r/intrusivethoughts Jul 04 '22

GUILT, SHAME AND BLAME experienced by SOs in a support role - mod approved research post

105 Upvotes

Hey everyone, as part of my doctoral thesis* I've developed a questionnaire to shed some light on how guilt, shame and blame impacts the loved ones of someone with mental health needs. If you, or someone close to you, provides informal mental health support and notice these emotions showing up in the relationship, I would really appreciate hearing from you.

People who have completed the survey have reported finding the differences between guilt and shame insightful and highlighted how it helped them understand more about their emotional experience in the relationship. A community-wide benefit is that the outcomes of the research will be used to improve resources for SOs so that they can be supported more in their role, essentially helping the helpers.

The whole survey takes around 15-20 minutes and after understanding more about your current emotional state, it goes through a range of scenarios to see how you would likely respond if it were to happen today. All answers are scales so there is minimal typing and it is mobile friendly.

You can read more or access the study here: https://lancasteruni.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_9AWrvoYWvPCqTu6

The person supported doesn't need a formal diagnosis but they need to have accessed mental health support (medication, therapy, etc) for 6 months or more. The survey is available internationally and recognises all types of informal support, be it financial, practical or emotional.

Thanks everyone. I really value the input from the OCD+ community as we know it tends to impact loved ones in a unique way and for me as a researcher it is really important that these voices are heard.

*The project has ethical approval from the Faculty of Health and Medicine at Lancaster University.


r/intrusivethoughts 9h ago

33F. I cannot keep moving on, but at least Dagon's dark winds can guide me in these dark times, Hades can guide me when I can't see in the thick darkness of the Vessel brain and skull. Sleep will bless/reward with TRUE Sleep Token worshippers and I'll ascended alongside.

1 Upvotes

Princess of Veridian is ✅ out.

Dying amongst the VOID one day, but don't worry leaving Reddit didn't mean I let others win, I'm going to better my mental health eventually and I'll get there. No comments on my post, but my chat reqs will be open and then I'll close my chat reqs July 19th of 2026.

This is why I made this post not to concern others. We're not allowed to make ads or make promos it's against the sub rules. All I will say is my social handles will be posted on my main pro page and I accept any messages worldwide anyways.

If your chat reqs is going to say hi or different variations of hi, I will not answer because I'm not looking for monologue, boring conversations and asking me what's up every single hour isn't convos alongside with I think that is a high annoyance of me anyways.

Creative convos only accepted.

Sleep Token (no unmasked discussions or lore) no feral comments. I See Stars, Lorna Shore Will Ramos era, Spiritbox and Bad Omens.


r/intrusivethoughts 21h ago

i thought checking if i loved him was honesty. it manufactured the flatness.

3 Upvotes

for months my day had a background task running: do i still feel it? am i attracted to him right now? is the spark there? i thought i was just being honest with myself, paying close attention.

what i didn't get is that the attention itself was doing something. when i turn the focus inward and ask "am i turned on, do i feel love right now," it pulls me out of whatever is actually happening. the feeling goes quiet under the watching. and that quiet reads like an answer: see, nothing's there.

so i check harder, which produces more of the flat, which scares me more. the scan is generating the exact signal i'm scanning for.

what's helped is not grading the feeling at all. love isn't a reading i can pull up on demand. i let it stay unwatched and put my attention back on the real moment with him, the conversation, the next small thing.

does the constant self-monitoring make the numbness worse for anyone else, or is that just me?


r/intrusivethoughts 1d ago

Gustav Galamadrin?

5 Upvotes

I don’t know why this name constantly enters my head. I feel like I made it up, but I genuinely don’t know. Am I combining two different names? Am I combining the first and last name of somebody? Please help.


r/intrusivethoughts 1d ago

How would you describe your intrusive thoughts?

2 Upvotes

I'm doing a project based around intrusive thoughts, and I want to get a wider variety of perspectives than just my own. I mainly want to know how different people's intrusive thoughts manifest, and how they feel/react when they get them. For me, my intrusive thoughts are almost always 'what ifs' around harm coming to me or people I care about or getting caught in some sort of emergency (e.g. an attack on public transport or a house fire). When I get these thoughts, I often play through the whole scenario in my head like a movie, exploring different things that could happen and how I would act in response. It's basically my brain's extreme way of preparing me for any bad situation so I can hopefully survive. I don't really panic or anything like that, and I don't get compulsions like those with OCD do, but I can feel my body respond to the anxiety of the situation playing in my head, if that makes sense.

I really appreciate anyone who takes the time to share their experiences with intrusive thoughts to help me with this project! I won't be sharing direct quotes or names or anything like that, just so that's clear. I just want to understand experiences and perspectives other than my own.


r/intrusivethoughts 1d ago

the spike doesn't get to decide whether i stay

1 Upvotes

the thing that kept me stuck for months was how much relief the idea of breaking up gave me. my brain kept insisting that if i just ended it, all the questions would finally go quiet.

something my therapist said keeps coming back to me: relief and rightness aren't the same thing. breaking up would close every open question at once, so of course the spike sells it as the answer. but that's fear picking the exit, not me picking my life.

what helped was changing the question i was asking. instead of "does this feel right today?" i started asking "if i weren't scared right now, what would i actually do next with her?" then i'd do that small thing, text back, keep the plans, stay present, while the doubt was still loud. i stopped waiting to feel sure before acting on what i care about.

the questions haven't vanished. but choosing the next move by what matters instead of by whatever calms the alarm fastest changed who's steering.

does anyone else get that pull where breaking up feels like the calm option? what do you do with it when it hits?


r/intrusivethoughts 1d ago

"Maybe, maybe not": An OCD therapist's guide to responding to intrusive thoughts

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1 Upvotes

r/intrusivethoughts 1d ago

if we had another moment similar to the first coming of christ may we call the new guy in the sky big poppa tuesday

0 Upvotes

even if its still jesus i think that name has gotten a bit overused and stale and even people sometimes cop it without permission so like
Big poppa tuesday yall heard me
God bless and goodnight


r/intrusivethoughts 2d ago

I've thing to say but ican't

0 Upvotes

r/intrusivethoughts 2d ago

What if I nailed my foreskin to the ceiling and started twirling around like a ceiling fan.

2 Upvotes

r/intrusivethoughts 2d ago

when a bad thought hits, can you delay the ritual?

3 Upvotes

the thing that kept me stuck wasn't the bad thought itself. it was treating the urge to cancel it like an emergency that had to be handled that second, or else i was choosing to let something happen.

i used to argue with it. "it's just a thought, it won't really cause anything." but the thought always had one more what-if ready, and i'd be negotiating for an hour and feel worse.

what helped more than arguing was delaying. when the urge to tap or repeat the good word showed up, i'd say "not right now, i'll revisit in ten minutes." no debate about whether the thought was true. just a timer.

almost every time, the urge climbed, felt unbearable, and then eased on its own before the ten minutes were up. the pressure wasn't dependent on the ritual to release it. i mostly just had to wait through it.

i won't pretend the first minute is easy. but it showed me the urge is a feeling, not an instruction.

when the urge hits for you, how long can you usually wait before it starts to drop?


r/intrusivethoughts 2d ago

Midnight intrusive thoughts

3 Upvotes

I get intrusive thoughts almost every night. It' fucking me up. Thinking something bad would happen but then i remind myself that these are just thoughts and not the reality. These things won't happen. I feel some weird sensitivity in my legs which often leads to another bad thought and i keep saying how grateful i am for every part of my body. I dont what's wrong with me and how do i help myself.


r/intrusivethoughts 3d ago

i thought telling him it was clean helped. it just moved the goalpost.

2 Upvotes

someone i love used to ask me a dozen times a night if something was clean, and i'd always say yes to bring him down from it. it worked for about a minute, then he'd ask again.

what shifted things for me was seeing that 'clean' isn't really a fact about the cup or the counter. it's a feeling of being sure, and feelings don't hold still. every time i handed him that feeling, his brain filed my answer as the thing that made the danger go away, so the next spike came right back to me, a little louder.

so i stopped supplying the verdict, but i stayed warm about it. something like 'i can see how much this is hurting you, and i'm not going to answer whether it's clean.' the first few times were rough for both of us. but the panic he was riding always crested and dropped on its own, without my reassurance in it.

for those of you supporting someone, how do you hold that line without feeling like you're being cold to them?


r/intrusivethoughts 3d ago

i thought answering my partner's doubts was support. it fueled the next one.

7 Upvotes

my partner has pure-o, and for a long stretch i was basically their answer machine. 'am i sure, does this mean something about me, are you certain,' and i'd say yes, no, of course not, whatever seemed to land. it felt like the most loving thing i could do.

and it did work, for about five minutes. they'd settle and breathe, and then the same question would come back worded a little different, needing a firmer answer than the last one.

what took me ages to see is that every answer only bought a few minutes of relief and made the next question feel more urgent. the reassurance was keeping the question alive instead of putting it to rest.

what's helped is staying warm without supplying the verdict. something like, 'i love you, i can tell this feels really urgent, and i'm not going to answer that one, but i'm right here.' it's uncomfortable and i still slip plenty.

for those of you with a partner or family member who does this, how do you decline the answer without it feeling like you're shutting them out?


r/intrusivethoughts 3d ago

what's one place your ocd has quietly made off-limits?

5 Upvotes

the thing that's been helping me lately is actually watching how avoidance works, not just noticing that i do it.

every time i skip a trigger i get relief right away, and it feels like the smart, careful move. but that relief is teaching my brain that the place really was dangerous, because i never stuck around to find out otherwise. the fear stays untested, so it stays loud. and the list of places i can comfortably go keeps getting shorter. first one store, then the drive, then whole parts of my week gone.

what's shifting things is picking one avoided thing on purpose, something small and specific, and walking toward it instead of away. then staying while the discomfort rises. it climbs and it peaks and it comes down on its own, but only if i don't bolt. that's the part avoidance never let me see.

curious what's on other people's off-limits lists, and whether approaching one small thing changed how the bigger ones felt?


r/intrusivethoughts 3d ago

Opened my chat request just for a day, to see if anyone wants to chat, because I'm sinking in despair, wails and cosmic horror noises at 2 a.m. I'm 33F. Central time, but worldwide connections are fine since it's online only.

1 Upvotes

To be honest the more I'm sinking in my chronic depression, I FINALLY realized what Vessel is talking about "the cycle must end."

For months knowing Sleep Token since October of 2025, I questioned "why would anyone want the cycle to end and the cycle must end?"

To be honest, what I'm struggling with the most of it all is that I don't think I can "dance forever, endure, to suffer constantly, letting the cycle rotate every single damn day, may/might this could be a reason why Vessel would ask for Damocles's sword to strike him down first instead and I could only just think having a cycle continue daily feels close to a nightmarish environment every single day but awake."

Yeah, I should also address that house of Veridian is what I'm holding onto the most and for the Feathered Host well I don't want to accept quite yet alongside with that's just because I've not learned to "dance for forever and I give up midway but somehow I keep enduring of it all anyways."

Even then, I should address that I just may/might not make the stability and endurance part for long even though eventually I've to understand with peaceful thoughts during these dark times that this is the highest importance anyways.

Yeah, I should include that I should never forget in my Vessel brain and skull that the night belongs to me alongside with the night also belongs to those that choose to get to know this here.

"Elis the virus and disease of a person of it all wants you to never forget that would bring me the slightest bit of happiness if you just never forgot that the night belongs to you when you're trying to get close to me."

If you see this post at a later date, even older than a Dragon Priest ashes, then I'll have my social handles on my main pro and you can message me there as well.

I decided to post a funny Sleep Token reel to make people laugh on my main page later.


r/intrusivethoughts 3d ago

The Good Manager’s Guide 2026

0 Upvotes

Official Corporate Leadership Handbook

1. Compensation Time and Resource Management

Maximum Output Minimum Input:
Keep pay at the absolute legal or market minimum while driving productivity to the maximum. Tired staff are compliant staff. Minimizing their disposable income ensures they will not waste energy on extracurricular activities outside the workplace, effectively reducing external fatigue at zero cost to the company.

The Shift Start Grace Illusion:
Remind staff that they must be entirely ready to work the exact second their shift starts, not the moment they walk through the door or clock in. By enforcing this, the company successfully acquires their travel prep time and transition periods for free.

The Cost Saving Procurement Strategy:
Regardless of whether equipment wears out quickly, breaks easily, or hinders the ability to achieve a workload, always buy cheap as long as it looks acceptable on paper. Short term savings always look better on corporate ledgers. If staff react negatively, tell them it is the user or wearer of the equipment who is at fault, not the equipment itself. This helps them understand it is their job to find a better way rather than approaching things negatively.

Workplace Priority Realignment:
Remember that no matter what, work must be prioritized before family or even health. There is plenty of time outside of work hours where family and health can be dealt with. Work time is family time too and is far more important than anything occurring outside the workplace. This mentality helps draw a firm line regarding what is expected.

Sickness Transparency:
If you do not offer company sick pay, demand explicit medical details when an employee calls out. Ensure you take this call in front of other staff or casually explain the illness to the team later. Transparency should always trump confidentiality.

2. Morale Enforcement and Performance Metrics

The Morale Paradox:
Nothing motivates staff quite like reminding them how lucky they are to have a job working for you. There is truly no better way to boost morale.

The Feedback Balance:
In briefs and emails, offer a rapid, perfunctory thanks if you absolutely must. Spend the remainder of the time focusing heavily on negative metrics, no matter how minor. Nothing drives staff quite like being told they are fundamentally not good enough.

The Moving Target Protocol:
Constantly alter targets and shift goalposts. A high percentage of staff will burn themselves out attempting to reach them, while others will leave due to the physical or mental toll. This naturally filters out the weak.

The Stopwatch Demonstration:
When an employee complains a task is too difficult, show them how easy it is by doing it yourself for exactly two minutes. Time yourself with a stopwatch, then halve your time to establish the new daily expectation for the team. After all, they have more experience than you do. Fatigue is a myth.

The Efficiency Punishment:
If a team member finishes their assigned tasks before the end of their shift, immediately reward them with more work and raise their baseline targets. This ensures they achieve full, unadulterated job satisfaction.

The Ghost Workforce Strategy:
During periods of high turnover, always deploy the standard corporate defense: "Nobody wants to work anymore." Distribute the remaining workload among the surviving team members. If expectations are still met, freeze all recruitment permanently. Money is always better off in the pockets of management. If anyone questions the workload, simply remind them that this is a "Great Place to Work."

Target Hitter Calibration:
When an employee consistently hits or exceeds targets and then shows signs of slowing down, call them out immediately regardless of their reasons. Use phrases like "I think you have lost your niche and you need to find it again" or present spreadsheets showing their current output versus past performance. Do this even if underperforming peers are paid the exact same wage for doing next to nothing. This ensures they feel singled out and monitored, leading to great job satisfaction.

Essential Performance Phrases:
Injecting leadership philosophies such as "Getting it right eventually is getting it wrong" and "Self trained staff are the best trained staff" into daily conversations helps clarify exactly what is expected of the workforce.

3. Discipline Surveillance and Daily Operations

Zero Tolerance Late Policy:
If a staff member is late even as a one off anomaly demand an immediate explanation and read the shift start time back to them. This ensures they understand that life events do not override company schedules.

Emotional Grounding:
When an employee is visibly upset by personal or professional matters, tell them to focus exclusively on their work to take their mind off it. This keeps the employee grounded without wasting profit generating hours on non revenue emotions.

The Accountability Glare:
When an employee makes an error, confront them directly and stare at them in complete silence until they respond. Alternatively, announce the error to the entire team without naming the culprit. Keeping everyone paranoid and unsure ensures absolute passive assertion.

Surveillance Optimization:
Install cameras and digital tracking systems like activity logs, performance spreadsheets, scans, and clocking systems under the explicit guise of "Health & Safety." Use this infrastructure exclusively to micro manage minor mistakes and track unauthorized micro breaks. A monitored workforce is a compliant workforce.

The Pattern Assumption:
If you catch an employee doing something unauthorized for two minutes, document it with an official warning letter, stating that if you saw it once, they are likely doing it constantly. Enforce a Performance Action Plan immediately to prevent independent thought.

The Yesterday Rule:
Regardless of how many years an employee has dedicated to the company, treat them as if they started yesterday. This blank slate approach ensures absolute equality across the board.

Obsessive Micro Management:
Nothing makes staff feel more assured that their efforts are being noticed than a manager who micro manages every detail of the job. Forgetting to dot an i or cross a t on a sheet of paper is just as important as the larger, more strenuous tasks at hand.

4. Communication Feedback and Idea Retention

The Open Door Trap:
Frequently remind your staff that your door is "always open" for feedback. If an employee actually uses it to voice a concern, nod empathetically, take zero action, and flag them as a troublemaker in your private notes. This is an excellent method for separating the wheat from the chaff.

Single Out Concerns:
Always encourage staff to raise concerns. However, if a member of staff actually does so, treat that specific individual as the core problem. Dealing with them sets clear boundaries regarding how little you tolerate, ensuring other staff keep quiet and proceed with their tasks. Crisis averted.

Idea Plagiarism:
When a staff member brings you an innovative idea to streamline a workflow, shoot it down immediately. Wait three months, implement the exact same strategy as your own invention, and claim full credit. Deny any alternative origin point to solidify your intellectual dominance.

Retention Through Scarcity:
When you hear talk of staff wanting to leave, remind them that nowhere else is hiring and they will not find a better workplace. If they complain about pay or work conditions, remind them that they are completely replaceable. This makes them feel highly valued, knowing their job is incredibly sought after.

5. Hierarchy Authority and Structural Power

The New Hire Honeymoon:
Always treat brand new staff significantly better than loyal, long term employees. Give them fewer tasks, lighter workloads, and extra breaks. Once they are comfortable and trapped, you can safely introduce them to the same unrotated, exploitative workloads as the rest of the team.

Incompetence Protection:
When promoting staff, ensure they are either entirely hopeless at the job or fiercely sycophantic. Promoting competent workers risks losing a high performing asset on the floor and invites the danger of having your own managerial decisions authentically challenged. If a crisis arises, hire externally. Your position must never be undermined.

Unilateral Alterations:
When changing workplace layouts, building structures, or operational steps, never consult the people who actually perform the job. Keeping the environment unpredictable ensures the role remains challenging, making it easy to see who rises to the top and who should be eliminated.

The Executive Exemption:
When enforcing rules, feel free to break them immediately in front of your staff. Make it clear that as a manager, you are free to do what you want, and they must do as you say, not as you do. This helps them understand their exact place in the organization.

The Execution Illusion:
If a project succeeds, it is entirely due to your visionary leadership and tight budget control. If it fails, it is because the staff lacked passion and failed to execute your flawless strategy. This ensures your leadership is never questioned.

Struggling Staff Exit Protocol:
If a staff member is struggling, suggest that the job is no longer for them and it is time to seek work elsewhere, regardless of their tenure. This forces them to either work harder or resign. Always remind them that they must work their full notice period if they choose to leave.


r/intrusivethoughts 4d ago

Please help I want these thoughts gone

3 Upvotes

I’m just gonna dump all this here. So I’ve been dealing with this for MONTHS and it’s so annoying and I hate it so much. They are intrusive thoughts that keep saying stuff I don’t agree with and the one and only thing they keeping shouting in my head is that I’m g*y and I like dudes when I know that’s not true I KNOW for a fact I’m attracted to women and WOMEN ONLY. I’ve been struggling with porn for the past 6 years and it became really bad like 3 years ago I’ve been masterbaiting many times daily . I’m wondering if the thoughts stem from this addiction and I’ve been trying so hard to stop. Everytime I see someone in public my brain tries to check if im attracted to them or if they are attractive no matter the gender it’s a side effect of these thoughts. I’m really not g*y I swear I love girls I only love girls this shit is driving me crazy everyday and I’m so confused because I wasn’t like this until like 9 months ago. None of these thoughts appeared then, so wtf happened this is so sudden 😢. It’s at the point where I try not to even look at a dudes face anymore . Ik they are not real, I know they are fake, so why do I keep giving these thoughts attention. I try to ignore them but they get so outlandish I just can’t and I just lash out at my self . I’m a really lonely guy I’ve been lonely for most of my life I really wish I had a girlfriend. I just want know know that I’m not the only one who this happened to . I want to beat this thing I want to go back to my old self. These thoughts makes me want to cry I hate them I hate them so much cause that isn’t me so why is my brain telling me that ? 💔 Now everytime the thoughts pop up I watch porn just to prove to myself that the thoughts are wrong. I have no close persons I can say this to and therapy in my country is expensive idk what to do. Please don’t mind me censoring the word just typing it brings the thoughts back 😭. I’m in a constant battle with my brain I don’t want to lose 😢


r/intrusivethoughts 5d ago

Deep thought

3 Upvotes

I would like people thoughts on what I’ve realized recently. There is nothing you can truly do to get someone to stay. But there is so much you can do to make them leave.


r/intrusivethoughts 5d ago

"I'm Unhappy"

3 Upvotes

That's the phrase that pops up, unbidden, usually at night ir when I don't feel well.

I'm in early menopause, late 40s, SAH wife, no kids, getting back into artistic things, on prizac and HRT. My doc also prescribed me once weekly vitamin D2.

Sometimes it's "I'm really very unhappy."

My marriage is great. Worried about aging family members, but that's nothing new. I'm not currently a caretaker.

This condition of mine has been going on for a while now, months but I'm not sure if it is years.

It is way too hot and muggy to spend quality time outside, even at night.

I *really* hate summer for that reason. The beach is only three hours away, but just too expensive to get to with gas and hotels and everything.

I dunno. If anyone has advice (besides therapy, which I've done before but just isn't that great in my area), I'm willing to listen.