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u/BunniGiggle_ 1d ago
I looked in the mirror and knew what I was working with.
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u/BlLLr0y 1d ago edited 1d ago
You just baited so many people into seeing hentai. Lmao
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u/BigOlStankyDank 1d ago
“The man in the mirror nods his head.” 🎶
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u/Otherwise-Remove4681 1d ago
I know what I am working with but how come some ogres keep bagging baddies.
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u/Chubuwee 1d ago
Then take a look again. Knowing what you are working with means you are actively trying to compensate. It doesn’t mean you look, say to yourself “yup I am below average” accept it and then go about your day. You look and make a plan to improve the physical and then past the physical
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u/Schen5s 1d ago
Monehhh. Or a really funny and confident guy.
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u/Let-s_Do_This 21h ago
Yepp, just for the sake of argument (because it comes off as red pill to think of relationships as transactional) examine what is being brought (or taken away) from the table.
Money - financial security and comfort
Funny - laughter, dopamine, happy feelings
Confident - low maintenance, able to preserve energy for other tasks, sexy if not excessiveInsecure - high maintenance, takes constant effort and energy to comfort, constant battles but with no end to the war
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u/Freud-Network 1d ago
I feel this in my soul. I look like a wax figure left outside on a hot summer day.
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u/ayending1 1d ago
Neil deGrasse Tyson: Now you should kiss yourself in the mirror.
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u/DLDrillNB 1d ago
Or the polite real life equivalent:
“Awh, thank you!”
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u/redditallreddy 1d ago
"Bless your heart."
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u/Spirit_Piper 1d ago
Everybody's favorite Southernism that prefaces massive shit talking.
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u/wheaman 1d ago
Hit em with the 'I'll pray for you' closer for maximum efficiency
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u/banana_buttholer 1d ago
There's nothing wrong with wanting a hot partner. But sometimes, you gotta look in the mirror and see what you're working with.
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u/thissexypoptart 1d ago edited 1d ago
I’m genuinely confused by some of the comments in this subreddit. Everyone wants to be attracted to their partner, and someone saying “I’ll love you” with no attraction there just isn’t the right person for that.
Why are there multiple highly upvoted comments lamenting how this dude is saying “anyone but you” or being a dick?
Everyone should look for a partner they are physically attracted to.
Edit: it's genuinely sad how many comments in this thread seem to think the expectation of finding your partner "hot" is too much and unreasonable. Being attracted to the person you have sex with is a beautiful thing every adult person, who feels so inclined, should hopefully experience at some point in their lives.
Expecting to find your partner attractive isn't setting the bar unreasonably high. It's completely reasonable. You are under no obligation to enter into a relationship with anyone who tells you they will love you.
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u/Obatala_ 1d ago
“People I’m attracted to aren’t into me."
“People who are into me, I’m not attracted to."
Two sides of the same coin.
Neither means “no one is into you.”
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u/hiddencamela 1d ago edited 1d ago
I know you're making a point, but throwing in a side piece of very specific case scenario folks.
If you're constantly attracted to people who aren't into you, consistently, there's a chance you're choosing something comfortable or grew up with people who were indifferent to you too often.
Chasing butterflies in your stomach isn't love, it's anxiety. Not knowing what's going to happen with those people. Someone who you feel safe with usually doesn't trigger that. For these very edge case scenarios, learn what safe is for you, and figure out if those butterflies are anxiety or something deeper before chasing people uninterested in you.7
u/Obatala_ 1d ago
Much more likely to be “someone who is more into the chase than the individual,” so if someone expresses interest it stops being interesting to them.
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u/hiddencamela 1d ago
I think that might be another type of scenario as well, which is a whole other set of issues to tackle.
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u/Kratzschutz 1d ago
Yeah but don't complain if you're shooting above and miss. Too many folks out there act like they are owed a model girlfriend in exchange for the basic minimum lol
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u/InvoluntaryNarwhal 21h ago
Because we all know that one asshole friend who is a 4 and bitter and alone because they don't have a 10.
Like sure, shoot the moon. But don't be a whiny knob about demanding things of your partner that you don't bring to the table.
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u/thatshygirl06 1d ago
Incel standards are insanely high. They think they deserve a 10/10 when they themselves are only a 4
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u/YamahaRyoko 1d ago
I constantly see beautiful women stay with a dead beat loser who doesn't help around the house, doesn't help with the kids, doesn't respect her in public, watches porn instead of having sex with her
Like... SHOULD be incel? But someone married it. Hmm.
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u/thefartyparty 1d ago
Sometimes I wonder if it has something to do with media because tv shows having an ugly overweight guy with a significantly better looking gal is a trope. That's all they see on tv and movies so they think that's normal.
I can count on one hand the times I've seen the reverse and it's usually specifically to point out the trope as a joke. And we never see 2 average looking people together, which I understand media obviously trends toward people who look good on screen, but it would be cool to see more normal looking people in media.
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u/redditallreddy 1d ago
I can count on one hand the times I've seen the reverse
OR... the "plain" girl is really a gorgeous girl in glasses.
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u/krombough 1d ago
At least King of Queens delves into the fact that Carrie may be hot physically, but is a very hard person to be around on a long term basis.
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u/krombough 1d ago
That was the entire point. No one could stand either one of them except each other.
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u/meistermichi 1d ago
Why are there multiple highly upvoted comments lamenting how this dude is [...] being a dick?
Because it is kinda dickish to straight up tell them it's because they're not "hot", there's just so many nicer ways to decline their suggested offer while not ruining their self-esteem in the process.
Rest of your comment is true though
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u/Lildatercreater 1d ago
“Sometimes”, meaning all the time, depending on how you look.
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u/mrbaryonyx 1d ago
that is extremely disrespectful to those of us who can't look at ourselves in mirrors
this is something I've had to live with ever since that guy bit me in the 1870s
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u/Luckiest_Creature 1d ago
With that bite, you don’t need mirrors. The maidens will find their way into your castle on a rainy night, regardless
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u/thissexypoptart 1d ago
Everyone should be aware of what they are offering if they want to be serious and avoid completely avoidable frustration by expecting more than they can realistically get for what they’re offering.
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u/Jazzlike-Lunch5390 1d ago
"Anyone but you".
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u/1CEninja 1d ago
Oh man I can't tell you how many times I got the "I wish my boyfriend was more like you".
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u/AtlasMcMoony 1d ago
I think you could tell us very easily actually
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u/1CEninja 1d ago
It was over 20 years ago when I was in high school. Probably more than three but fewer than ten times during my 7th-12th grade life?
So no, not really lol.
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u/EarhornJones 1d ago
Gather around, children. I'll tell you the tale of Johnny Dresscode.
He was a co-worker of mine, and a friend.
Every day he'd come to work and complain about his inability to find love.
He was a 300lb. 45-year-old IT guy who lived in an ex'es basement. His hygeine was quite bad, and he spent all of his time making charts of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and building furniture out of 2x4s. He was banned from the local bar trivia nights for arguing with the judges.
These quirks aside, he was a nice man, and a good person.
Hoping to help him in his quest for love, I once asked him what he was looking for in a mate.
"It's fine if her face is just cute, but her body needs to be smoking hot. Like a 10 out of 10." he replied.
I wished him well, and gave up.
One day, he announced that he was dating a woman he'd met at a convention. She came to some social functions with him. She was nice. She was also funny. Sometimes, she sent him to work with homemade baked goods. On top of that, she was wickedly smart.
I thought that she was very pretty. He thought that she was just OK looking.
For whatever reason, she really liked Johnny Dresscode.
One day, I invited him to a movie with the rest of us, and asked if he needed a ticket for her.
"We broke up. She got mad at me," he explained.
I inquired, and he told me that she had become upset when he said to her, one evening after dinner, "I'm not sure what the point of this is. It's not like I can see myself married to you."
I explained to him that he was a giant moron, and left it at that.
Later on, he found a woman that he could see himself being married to. She had no interest in him, but that didn't keep him from giving her a bunch of gifts that he couldn't afford in an attempt to impress her.
She eventuially left town with her boyfriend, and most of Johnny Dresscode's stuff.
A few years later, Johnny Dresscode died alone from cancer.
TL;DR: Really think about what you need in a alife partner, and look for that. Don't be like Johnny Dresscode, may he rest in peace.
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u/Lost-Bad-8718 1d ago
Damn. It's incredibly demoralizing to realize an obese middle aged man with that kind of attitude can have at least one ex and one woman who was really interested in him at first and zero women have ever shown interest in me or swiped or wanted to go on a first date
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u/redditallreddy 1d ago
Have you tried building furniture out of 2x4s?
Seriously, keep plugging, keep working on being the best person to yourself you can be, and it will happen.
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u/Buster_Fella 1d ago
Yeah, it is rough, especially with how sweet Mr. Dresscode's girlfriend was. It's worrying too, like there's some invisible problem or evil mindset that's causing it, even when you think you're a good person, look good, etc...
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u/EarhornJones 1d ago
Control what you can control. Don't worry about things that you can't.
Live your life and take a genuine interest in your fellow humans. Be the bet you that you can be (by your standards, and nobody else's).
Maybe it'll help you find someone. Maybe it'll help you just be happy being you.
I made it through my late 20's with no serious relationships. I finally gave up on finding someone, and just started doing the things that I wanted to do, and making myself happy.
I've been married to the most wonderful woman in the world for well over 20 years (and I'm far from a "catch").
Best of luck, fellow traveler.
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u/Jack_Krystal 1d ago
In your heart of hearts, this is more or less a true story? It's such a tragedy.
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u/EarhornJones 1d ago
Every word is fact, including his quotes. Perhaps I should retitle it "The Tragedy of Johnny Dresscode."
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u/Jack_Krystal 1d ago
I'm sorry Johnny Dresscode. I'm sorry society made you think you'd be less of a man if you were with someone who made you happy. It's his own fault too but man, sure feels like a systemic issue...
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u/SlashCo80 1d ago
I think it depends on the situation. I have turned down women who I wasn't attracted to before. It's not that I think I'm a 10/10 or I deserve a "hottie", but we can't help who we are attracted to. These women were nice and we got along well, but I felt no spark. It would have been a disservice both to me and them to make romantic gestures and pretend I was in love when I wasn't feeling it. I guess the difference it I'm pretty realistic about myself, and don't mind being single. It's been pretty nice and peaceful, actually.
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u/NarwhalEmergency9391 1d ago
I had a guy friend before that would call and ask me if I had any hot single friends..I was single but obviously not hot enough lol
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u/Captain_Crouton_X1 1d ago
You can be hot and not be his type. Don't take it so hard.
Also you could've asked him out. Inconceivable, I know.
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u/burning_iceman 1d ago
Or he was hoping for you to respond in a way that allowed him to officially consider you hot. Maybe he wasn't interested, but maybe he was.
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u/trogdor259 1d ago
never marry solely for looks. Looks decline with time.
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u/memecut 1d ago
Never marry someone you think is ugly just because theyre nice to you. It will hurt yourself, the relationship and most definitely them when they eventually they find out.
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u/psycharious 1d ago
So many reddit posts: "My boyfriend/girlfriend thinks I'm ugly and is just with me for stability."
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u/trogdor259 1d ago
that's why I said solely for looks. You need to be attracted.
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u/mournthewolf 1d ago
Most of Reddit is kids who don’t understand not everything is black and white. You can be attracted to someone but not find them the most attractive out there. You should always find someone who you enjoy being with. Not the hottest or coolest or richest just because you like that. Find someone you genuinely want to be around. Too many people never realize this. Also attraction ebbs and flows over time.
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u/trogdor259 1d ago
why do you think the divorce rate is so high.
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u/HumansAreSillynGreat 1d ago
Because the majority of people get married in their 20’s before they even truly know who they are or what they want and they’re not willing to compromise on that (so they’re not ready for marriage..marriage IS compromise.)
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u/AdvilJunky 1d ago
So dont marry for looks, dont marry because they are nice. Whats left? Money? So the gold diggers were the right ones all along?! But wait... money can go away... so my dad was right! "Never get married"
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u/memecut 1d ago
I believe in a balanced build myself.
She doesnt have to be hot, just attractive enough to where I see something I like. I want to be able to give her at least one genuine compliment.
Im not looking for the nicest person, but she has to be nice enough not to make my life miserable. Im just looking for a stable baseline.
She doesnt have to be rich, she just needs enough to pay her own expenses.
My standard is just.. average. Normal. Maybe even a little boring.
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u/Archmikem 1d ago
"Everyone deserves to be loved! Except the ugly ones."
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u/memecut 1d ago
Thats not at all what Im saying. Beauty is subjective.
Just because I dont find you attractive doesnt mean everyone else feels the same way. Someone out there will see something I dont see.
You should find someone that sees the beauty in you, not shame and emotionally manipulate people who does not see your beauty into being with you simply because you exist and you feel entitled to something from them.
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u/Tad-Disingenuous 1d ago
It's a holy trinity. Gotta be physically attracted, gotta be really good friends and they gotta not destroy your lives.
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u/Luckiest_Creature 1d ago
As a married gal myself, this is truly what it boils down to, lol. It doesn’t sound very romantic but it’s so true.
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u/CanadianCrasher 1d ago
Thankfully a mind never deteriorates with time!
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u/PeasantTS 1d ago
Everything declines with time until it ceases to exist altogether. Enjoy what you have now, and hope it lasts as long as possible.
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u/SadEaglesFan 1d ago
A friend of mine in high school: “Sadeaglesfan, nobody likes me.”
Me, innocent: “I like you!”
Her, rolling eyes: “Nobody good likes me.”
Then she giggled her devilish giggle and scuttled off, and I knew I’d been bamboozled.
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u/Casual_Deviant 1d ago edited 1d ago
They always forget to mention that disclaimer
Hope you enjoy! For more of my comics, come stop by my subreddit: r/BummerParty
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u/I-Rolled-My-Eyes 1d ago
It's not about hotness, it's about mutually choosing each other. Some people get together because they are hot. Time wears them down and their true colors show. I'm ugly as sin and my partner is hot, but she swears I'm the hot one. We chose each other and are happy as hell.
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u/thatshygirl06 1d ago
A tale as old as time. Men are allowed to be mid or ugly in a relationship but women arent.
Men will only date beautiful women when it comes to long term relationships while women are more than okay to give ugly men a chance
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u/Raevar 1d ago
Statistics from dating websites don't back this claim up.
Obviously there are those that go against the trends, but for the most part, what is seen is that men are more likely to give a chance to a significantly larger range of attractiveness than women.
While I'm sure you'll argue that this only applies to "short-term" dating, most long term relationships start from there, and it should surprise no one that humans, male or female, wish to be attracted to their partners.
The real issue is based on two factors:
Social media has warped the perspectives of both men and women - showing attractiveness and lifestyles that are only obtainable by the 1%, while making everyone desire it.
This follows from the above, but most people don't have an objective understanding of their own attractiveness or social standing, and believe they deserve someone that is essentially out of their league. This is unsustainable unless the number of people who are okay with getting with someone below their league is equivalent, which it's not.
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u/babystripper 1d ago
Well yeah. I'm allowed to want to be attracted to my partner
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u/kcabder 1d ago
Valid point, I just fear that the internet has broken a lot of brains and convinced some people that you should only go after 10s no matter what (even if you happen to be a 6).
The social status signaling of having a hotty on your arm can push a lot of people to ignore those are are not as typically beautiful, but whom they could have amazing relationships with.
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u/Yashema 1d ago edited 1d ago
Even your comment is perpetuating the problem. A 6 means top 40% of attractiveness, so less than half of people.
The real problem is that 4s and 5s only want 6s and 7s or higher and they become convinced, especially when it comes to men, that they can get more attractive women if they just improve themselves.
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u/SpoonsAreEvil 1d ago
Sure, but that's not the same as "nobody likes me", even if they are used interchangeably in certain internet communities.
Also, at some point you have to face the fact that the more people you automatically reject, the more you limited your options become.
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u/BlackSpidy 1d ago
It's a lot less acceptable to say "I feel worthless because I'm constantly rejected/ignored by the people I feel attracted to". 🤷
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u/Accidental_Irony 1d ago
Then people should stop trying to sanitize it by leaving out the important bits.
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u/BlackSpidy 1d ago
Chicken and egg. It's one of those frustrating situations where talking about it is frowned upon, because people don't openly talk about it. And people don't openly talk about it because it's frowned upon.
And you know, sad truth is dating is built on leaving things unsaid. At least that's my assessment, anyways.
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u/Accidental_Irony 1d ago
I hear you, and I’ll admit I was mostly just being a snarky bitch.
I haven’t dated in a few years, but I definitely feel like MORE openness and willingness to talk about these uncomfortable topics during the dating process was a big part of how my now-wife and I knew we were right for each other.
One thing I’ve seen a lot of is “love of love”, for lack of a better phrasing. People - both men and women that I met - seem like they’re dating to find a person who is attractive and they can tolerate being with as opposed to actually finding a whole-ass partner to tackle life with. I’m sure that for those people, leaving things unsaid DOES help with sustaining that tolerance.
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u/TheAndrewBrown 1d ago
It’s a pretty normal thing to say “the people I’m into aren’t usually into me”.
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u/mrbaryonyx 1d ago
sure, but if your self-esteem is hurt because "hot people aren't as into me", then you're just going to have a bad time.
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u/Ijatsu 1d ago
If someone I'm not into is into me it's still definitively going to be an ego boost. Not being perceived by anyone like a sexual/romantic being is hard.
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u/Baxtab13 1d ago
In my life I'm aware of precisely three people who were into me, and they were all men. At this point I kinda wish I was gay. I'd at least probably have some relationship experience of some sort by now.
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u/mrbaryonyx 1d ago
even if they are used interchangeably in certain internet communities.
yeah, that's really the issue: a lot of incels (not all) kind of have this attitude that they're in some special, oppressed category because they don't have the same dating experiences as everyone else; but "being cut-off from dating models" is a universal experience, unless you are also a model.
At some point you have to explain to people "you're not hooking up with the girls on instagram, especially if you're the sort of person who just stares at girls on instagram. Try taking a shot on someone you're not immediately hard for; you might really enjoy getting to know them, and if you don't, at least you got some experience for what's fun to do on a date."
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u/ItsRainingTrees 1d ago
It’s only annoying if you’re also decidedly not hot.
You want to be attracted to your partner, yes, but you have to remember that your partner wants to be attracted to you. So if you don’t shower, don’t work out or eat well, and/or don’t dress well, then you’re being hypocritical and no one wants to hear your complaints.
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u/JudgmentalOwl 1d ago
People really underestimate what good hygiene, a decent haircut, a consistent workout routine, and healthy-ish eating habits can do for them in the dating scene. If you manage to have a decent personality on top of all that your chances of finding someone will skyrocket.
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u/quiteUnskilled 1d ago
That's really all there is to it. Everyone in dating age can get in shape and take care of themselves. If that isn't enough to get you laid, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself - there is probably something that needs fixing.
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u/Silvernauter 1d ago
Yeah, shit job (that one i'm taking care of) and crippling depression...unfprtunately the feeling of loneliness exacerbates it, so It's a bit of a self sustaining loop...
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u/quiteUnskilled 1d ago
The only one that can get you out of this loop is yourself, but it's no shame asking for help. In the end, it remains your life, your challenge, but professional help goes a long way.
And a partner usually doesn't fix depression long-term anyway, it's more of a distraction from your problems than a fix, with the risk of affecting people you care about - which also doesn't feel great. At least that's my experience in that regard.
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u/uselessta16283 1d ago
You cant fix autism
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u/quiteUnskilled 1d ago
Yea, I guess there are some severe cases that need living assistance and can barely hold a conversation on the very far end of the spectrum. If you belong to this lot, I guess you may be shit outta luck. I hope you can at least count really well or something.
If you're not, stop making excuses and just try to be a decent person that's somewhat nice to look at. Who cares if you have autism.
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u/Obatala_ 1d ago
Welll yeah. And the people you’re attracted to are allowed to not be attracted to you. And you don’t get to complain that NO ONE is into you, if what you mean is “no one who I find sexy enough is into me."
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u/strangelypersonal 1d ago
Phew, good thing it's the guy saying that, if you swapped things around people would call you an incel.
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u/Previous_Cut_4126 1d ago
Shit, I’ll take anyone that will push me and themselves to be better at this point. Dude or Chick. That’s my only two base requirements.
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u/Blacksad9999 1d ago
There are a bunch of internet 4's who think they're 9's. lol
"Why can't I get dates? I don't get it."
Because you don't know what lane you're in.
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u/Independent-Couple87 1d ago
Those numbers mean absolutely nothing. Dating Leagues are an absurd concept created by and for vain and shallow people.
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u/PM_me_punanis 1d ago
A dude who wanted to date me off hand commented that he was an 8 or a 9. And all I can say is "uh huh" while trying to keep a straight face. I don't think my standards are unfair, and he is kinda wealthy, but even if we add all that up, I would say he was a 6 at most. Of course, I didn't say anything. That was more than decade ago.
These days, reddit even has rate me subs. I feel like it's the best way to ruin your self-esteem.
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u/Blacksad9999 1d ago
I think the internet messed up people's ability to gauge where they're at in the pecking order.
I've seen a lot of young guys who think they deserve an 8 or 9, but they don't bring a lot to the table in comparison. If they were hanging out in social groups offline more, they'd get a better sense of where they actually land in reality.
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u/Matchbreakers 1d ago
Hot or not who cares.
As long as the time spent is good and my brain isn't trying to escape out the back, it's good.
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u/a-snakey 1d ago
No smokers and not a terrible person.
Sad to say that threshold appears to be relatively difficult.
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u/MetalandMadness 1d ago
Hope if I ever meet someone I genuinely connect with, something inside me won't turn shallow. Everyone has standards but the worry mine are too high.
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u/blazorfire 1d ago
Id take a grinch looking girl with a personality that goes well with mine at this point. Even if she hates Christmas.
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u/flargenhargen 1d ago
The fact that they would say that, shows why they're single even if they're good looking.
I'm ugly AF, at least most days, and I've dated waaaaay above my league because as an ugly person, I was forced to develop a good personality, and as a dude, that works even better than good looks on some women. (I do think men are more shallow than women, in general, though there are exceptions.) If you want someone to like you, the key is always to make them feel happy when they're around you, put their feelings before your own. (it's not the only thing that matters, but it's a big one.)
But in the end, most people always want to go for Mary Jane, when Ursula right there making them cookies and they don't even see it.
People are dumb and don't even understand what they want.
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u/Wild_Lavishness_312 1d ago
I feel like mostly girls are like this, not guys
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u/SlashCo80 1d ago
Yep. "I just want a guy who's nice and makes me laugh... oh, not you, I meant a hot guy"
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u/BodhingJay 1d ago
His biggest crush Sydney Sweeney offers but he's immediately put off by her obvious and suddenly apparent lack of standards and says the same thing to her
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u/Zero_Burn 1d ago
I wish women were that forward. None that I've been around were ever that forward, usually it's veiled through hints to get you to make the first move while maintaining plausible deniability.
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u/DMala 1d ago
Incel mindset in a nutshell.
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u/Atticussky151 1d ago
So women are incels? Considering this is 100% gendered the wrong way according to studies…. When they asked men if they found a women with 80% of the attributes they wanted men said that’s a catch, when asked the other way women said that was settling. Because women have been delusions into thinking they are all queens who get 10’s. Lol
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u/Jiehfeng 1d ago
When it’s more convenient to use the word love than the word attracted, even when its usage is incorrect
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u/floridamanconcealmnt 1d ago
This would make a lot more sense if the genders were reversed.
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