r/SipsTea • u/FirmnErect • 5h ago

Wait a damn minute! I have so many questions

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530 Upvotes

98% Upvoted

102 comments sorted by

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51

u/Similar_Past 5h ago

Florida is the original AI headline generator

17

u/DreeamHaze 4h ago

The training data is pure bath salts

2

u/South_Bit1764 1h ago

I was at a family gathering, one of those where you get all the people you haven’t seen in years. Sitting around a fire, with a cop cousin and his older kids, military officer brother in law and his volunteers-at-the-church wife, her ne’er-do-well sister and husband, and their grandma.

The subject of bath salts (like the kind you use in a bath) came up, and the two junkies are like:

“HA HA REMEMBER THAT TIME WE DID THEM BATH SALTS!!”

“YAYUH! [screamed like Lil Jon] You got so fucked up you shit yourself!”

“Well you ran head first through the wall and got stuck in the siding! HAHAHAHA!”

“Haha yeah! I was coming for that pussy!!!”

Everyone immediately gets up and starts walking off, “so anyway I got some lavender bath bombs up stairs you should take a couple home with you-“

These two idiots are just sitting there like, “what?!”

5

u/DeadMorozMazay-Pihto 3h ago

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural idiot.

4

u/arthurdentstowels 3h ago

A Florida man was arrested for [insert psychotic episode here]

3

u/Ok_Pudding6345 3h ago

chasing a police officer naked around some cars at the parking lot outside a restaurant and yelling "why you looking at my pp"

3

u/Friendly_Age9160 2h ago

This belongs in the a r/Florida man sub

19

u/Kingfisher910 5h ago

What is the crime?

22

u/Suspicious_Juice9511 5h ago

Yeah. Thought had religious freedom of expression in US. Let him minister his flock.

10

u/SuicideSpeedrun 5h ago

That's the crime, you can't forcibly baptize someone. Or something.

9

u/Suspicious_Juice9511 5h ago

We need to hear the alligators side of this

2

u/Crafty_Aspect8122 4h ago

Does that apply to children or babies too?

2

u/ConflatedPortmanteau 4h ago

Parental consent overrides a child or infants autonomy of choice in nearly all instances.

This is also the reason why abortion is a complete non-issue.

3

u/Suspicious_Juice9511 4h ago

I dont think we know the age of the alligator :)

1

u/Kriss3d 4h ago

So sayeth the flock!

If you know this reference, be careful when getting up. Yes I know your back hurts..

5

u/Reasonable-Plate2982 4h ago

Spilling the tea?

4

u/Loose_Assignment_Map 4h ago

Alligators are a protected species in Florida. Pouring iced tea on it might be considered assault. Attempting to convert it was definitely some kind of assault.

7

u/0x1988 4h ago

It's considered molestation. There are tons of signs up in this state that say not to molest the alligators.

2

u/COGspartaN7 3h ago

The Secret Lives of Alter Gators

1

u/Big_Departure_2709 5h ago

Probably a lot

1

u/Artistic_Regard_QED 2h ago

Baptizing his meal, a succulent chicken of the swamp meal.

0

u/Sophy_Pammy 4h ago

no crime detected

-1

u/zuspun 4h ago

The alligator was islamic..

9

u/SpeedBlitzX 5h ago

God forbid a guy has hobbies. /jk

9

u/dan_dares 5h ago

Florida man. I could predict that.

Everything else wild card

6

u/TetraThiaFulvalene 4h ago

I predicted that "was" was followed by "arrested"

9

u/CurvyChristina 𝙑𝙄𝙋 5h ago

I feel like he should win some sort of award for being deranged enough to think that he could get that close to an alligator without getting attacked. Also, what is an alligator doing in a waffle house? So many questions.

8

u/Suspicious_Juice9511 5h ago

Being baptised.

3

u/pleasetrimyourpubes 4h ago

I looked it up because I could plausably see a cracked out guy throwing iced tea on a gator but it's sadly fake: https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/florida-man-alligator-waffle-house/

6

u/IndependenceMurky850 5h ago

Crystal Meth

I'm sure that answers 90% of them

2

u/Musket6969420 4h ago

True. This guy looks like he hasn’t slept in months.

0

u/Hot_Hat_1225 4h ago

Christian meth? 🫠

5

u/Either-Banana-7323 5h ago

The way bro looks makes this borderline believable lol

4

u/Gyarubage 5h ago

Well, it's also Florida 😂

3

u/Optimizer_99 5h ago

honestly i want to know how he got the alligator into the waffle house in the first place 😭 did it order the hashbrowns scattered and smothered

3

u/EntertainmentOwn336 4h ago

I grew up in the South. This is hardly newsworthy.

2

u/negativ32 4h ago

Infinite monkeys couldn't make that sentence up.

2

u/Ok_Transition_4003 4h ago

He needed three hots and a cot for at least a few days, shower, etc. He just decided to go out with a bang

1

u/Ryokan76 5h ago

I could predict that "man" came after "Florida".

2

u/Thorn669 4h ago

"Arrested" nearly always follows "Florida man."

1

u/BiggerBody 5h ago

Sounds like shit that you hear on a GTA radio channel

1

u/Dornenkraehe 5h ago

"Florida man" made me predict "alligator" ...but not what happened to that animal. :'D

1

u/vilokreddy 5h ago

This is the standard Tuesday afternoon behavior for any Waffle House south of Orlando. 

1

u/depredador93 4h ago

He looks like he's still waiting for the iced tea to kick in

1

u/realfakejames 4h ago

Everyone knows alligators cannot enter the kingdom of heaven so he was wasting his time

1

u/-_-dont-smile 4h ago

That was because he wanted to marry him. Had to baptized first. 

1

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1

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1

u/OdieD777 4h ago

Holy Alligator.

1

u/Sophy_Pammy 4h ago

Florida man strikes again

1

u/BunnyWhiskerGlow 4h ago

The alligator is just sitting there thinking I didn't even ask to be saved Gregory

1

u/Radiant_Switch_4550 4h ago

Was he shot in the face with a shotgun with birdshot ammo?

1

u/UnusualAir1 4h ago

Florida has a large evangelical religious streak and evangelicals are the most aggressive in transforming others into their beliefs.

Florida rates as the #2 state in the country for the number of Waffle Houses in state.

Iced Tea is a staple drink in the south (including Florida).

Florida ranks as the #2 state in the country for Alligator population.

So, it was only a matter of time until some proselytizing moron attempted to baptize an Alligator in a Waffle House with Iced Tea. 😄

1

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1

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1

u/Miserable-Session-35 4h ago

If a man have a job to do ! He gotta do it

1

u/Marcel_The_Blank 3h ago

surely, you could predict the word "tea"?

1

u/bwsmith201 3h ago

I think we could all have predicted the “Florida man” part based on the photo alone.

1

u/Long_Serpent 3h ago

So, a Layman's Baptism ?

1

u/luk__ 3h ago

Classic Florida man

1

u/Sooowasthinking 3h ago

If you don’t know there is a great tv show on HBO called Florida Man.

1

u/SumBodhiThatIUse2Kno 2h ago

Reality, trolling LLM since the start.

1

u/RedheadFla 2h ago

The answer to all of your questions is: “Florida.” You’re welcome.

1

u/Redlion444 1h ago

Faces of Meth 

1

u/PopeyeTheSailorTrans 1h ago

Was it sweetened or unsweetened....

1

u/Odd-Consequence-5795 1h ago

The war on Christianity continues

1

u/HGrande 1h ago

Florida man does not need this AI slop to make up crazy headlines. He can do crazy all by himself.

1

u/Cool_Internal1171 1h ago

Only in Florida 😆 - Alligator man

1

u/AreYouItchy 1h ago

Does anyone have this recorded? I need to see this!

1

u/Lucky777_is_the_Best 1h ago

Is this behavior customary in Florida?

1

u/bigorangemachine 1h ago

I bet it wasn't sweet tea

1

u/iamsolarflare71 1h ago

Drugs were NOT involved 

1

u/Healingvizion 44m ago

I’m always crossing my fingers that GTA VI will make all these stories Dlc

1

u/WaffleHouseGladiator 40m ago

Understandable.  Carry on, Florida Man.

1

u/Nate8727 33m ago

This is hysterical

1

u/Freddie-Peterson 27m ago

I could predict the first 7 words, the rest is a crapshoot.

1

u/Gold_Engineering2535 26m ago

In accordance with the old texts he is now the manager of that Waffle House.

1

u/iimwint 23m ago

Where is your freedoms you are always ranting about?

I just baptised a moose in a Tims last week.

1

u/FantasticPangolin839 23m ago

GTA6 delayed to get this guy in. 

1

u/LazorusGrimm 6m ago

Florida? Waffle House? It just makes too much sense.

0

u/Loose_Assignment_Map 4h ago

Trump is going to recruit him to run phase 4 of the Iran war

0

u/External_Bird_8464 4h ago

Poster boy Democrat? Is this about voting for a conservative Liberal Left? Did the alligator leave in a dress with over 795,000 invaluable gender pronouns?