r/funny • u/nichnotnick • 17h ago
Please tell my wife my last pair of boxers from high school (class of ‘05) are just fine & do NOT need throwing away
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u/dirty_w_boy 17h ago
Impressive they are still in one piece honestly.
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u/Nilsss 17h ago
One bad fart and it's over.
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u/clickclackyisbacky 17h ago
That's always true about everything, though.
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u/Shurigin 16h ago
Especially eating taco bell
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u/Internecivus-raptus 16h ago
I don't understand why taco bell gets so much hate. I love their food and have had no repurcussions.
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u/allnamesbeentaken 15h ago
I know, everyone complains they get diarrhea from taco bell
I usually just get the chalupa
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u/Chonguh 14h ago
This comment reeks of fatherly activity
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u/IkariYun 13h ago
So does the bathroom
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u/Mewmaster101 15h ago
I heard it's a fiber thing. A decent meal from Taco Bell apparently has more fiber then many people are used to getting ....and it uh...causes them to react.
I've personally never had any issues with Taco Bell, I enjoy it for what it is.
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u/absentminded0ne 14h ago
A couple guys at work talked about this today. They surmised it was due to a “weak gene pool “ as they phrased it
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u/Sad-Onion-2593 11h ago
"Skill issue"
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u/MaximumTurtleSpeed 11h ago
Practice makes perfect (bowels): If you hold in diarrhea long enough you absorb the extra water and it becomes a perfect poo!
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u/yesrushgenesis2112 16h ago
It’s cause people don’t just eat Taco Bell, they eat three beefy five layers or some shit.
Having managed one, there’s nothing at Taco Bell on the normal menu or among their ingredients that’s particularly crazy.
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u/Internecivus-raptus 15h ago
In that case it's not taco Bell's fault but of the people who eat like crap. They could get explosive diarrhoea no matter where they eat.
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u/Giatoxiclok 15h ago
0 fiber to lots of fiber can be a bad deal for people
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u/Wishbone_508 14h ago
This is the answer. These chuds go from eating .5 grams of soluble fiber in a week. Then eat 5 servings of pinto beans in a sitting and wondering why thier colon jumps to life life like a feral cat that just got a bottle rocket up it's ass.
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u/lostcorvid 13h ago
duuude I grew up being told "oh don't eat too many beans, it makes you sick. Ohh watch out for fruit, it gives you the runs. Better not eat bran and granola, you'll be on the can all day!" I listened and believed because I was a kid. and it was one of those unversal truths I'd always heard from those around me. And besides I always had an upset stomach already!
Come to today, I'm in my 30's, I lost 3 feet of intestine because I had "the oldest bowels I've ever seen on a 20-something" and I learned everyone was Wrong. I eat fiber like its the last chance I'll ever have to do so, and so many of my old stomach issues are just gone.
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u/thatguynamedniok 16h ago
Scratch your ass too hard and those things would disintegrate.
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u/dalaiis 16h ago
Ngl, most of my underwear gets thrown away because of a hole that can only be explained by nuclear farts or scratching.
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u/LiquidRaekan 17h ago
Even a whisper and it rips like hurricane Katrina just passed through it
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u/nichnotnick 17h ago
I had two other pairs. She tossed them out. I’m hodling strong
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u/Oneangrygnome 17h ago
Around the same age, and I still have a single pair from middle school that only get pulled out when I forget to wash all my other underwear. I kinda want to keep them forever…
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u/Tucker-French 16h ago
you haven't grown since middle school??
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u/andrew_calcs 16h ago
Only up, not out
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u/doomus_rlc 16h ago
If only we all could say the same.... Lol
I am no longer my slim 30" waist I was 20+ years ago.... On 34" now. Haha
But as my wife says, "but now I can hug you and not feel like you'll snap like a twig" as she did know me when I was said twig 😂
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u/SuspiciousLookinMole 14h ago
My ex had a 28" waist. I could wrap my arms all the way around him and touch my waist/chest. And I was ridiculously skinny, too.
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u/gahidus 16h ago
I'm surprised you can still fit into anything that you wore in Middle School. Even if you're slim, didn't your body grow?
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u/Oneangrygnome 16h ago
So actually, I was a fatty in middle school. Got fatter after high school. Now I’m a healthy weight, so I can fit in them still/again
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u/Calypsosin 12h ago
I’m 35 and the answer so far is yes… and no? As long as my weight stays between 140-170, I can fit most medium shirts, though large fits better at this point. My waist size is still so similar that I have shorts from middle school that still fit.
At my heaviest I was 198 at 5’11”. Medium shirts did not fit me then at all and my older pants and shorts didn’t fit well either. Now I work 10 hour shifts standing up lifting hundreds if not thousands of pounds a shift and I’m 140 and can barely keep weight on because I have no appetite.
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u/Blazanar 16h ago
I'm not quite as old as you lads but close, I definitely threw out my last pair of middle school boxers just a few years ago, the elastic waistband was separating from the rest of the boxers themselves. Best 20-ish year old underwear ever.
I've got 3 pair for sure that are currently ~12 years old that are hanging on pretty well although one for sure has a small hole or two.
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u/Iamabiter_meow 16h ago
Stay strong my man don’t let her boss you around ! Today it’s your underwear. Tomorrow it’s your socks and before you know it you will have a closet full of new and decent clothes! The horror
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u/Revelin_Eleven 16h ago
Awww. I thought this was a display at first. Would be pretty funny if you put a plaque and incased it. Only bring it out for those special occasions.
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u/dirty_w_boy 17h ago
They don’t make ‘em’ like they use to
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u/banjokazooie23 16h ago
Hanes certainly doesn't. Honestly if OP bought new ones in the exact same line they'd probably look like this after <2 years and never would've been as comfortable as these were even on their worst day
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u/angry_mangy_opossum 16h ago
Bet they have seen some shit.
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u/itsaaronnotaaron 16h ago
You can see the yellowing from the 21 years of his dick hanging in the same direction.
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u/BarnacleMcBarndoor 16h ago
My high school clothes that I still have are in great shape. The newer stuff I have, has lasted a handful of years. For instance, I’m currently wearing a hoodie that i not only bought in HS but has been borrowed by 2 girlfriend and returned to me. The hoodies I bought two years ago are already ripping.
They really make shit cheap now.
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u/DonutWhole9717 15h ago
my husband will be 38 this year, and his old navy stuff from high school looks like its only a few years old. like its very broke in, but no holes or anything. his hurley jacket from his early twenties is started to get bare elbows
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u/Joshd30 16h ago
Can't remember which comedian commented that men wear underwear until they evaporate away. The answer is probably all comedians
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u/time_drifter 17h ago
Why does she want you to throw out your lingerie?
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u/azurestrike 16h ago
This man is too dangerous with so sexy a lingerie. He could attract any woman with this. Wise of the wife to try to get rid of it.
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u/JudiciousSasquatch 12h ago
No, the are clearly his New Orleans undergarments for when the weather is wilting and he's at risk of having the vapors.
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u/CriticalChop 16h ago
Some things are just not meant to be kept for life. 😆 But if i were a going to be a drama queen i would say this is some juicy drama and OP popped his cherry in these things, wife is territorial though so its either hunt and kill her or trash the undies. We're all perfectly sane, i swear.
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u/xpercipio 14h ago
The mantyhose
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u/whoissarakayacomesin 14h ago
OMG I'm using this the next time my husband brings out his négligée boxers😂
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u/Pringle24 17h ago
Look, even you won't touch them
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u/nichnotnick 17h ago
Best comment so far
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u/AssDimple 16h ago
someone would pay good money for these bad boys.
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u/amwilder 16h ago
man these OF promos sure are getting crazy
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u/WenatcheeWrangler 15h ago
That’s it I’m going to make videos of hot ai women wearing and selling my used boxers
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u/Dazed_and_Confused44 15h ago
Who the fuck hangs boxers?
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u/Cola102583 15h ago
I thnk they r too fragile to fold or roll
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u/Dazed_and_Confused44 15h ago
Follow up: You are supposed to fold your boxers?
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u/Same-Suggestion-1936 15h ago
No you throw them in the clean clothes pile after you do laundry
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u/AndIamAnAlcoholic 14h ago
Having a clean clothes -pile- is very important. Terrible things can happen if you simply rely on a clean clothes trashbag and a dirty clothes trashbag system.
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u/Indocede 16h ago
You won't even touch them, let alone give a full perspective of the state of these boxers. Having owned these same ones, I know it's not the front side that gives out first.
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u/ledouxrt 16h ago
I think the problem is that he's touched them too much. One more touch and they'll turn to dust.
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u/djelegal 16h ago
Wait it’s not a shirt ?
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u/Pringle24 16h ago
Right? Who hangs their fucking boxers by a hanger?!
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u/TobyFunkeNeverNude 16h ago
I'm gonna guess they did this for a specific reason, for instance if they needed to take a picture of them so everyone could see the whole item. If for any other reason, yeah, real weird
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u/katikaboom 16h ago
Probably so they could take the photo while holding the boxers up to the light to show how thin they are
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u/Somalar 16h ago
No holes they’re good!
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u/caboosetp 16h ago
Elastic still works too.
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u/Winjin 16h ago
And they don't look worn through, just pretty thin
At this point - well, who cares how old they are if they still pass every check of "good enough"?
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u/FesteringNeonDistrac 14h ago
Pretty thin is dangerous. You need assurances that your underwear is capable of performing in an emergency. A man needs to know that his underwear is there, 24/7, ready to save his pants from a shart.
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u/PipsqueakPilot 16h ago
The key is whenever the elastic gets a bit loose you just add another inch to your waistline and then snug once more!
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u/Key-Abbreviations961 15h ago
Is your wife some kind of royalty, which throws away perfectly good underwear
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u/JoseMartinRigging 17h ago
All I see is a hanger and a turntable.
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u/GingerSnapped818 16h ago
Just one turntable?
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u/B-Kong 16h ago
Dudes got his speakers wayyyyy too close to that turntable also lol
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u/Sharkbait0hhaha 16h ago
This looks like Harry potters view from inside the invisibility cloak
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u/Key_Mission7404 15h ago
His wife is secretly Helena Bonham Carter playing Emma Watson playing a middle aged man
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u/remishnok 17h ago
why on a hanger?
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u/Fuzzball_87 17h ago
You don’t just crumple a fine antique brief
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u/lostmymarbles1177 16h ago
Boxer. It’s hard to tell now though.
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u/Raubwurst 15h ago
They are only Boxers if they are from the French region of Boughs. Else they are just briefs
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u/kgcarter5678 17h ago
How do you think he preserved them so long?
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u/lostmymarbles1177 16h ago
Probably wore them a week straight at a time with no washing for the first five or so years.
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u/Beibzi 15h ago
So he can display them unfolded and only use one hand for the photo.
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u/colemon1991 17h ago
Have they not lived long enough for assisted living in a swanky part of the closet?
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u/bartollomo 17h ago
Let them rest my friend, they've seen so much shit.
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u/NurmGurpler 17h ago
She should show appreciation for you wearing those just like you would show appreciation for her wearing see-through lingerie
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u/EternalSage2000 16h ago
She should wear them and see how he likes it! That’ll Show him.
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u/ALttN 17h ago
Your boxers are old enough to drink!
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u/ProStrats 16h ago
You know, I read this and thought "I really wouldn't advise blending that."
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u/Zorothegallade 17h ago
Not saying they should be thrown out, but your junk can probably be seen from satellite pictures
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u/peg-leg-jim 14h ago
I don’t know what the massive schlong of OP has to do with it, other than making the boxers’ survival that much more impressive.
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u/taitaofgallala 17h ago
Laminate and frame them bad boys. Put it up on the wall like a master's degree. She can no longer argue on the matter, you're certified now.
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u/Jebusfreek666 16h ago
I'm more concerned with the fact that you hang your underwear.
And not only do you hang it, you stretch the waistband over the hanger instead of folding them over like pants.
Just, so confused.
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u/TheIrishGoat 16h ago
You can get them on there without stretching, the same way you do a shirt to avoid stretching the collar. Put one side on and pull it all the way to the top, then slip the other side on. Pull first side back and arrange so hanging evenly.
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u/Jebusfreek666 16h ago
That sounds like a lot of work to accomplish something wholly unnecessary in the first place.
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u/artdidsumnbad 17h ago
This belongs in r/anticonsumption
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u/SkinnyDan85 16h ago
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u/WhatIfBlackHitler 15h ago
These aren't worn out. They just got promoted to rag for cleaning spills. It goes public clothes -> house clothes -> kitchen rag -> garage rag.
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u/Galby1314 17h ago
I think she just doesnt want you wearing them anymore. The compromise is obviously framing them in a tasteful frame and hanging them in the dining room.
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u/nichnotnick 16h ago
This is at least the second rec for this. I’m actually considering it
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u/Galby1314 16h ago
Just tell her, "You didnt want me wearing these anymore. I get what you're thinking. Why should I be the only one to enjoy them? This is a compromise."
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u/NecroJoe 17h ago
Man, clothes were just made different back then.
I still have black concert t-shirts from the mid 90s I still wear semi-regularly....and yet the ones I bought last year have already gone all pill-y, stretched collars, and holes in the armpits.
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u/WithoutDennisNedry 16h ago
Right?! I still have my original Jurassic Park tee from when the movie came out and it’s mint. The print never peeled or cracked, the black is still black.
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u/captainwacky91 16h ago
Those pullover hoodies with the interior faux fur lining from Aeropostale, cost $40 in mid 2000's money, they still won't quit.
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u/saltynotsweet1 15h ago
My 45 year old brother bought a hoodie from Abercrombie in like 1996 and wore it all. the. time. It’s still in great shape, he just outgrew it. My teenage son was dog sitting for him a couple years ago & saw it in the closet, he wears it all the time now.
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u/jeremec 17h ago
Not the hill I’d die on.
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u/pezdal 16h ago
For sure. OP should consider himself lucky that he was even asked. A lot of wives would have silently thrown them out. LOL
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u/ThingCalledLight 16h ago
I don’t get why some partners accept that.
I would never go into my wife’s closet and start just deleting her wardrobe without permission. It’s crazy to me that anyone would shrug away their partner doing that without a conversation first.
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u/pezdal 16h ago edited 16h ago
That would certainly be a problem in many relationships, but I wouldn't extrapolate our experiences and feelings to everyone. Some husbands thrive under more of a "mommy" replacement, while others define clear boundaries and push back. I am with you. I wouldn't accept anyone taking my stuff, but "different strokes...
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u/Suspicious_Glow 16h ago
Totally thought you were going to go the “consider himself lucky someone wants to actually SEE him in his boxers” route 😂
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u/mexicat2000 16h ago
But the breatheability is unmatched by today’s technology. They don’t make them like they use to 😞
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u/nichnotnick 17h ago
It’s called planned obsolescence, these corporations are making fools of us all
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u/wsm412 16h ago
Let her know that you still love and desire certain things even when they’ve aged and aren’t quite what they once were.
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u/DoingBestWeCan 16h ago
Depending on the woman, this could be smooth AF or throwing water on a cooking fire.
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u/IntrstlarOvrdrve 15h ago
The fact that you’re still able to wear the same size boxers 21 years later is impressive to me
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u/DDFoster96 17h ago
You remind me of my dad. There are photographs of him with me as a child nearly 30 years ago wearing some of the same clothes he wears now. They're not even high quality clothes; he wears them way past where most would consider them "worn out".
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u/nichnotnick 17h ago
The thing is, I really only have an attachment to them, and I know this is odd… because of whose they were. This pair came from 3 pairs that were given to me by the mother of my best friend who died in a car wreck when we were 16. I should have added that to the post. Otherwise these aren’t as special I guess.
I found it odd when she gave them to me. But for 23 years now, i have had these in my dresser drawer, wherever I found myself, and it always kept him in my mind. She gave lots of his friends stuff of his. It was cathartic, I’m sure. We were such a close knit friend group. It was a terrible time.
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u/LiquidRaekan 17h ago
They look fine OP!
I wouldnt recommend walking around in those when your teenage daughter has her friends for a sleepover though!
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u/zoobrix 17h ago
How about just avoiding that issue altogether by wearing some pants.
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u/shinzilla 16h ago
Yeah I would never walk around in my underwear with people who aren't my direct family in my house lol
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u/colemon1991 17h ago
I wouldn't recommend walking around in those with anyone visiting you. You could scar grandma or the postal worker!
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u/RandomBoxOfCables 16h ago
Love that record player, tell me about that while you’re burning those underwear
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u/GoEZonMe 16h ago
Kind of wild that I’m literally wearing the exact same pattern of boxers, though regretfully mine aren’t 20 years old.
I personally think she doesn’t understand the gravity nor how impressive it is for a man to have boxers last 20 years. I also applaud that you can still fit in clothes from high school
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u/Blakelock82 12h ago
Protect those boxers at all cost OP.
We all know why, and we all know your wife won't understand the reason to keep them.
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