r/comics • u/kimmyphrenia • Jun 09 '26
OC Showering with Schizophrenia - By Kimmyphrenia [OC]
Hi everyone, I am very thankful for all your support on my previous doodle comics, here is another one! Be sure to follow me if you like what you see, as I will be posting more in the future!
-Kimmy
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u/cocotte_minute Jun 09 '26
So happy for you Kimmy! I look forward to reading more of your comics!
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u/PurpleCandle58 Jun 10 '26
I just loved this comic. I’ve never heard of them or seen them before. But this had such a level of openness and rawness to it, truth unrestrained, I am incredibly moved by that. I’m thankful Kimmy was able to get treatment and I hope that treatment has produced a better quality of life for them, but I am also thankful Kimmy is as brave as they are to share unrestrained what many would hide away.
I have hidden away how my mental health has degraded my quality of life to this day. Unfortunately my illness is not able to be medicated and I can’t afford therapy, but for some reason regardless of that fact this comic as I scrolled through it, I identified with it of course, the bed lock, the growth of things idk what they are but I hope so much that the damage isn’t permanent on me, and just overall my environment becoming nearly equivalent to a abandoned building because I had and have abandoned myself in some ways.
Back to the point with that foundation laid: the transparency of this makes me just feel a little less ashamed. Even though this is an alt that I’ve set up to be able to throw away any given time to be able to speak about things I usually don’t on my regular account, I normally wouldn’t share any of this even here regardless. But I feel slightly less ashamed after seeing that someone can relate, understand, and just know what it’s like as an experience.
Thank you Kimmy for helping me feel a little more brave today and a little less ashamed of myself. Thank you so much, I can’t express that enough.
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u/kimmyphrenia Jun 10 '26
Thank you for your comment! That makes me feel like I'm helping!
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Jun 10 '26
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u/Dakduif Jun 10 '26
How awesome of you to share your story!
You'd be surprised to learn how many more people go through the same struggles, even if for different reasons... I genuinely hope you'll be able to get to a better place for yourself at some point. Don't give up, internet stranger. 🙏
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Jun 10 '26
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u/Sallyfifth Jun 10 '26
I don't know how old you are, but I'm looking at 50...one thing I've learned is that there's not really "best years." Please don't feel like you can't improve because it's too late. It's so hard to carve a path through those feelings and circumstances. I believe you can do it in time, though!.
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u/BraveTrades420 Jun 10 '26
Interesting, I’m terribly saddened for Kimmy. Rough shit right there.
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u/grafikfyr Jun 10 '26
You can be both sad Kimmy went through all that and happy that she got better :)
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u/Ksnj Jun 09 '26
I have “bed lock” sometimes and it is horrid.
It’s really brave of you to share this. Thank you. I hope you feel proud of what you’ve been able to accomplish.
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u/Reasonable_Cut558 Jun 10 '26
I have ADHD, and idk if it feels exactly the same but I get stuck in bed too. It's AWFUL. Just laying there trying to will myself to move while the minutes or even hours just tick by. Fully aware of how much I'd rather be doing literally anything else but completely unable to get up...
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u/CryptidSamoyed Jun 10 '26
Before new antidepresents were added, i was having this problem myself. It literally feels like your bones are lead now and any time you think about moving or anything other than laying there staring at the celing. It sucks so much.
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u/itchyivy Jun 10 '26
I have regular bed rotting where I'm stuck in bed. But sometimes I get a unique one, where it feels like my muscles lock up and I literally cannot move. If I force it, I can move, but I get stuck in weird positions sometimes. Anyone else have this issue?
Before anyone asks, I'm already seeing a doctor and have already had brain surgeries. Since I CAN move eventually and show no seizure activity my docs are not concerned. But it's annoying :/ have yet to meet someone else who gets literally stuck like this
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u/Upbeat_Apartment_715 Jun 09 '26
I had a friend whose mom was schizophrenic and she had a similar issue about washing. Her husband struggled trying to support the family with multiple jobs that he wasn't able to be present for his wife or child.
We were in middle school when my friend confided in me, I was asked not to say anything to the teachers or my parents and as a kid who didn't know any better I agreed. I would often go to their house and help take care of my friends mom. She was for the most part able to take care of herself with food and the toilet, though sometimes we had to help feed her when she was having a particularly bad day.
She had a paralyzing fear of the bath, I never understood when she tried to explain the fear but I never really needed to. She was, however, able to be in the tub if she wasnt alone, just unable to do anything while in there. Her husband washed her as often as he could but it was not as often as needed so for about three years me and my friend would give his mom a weekly bath. I knew it wasn't a normal thing for us to be doing but I did it to help my friend who needed it and didn't want his family to fall apart because, and these are his words, "I wasn't a good enough son for them"
Eventually the situation with his mom was discovered, she had a bad day while out at a store which resulted in an incident that involved the police being called. She was taken to the hospital, my friend and his dad were talked to about the situation and a lot of things were left out, I'm pretty sure my name never came up.
They ended up moving away to live with the moms sister who was going to help them take care of her. She eventually started taking medication as was able to be released from the hospital under supervision. Last I heard things were alright, but that was over a decade and a half ago. I hope they are doing well.
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u/lemjne Jun 10 '26
You were a very good friend to help. I'm sure that must have been scary, but you made it a lighter burden for your friend to carry when they didn't have to carry it alone.
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u/Upbeat_Apartment_715 Jun 10 '26
Honestly, at the time, it wasn't scary at all. It was kinda weird at first, I'd never helped wash anyone before and never seen anyone naked other than family prior to that but after the first few times it just became routine, every Thursday or Friday after school we would go to his house, ask his mom if she was okay to take a bath.
She was able to get herself dressed and undressed and in and out of the tub on her own but it was once we started the water that she would get really tense and freeze. It's was very surreal, like she was a mannequin or something. So it wasn't even a difficult task, which is probably why we were able to do it for as long as we did.
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u/lemjne Jun 10 '26
You're a good person. You made a massive improvement in her life (and his life) at that time by helping. If you feel up to it, you should reach out now and see how they're doing, although you might need to be prepared to hear any answer.
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u/Nani_700 Jun 10 '26
Where do people find such good friends. I've had people deny me food and rat me out as a kid when I was hungry.
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u/InternMediocr Jun 10 '26
If I was one of your parents, I would have been so goddamned proud of you. This made me tear up.
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Jun 09 '26 edited Jun 10 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/neobeguine Jun 09 '26
My antidepressants made my kids lives so much better. My line in the sand was when my post-partum got bad enough that I was snapping at them.
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u/Made_Bail Jun 09 '26
Yup. My wife and kids are my life. My reason I wake up every day.
I realized I wasn't acting like the Dad and Husband I wanted to be. I didn't take part in their lives like I should have been. I didn't want to do anything or be anything. Just waking up, it felt like I had to push a mountain off my chest to go through the motions.
Now I take my kiddo to the park and buy flowers for my wife, and make breakfast for everyone on the weekends and it just all feels so easy. And its just one fucking med that did all that. Its remarkable.
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u/neobeguine Jun 09 '26
Exactly! One low does med and I feel like the person I was in college again, only with less need to avoid/deny the unpleasant stuff.
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u/TrueSkonger Jun 10 '26
I have ADHD and while I take antidepressants, they alone haven't helped me with the executive dysfunction that keeps me from being present like I want to. Considering getting on Adderall
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u/cheap_moves Jun 10 '26
I have adhd and pmdd. I take adderall and prozac, that combo made a world of difference for me. I still struggle with executive dysfunction sometimes, but not nearly as much as it used to. And it’s definitely noticeable on the days I forget to take them, so I know they’re doing something.
Edit: typo
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u/TrueSkonger Jun 10 '26
Yeah I'm just tired of the ADHD "sitting on the couch for hours doing nothing when there's shit to get done" activity. Like I have a rickety old truck in need of fixing and boxes to unpack from moving multiple months ago and jobs to apply to; I do NOT need to be sitting around all the time. That invisible wall of executive dysfunction is a bitch and I hate feeling stuck there in a way that someone who hasn't experienced it can't understand. My wife is very compassionate, but her brain is "normal" so she struggles to understand it
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u/leebeebee Jun 10 '26
Vyvanse has been amazing for me. I still get couch lock but I can at least do some of the things I need to do
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u/HillBillyHilly Jun 10 '26
My friend had reaaaaaally bad pmdd. Prozac has made such a difference in her life. Good on you for taking your meds.
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u/whosthrowing Jun 10 '26
I take Atomoxetine daily and Ritalin as needed and it's been amazing. Atomoxetine is a nonstimulant but for my ADHD (primarily inattentive) it's been amazing with helping my task paralysis and executive dysfunction. It doesn't make the problems completely go away but it lowers the barrier to starting a task to the point where it doesn't feel impossible and insurmountable. IME it works best when paired with CBT therapy, ADHD coaching, or therapeutic skills like DBT
It's a medication that can be hit or miss for a lot of people, and for me it took about a month in to even start noticing the effects, but I can function like what feels like a normal person now, and on rougher days I take 10mg Ritalin (a stimulant) in the morning to help give me a boost. I also love that neither medication makes me feel wired like Adderall did (although stimulant effects are super variable per person).
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u/refusegone Jun 10 '26
SSRI's, SNRI's, MAOI's, Adderall, vitamin supplements, and more have yet to do the trick. I keep telling my doctors it isn't depression, it's not my adhd, it's something else entirely that's presenting as "familiar" medical issues. But no treatment works. I have no energy. I have no motivation. I have no desires. When I do things I just want them to be over, I don't have any idea what a "sense of accomplishment" that makes anything worth doing even fucking is. I hate it. I'm not sad. I'm not suicidal. I just don't want. And nothing is fixing it or even helping out. I'm so tired, I don't want anything else but to fucking want to do anything at all. It's been this way my whole life. Since fucking elementary school.
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u/JTVivian56 Jun 10 '26
I feel you. I've about exhausted every traditional method for treating depression and I'm trying to push for more interventionary things, but they just aren't provided at my hospital or anywhere nearby enough, like TMS or ketamine treatment.
Only medication that's done literally anything for me is Adderall helping me not feel the need to nap in the afternoon every single day. Other than that, everything else may as well have been sugar pills. And yes, I've paired medication with other normal treatment suggestions, like consistent exercise, socializing, finding a good hobby, all sorts. I've been dealing with it for a long time now, I've had time to try all of the typical things. I've never looked for medication to just "fix" me, but I really really hoped it would just give me a kick, you know? Push me towards a better place, hold my hand, idk, something. But with it all doing nothing, it just makes me feel even more hopeless.
I'm at the point with my providers where I'm just asking "what can we even do next? What even is there?". Maybe there is some uncommonly used medication or combo I haven't tried yet that could work. Maybe not, and this is just who I am for the rest of my life. I'd like to think that something will work eventually, but come on, hasn't it been enough already?
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u/theprofiteer Jun 10 '26
Man..... That old you sounds like the current me, I'm on a low dose of Trazadone for sleep right now, only a few months in and it makes me feel so flat. I wasn't any better before, but at least I could feel the dread. I'd love to actually try a pill that could allow me to still feel but feel positive. I can't imagine taking Trazadone at higher dosages already feel like a zombie on 50mg. I've shyed away from any mental health medication, and I really need to get off this Trazadone and find something that can help me cope without turning off.
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u/Roanoke42 Jun 09 '26
Can't vote against them if the state declared you ineligible to vote due to mental disability after the government bans medications which treat your ailment.
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u/chunkopunk Jun 10 '26
Fuck, that's one of my biggest fears. And like, if an apocalypse ever happened & I couldn't get my meds, I don't think I'd survive.
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u/psycorvid Jun 10 '26
That's why I save my extras. I probably wouldn't survive, I would start to become delusional and experience loud overbearing hallucinations
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u/GoldenSheppard Jun 10 '26
If there was an apocalypse, I'd just straight up ask someone to gank me. I ain't surviving shit without my meds and some of them require refrigeration.
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u/Austinp-woodworking Jun 10 '26
Idk if this is something you’d find interesting and relatable or triggering, but there was a really interesting subplot of this scenario in Mercy of Gods by James SA Corey
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u/HillBillyHilly Jun 10 '26
Whoa. Wouldn't put past these deluded morons to try to take away rights from those taking meds. More reason to vote against them every election.
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u/Putinisclingy Jun 09 '26
My husband just started antidepressants. I feel like I finally have him back after two years of him being a cold, distant roommate. The difference is perceptible in everything he does and I want to cry from relief and joy. Luckily we don’t live in the US but I truly feel for the horrors Americans are experiencing.
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u/Made_Bail Jun 09 '26
They really are amazing.
Its sad how often we're told to just figure ourselves out. How we internalize this narrative that if we can't think or motivate ourselves out of depression, there's something wrong with us.
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u/CanoninDeeznutz Jun 10 '26
"Just try not being sad"-ass shit. I guess I can't be mad at the average person for a degree of ignorance on the subject, but I feel like a lot of people don't get that if your chemicals are that off, you are almost certainly just straight up incapable of "figuring it out."
Shit, I've got ADHD and non clinical (I think?) anxiety and it's been rough at times, absolutely couldn't fuckin imagine having to fight real deal depression or schizophrenia. Mad respect to those that do.
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u/Neveronlyadream Jun 10 '26
It's willful ignorance a lot of the time. People equate mental illness with being broken and they don't want to admit they're broken (or, a lot of times, their children) so they deny there's a problem.
It's just the fucking stigma. There are millions of people walking around with anxiety or depression or whatever who convinced themselves they're totally okay as they continue to suffer.
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u/Ace-Redditor Jun 10 '26
The only thing I haven't tried yet for my chronic (years-long), severe (I don't go a day without being suicidal) depression is medication. That is, though, the only thing I haven't been armchair-psychologist prescribed. Going outside, eating better, getting sunlight, talking to people, having a routine, exercising, anything you can think of, I've done. But apparently, I just didn't try any of it long enough (many months/most of a year depending on each) or I didn't do it right, or whatever reason they can think of for why I still have depression
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u/currently_pooping_rn Jun 10 '26
I was told that I wasn’t praying hard enough and not going to church enough
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u/HillBillyHilly Jun 10 '26
Tell them that Sky Daddy is a construct put together to control the feeble minded 😘
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u/CrystalAbysses Jun 09 '26
Exactly. I had tried to commit suicide twice before my antidepressants, and I've been so much happier and, well, wanting to live so much more than I used to. Without those meds I'm not sure I would still be here to make this comment.
Same goes for pretty much any drug used to treat mental illness. I've heard the same thing said over and over from my neurodivergent friends and family: "These meds saved my life!"
RFK either has absolutely no experience or expertise around mental illness and its subsequent medications, or he genuinely hates disabled people and wants them gone and out of sight. With the whole "put them all in camps" rhetoric he's pushing, I'm betting my money on the latter.
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u/DeltaV-Mzero Jun 10 '26
He does know what he’s doing.
He doesn’t hate anyone.
He’s a cynical monster who will peddle anything to anyone as long as it lines his pocket books and gives him influence
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u/Pretend-Marsupial258 Jun 10 '26
It's a form of soft eugenics where their point is to simply let some people die.
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u/Ace-Redditor Jun 10 '26
And that's why, out of the three main things RFK listed that autistic people can't do, one of the complaints was that 'they'll never pay taxes.' Which is obviously wrong, of course, but it shows where his priorities lie
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u/DeltaV-Mzero Jun 10 '26
His only priorities are power, money, clout
Everything and Everyone else is just a tool
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u/HillBillyHilly Jun 10 '26
He hates disabled people. He drove his wife insane and she committed suicide under his tactics. He is lower than pond scum.
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u/KazakiriKaoru Jun 09 '26
Also, people who were on meds once but didn't see any visible outcomes and then saying that meds are bullshit or doesn't work, without even consulting a healthcare professional.
My mother had to change meds a few times to find ones that worked for her.
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u/Careless_Midnight_35 Jun 09 '26
Does finding the right combo of meds and therapy suck? Yes! Is it worth it? Oh HELL yes!
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u/HillBillyHilly Jun 10 '26
I mean my meds didn't work for me but that on me too for giving up. Im not going to question anyone else taking theirs.
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u/Made_Bail Jun 09 '26
Me too! I tried, four I think? Before I found one that worked for me.
Human brains are complicated as shit.
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u/CmdrEnfeugo Jun 10 '26
RFK Jr has said some rather crazy things about psychiatric medications. He’s implied that they have somehow led to the increase in school shootings and that they are harder to quit than heroin. Both of those points are not supported by the science (surprise!). Seems like this is conservatives looking for something to blame other than poor access to mental health treatments, and guns.
The programs he’s proposing are a mixed bag:
- Having an expert panel come up with clinical guidelines for how to taper off of SSRIs
- Having Medicaid pay for healthcare providers to help patients in planning how to stop their SSRIs
- Guidance to hospitals to not default to SSRIs but also consider diet, exercise and therapy
For the first one, assuming the panel is well recognized psychiatrists and scientists, that sounds reasonable. Depression isn’t a life long thing for everyone, so stopping your SSRIs if you haven’t been depressed for a while is could be good. My only concern would be who is on this expert panel.
For the second one, if doctors hadn’t been able to bill for that before, that also seems good. Again, only if the patient’s depression has been gone for long enough to consider stopping the meds.
The third one is alarming. Getting someone with depression to exercise and eat better is probably not going to work unless they are on an SSRI and in therapy. After they start feeling better exercise and diet could be part of the treatment plan, but not the first thing you try to do. I suspect that RFK Jr has never been clinically depressed and is doing the usual “just don’t be sad” thing that clueless people do. Probably because it fits his nonsense “alternative medicine” beliefs.
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u/efcso1 Jun 10 '26
I'm expecting it to be chaired by Dr Oz, and have that halfwit Health Ranger bloke as his deputy.
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u/Persea_americana Jun 09 '26
It's so screwed up how a complicated and real issue like medications being over-prescribed or mis-prescribed (happening at the same time that issues are being under-prescribed in different areas) can be twisted by a literal brain-damaged scammer (that got brain worms eating roadkill) into the most harmful possible interpretation and not only does it gain traction they put him in charge. It's disgusting.
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u/Made_Bail Jun 09 '26
Its because fucking EVERYTHING is political now.
Why were masks during COVID political? Why were the vaccines? How fucking stupid is it to make simple health political?
But it was, because one side saw it as a way to further put us against each other. One more log into the hate train's furnace.
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u/Reasonable_Cut558 Jun 10 '26
Why were masks during COVID political?
Because trump didn't want to smear his makeup. I wish I was kidding.
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u/manicbestfriend Jun 09 '26
What is this? I admit I do my best to live under a rock because it makes me tired, but this is new. Without my meds I'll just end up not existing anymore due to... Mysterious reasons. Which is what they want, granted, but...
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u/Made_Bail Jun 09 '26
RFK's new big push is to get people off antidepressants, withdraw approval for them, etc.
Its all talk right now, but with this administration, I would not be surprised if the Cheeto signs a fucking executive order or something.
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u/manicbestfriend Jun 09 '26
Sometimes I feel sad that I don't have the skill set for certain high profile jobs that involve firearms.
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u/ThatInAHat Jun 09 '26
God, I hope not. I can definitely tell when I forget a couple days of my meds.
I hate that this is how things are now.
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u/tomdarch Jun 10 '26
On top of what the other comment said, RFK Jr has tried to push the idea that SSRI medications may make people violent. You can get into a technical discussion that would be appropriate in an academic setting, but basically, it's bullshit.
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u/HillBillyHilly Jun 10 '26
Boy, he hasn't met some people I know who are REALLY FUCKING VIOLENT without their meds. Absolute moronic take from a brain addled man. Or should I say worm addled? Worm wood probably looks better than RJK brain. Then again he's probably faking everything like he did with the wife he drove to suicide. Shot stain corpse that he is.
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u/undeadvadar Jun 09 '26
Double so for me since am trans and on hrt. It made my life so much better i would be depressed as hell right now if it wasn't for being on hrt can't force me back to that for all the money in the world.
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u/HillBillyHilly Jun 10 '26
If you're young, try to escape this country. If these looks win these fall elections, you're cooked.
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u/XxThe_HumanxX Jun 10 '26
My antipsychotics literally saved my life, I'm bipolar and have bpd and life without my meds is a living hell... If it weren't for my meds I wouldnt be here anymore, and I know plenty of people who feel the same- glad you're doing better too :]
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u/SugarReyPalpatine Jun 10 '26
Because he doesn’t want you better.
He doesn’t actually believe the lies he’s pedaling. What he wants is your eradication.
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u/tomdarch Jun 10 '26
I don't like the term "evil." I don't want to call anyone short of Hitler "literally evil." But the stuff RFK Jr is doing has some pretty evil effects. Spreading bullshit about safe vaccinations so that kids don't get vaccinated, get sick and die is horrible. Spouting false bullshit about important medications which will obviously have the effect of people not taking meds that will help them so that they have more suffering in their lives (and potentially commit suicide or die from other effects) has an evil effect on the world.
There are a lot of us in America who are pissed off about this crap and do not want to tolerate it. There are some Americans who are deep in the mindset and culture of supporting this horrible crap. The think I have a hard time understanding is why the "people in the middle" tolerate it when there is so much obviously bad crap being done. Whether it is a human golden raisin croaking nonsense that gets people killed or an obvious asshole stealing our money for himself and spouting nonsense lies, why do so many people shrug and not bother to condemn it or vote against it?
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u/psychxticrose Jun 10 '26
Before I was on ADHD meds I was either addicted to cocaine just to feel normal or completely non functional. I cannot go back to that. It was miserable
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u/golgibodi Jun 10 '26
If I go two days without my Lexapro I become a test bitch, day three I’m shaking with a migraine, day four I’m a shivering, crying mess. You wouldn’t ask a type 1 diabetic to stop their insulin, why refuse us our meds?
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u/maggot-smoothie Jun 10 '26
For the first time in 30 years I feel awake and alive because of my medication. I am terrified of it being taken away.
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u/No-Opposite-6620 Jun 10 '26
Rfk is all get off the meds, but he sure did like the non prescription drugs, like coke.
Sincerely, another anti depressant user, changed for the better because of it, tired of the bullshit he's spewing.
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u/Mousehole_Cat Jun 10 '26
Until I was properly medicated, I didn't realize that it's not normal to experience suicidal ideation every single day. It took 34 years. Got my dose of sertraline right and those thoughts cut right out.
The weird part is that my dosing changes were due to experiencing PMDD related mood swings. I never actually raised the ideation with anyone, but suddenly I realized "hey, these thoughts I always had are gone after that med change... maybe they weren't supposed to be there?!"
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u/Stormthius- Jun 10 '26
For a long time I didn't want to take antidepressants cause a friend of mine who had taken them in the past said it makes you like a robot, now I know that's just bad information, and completely agree with you. I admit I got really lucky and Prozac was the first and only med I took. Same as you it completely changed my life, honestly don't know who I'd be today without it.
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u/GoatsNHose Jun 09 '26
I'm amazed you were still able to go to school. Glad you seem to be feeling better.
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u/zaned04 Jun 09 '26
I love that you shared this. I work hard to assist others in getting these injections, and most people aren't aware of two things: 1. They can be absolutely life changing. And 2. They are unreasonably expensive. My job basically boils down to getting these injections for free for the many people who need them, and just like you showed, the difference it makes is astounding. There should zero reason to withold these life-changing medicines for anyone (who needs it).
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u/Monshika Jun 10 '26
My brother has schizoaffective disorder and the shot was a wonder drug for him years ago but our dad couldn’t afford the almost $1000/mo cost when insurance wouldn’t cover it. He’s non compliant with pills and doing very poorly. Would you mind messaging me some tips on how the hell to get this approved? I’m pretty sure he’s on MediCal (Medicaid).
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u/HillBillyHilly Jun 10 '26
I'm so sorry your family goes through this w your brother. We should be spending money taking care of people like your brother not fighting wars 😡
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u/nbzf Jun 10 '26
I’m pretty sure he’s on MediCal (Medicaid).
was he before?
This should cover a depot shot of an antipsychotic?
He should be able to go to your state's community mental health clinics; lots of their patients have no money and are on medicaid/SSI.
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u/Monshika Jun 10 '26
He was on private insurance at the time but to my understanding every policy he’s been on only approves oral meds..which he stops taking pretty quickly since they make him feel tired. Sadly, he’s pretty far into his delusions at the moment so convincing him to go to a clinic would be quite difficult. It’s hard to get an adult to get help when they don’t want it. Sigh. I just want something in our back pocket for the next time he inevitably ends up impatient again.
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u/mathzg1 Jun 10 '26
Damn, makes me glad my country has universal health care. My dad has schizophrenia and gets a shot every month, we would never be able to pay for that on our own. It's already bad to have a case in the family, I can't even imagine how it is to have monetary pressure on top of that
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u/bndck Jun 10 '26
You're asking for tips on the medical approval side, so this isn't entirely relevant but I recommend Xavier Amador's book "I'm Not Sick, I Don't Need Help! How to Help Someone Accept Treatment". He was in school studying psychiatry when his brother was diagnosed with schizophrenia and has dedicated his work to the subject, it was painfully insightful.
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u/wild_allig8or Jun 10 '26
What about akathisia? Genuinely wondering. It’s a side effect of dopamine blocking drugs. It’s like chemical torture because you feel like you are tormented by the need to move. I’ve had it happen to me and it stopped when I stopped the drug. Now I’m too scared to go back on it.
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u/HistoricDino Jun 10 '26
Same. The akathisia is what drove me even more insane. The drugs that were meant to cure me turned my life into hell. I couldn’t stop pacing or driving. I’m on Seroquel now and I haven’t had it, but Abilify mixed with Wellbutrin fucked me up.
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u/wild_allig8or Jun 10 '26
Same, Abilify was literally torture. I had to stop that one. The thought of having a month’s dose injected into me without being informed of the risks beforehand is terrifying
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u/HistoricDino Jun 10 '26
I feel like it’s wrong to give someone an injection unless they have a history of it being well tolerated. It messed up my life. I’m glad for the person in the comic, but this can be very dangerous.
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u/jamfedora Jun 10 '26
I hope, and suspect, it’s rare for someone to be started on injections without having first tried comparably-formulated pills, if only because injections are much more expensive and time-consuming for professionals, so insurance wouldn’t want to shell out for them without testing the cheaper version first. That’s been my experience with other meds. On the other hand, my mom had a bone density injection that messed her up for weeks even though the pills were available and supposed to be the first-line treatment, so I’m positive this type of problem does happen.
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u/MothChasingFlame Jun 09 '26
So glad you're sharing this.
Gotta say being in fringe groups, especially nerd communities, can be a quick freefall into necessary empathy lessons about hygiene. First impulse is to think people are just gross because they want to be, but you learn quick. Mental health, insecure housing, inattentive guardians, abuse. List goes on and on. Turns out most people don't want to be dirty or stinky.
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u/kimmyphrenia Jun 09 '26
Thank you for your empathy, as I know it's hard for people to understand invisible illness!
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u/dropkickderby Jun 09 '26
My best friend of over 20 years thinks im a mason plotting to ruin his life and have been since we were 11. Last time we were together over a year ago, he checked me for a wire. I feel so bad about some of the things I said to him, because Id always been in his corner. I felt so betrayed by him thinking Id do anything to hurt him. I just want him to get better.
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u/Made_Bail Jun 09 '26
I know its so hard, but remember that he holds no actual malice toward you. This is his illness talking.
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u/dropkickderby Jun 09 '26
I can accept that, but I know he wont get help either, so if he never changes, whats the difference?
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u/Made_Bail Jun 09 '26
Oh, you have to do what you have to do to take care of yourself. Whether you distance yourself, or cut him off completely, remember as you do it that, though it hurts like fuck, its not that he hated you or something. Or truly believed those things.
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u/Mad_Aeric Jun 10 '26
Oof, I got a fungus patch once. That was rather embarrassing, still have no idea how I got it.
I, uh, should probably go take a shower.
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u/mieri_azure Jun 10 '26
Eh I imagine even with peak hygiene you could pick it up from somewhere. Dont beat yourself up over it, but definitely take care of them if they appear
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u/Gilokee Jun 10 '26
I have them even though I shower every day, dry off completely, wear clean clothes, etc. It's really fucking annoying.
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u/Big_Version9561 Jun 10 '26
I heard you could get them from your pets!
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u/Gilokee Jun 10 '26
oh jeez. I think it's actually the humidity since I moved to an almost-tropical climate. Super annoying. :(
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u/PintosGoBoom Jun 10 '26
If it appears like off-color spots that aren't particularly itchy, it could likely be tinea versicolor. Very treatable with something like fluconazole from a doctor or dermatologist.
They give a million home remedies, but the pills were the only thing that work for me.
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u/HillBillyHilly Jun 10 '26
Could be the humidity and heat. Medication creams will resolve. Don't let if continue or will get so much worse.
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u/mooncritter_returns Jun 09 '26
Thank you for sharing!
When my depression gets bad I have trouble showering too. A couple times it’s gotten that, when I could smell myself (and on my clothes), it triggered like a territorial thing?, where I then didn’t want to shower/change clothes, like I’d be losing something (yeah I have trauma). But then of course, when you do, you feel some amount better, usually very much, like waking up.
Also re: bed lock, YES. I get it from severe task paralysis and anxiety, like I’m vibrating in place unable to move. After a few hours I’m so exhausted it turns into depression…this goes on for weeks, but, I’m finally coming out the other side of my last one! (And am getting my meds adjusted lol)
Thank you for sharing your experiences, it really means a lot. ❤️
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u/BloomCountyBlue Jun 09 '26
Thank you for sharing. You may or may not be in a "good" place, but you are in a better place. I hope you have support around you.
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u/Bazillion100 Jun 09 '26
This is really nice. I highly recommend the movie “its such a beautiful day” by Don Hertzfeldt. I wouldn’t be surprised if you already watched it with how similar both the visuals and message are
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u/kimmyphrenia Jun 09 '26
I have never heard of that movie, I will check it out!
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u/Bazillion100 Jun 09 '26
You’re in for a treat! Its a similar art style to yours but deals with the loss of memory
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u/Organic-Character842 Jun 09 '26
Once again, thanks for posting this here.
I remember seeing a similar comic posted by you that was about false memories you experience, and I was able to it so much.
I appreciate these very much since they allow me to relate to people as well as know that my problems are genuine. (Since some people in my life do not believe in mental health issues and are hell-bent on trying to gaslight me or make me believe I am just faking it. When I had been diagnosed by three different psychiatrists.)
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u/Hot-Idea-7788 Jun 10 '26
I remember amphetamine psycosis when I was smoking meth about.. 8 years ago you do truly believe your delusions are real. I thought the cops broke into my room once and tied a fishline to my blinds so they could hide in a bush and pull on them to look at me.
I started to see cameras in all the cracks and voids in the walls and baseboards. It was an awful experience. Heard voices talked to the shadow people. Im glad that I am clean now, I really really wish people did not have to deal with that every day.
Keep doing the comics its so awesome to share your struggles in a way thats so universally understood about something thats so hard to understand.
I hope your days bring you happiness.
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u/Adrianjsf Jun 09 '26
I am starting to work at a mental health institution. It is really nice to see your way of thinking,it helps me to understand my patients.
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u/neonpinkparty Jun 09 '26
Thank you for sharing this! I wasn’t aware that mental illnesses like schizophrenia could lead to these types of symptoms. Thank you for providing me with a wider understanding of that
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u/RoamingNPC Jun 09 '26
Thank you for sharing, getting this kind of perspective helps understand others in similar situations.
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u/zyh0 Jun 10 '26 edited Jun 10 '26
There was a thread on reddit regarding crazy reasons why they fired individuals, one was regarding their smell because they wouldn't wash. One if his replies mentioned paranoia regarding the chemicals I think, maybe it was an issue with them as well.
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u/MexicanPikachu Jun 10 '26
Psychiatrist here. 1. So glad meds worked and you can get back to leading the kind of life you want to live. And 2. Thank you for sharing your experience and breaking down some of the stigma associated with mental illness as well as showing those with mental illness it’s okay to get treated and it can get better.
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u/LizCW Jun 09 '26
Very relatable, so glad you were able to get help! 💜
Life is so much easier without such disruptive delusions, switching from pills to injection soon too myself
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u/Uknown_Idea Jun 10 '26
I can't even imagine. I find myself highly anxious over a lot of small things like the sink water will make me horribly sick if I drink it but the shower is my safe place.
When im sick or hurting or tired or whatever the warm water just comforts me and makes me feel better. I like to just sit under the water and not exist.
I cant imagine being afraid of the shower like that.
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u/ProovenHedgehog Jun 10 '26
During my first break I liked showering because the water would talk to me and tell me secrets and answers if I listened hard enough. It was one of the spots I felt sort of safe in. Lately it's been hard though. I blink and the day is gone. Or my medication makes me dizzy which makes showering a frightening prospect. Or just can't muster the will or motivation. Still so grateful for my medication. I prefer not to live in delusion, it's a frightening place. Thanks for sharing this comic, it's nice to feel unalone.
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u/Necessary-Respond793 Jun 10 '26
Due to polyps there was a long period in my life that I can't smell anything. After getting them removed my sense of smell returned and we all smell terrible. Rotten chicken, pigs sty, dead animals, don't compare to even a freshly showered human. We're all absolutely rancid, our brains just filter it out. (Thankfully mine did too after a few days).
Polyps have grown back and I've lost any sense of smell again, I'm due to another surgery next year but I'm dreading those first few days.
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u/Riyeko Jun 09 '26
Someone I know has schizophrenia.
He goes through this too.
I'm so happy you're medicated and living.
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u/ICastPunch Jun 10 '26
I struggled with depression and have experienced what you call Bed Rot.
Never got as bad as you got, luckily, but its been a constant struggle I've gotten waaay better at handling but haven't fully escaped, this feels so real to me. Thanks.
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u/Achylife Jun 10 '26
Schizophrenia is a tough one. I have two aunts with it, one recently passed away. Between the schizophrenia, the recreational drugs she did for years, and the drugs to treat schizophrenia, my remaining aunt is developing early onset dementia.
Her poor brain is thoroughly fried. They had to disconnect the stove in her trailer or she'd accidentally start a fire. She's forgetting who people are and inventing people who don't exist. She's at least calmer and more pleasant than she used to be. Her schizophrenia made her very nasty. Especially when she had one of her delusions about someone hiding her money or gold.
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u/Serial7s Jun 10 '26
Out of all medical problems, I still think schizophrenia is the most tragic and scary thing in the world.
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u/Business-Employ-1599 Jun 09 '26
As someone who struggles with similar out of the box thinking, I'm really glad to hear your feeling better.
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u/kirbyfriedrice Jun 10 '26
The expression in the "finally showering" panel was so apt. Glad the injectable helps you!
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u/Oobadoola Jun 10 '26
Ok legitimately i have an older brother who's going through the same shit. Im 20, hes 34. He refuses to get help because he doesnt think he needs help. Anyone have any suggestions? America btw
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u/PaperMoonShine Jun 10 '26 edited Jun 10 '26
My cousin is currently going through the exact same thing. Except his medication hasn't stopped his episodes, more like dramatically reduced the severity of them.
He still refuses to shower regularly.
He has a method to everything, and avoids doing regular things, and takes forever at other things. If you ask him about why he does these things, it always leads to a conversation about his "third eye" and if you press him further about what that means, he reaches the singular cause for all his doings, which he calls "source".
"Source" forces him not go to a particular restaurant, or not sit in a particular spot. It forces him to not shower, or have an episode if the texture of the clothes he tries to wear ends up feeling wrong. If his "source" causes him to have a bad episode expieriencing something, he will avoid doing it ever again.
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u/Monshika Jun 10 '26
Wishing you the best. My brother has schizoaffective disorder. The only time he did well was when our dad could afford the monthly injection. Such a game changer. Insurance wouldn’t cover it and he never took the pills for more than a week. Sadly, he’s doing very poorly now to the point I’m no contact because he’s easily agitated and our dad doesn’t want me to witness his sexually graphic delusions. It’s fucking heartbreaking.
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u/FitErgoSit Jun 10 '26
How can someone best help another going through continued psychosis?
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u/Blue-Eyed-Lemon Jun 10 '26
I think these stories are so, so important to share. And so important to listen to.
I think society right now has a negative connotation with even the very word “schizophrenia”. Earlier this very day I heard a friend of mine use it in negative connotation to describe the behavior of passerbys who displayed behavior that really upset her and had started acting a little bit unhinged about it. I had a conversation with her about it, about how I felt like I understood why she was upset, but I didn’t feel it was appropriate language to wield as a weapon, if that makes makes. How it feels ableist to use “schizo” as an off-hand insult.
We had a good talk about it, and it gave both of us a lot of food for thought.
It’s something I see used all too commonly by people who don’t put any weight into what they’re saying, who aren’t really thinking about the implication of their words. And I don’t think these people intend to be harmful, but I do think we should be more mindful as a society of one another and how our language affects each other.
In recent years, I’ve learned a lot more about the world and people around me. And I’m grateful for that. I truly think that learning more about the people around us encourages a better and kinder world, and I truly think that sharing stories like these helps us move toward that.
So thanks for sharing. I love the artwork as well, there’s a feel to it that I struggle to articulate, but I really enjoy. I love that this is simply a story lived. I hope you’re feeling better these days 🫂
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u/Alone-Monk Jun 10 '26
Self hygiene is such a struggle when you have mental health barriers omg. I feel fucking disgusting all the time because it takes me so much effort and energy just for me to get in the shower. For me it's because of depression so it's not exactly the same but I can certainly sympathize. Im so glad you are doing better! Medication is so great.
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u/UnaliveGroomers Jun 10 '26
Your journey and willingness to share these vulnerable experiences are inspiring. Much love Kimmy.
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u/BRDF Jun 10 '26
Thanks for being willing to share such a personal struggle. I also have difficulties with showing, but for different reasons.
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u/Skythe1908 Jun 10 '26
Glad you've found an equilibrium. Thanks for sharing this, I've been in pits of depression before, big negative feedback loops. Not the same, but relatable. One day at a time.
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u/Jpbbeck99 Jun 10 '26
Hopefully we find a way to diagnose schizophrenia before people have to go through this soon
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u/Morticias-Sister Jun 10 '26
Awe, dearest. I'm so happy for you. I hope you have days of joy in the sunshine and happy moments. You deserve comfort. 🌞🌞🌞
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u/BrujaBean Jun 10 '26
This is a cool look into someone else's mind. I've heard that medication compliance can be hard for some people with schizophrenia. Have you ever experienced that? Do these cartoons help you keep top of mind that the medications are helping you even if thoughts try to suggest otherwise?
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u/kimmyphrenia Jun 10 '26
Yes, medication compliance is an ongoing battle for me but I'm about nearly 3 years on meds consistently, meaning, I've been getting shots every month now for 3 years. They are necessary I realized, who knows where I'd be without them. These comics are very grounding to make, as my memories slowly return to me.
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u/Ask_if_im_an_alien Jun 10 '26
Nothing more sobering than spending weeks without a shower and then finally getting one. You go absolutely nose blind to your own scent.
You strip down, go shower. You're all happy and clean then walk back into your room and almost knocked out from the stench of your previous self. And you have the OH GOD moment of did I really smell like that (you did) and could everybody tell (they absolutely could).
But it's okay. If that's the worst thing that happened during all this then you are actually doing really good. I'm very glad you are doing better. Good luck and godspeed.
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u/SynapticStatic Jun 10 '26
Wow, scarily similar to showering with depression. I'm sorry you went through this, glad you're feeling better :)
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u/Cat_bonanza Jun 10 '26
During peak anxiety and depression times I hated washing myself because it made my body relaxed and helpless and I felt like I had to be on guard all the time and ready in case something bad happened. I also completely get "bed locking" and have had days where all I want to do is to rot and decompose, if I didn't have my cats who annoy me to feed them (one even bites me if she's hungry, lol) and my gf idk where I'd be. Life is tough. Glad you are doing better, OP
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u/Conscious-Pride7363 Jun 09 '26
Congratulations on finding meds that work for you, so pleased. My psychosis was similar: i depersonalised and stopped eating or looking after myself at all, and would hallucinate a lot. Medication has changed my life.
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u/Shadlezz07 Jun 09 '26
Awwwh, oh my gosh! I'm so sorry you went through all that. I'm glad you didn't give up and, in the end, were capable of vanquishing that demon. <3
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u/plamge Jun 10 '26
hi kimmy i’ve just read your backlog of comics and i really love them. i hope i get to see more.
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u/Just-a-little-tree Jun 10 '26
Thank you for sharing. This is lovely to see! Please do share more as you feel better!
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u/tomdarch Jun 10 '26
You aren't "bad with pills." Taking a medication on schedule is difficult for basically everyone. Talk with any doctor and having their "normal" patients be consistent taking medications for things that have no psych element and will keep them alive, and those doctors will tell you it is difficult.
Yes, to the degree that I understand schizophrenia, that is a way for your brain to work that makes it extra hard to take meds on schedule, but that's just part of the deal not you being "bad" about something. It's awesome that there are options that last longer and don't depend on having to take a certain pill at a certain time.
Your comic is pretty uplifting (and I like the drawing) even though it deals with something about your life that is pretty tough. I have my own things, and I'd have a hard time being matter of fact like that in front of everyone.
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u/FreddyMercuryFazbear Jun 10 '26
Last week I took a huge bong rip and was so high that I was afraid to get in the shower. I was sure that would die in there. I told myself "nothing bad can happen to if you just go to bed"
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u/Reasonable-Job4205 Jun 10 '26
This is awesome! Do you have an insta I can follow?
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u/Nezarah Jun 09 '26 edited Jun 10 '26
Mental health clincian here
For those curious, the injection is called a depot. Its essentially just medication in the form of an oil that is slowly absorbed by the body. Typically, this is every 4 weeks or so.
Being bad at taking medication can be from all sorts of things but what we most commonly see is that when you start taking medication, you start to feel better over the next week or so. If you miss a dose here or there, there is no real consequence. You dont feel any worse, infact you may even feel like you have more energy (anti-psychotics are sedative), so you may not take the next day, then the next. You feel fine? Why sedate yourself? This can cause a spiral to eventually self ceasing, mental deteroration, then a possible psychotic relapse.
Problem is, you dont notice when this starts to happen, or even that its happened, everything was fine and then suddenly isnt, your reality is already twisted to feeling afraid, trapped and powerless.
Getting a depot removes the risk of this happening and maintains a dosage to your body more consistently than regular orals. Some people hate having a needle each month and prefer orals, some people prefer the consistency of depots.
Over time, with good social support, regular check ins with your health team and a healthy lifestyle, the medication can be lowered to have almost no side effects and people can live long, normal, happy lives.