 → u/JailhouseMamaJackson]

Being drunk is not a free pass to be an asshole. Many people still need to learn this lesson. The point is that it doesn’t matter how drunk they were or weren’t, this never should have happened. If this is a matter of “my friends need to stop drinking so this doesn’t happen again”, then that’s what it is. But there is no get out of jail free card for shitty behavior because you were drinking, you were still the one making the choice to drink and everything after.

[u/wackOPtheories → u/snugginator]

https://giphy.com/gifs/0rBftf0gYObxxf5pyS

[u/Key-Airline204 → u/snugginator]

I agree with all this to a point but I also wonder if a couple of people were going on and one felt that it wasn’t fair to do this without giving OP a chance to participate or respond? Like trying to not have this occur behind her back?

Regardless of the intention it does all suck, if someone woke me up for that I’d probably claw their face off.

[u/madcre]

Do you have some examples of what exactly they said?

[u/myfriendscallmerage → u/madcre]

Man, I really want to know what OP said here

[u/PrincessAC1998 → u/myfriendscallmerage]

Dang I missed it

[u/kbreu12 → u/PrincessAC1998]

Anyone read it and can post a TLDR here??

[u/Cute_Variation_2420 → u/myfriendscallmerage]

right i’m very curious, Waking someone up to pile on them about their issues in the middle of the night is fucked but at the same time what kind of problems were they having to all unanimously agree on it like that?

[u/lostwombats → u/Cute_Variation_2420]

Something similar happened with my old roommates. I lived in a house with a million roommates who were longtime friends. There was one problem friend. They finally had a talk to her and she played victim and told everyone who would listen how she was innocent and her friends were meanies for ganging up on her.

She was that stereotypical rich party girl. She lived with us poors for "the experience." She drank vodka like water. She made the biggest grossest messes and expected us to clean them. When we had people over she would flirt with them to make her boyfriend jealous (everyone told him to run). She once snapped at him in front of a big group of us, saying, "If you don't do ____, I won't have sex with you for a week." That pissed everyone off, girls and guys, and was kinda the straw that broke the camels back. She was kicked out of the house and friend group. Her parents bought her a random house for sale literally down the block. She was... alot.

I wonder what type of person OP is.

[u/Ok_Bag_3667 → u/lostwombats]

I really don't care what OP is like at this point. If OP was that bad, they didn't have to hang out with her. Waking her up in the middle of the night and dragging her out of bed is unhinged, as is getting her to take one of THEIR Ambien.

[u/Exotic_Today_8248 → u/lostwombats]

Honestly, if that was the first time the friends mentioned it, theyre the problem too. People do t enable themselves

[u/Ok_Bag_3667 → u/Cute_Variation_2420]

I don't mean to sound combative, but who cares? If OP is that bad, they don't have to hang out with her. If they wanted to talk to her about whatever issues they had with her, they could have done it in the light of day when OP was awake. Dragging her out of bed and ambushing her when she was groggy and disoriented was an utterly horrific way to treat her.

[u/dovahkiitten16 → u/Cute_Variation_2420]

It’s a TikTok trend. The same thing happened to me, popped up in several neurodivergent support groups, happened to an old friend living somewhere different (she ended up in the hospital over it). I googled it, and discovered a sect of the Fatal Flaw friend theory or whatever where you’re supposed to communicate your friend’s flaws. Basically instead of doing the normal human thing and realizing you’ve outgrown a friend, you demand they fix themselves for you.

[u/Frivolous_Fancies]

Whether you're neurodivergent or nah, even whether they were right or not... it doesn't matter. Who the fuck collects a bunch of stuff they don't like about someone until they suddenly decide it's intervention o'clock, in the middle of the fucking night? Honest, respectful communication should happen early and occur often. And then they give you an Ambien? Nah fuck that.

So I've learned that there are people in this world who will pretend to be your friend and insist they care about you, but in fact they hate you and will undermine you at every turn. They will refuse to be honest with you. I've known one or two people like this so far, and it's just so much easier to "un-know" them...as in cut off contact and get new friends. I know--it sucks. It felt like I should have known better after each incident, but in the end it's not my or your fault.

[u/LargePuzzledTomato]

Waking up a sick person and telling them all the ways they’ve hurt you is not a mature way to deal with that situation.

I’m sorry OP, that must have felt so isolating and hurtful. They should have talked to you one on one instead of bombarding you with things that have been clearly building up for a while.

They all probably felt called out by each other and felt like you got it easy bc you were asleep. But you were sick! It doesn’t matter if their arguments were valid, it was the manner in which they went about it that was wrong.

[u/m0nstera_deliciosa]

Did they make you take an Ambien because you were someone’s ride home and it would be inconvenient if they had to find another driver? I’m kinda stunned they gave Ambien to someone who had been drinking.

[u/Turbulent_Movie6652 → u/m0nstera_deliciosa]

No there was another person there that could have been their ride later in the day but yea never had taken one before and cried myself to sleep

[u/CocoTandy → u/Turbulent_Movie6652]

These are not safe people. On the first read through I assumed it was your sleeping medication. 

I'm horrified that people drugged you. These are not friends. This is not ok in any way under any circumstances 

[u/mallowycloud → u/CocoTandy]

agreed, agreed, agreed, that line set off red alarms in my mind. OP, these are not safe people, these are not your friends.

[u/raistlynn17 → u/CocoTandy]

https://giphy.com/gifs/fWfowxJtHySJ0SGCgN

[u/GnomieOk4136 → u/Turbulent_Movie6652]

Do you know that people have ended up on ventilators or dead from mixing alcohol and Ambien? These people are physically unsafe.

[u/wisebelowmyears → u/GnomieOk4136]

Jesus, that really is awful. But also... if she'd been drinking, the only good thing is that she didn't also drive

[u/anneofred → u/Turbulent_Movie6652]

So they woke you up to ambush you, then when you wanted to leave they drugged you? Come on. These people are awful

[u/Riksunraksu → u/Turbulent_Movie6652]

Red flags. You don’t give someone strong medication to keep them there!

[u/ciavv → u/Turbulent_Movie6652]

these people are not safe nor are they your friends, friends do not do this to each other

[u/EnvironmentEuphoric9]

I would never speak to these hoes again.

[u/bhutt_holle → u/EnvironmentEuphoric9]

Same. Fuck that.

IMO this is bullying disguised as 'loving friends just having an open conversation with you so we can make things right'.

They woke you when you were sick, ganged up together, took their turns telling you all the things they don't like about you, gave you no meaningful opportunity to respond, then convinced you to literally take a chill pill so you didn't overreact/ruin things for them/make them feel bad, and then didn't allow you to leave...

This sounds like a group of people who basically want you out of their social circle, OR they want you to change who you are to fit in with their vision of what they want you to be.

Good friends don't use strength in numbers to stage drunken interventions to bitch about you to your face... IDC if OP legitimately did display problematic behaviours, that's still not how a group of friends deals with it and it's definitely not indicative of people who care about you.

Time to find some new friends OP.

[u/Led16f → u/bhutt_holle]

Scrolled too far to find this take. And it genuinely scares me. Do people really need to know what they complained about to OP, to figure out this is just bullying behavior and not friendship behavior?? They want you to change completely at best and out of their clique at worst. That group sounds toxic and surely not mature at all. Toxic friendships can be as bad as toxic romantic rs. I know it's hard OP but the sooner you cut them off the better.

[u/PracticalPain7835 → u/Led16f]

agreed. There are comments saying "omg this is healthy" like, no this is pathological...

Whether their concerns were valid is completely erased by their chosen method of delivery. No one who truly cares about a person drags them out of bed in the middle of the night to tell them everything that's wrong with them.

Also drugging OP? WTF?? These girls are sick in the head.

OP GET 👏🏻 AWAY 👏🏻 FROM 👏🏻 THEM 👏🏻

[u/Revolutionary-Yak-47 → u/PracticalPain7835]

The drugs were NOT ok. If youre nauseous you need to be able to wake up if you throw up so you dont suffocate. 

[u/Sea_Nectarine_8884 → u/Led16f]

Yup. Literally reading this post and these comments and sitting here like what post did y'all read that you're trying to blame this on OP? If this was a woman saying her husband did this to her, every single comment would be rightfully calling this out as abusive and unsafe. It still is even if it's a group of women doing it to another woman. Arguably moreso since OP was also very outnumbered by the people waking her up from a dead sleep to bully her. But because OP is admittedly neurodivergent, half the comments are telling her "we'll have you considered that this is actually your fault?" OP is even in therapy and on meds, objectively doing the work of trying to manage her symptoms, and half the comments are still falling over themselves trying to blame her for this.

This is why it's not safe to be the only ND in a friend group. 🤷🏼‍♀️ This is why the only NTs I'll be friends with are ones who already have a ND loved one. It's not my job to teach you how to be kind to someone whose brain works differently than yours, and you aren't entitled to your own personal Barbie Dream House version of who I am as a person. Happy to have a respectful, sober conversation during normal waking hours about something that I've done that has upset you, the kind of conversation people have with someone they respect and care about. Miss me with this shit though. OP should never speak to these people again.

[u/Beneficial-Ad7062 → u/Sea_Nectarine_8884]

Totally agree, I had a boyfriend that used to wake me up to complain about all the things I’d done wrong and it WAS abuse. Same shit, drop those bitches.

[u/Due-Business-8696 → u/bhutt_holle]

the perfect way to put it. girls are mean and insecure. im not sure what was said or what points may have been valid but this wasnt the way to go about it AT ALL. you have every right to feel ambushed OP and honestly i think you should let them know that. i think you worded how this situation made you feel perfectly in your post, and if you are going to continue a friendship with this group you should advocate for yourself.

“i wasnt angry that they had feelings … i guess i assumed thag choice came with some level of grace”

i would copy and paste that word for word and send it in a group chat to them. if there really was an issue either things done in the past why not mention it to you in the moment? idfk and honestly im praying that you either speak up for yourself wherever you see fit or find some new friends. i know thats easier said than done, especially depending on your age. but remember being an acquired taste is never a bad thing. lots of people dont like champagne, that doesnt mean you should water yourself down to be more palatable for the sake of “friendship”

[u/anneofred → u/Due-Business-8696]

Women as a whole aren’t mean. These women specifically are mean

[u/856077 → u/EnvironmentEuphoric9]

That part.. because why tf are you all shit talking while i’m not present and then all collectively decide that a mass gang up style confrontation about such sensitive matters is appropriate?! It sounds like something a mean girl group in high school would do! They literally behaved like immature ass teenagers.All at once, coming for you group style is diabolical any way you slice it imo.

Real friends would have saved these grievances for a 1:1 calm and sober setting. Why didn’t any of them brings this to you privately prior to the trip? To save it again, for a public humiliation style intervention is not what good, concerned friends do. Especially when the things you’ve listed are not even that bad?? They acted like you were a drug addict and slept with their boyfriend or some shit 🤣 “You interrupted me when I was talking once” gtfo with that shit. They framed it as them loving and caring for you but none of this was caring or loving… sounds like it happened with bad intentions

[u/scabs_in_a_bucket → u/856077]

RIGHT?!? no matter what OPs “flaws” are, doing a group confrontation is literally the worst possible way to go about it. This same thing happened to me in middle school and literally traumatized me.

[u/chakichu → u/scabs_in_a_bucket]

For me it was in high school and I’m literally still in therapy over it? It’s ruined my trust in friends pretty much for life at this point.

OP, I know you want to try and salvage what’s here and that there was alcohol involved on your friends side of things but stand up for yourself! You don’t deserve to be treated like this by people who are supposed to care about you.

[u/InvictusNoobius → u/scabs_in_a_bucket]

I feel for you deeply, as the exact same thing happened in high school for me, on an overnight trip while we were visiting prospective universities. Completely blindsided. In hindsight, the girls were acting a little distant beforehand, but at the time I just chalked it up to typical teenage angst.
One of my closest friends (at the time) invited me to a “party” in another friend’s room, and when I arrived, my entire extended friend group - at least 12 different girls - were sat in a semicircle staring at me as I walked in. They sat me down and, just as in OP, started unloading about how I was a terrible friend - only they very explicitly called it an “intervention”. It was one of the most traumatic moments in my life and it has scarred me to this day.
An example of my “terrible behaviour”: mentioned to friend B that friend A wanted to dye her hair a particular colour that friend B had stated she wanted to dye her hair.
FUCK your “friends”, OP - seriously. There is no universe in which is this even remotely acceptable, even IF they somehow all independently came to the conclusion that you’re a terrible friend, ganging up on an individual, isolating them, and collectively airing grievances like that is mean girl behaviour.
You deserve better.

[u/Yalsas → u/EnvironmentEuphoric9]

I got ambushed like this and they drove me to a location I never agreed to go to. Felt kidnapped.

I never spoke to those hoes again.

[u/IntroductionDue9022 → u/EnvironmentEuphoric9]

Yeah, went through a similar thing with a group of old "friends". It doesn't get better. Some of them I'm still cool with but just to party from time to time. Funny how they pulled some similar "intervention" on me years ago cause one friend decided to turn everyone against me when I stood up her bullying, then slowly as the years went by everyone realized how batshit she was (I'm talking extremely manipulative, hit on everyone's boyfriends, etc) then I was like.....see? Told you.

[u/856077 → u/IntroductionDue9022]

wow i’m so sorry! This is super common unfortunately and I actually think that this is what could’ve happened to OP.. there is always a ring leader looking to manipulate, ice out a person, gang up, start it etc. I’d be interested to know which person in particular even suggested that weird discussion made up of just criticizing eachother under the guise of “loving each other and coming out stronger”. That’s the person to be wary of OP. That person 100% was not looking to bond, they were looking to bully you specifically and have everyone join under false pretences

[u/Strong_District_5894 → u/EnvironmentEuphoric9]

Yep, this. I went through this once, except they looped in my parents and ambushed me in my parents living room. 

Fuck that. 

[u/856077 → u/Strong_District_5894]

they got your parents too?! Oh hell no. That’s traumatic, i’m so sorry you went through that

[u/PracticalPain7835 → u/EnvironmentEuphoric9]

the way I would burn that bridge with all of us on it...

[u/plantitas_bonitas → u/EnvironmentEuphoric9]

100%!!!!!

This has that same mean bitch energy of saying something out of pocket and then defending it with “I’m just being honest!” Like no you’re being a cunt. 

Ditch em girl. 

[u/thatsradbruh]

I’m wondering if this isn’t the first time they made you their sacrificial lamb, but rather the first time they were maybe so aggressive about it that you notified it. Sometimes with ADHD it can be really hard to pick up on patterns cause you’re always onto the next thought or action and you easily forgive and move on for that same reason. A group rarely comes out and bands together this much this aggressively. I hope I’m making sense. I think punching down to you might be how they bonded for some time. That’s my gut instinct + my own experiences with people and seeing a lot of myself in how you’re explaining things. Took me a lot of therapy to learn discernment and learn to stop auto forgiving and auto excusing everyone.

[u/Icy-Organization2228 → u/thatsradbruh]

The patterns piece has been huge for me with ADHD, especially if the person’s behavior is subtle. Like, a one-sentence put down in a group hangout - most friends do this in jest, or even annoyance at times (sibling vibes), so I don’t notice when the person starts doing it every time I see them because I forget that detail in the excitement of everything else…

[u/Nervous-Waltz7849]

ARE YOU SHITTING ME??? They DRUGGED YOU????

[u/hmenhusen → u/Nervous-Waltz7849]

I had to scroll WAYY too far to find anything about this. OP, they literally sedated you and prevented you from leaving. They weren't okay with you sleeping when they wanted to talk their shit, but they wanted you asleep when you finally had enough and wanted out. Nope nope nope.

[u/Nervous-Waltz7849 → u/hmenhusen]

Imagine if this had happened between a girl and a guy. People would be losing their FUCKING MINDS and rightfully so. Jesus tapdancing Christ.

[u/hmenhusen → u/Nervous-Waltz7849]

LITERALLY FUCKING THIS. Gah fucking dammit how is no else else noticing this? This poor girl was fucking drugged by these shitty ass women. OP deserves so much more out of a friend group.

[u/Nervous-Waltz7849 → u/hmenhusen]

"My boyfriend woke me up to tell me how all the ways I suck as a girlfriend and then he gave me an ambien." People would be lighting fires.

[u/catgirlbarista → u/Nervous-Waltz7849]

... my ex kept me awake, when I had work (he was WFH when he was employed) early the next morning, to berate me and tell me all the things I was doing wrong, and then would frequently give me meds (or tell me to take my own "as needed" anxiety meds) (that he pressured me to "share" aka give to him) (hindsight is 20/20) so I could get a couple hours' sleep.

one time he gave me THC concentrate (? I don't remember the right terminology) so I could sleep but gave me so much that I was still stoned the next morning, but I didn't realize I was still *under the influence* so I took a selfie to send to him so I could poke fun at the fact that I couldn't open my eyes all the way.

[u/psahummus → u/Nervous-Waltz7849]

I don’t even care why some people are defending their actions by saying “OP was freaking out about other things and already can’t sleep, and she can’t drive so this is a better option…”

Like ok, once again, if that’s true (didn’t find that comment about exams/insomnia)…the shitty and overly emotionally enmeshed touchy feeling too happily prescription controlleddrug-giving “friends” CHOSE that night to do it huh? Famously that doesn’t cause anyone more distress ever! Such great effective communication skills. I am glad they showed how bad of a friend OP was by being even worse friends. That definitely makes sense!!!

Downvote me people all you want, I am close to “lighting fires” (metaphorically, obviously) for OP, seriously.

[u/PracticalPain7835 → u/psahummus]

Agreed. This is bullshit. We ride at dawn 🔥🔥

[u/raistlynn17 → u/hmenhusen]

https://giphy.com/gifs/YR2pe2eiDKBCTnAtrS

[u/Substantial_truth167 → u/Nervous-Waltz7849]

This is the big red flag. They’re not your friends, OP. They actually drugged you

[u/handlewithcare07 → u/Nervous-Waltz7849]

This is exactly what stuck out for me: they forced her to take an Ambien????

[u/Nervous-Waltz7849 → u/handlewithcare07]

Like okay sure, they didn't spike her drink, but that's very very coercive. If you're somewhere you can't leave, but you don't feel safe, but you have to sleep, but you don't feel safe, your ONLY OPTION is to accept, from one of these people who have just emotionally destroyed you, is to take something to knock you tf out? The goggles, they do nothing.

[u/PeachesNLaserBeams → u/Nervous-Waltz7849]

Right that part!! Idk this whole situation is giving such weird vibes. I’m thinking “woman ends up dead/missing after sleepover with friends vibes”

OP please don’t go anywhere with these people overnight ever again

[u/Trinnka13]

I don't care what it was about, are you okay? That seems really harsh if you're not doing anything to warrant it, like putting your life at risk etc.

[u/Turbulent_Movie6652 → u/Trinnka13]

I’m not doing great that’s for sure.

[u/Riksunraksu → u/Turbulent_Movie6652]

1. They ambushed you whilst being under influence 2. They drugged you what seems like through coercion 3. They didn’t have a discussion but targeted rant towards you with no regard of your well being.

OP, this is seriously messed up. You could be the most heinous b*tch and this would still be the worst way to treat a person

[u/Trinnka13 → u/Turbulent_Movie6652]

I hope you have other friends to lean into, because this really sucks.

[u/becuzz-I-sed → u/Turbulent_Movie6652]

I smell a rat! With bad intentions. It sounds like someone is jealous of you or on some power trip and instigated this whole thing. There's no excuse for what they did. None. Period. This may be a good time to pull back and assess where you want to go with each girl . I'm thinking that they continue to talk behind your back. The truth will come out. I'm so sorry you were ambushed while sick and sleeping to be attacked like that. Tell each one, separately to please talk to you privately in the future and let them know your true feelings on this situation. The gloves are off, babe.

[u/kl2467 → u/becuzz-I-sed]

This! There was an instigator.

But that doesn't excuse the other two.

[u/Lupifumes → u/becuzz-I-sed]

There always is! First thing I thought as well. There's always an insecure bully that shoots a glance, or waits for an in and when they feel safe enough go "ugh, I saw X knock over your drink, isn't she always so clumsy?"

It's classic girl warfare tactics, honestly.

Wouldn't be surprised if the other girls don't even really feel this way and now feel guilty. Besides, an intervention? For small, petty annoyances? Just tell someone yourself after the fact? "Hey, you interrupted me twice tonight and I noticed it annoyed me, could you pay more attention to that?"

And done.

[u/Healthy-Neat-2989]

I don’t understand waking someone up in the middle of the night to complain about things as minor as being cut off and feeling like you’re judgey. That is not intervention level, or even big drama level. Sounds like they were being drunk and petty and ganging up on you. I’d have a hard time coming back from that without some serious apologies for the unwarranted ambush.

[u/MooseRobot]

I'm sorry that happened to you. I honestly don't think I could come back from this because for me, personally, this type of confrontation means someone is incompatible with me.

I value understanding and acceptance in my relationships. My best friend and I have had multiple points where we had very different stand points or where one of us said something that really upset the other. Neither of us would have ever ambushed the other. We set a time to talk and dealt with the problem. Where we couldn't see eye to eye we both accepted the other person as a whole human that we loved and that was the end of the conversation.

It sounds like they talked a lot of shit and then felt guilty. They handled the situation poorly, but it's up to you if you can move past that or not. I personally wouldn't, especially unless they apologized individually.

[u/Turbulent_Movie6652 → u/MooseRobot]

That’s what I’m scared about as it confirms the feeling and fear of being alone without my friends.

[u/MooseRobot → u/Turbulent_Movie6652]

Look, I'm gonna be so for real with you. Sometimes the people who are our "friends" are not our friends. Maybe they are mean girling you, maybe you annoy them, maybe they just think this is an acceptable way to approach a friend.

You have to decide if you're ok with it. Maybe text the person you're closest to and ask for some clarification on how the situation started and let them know how it felt to you.

If you can't reconcile it with how you want to live your life then you need to start putting yourself out there and make new friends. It's hard as an adult, and might be a little lonely for a while, but it's not anywhere near as bad as surrounding yourself with people you don't trust.

My best advice is to live your life and approach all relationships in the way that you would want to be treated. You'll eventually find your people.

[u/Turbulent_Movie6652 → u/MooseRobot]

Thank you, that’s close to what my therapist said and it’s a really hard truth to hear

[u/MooseRobot → u/Turbulent_Movie6652]

I know. My wife is also having friend issues and it's hard. I feel for you. But just remember and know that you deserve people who love and accept you the way you love and accept them.

[u/Silent_Possibility63 → u/MooseRobot]

https://giphy.com/gifs/Ro4ygeIQxuQZqwP5rF

[u/--DarkLink-- → u/Turbulent_Movie6652]

https://giphy.com/gifs/VbPGlGRjmCPuC9jGAB

[u/spacey_a → u/MooseRobot]

Right? These are NOT friends. They ambushed OP, deprived her of sleep (which is a torture tactic), then verbally and emotionally abused her for an hour, then they fucking DRUGGED her with Ambien? Even if OP "chose" to take it, she was quite clearly bullied and pressured and coerced into doing so.

These people are monsters. They do not deserve OP's friendship, or her time or energy.

My god. I wish OP all the healing, and the strength and inner self-value to never speak to any of them again except to tell them to shove it where the sun don't shine. And then to find actual, true, amazing, supportive friends who love her for who she is and who communicate like adults with her to resolve issues.

[u/psahummus → u/spacey_a]

This. Honestly when I was reading this i thought of that phrase “you can’t waterboard this out of me” because heck, what were those girls thinking when they decided to…torture OP?

Is this even close to false imprisonment too btw? I am just saying I would have filed a police report. For the drugging alone.

Just typing that sentence out gives me a headache. Jesus this shit is bad.

[u/the_virginwhore → u/spacey_a]

Deprived her of sleep, verbally and emotionally abused her, then drugged and kidnapped her the day before she had to submit a final paper.

[u/raistlynn17 → u/spacey_a]

https://giphy.com/gifs/11sBLVxNs7v6WA

[u/AnnabethDaring → u/MooseRobot]

This.

OP, I have lost friends, many friends in the course of a life learning and growing and maturing, and I have learned a few things.

Like MooseRobot said, sometimes a friend is not truly a friend. As you said OP, sometimes you’re only friends from school/college, or coworkers, or friends-of-friends friends. Friends of convenience, not true bond.

It can seem scary and daunting to be alone. Sometimes, a trauma bond forms, where we start to seek relief and validation from the toxic person we want in our lives. But loneliness is far better than bad company that doesn’t have your best intentions at heart, every. Single. Time.

I have felt blindsided by friend losses. Completely surprised at others. Sometimes it’s secret envy they harbor against you, or mean words behind your back. Or a lack of character, of only being there for the good times and being unreliable and taken for granted every time else.

But no matter what, I’ve learned that solitude is a far better friend than that :) it allows for reflection, introspection, grieving, healing, and growth. And it finally allows you to find your sense of self, to understand what you like and more importantly, what your values are, and then next time, you’ll be able to attract the right kind of people with your newfound confidence and vibe. 🥰

Believe in yourself!! Remember this—you are capable of anything you want in life, so long as you work for it and believe it in it, and yourself. And if your knee-jerk reaction to that is to deny it, question that—why? Why not? Why cant you? Where’s the evidence you can’t?? 🤨 🤔

OP, im truly sorry this happened to you. It was not kind of them. It was not kindness or friendship. It was not mindful of you and your needs and headspace. It’s okay to feel anything and everything you need to. Know this: the pain of rejection (of any kind) is psychologically one of the worst pains imaginable. We are social creatures, so rejection from the clan/group is akin to grief or a bone breaking.

Take the time you need to heal 🥹 speak to trusted family, or therapy ❤️🫶🏼 you deserve all the love and kindness in the world, and you don’t need to earn it. 🥰 it is your birthright. You are loved. ❤️ you will find the people who love you unconditionally in this world. 🥰🫶🏼

[u/Turbulent_Movie6652 → u/AnnabethDaring]

I really need to hear that and I’m crying again. I’m so scared and immediately started doubting myself and pursing my masters and I really need that thank you so much.

[u/AnnabethDaring → u/Turbulent_Movie6652]

Of course darling 🥹❤️ that is AMAZING!! GOOD FOR YOU!!! 🥳🥳🫶🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 you should be incredibly proud of yourself for even just trying. I aspire to be like you 😁🥰🥰🫶🏼❤️

This life will throw challenges at you, this is a universal reality. The goal is to find the silver lining in every one. The good times are nice, sure, but how often do we learn and get stronger from easy times?? We build strength and muscle by repetition of intense rounds of exercise and weightlifting, and disciplined nutrition. We build mental muscles (like a masters!!) through repetition and intense study and reading and testing, which is also challenging and demanding.

The takeaway? Happy days are nice. But hard days build your character, your resilience, your skills, your ability, and through results of effort—your confidence. 🥰

So as masochistic as I probably sound in saying this 😂 I am very grateful for all my hard days. They have always taught me something meaningful and new about the world, and about myself. 😌❤️

But remember—true strength doesn’t mean putting on a brave face and pretending youre fine, while bottling up emotions and drowning them with substances. Strength is being vulnerable. And you’ve shown great strength today, just allowing yourself to cry and grieve this. 🥹🫂 I’m really, really proud of you. 🫶🏼 I hope you are too!! 🥰 allow yourself to show yourself a lot of grace and forgiveness. You are human; you are allowed to be human. ADHD, interrupting, forgetful, and also kind, intelligent, giving—flaws and boons and all. You are whole 🥰😌🫶🏼

Does a newborn have to do anything to be loved? Does it have to earn its keep, its hugs, its food? No, it’s the baby’s birthright. They are loved simply because they are. 🥰

You are that baby 🤲🏼 pure light 🥹 okay? Literally the stuff of stars. ✨🌌

Allow yourself every emotion, allow yourself time to heal. But the only thing I hope you don’t allow—is don’t beat yourself up. Even if you mess up, even if you fail—you’re still loved. You are allowed to mess up. You don’t have to have all the answers. So don’t speak ill towards yourself, okay? 🥹 many of us are probe to it, but you can also self correct! I like to do it like: “gosh, i was so stupid just now—actually, no. I made a mistake, but i am not stupid. If anything, i learned how not to do it next time!” 🥰

Chin up girlie!! ❤️🫶🏼 you are allowed to rest well tonight, with the full knowledge that your brightest days exist ahead of you. 🫶🏼

[u/ExtraplanetJanet → u/Turbulent_Movie6652]

They aren’t your friends, they are people who you think you are friends with who aren’t friends with you. That is a very painful situation to be in, especially when it gets thrown in your face like this. That part when they said they felt closer after piling onto you? They didn’t feel closer to you, they felt closer to each other because choosing a person to be outgroup and driving them away is one of the most primitive group bonding activities you can do. They probably felt very empowered and secure in their group membership after seeing how small and sad and scared they were able to make you. These aren’t people you want to ever be vulnerable around again.

[u/Flightwings → u/Turbulent_Movie6652]

With friends like these, who needs enemies? So not one of them realized 4 v 1 is massively one sided? They didn't realize they were ganging up on you? Why did they say all of that? I think they said it to make it themselves feel better after taking it out on you, not to encourage you to change. Zero friends are better than four assholes who rip you to shreds and drug you when you understandably want to leave a hostile environment.

[u/BrazenHamster]

This feels like a pile-on. It also sounds like possible jealous sabotage, because you're just about to finish your papers and they may not have much going on for themselves at the moment. Honestly, I would put all this on hold and get your paper out the way, give yourself some space from thinking about it and just doing your own thing, and wait for perspective. Drinking is full of bad ideas, but it sounds like you are a good friend, and you've done nothing wrong, you've just triggered some bad reaction in one or the other of them, possibly feelings of inadequacy on their part and they've acted out. Back yourself and don't automatically assume you have been in the wrong, although I would also be shocked at how you were treated. When you're calm, get on the group chat, tell them that you thought the 'intervention' was a bit much, and see what they say. If they pile on, sober, or refuse to apologize by at least admitting that they went over the top, then there's something else going on and you should look at distancing yourself, as nobody needs friends like that.

[u/Former_Budget_9257]

Sounds like you need to think this through and thoroughly. When you are ready, sooner than later, sit them down and talk to them about it. Ask if they remember and since this is a safe space now it’s your turn to talk your bit. Watch their reactions and how they respond/ try to cut you off…. You’ll know what to do then, it’s up to you to go through with the choice or not. Remember you are not 100% what people say you are, and not everything they say is true.

[u/Turbulent_Movie6652 → u/Former_Budget_9257]

I definitely do and don’t know how to do that honestly as I am so scared I’ll be faced with the truth I don’t want to hear

[u/Icy-Introduction3172 → u/Turbulent_Movie6652]

I know you're worried that they will say say they hate you and you'll lose your friends. But I feel like you're underplaying what happened. You weren't feeling well, they drunkenly woke you up in the middle night to point out all of your personal flaws. Then when you became uncomfortable and wanted to leave, they drunkenly gave you medication. And yet you still drove one of them back because you wanted to make sure they got home safe. Considering the flaws they just had to get out were that you sometimes interrupt people, everything they did seems majorly fucked up in comparison. If they have no remorse then they aren't worth it. What's there to look forward to in the friendship, another night of being dog piled on?

[u/Former_Budget_9257 → u/Turbulent_Movie6652]

I thought they already said their truths, and if they are your friends they will understand. You will have to be strong or you will always feel miserable in this group. As someone else posted you can talk one on one and go that route but people could twist or change the narrative. Personally I would dish it back the way they served it to you so that everyone is there, sober this time and can talk with clarity if need be…. Dealing with scary things is part of growing up, this right now is bringing you down and occupying headspace, it needs to be handled not just for you but to move on as the friends you all claim to be. I believe in you and you and your wellbeing come first.

[u/Ethnafia_125 → u/Turbulent_Movie6652]

If you're scared of what they might say, write an email (or a word doc) instead. You don't ever have to send it if you don't want. Sometimes writing out your feelings can be enough to get clarity.

Also, I went through something similar with an ex-friend of mine. I thought we were like sisters, that she understood me the same way I understood her. Only to be confronted by the fact that even tho I'd been friends with her for 15 years, she didn't know me at all. Sometimes, the people we think are friends, don't care for us in the same way we care for them. And sometimes, it's better to move forward with your own life without them in it.

It can be scary, but you will find others who value you as you are, not as they want you to be.

Take care of yourself and take your time. There's no reason too rush decions or communication. Sending you many many internet hugs.

[u/VeterinarianDry9667 → u/Turbulent_Movie6652]

You take your time, friend.
This is an imperfect situation and it only has imperfect solutions. Trust your (sober) gut. Avoid them if you want to. Let them wonder.

[u/Sweet-Energy-9515 → u/Turbulent_Movie6652]

Talk to them, but one on one. No need to set up another you vs everybody. You can choose whoever you think is most likely to hear you and have a talk with just her, then decide where to go from there. My most charitable read of this situation is it was an incredibly stupid drunken "seemed like a good idea at the time", and if they are appropriately mortified in the cold light of day maybe they can try to fix things. But please, one on one.

[u/gollygoshdang → u/Turbulent_Movie6652]

Before you go into a conversation - write down what you want to say, as if you were saying it to them. I’m neurodivergent myself and really struggle with emotional processing and anxiety, and this helps when I have to go into tough conversations.

I know you’re scared of a truth along the lines of “they hate me and I’m a bad person.” But if that is what they bring to the conversation, and not an apology or accountability for their TERRIBLE approach, then it says so much more about them than about you.

[u/kl2467 → u/Former_Budget_9257]

No. Don't talk to them. Any of them. Ever again. This was abuse. Unwarranted abuse when she was vulnerable.

OP, you don't deserve this crap, and they don't deserve your presence or grace.

[u/Quiet_surprise79]

Just here to say I fucking hate your old friends.

[u/psahummus]

This would have traumatized me and it’s extremely fucking annoying and catty, pathetic, immature way to do things in general. Someone less nice than you would have used violence if they found out there were forced to “face them” like this.

It sounds like you were drugged by them too and Jesus fuck that crosses a line. So small inconveniences from you warranted assault from them? Sorry I would ask someone to throw their asses in jail.

[u/Legitimate-Win-9669]

I’d never forgive them. It actually wouldn’t matter if the reasons were valid or not. That’s not the way you treat a friend.

[u/GnomieOk4136]

They woke you up when you were sick to do this. They gave you Ambien knowing you had been drinking. They wouldn't let you leave.

Honey, even if their complaints were you going to people homes to kick puppies (which it obviously wasn't), that was not okay.

These folks have decided that they do not want to be your friend. That is incredibly hurtful, but the fact that they were also okay giving you something that could have put you in the emergency room is much worse. They are physically dangerous for you to be around.

[u/Wont_Eva_Know]

God I hate drinking/alcohol… what absolute losers to think this was anything resembling constructive friendship feedback.

Even if every single thing they said was accurate… the delivery is MENTAL.

And the drug factor! Goes to psycho levels… unsafe.

Do they expect you to feel good after that? Confident, robust like you want to change your ways and be an amazing friend to them?

Hurtful drunken ambushing dickheads.

I could not be bothered with people like that. Drunkenly cooking up good ideas like this?!? Leave me TF out of it.

I hope they woke up absolutely fucking mortified and secretly hating each other for the feed back they received.

Keep your head high OP at least you’re not THEM no matter how imperfect you are… it could be worse!!

[u/thebunz21 → u/Wont_Eva_Know]

I love the way you wrote this. Can't explain why but I hope OP reads this over and over and prints it out and makes it her phone background.

[u/ToiIetGhost → u/thebunz21]

Me too, I actually saved it for myself! lol

[u/alex-gs-piss-pants]

Aside from everything else, I would like to say that your plating is BEAUTIFUL and you clearly have insane talent/knowledge of food. ROASTED LAMB?! PEA AND MINT PUREE?! PERFECTLY SAUTEED (oyster???) SHROOMS?!

AFTER ALL THAT?!?

[u/Life-Direction8726]

They are not your friends. It's fine for people to take up issues with one another it is BIZARRE to wake someone up to dissect their character. Like oh, she's asleep I want to tell her what a bad friend she is whilst simultaneously we are all being bad friends. A trip away is not the place for that with alcohol involved. Drugging you to stay is weird and invasive. They don't sound supportive they sound controlling and passive aggressive. You may be ND or NT, doesn't matter they didn't treat you as a friend. My best friend of 30 years knows me warts and all, we have had one major break up with NC for a year and minor ups and downs. If they ever woke me up to tell the issues they had with them I'd throw them outta the window and go back to sleep. Your 'friends' aren't on One Tree Hill and it's the season finale where the mean girl gets her comeuppance but she realises the not really ugly nerd girl is actually a true friend. Just be decent humans, Christ alive I miss the 90s

[u/Temporary_Fee4398]

Tbh you should cut them off. Them coming together and ambushing you is only after they finally gained the confidence to tell you to your face what they’ve been talking about behind your back.

This is 1000% not the first time they’ve come together to discuss you. And honestly, the whole “telling you this as a friend” thing is bullshit. Why let issues pile on to the point where they felt this way. If you are a friend you don’t hide hidden animosity towards your friends. You let them know and you move on.

I’d seriously reconsider these friends tbh.

[u/ProfessionalBear8837]

A bunch of girls I was sharing a school camp cabin with did this at 3am when I was ten, and it was cruel and ludicrous then. You say you've been friends for decades, how old are these horrible women? I think they have a drinking problem and a character problem. I know this is agonising but it's also the start of a new phase for you OP. You'll start to re-evaluate these friendships. This might be time to find a good therapist to talk it through with. I'm sorry, but onwards and upwards.

[u/Fool_In_Flow]

Did they all air their stuff out to each other first, when you weren’t there, then came and got you to include your for your go, or was this exclusively about you?

[u/Turbulent_Movie6652 → u/Fool_In_Flow]

They aired out stuff about each other first when I wasn’t there and then came and got me

[u/Fool_In_Flow → u/Turbulent_Movie6652]

Here’s my idea-they felt like their relationship grew and deepened from this activity so then they were like, Wait! We can’t leave OP out! It feels like a drunken bond-haze that backfired completely when they tried to apply it to you. But I think they did it to include you in their new glow, not to make you feel bad. Please talk with them. When everyone has some sober time to think it all through, they might be able to grasp what they did and apologize to you. It sounds like these girls love you and just acted like drunk a holes.

[u/yobrefas → u/Fool_In_Flow]

This was my read as well, only it went terribly wrong because they woke OP up and she had no context of anything and hadn’t seen it happen among the others.

[u/PracticalPain7835 → u/Fool_In_Flow]

lol yanking someone out of bed at 2am to bombard them with criticism is not love, it's diabolical. Those bitches don't need to apologise, they need to grovel.

[u/dykeviola → u/Fool_In_Flow]

I think this is probably the most likely scenario. Kind of insane for them not to consider that given OP didn't get to participate in airing her feelings and only got bombarded with criticism she wasn't exactly going to feel included or positive about it.

[u/Apocalyptic-turnip]

you mean ex friends?? because this is absolutely unhinged behavior and why would you want to be with immature people who mistreat you and drug you WTF. 

conflict resolution always has a goal. its fine that they had grievances, but wtf was the goal of this? other than to be fucking assholes to you and dominate you?? if i were you it is so over 

[u/annamariagirl]

I had a similar situation with my two best women friends last summer.

I’m a 63 year old woman. It never ceases to amaze me how downright horrible women friends can treat each other.

Suffice to say those two friends of mine are now ex-friends. I stepped away because I realized A) what they did was rooted in jealousy B) I had other women friends in my life who were not jealous of me, who celebrated who I am, who love me unconditionally and who are as emotionally intelligent as I am.

Sometimes life has a way of forcing you to your next level of growth. I’d be willing to bet that you’re just at the cusp of shaking these women off and moving in a new direction.

Good Luck ♥️

[u/ComeAlongPond1]

Maybe their complaints were valid. Hard to say since you’re so vague on that point. But nothing short of an emergency warranted waking you up in the middle of the night. Waking you up to ambush you with their prepared grievances—because they’d been talking to each other about it so they had time to process and you didn’t—is completely unhinged behavior. Maybe they didn’t make the best judgement call because they’d were drinking. So yeah, do some reflection on their complaints and think about addressing them. But it’s completely fair to say that the way they went about telling you was inconsiderate and hurtful. Doubly so if they knew you didn’t feel well and had a final paper that day. I think anyone would feel attacked under those circumstances.

[u/Time-Sudden]

If my friends woke me up, after I went to sleep because I wasn’t feeling well, to air their grievances they were ALL talking about while I was passed out… I would genuinely never speak to them again. This is NOT okay. Its okay to speak to people when they hurt you. But all of them, at one time, in the middle of the night?? Nah. 100% not okay. I don’t care what they really said either. U less you slept with someones partner or killed someone it can wait for another time. I’m really sorry OP. This really REALLY sucks.

[u/wishingforarainyday]

These people should be ashamed of themselves. They are not safe friends

[u/Illimited_Esoterica]

I have to assume you're all in your 20s. This is some very typical "young people being drunk and emotional" shit. I remember having nights where we all got drunk and cried together over some nonsense that felt really important and deep in the moment but the next day I was like "the fuck was that about?".

The weirdest part of this was when you tried to leave and they were like "Nah, tranq her and put her to bed".

[u/Wing_Head]

Of all the awful things, they drugged you. In order to hold you there against your will.

Not a chance I would put myself back in that situation, let alone trust those people, let alone call them friends.

Look out for yourself 💜

[u/thebunz21]

I'm so sorry. This sounds wholly inappropriate for friends to do. The waiking you up only to give you prescription meds to fall back asleep is wild.

I hope you find a way forward for you (not with them!)

[u/TwoGrizzleysOneCub]

This was a disgusting, heartless thing to do to someone. This is emotional abuse — waiting for you to be in a vulnerable position, creating a sense of false urgency, engaging in a conversation without your awareness or preparation, blocking your exit, drugging you to sleep, and STILL expecting you to show up grateful the next day.

Communication is the most important aspect of ALL relationships. There is absolutely NO reason why the “issues” brought to you in aggregate could not have been individual addressed in the moments they occurred. They waited until they didn’t have to feel vulnerable confronting you, and placed all the emotional load on your back —- this is not something you do to someone you care about.

I’m so sorry you experienced this. You do not have to wear the “hard to love” label unless you continue to stay around people who make you feel hard to love. There are SOOOO many people in the world, and there are others who are more deserving of your company.

[u/TangerineBig5042]

As another neurodivergent girlie who struggles to maintain friendships, this sounds like bullying disguised as friendship. Many of my early friendships focused on my shortcomings because I was an easy target. I’m not a difficult person at all, but I was made to believe I was just because I’m “quirky.” I totally understand it hurting, but I think you really need to decide what you deserve versus what they’re giving you. I would never treat someone I loved that way, even if I was having issues with them. Even with alcohol involved it’s wild to me that a group of grown women would be so disrespectful to someone they care about. I’m so sorry you went through that.

[u/leftclicksq2]

You certainly have the ability to make better friends, especially when you were force fed Ambien.

Read that again: You were force fed a sleeping pill.

Screw them. Go dark, block, delete, whatever you want to call it. Get as far away from these people as possible.

[u/DaniBirdX]

Girl… those women are dangerous. Don’t even text again, just block them and move on. I promise you, there are amazing people out there who would love you as a friend .

[u/HawtforHaldir]

I’m sorry did your friends drug you and we are just glossing over that? “gave me an Ambien and put me to sleep” then you had to drive one of them home? I am stuck on this bit here. The same friend who gave you ambien did you also have to drive home? These people ambushed you-even if they had all been awake and talking not a single one of them thought about what they are putting you through. They talked out their issues as a group-you were ganged up on. It’s not the same. These people give me the ick-just from this story.

[u/Different-Idea-8203]

You should return the favor at 6am when they are nice and hungover. OK committee of drunk banshees I have some grievances

[u/Heliotrope88]

I had a very good friend read me a letter airing her grievances against me. I felt very much the same as you did, hurt and triggered. I tried my best to explain I’m not perfect but I try every day to work on myself. I honestly didn’t really see our relationship the way she did. In the end it felt a lot healthier to let her go. The whole dynamic went sideways. Give yourself time to heal. It’s going to feel really bad for a while, but then ask yourself if you might be in a healthier place without these people.

[u/Similar-Statement-42]

went through something similar. Not friends with them anymore :/ 

I’m sorry you had all of this put on you so suddenly and unexpectedly right before a big event in your life. It’s really not fair or reasonable for them to have done that. Honestly a lot of the behavior you described is very concerning coming from them. I hope you’re feeling alright 💕

[u/KiwiTheKitty]

I have dealt with a couple of friend-bullies in my life and this is far past even what I could imagine them ever doing to me. Like I don't care what their reasons were, this is an insane power play and a straight up bullying session. These people are not safe.

Edit to add: Controlling someone's sleep is physical abuse. If this was a boyfriend, people in this sub would be lighting him up, deservedly.

[u/Ok_Bag_3667]

IDC if you're the most annoying person on Earth, the fact that they woke you out of a sound sleep to do this was manipulative, bullying, and gross. Honestly, I know this sounds glib but I'd find new friends. I'd stop hanging out with them. You don't have to have it out with them, but you'd be entirely justified in telling them not to contact you anymore because dragging you out of a sound sleep to harangue you was bullying behavior, and that you've lost respect for them. They have some serious issues if they thought this was a good idea. I've been hammered out of my skull and I haven't done anything this unhinged. Also, giving you Ambien was irresponsible as fuck. Unless it was prescribed to you and YOU decided to take it, which it doesn't sound like what happened.

I know making new friends is hard, but honestly, it's a good practice to meet other people in general. Even if these "friends" weren't trash, life happens and people grow apart. Throw yourself into some activities that you enjoy, take a class, try some new things as ways to meet some new people. You won't make instant friendship connections but you will meet people, some who you like, and you will be doing things you enjoy.

You deserved better that whatever crapass trainwreck that was, OP.

[u/Ok_Bag_3667]

Commenting again to say that some of the people posting in this thread are unhinged and weird. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT OP DID. She doesn't owe you an explanation. Even if their complaints were valid, and I'll put this in all caps for some of you enabling nitwits in the comments, WAKING SOMEONE UP FROM A DEEP SLEEP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND DOGPILING THEM IS UNHINGED, BULLYING BEHAVIOR. COERCING SOMEONE TO STAY AND PRESSURING/COERCING THEM TO TAKE AMBIEN IS DANGEROUS BEHAVIOR. OP is lucky she didn't have any bad effects from that as are her "friends," because they could have faced criminal charges for that stunt.

If it was OP's partner who did this, would any of you be commenting things like "I'd like to know what OP did" or "OP has been deliberately vague about his complaints"? I highly doubt it, because we'd all rightly see that behavior as abusive.

I have been annoyed by people before but the way you handle it is either talk to them when they are, you know, awake during the daytime and you're sober or you stop hanging out with them. Not whatever this abusive mess was.

Some of you need to get your heads right.

[u/lavenderbl0d]

My eyebrows have flown town and migrated to the back of my neck....wtf???? I'm not neurodivergent (unless adhd and bipolar 2 count, but i have been medicated and in therapy for years now and am generally asymptomatic), but this is just weird manipulative and hurtful????

So they thought the best course of action was to wake you up from your sleep to then have.. ..a festivus style airing of grievances when you were not ready or given the time to prepare? The entire thing is absolutely insane to me. I am so so sorry that they did this to you. Especially when you were most/more vulnerable and less likely to be able to react.

They cornered you.

It was definitely a dog-pile and I would 100% be distancing myself from them as you already plan on doing it. Giving you the sleeping pill was also not okay????

Why would you feel comfortable resting there again if you're afraid you're gonna be woken up to more bullshit??? I have no clue what they expected out of this situation, but in all honesty? It wasn't fair to you at all in any way.

I hope you find some genuine friends, but also take the time to prioritize yourself. I hope you do well on your paper!!!

[u/Vast-Percentage-7312]

this sounds like a horror movie. OP, cut off these people and please adapt this into a screenplay

[u/Turbulent_Movie6652 → u/Vast-Percentage-7312]

Easier said than done. Maybe into a bodies bodies bodies spin off(ish)

[u/E404_noname]

Your friends fucking drugged you instead of letting you leave? How the fuck is that ever ok?

[u/DamnOdd]

That's fucked up. Your "friends" are fucked up and possibly not really your friends. When they figure out they fucked up, they will blame the booze and that's fucked up.
I am so sorry they did this to you.
Ghost them.

[u/Inevitable-Bet-4834]

Block them all. These are bullies. Do not engage with them. Block them. In public do not engage with them. They are dangerous. And they are bullies. And they could have seriously hurt you (physically)

[u/Cinnamon2017]

That's pretty weird to wake somebody up in the middle of the night for that, then give the person an Ambien (yours or theirs?).

I think you need time to process all this.

[u/thefrenchpotatoes]

I had this happen to me in college. I haven't spoken to any of them since. Nasty bitches.

[u/Striking_Fig_3925]

That sucks! Your dinner looks grand, though. Without knowing the specifics and they aren’t needed really, I’d say that event was you and them giving feelings as a group not individually. Some in the group may have felt what the group stated but to a much lesser degree but that was over shadowed by group effect. When you eventually talk to them individually, you will get a more accurate sense of that person feels. Some may hold a grudge but others probably won’t, and just taken the opportunity to get something off of their chest. All is not lost! When you talk individually apologize where it is warranted.

Take care of your studies!

-Strategy For Later or something to consider

Keep convo short with grudge holders and give them a couple months to cool off. The others you can win back sooner. I don’t know these gals, you do. Analyze for the following roles if they exist in your group dynamic: drama starter, drama lover, fence sitter (agrees with literally everyone), follower, alpha-leader, fair-weather, beta-leader, voice of wisdom (listens more than they talk), neutral gal (periphery never fully committed). Which are you in group?

Match type with degree of intensity expressed in the group setting that night. For more assertive types above, if emotions were lower= green light. They can help mend things. Start with them. Passive individuals with less anger towards you can also help facilitate but may also be turned against you, so don’t reveal too much especially against others. But they will be more willing to talk when you need it. Dramatics, if this is you, consider picking off some passive ones or closer ones. If that isn’t you, dramatics should be approached last, because they will just keep it going.

[u/Turbulent_Movie6652 → u/Striking_Fig_3925]

I appreciate that outlook and it honestly gives me a framework to work with and I need that. Thank you!

[u/3orangefish]

Fellow ADHD here. I’ve been through different things with my friends, but it still feels similar enough for me to give you some advice from my point of view. 

I can relate to how hard it is to make friends. Idk if you’re still in school, but once you’re not taking classes, it gets even harder to make friends. And you might still carry this fear of upsetting your new friends, because those of us with ADHD can’t totally help it. We can do our best to notice and try to act more “appropriately,” but even when we manage it takes extra mental energy. It’s not easy. It’ll be rough if you suddenly need to find a totally different friend group. 

I wish I accepted early that good friends don’t need to be close, and I don’t need to be as close to friends I once was close to. If I could do it over again, I would have gone with a slow distancing approach, but kept communication open. I bet you really love your friends, and this is going to put a wound on your friendship. So, just leave options open and slowly move your feelings away to be less emotionally dependent on them. You don’t need to try to “fix this” or break up. Just start redirecting your energy to new friendship possibilities again. Good luck! 

[u/Grouchy-Manager4937]

This whole situation sounds awful and reminds me of when an (ex) friend came into my room when I was already upset and started telling me everything that was wrong with me as a friend. I stayed friends with her for a few years after that, but looking back I realized that friends really shouldn’t talk to you like that. It’s okay to call people out, but never in a way that makes someone feel attacked.

[u/kldaddy1776]

OP, I might be off base, but is there any reason in particular they would have a reason to be jealous of you (like did something big in your life recently change for the better, did you recently get really good news, do you have a loving partner and they’re all single, etc)?

I only ask this because this doesn’t sound normal. Friends don’t usually gang up behind someone’s back and have a vent session about how bad of a person someone is unless you did something major to them, and it doesn’t sound like you did consider it seems (from the way you tell it at least), this just came out of nowhere.

Just something to consider… but this seems very odd to me, and I’m wondering if they’re not quite the friends you think they are..

[u/psahummus → u/kldaddy1776]

I thought the saw thing.

They could have totally felt threatened by her somehow and that’s why they had to take the opportunity when she was vulnerable, “corner” her somewhere private and dish this all out as if there aren’t better ways to communicate—while they talk about how bad the OP is at communicating! Sure if they are “emotionally fussy” or “aware”enough and all that jazz, to open an intervention, they can see their hypocrisy. It’s so…Holier than thou. 😑

[u/Granny_Skeksis]

So basically they got drunk, started shit talking you together because you weren’t there and then woke you up in the middle of the night to tell you how shitty you are? Wow. I’ve had friends do this before. However we were like 16 at the time. Nobody is perfect and it’s fine to tell others when you feel hurt or unappreciated. But there is a respectful and appropriate time and way to do that and this was not it. I would take a break from these people. No matter what you’ve done you don’t deserve to be woken up and ganged up on when you aren’t feeling well. That in itself is extremely unkind and disrespectful. This is the kind of thing that has made me limit the amount of friends I have as I’ve gotten older. People can be so cruel and dramatic especially other women. I’m sorry this happened OP. They sound extremely immature and not like good friends if they decide talking shit about you is the best conversation topic just because you aren’t there

[u/leedleedletara]

Your “friends” were sharing a group psychosis fueled by alcohol and you weren’t there so you became the unfortunate scapegoat. You deserve better.

[u/Luckiest_Creature → u/leedleedletara]

Seriously. What OP described sounds like the beginning of a psychological horror movie.

[u/_jamesbaxter]

OP it almost sounds like a cult. Toxic clique behavior. I think you’d be better off investing more into some other friends that aren’t giving each other some weird paranoid hysteria.

[u/anneofred]

Love the “there, don’t we feel better now!” After tearing you limb from limb without any openness in defending yourself. They didn’t check in with you or make sure this was a good time to talk about this. Just, “hey nauseous OP! We are drunk so we would like to make you feel like shit and make OURSELVES feel better! Hooray!”

[u/saccharineomens]

Yeah honestly I would distance myself from them all and find new friends. They are not mature or safe to be around. 

[u/hons0uls]

i know it's easier said than done to distance yourself from people you thought were your friends, but you're probably way better off without these types of people in your life OP.

they essentially ganged up on you when you were vulnerable, and forced you to stay by drugging you. it doesn't even matter how valid their concerns were, someone that truly had your best interests at heart would have never done this to you.

i'm really sorry this happened, i know how shitty it feels to lose people close to you. you will find better people that love and cherish you (and more importantly respect you)!! lots of love <3

[u/Bubbly-Manufacturer]

They “made you” take an Ambien? WTF is that about?

[u/Late_Accountant_3641]

Just ditch these losers, you don't need anyone like that in your life

[u/AreaMiserable9187]

This situation happened basically exactly the same to my friend but instead her ex-besties went to her house, let her buy fancy, expensive snacks, cook them dinner, then tore into her. Bitches. Throw these girls out. Don't look back. It's been two years and my friend couldn't be happier. She didn't realise how much they dragged her down with their snide comments about her "lateness" and shit like that when she has ADHD.

[u/RemarkableLie1987]

So, they had their "discussion," thought it made sense to wake you up and ambush you with their grievances in the middle of the night, and then DRUGGED YOU when you wanted to leave because you were distraught? Knowing you take ADHD medication?

These are not friends. What would have happened if the medications had a bad interaction?

[u/Heelsbythebridge]

That is a ridiculous way to communicate, your "friends" are insane OP. Even if their grievances were warranted, you don't ambush someone with a confrontation like they did.

[u/Few_One_2358]

I had this happened to me in a work setting. A very immature work setting. IMO, I would expect my friends to always be upfront with me. Not withhold anythjng at all. What I have found is people tend to hurt themselves more with assumptions, which becomes a cycle when they don't bring concerns to the forefront. People who assume and assume and need a gossip session to finally break the ice are not people with your interests at heart, just their own. It would be different if they had tried talking to you one on one and you shrugged them off, which I am sure you haven't or at least not knowingly.​ Also, Ambien is a controlled substance, which means they also shouldn't just be handing that off to you. Idk. Weird vibes. I would give it a week and come back to this, stating your perspective and how this breaks your trust. If you just let them take the piss out of you, then inadvertently, you are validating their perspective of you which may make them distance themselves from you. anyway. ​​If they are wrong, then say that.

[u/GatoWolf]

Am I losing it in these comments? Why is only one comment talking about the fact these psycho ass friends drugged her with Ambien????? Especially after drinking? That could’ve killed her directly by making her heart or breathing stop. Or, she could’ve slept walked and gotten into something dangerous. Even if OP took it “willingly”, it’s not fully consent.

[u/reshmush]

I'm sorry OP, these people are not your friends anymore and it would be completely rational to respond with needing space after they did that. Tbh I don't think interventions ever work in anyone's favor (unless it's for actual substance abuse or something) they decided to be super dramatic without good reason. They absolutely could've mentioned this to you one on one.

[u/possumg1rl]

This sucks. My fiancee and I are firm believers that when you have a serious “grievance” to discuss you let them know quickly and address it. It’s really unfair to let it sit and stew and it also can become so warped that way, that we’re not even talking about reality anymore. Feelings and conversations about them are tough. Having them sit and stew over past slights and then ambush you with them all at once - in the middle of the night no less - is really middle school behavior. I know it’s hard OP but if I were you I would probably call them or see them in person and let them know that that was really unfair, if they really wanted you to address these grievances in a constructive way they would have done it without the influence of alcohol. Sounds like they were all too scared to do that though 🫠

[u/chucklefuckerr]

So this is a humiliation ritual. They woke you up, humiliated you and then drugged you with a sleeping pill and still made you drive one of them back. It’s backbone time, friend. You know this isn’t okay.

[u/ToiIetGhost → u/chucklefuckerr]

It hurt my heart when she drove her friend home. I suspect there have been little signs of disrespect and meanness along the way, but OP is too nice to see them.

[u/abcara]

This is terrible. Even if every complaint they had was valid (and it doesn't seem that way from your comments tbh) this is not how you treat a friend. Have any of them tried to speak with you about these behaviors one on one? In a safe, emotionally supportive environment? Or did they just wait for an opportunity to dogpile you and make you feel like garbage. Hugs, OP. That sucks.

[u/Marpl]

What was the point? What was their goal?

[u/AtmosphereStill8763]

I’m so sorry this happened to you! What they did is terrible. I had a similar experience with my “friends” when vacationing and they got super drunk. Looking back, they were stuck on a single version of me that just wasn’t who I was anymore at the time. Real friends understand that you are human and allowed to grow and change.

[u/EmmyvdH]

Question, had they been airing their grievances to each other too? If that was the case, they already were in the headspace and were finished with each other,before they woke OP up. Still not OK to subject OP to that without prep, but their drunk heads could not comprehend where OP is coming from. Sober heads perhaps also not, because they are listening to each other.

[u/SpecificCute79]

They’re trash. Jealous of you, bored with themselves and their lives. They selected who they see as the weakest link to bitch about, giving them something to talk about probably for a year before this, and then their fried empty hamster brains decided to “do an intervention.” If you’re capable of deciding to go home when you need to, and are in grad school working towards your professional betterment, they’ve identified you (rightly) as someone who can think for herself and won’t be spending the rest of her life staring into a bottle of wine like they will. So they’re ejecting you from the group because they feel rejected and want to dump you before you dump them. Trying to bring you down like that? Trying to make you feel bad by pointing out your every flaw in the middle of the night when you don’t feel well? Fuck em. It boils my blood to hear this, because it’s bullying and it’s hurtful, but you can just take this as a sign you’ve outgrown these dumb bitches and will think back to the days you wasted time with their fake asses. Put on Mean Girls and Muriel’s Wedding and count your blessings, pal!

[u/UsefulPickle8467]

These are not your friends. I've had a friendship group like this that went on too long because I was too insecure to move on. Periodically, one or more of them would tell me all my failings. I eventually had the strength to move on and haven't spoken to any of them for 10+ years. Every time I thought I'd give it another shot, I'd end up feeling so bad about myself and it took a while to make the connection.

OP, leave these people far behind. They are preying on your insecurities and it's giving them a power trip.