I need to get off my chest. This is actually a big rant so bare with me

Last January, I met a girl through matrimony. Even before we met, there was a red flag: her profile said she worked at Cognizant, but she was actually unemployed and looking for a job. I decided not to judge her for it and went ahead with the meeting.

We met at her house, spoke for a while, and she seemed like a decent person. Two days later, she said yes. I didn't. I told my parents very clearly that nothing should be finalized until I was completely sure.

We continued chatting regularly, but whenever I suggested talking on the phone, she said she'd only call me after I said yes. When she later came to Chennai, I asked if we could meet in person. She declined because she had plans with her cousins. That felt strange to me, if you've already said yes to potentially marrying someone, wouldn't you at least want to meet and get to know them properly?

Then she suddenly told me she'd received an opportunity to study abroad. This confused me because she'd previously told me she wasn't planning on higher studies. When I started asking basic questions about when she applied, her SOP, LORs, etc., the story didn't add up.

Eventually, she admitted that the whole higher-studies story was partly to "test my reaction."

As our conversations continued, the truth finally came out: she had been pressured by her parents into saying yes to me. She didn't actually want the marriage and was desperately trying to find something wrong with me so she could use it as a reason to convince her parents to call it off. At one point, she literally said something along the lines of, "You're so perfect, I can't find a reason."

That was when everything finally made sense.

She still said give me time till morning since you are perfect and I need time to think. I said no way, I'm going to call off everything. I called it off.

Her parents pleaded, she also cried saying I'm so sorry, can we still work this out, I'm just confused. I still said no and i felt so happy that I dodged a bullet.

The whole experience was bizarre, but it also made me realize that even today, people are still being pressured by their families into marriages they don't want.

If you're going through the arranged-marriage process, please don't say yes because your parents are pressuring you, your relatives are asking questions, or all your friends are getting married. And don't drag another person into the situation hoping they'll give you a reason to escape.

Marriage is probably one of the biggest decisions you'll ever make. Say yes only when you're genuinely and completely sure that this is the person you want to build a life with.

So my boyfriend and I have been sharing places for 6 months but i am here in my hometown for 1 month actually we used to have 1 bed so recently one of his colleagues came over & he is finding a flat over there but he is staying at ours place but here the problem is that he didn't let me know & when he let me know it was 1 day after... I really don't like sharing spaces with people especially the place which me & my boyfriend share... The same bed or the same room & i also wanted that he should have asked me earlier if i was comfortable or not which I am absolutely not

So what to do now?

We had been together since 2020. We had been in a long-distance relationship for the last four years because of my studies and exams. Initially, everything started well, but within two years of the relationship, I realized that we were not meant for each other. However, he had had a crush on me since the 5th grade and was deeply emotionally attached to me.

He was a little toxic in the beginning like possessive and controlling but later, he genuinely changed his behavior. Whenever I decided to break up with him, something would always come up, such as his exams or his father's health. I never had the courage to leave him during such vulnerable times.

This June, I finally decided to end the relationship mutually. However, he had become so emotionally dependent on me that the breakup took an extreme toll on his health. He suffered a brain-related medical emergency in which some of the nerves supplying his brain became blocked. The condition was so severe that he temporarily lost his vision for about 1–1.5 days due to the nerve blockage. Thankfully, his parents got him immediate medical attention. He has been on medication for the last 15 days, and his surgery is scheduled for next week, followed by another 15–20 days of hospitalization and recovery.

When I found out about his condition, I assured him that I would be there for him. My reassurance has helped keep his will to live intact.

I don't know how strong I am. We have both been completely loyal to each other. But over time, I realized that he is not someone I can spend my life with.

Reasons:

1. I realized that intelligence and intellectual curiosity are important to me. My boyfriend doesn't have many intellectual interests, and I often feel like I have to guide or babysit him through many aspects of life.
2. He is financially dependent on his parents. After his surgery, he is likely to become even more dependent on them. My parents, especially my father, would have a major issue with that. Although his family has enough wealth for him to live comfortably, it still concerns me.
3. He is 1–2 inches shorter than I am. That wouldn't matter much to me personally, but I know it would matter to my parents.
4. I have my own dreams and aspirations like traveling, enjoying certain luxuries, and building the life I envision. I know I can earn enough to fulfill my own dreams, but I'm not sure whether I can sustain that lifestyle while also carrying the emotional and financial responsibilities that may come with this relationship.

Given his current condition, I could probably convince my parents emotionally to accept our relationship. However, I honestly don't know what I want for my future. I don't know if I am ready to shoulder most of the financial responsibility, especially if one partner has to be the primary earner. I also worry that I would have to take on around 80% of the responsibility for our future children's education and overall upbringing.

This entire situation is making me extremely stressed. I can't focus on my studies because of it. At the same time, I don't want him to fall into another serious medical or emotional crisis because of me. I don't think I could live with that guilt.

TLDR- I love and care about him, but we're incompatible. His serious illness after our breakup has left me feeling trapped by guilt.

Additional info/Edits

edit1- We never had sex*al intimacy, because we both agreed not to engage in that before marriage.

Edit2- No personal messages plz, kindly keep all the conversations limited to the comment section.

Today on my birthday, my girlfriend from past 7 years has wished me with a message of “Happy birthday ✨”, mind you not broken up or anything. Not even a video call, just a fuckin audio call to wish and this text! That’s all what I got, to all the influencers out there arguing never to expect in a relationship, is this good enough?

Long distance relationship, you beauty ❤️

Hi everyone,

I'm posting this because I'm feeling overwhelmed and so much regret to what happened between me and my ex over the last few days and I need honest opinions, Please don't sugarcoat things, but also don't assume I'm trying to make myself look like the victim. I'll try to present this as fairly as I can.

I was in a relationship with this girl from other religion, that started in 2024. It was very beautiful experience of my life and everything was good between us till 1 year, but as problems started arising, it became unhealthy over time, we had recurring issues with communication, arguments, and periods of blocking/unblocking. I often struggled with anxiety about the relationship and wanted to fix things, while she often wanted distance when conflicts happened. And we eventually broke up in September of 2025.

After a long period of no contact, she reached out to me a week back, we had normal talks about everything, about life, future, a lil bit of past as well. I wasn't expecting anything because I also moved on a long ago. And I honestly felt hopeful. I thought maybe we were finally going to have a calm conversation, get closure, or at least reconnect as two people who once cared about each other.

Instead, very early in our conversations, money became a major topic.

She mentioned needing around ₹25,000 for college fees. Ofc i declined it was very big amount, then again arguments, block and she later unblocked me in the morning and said it was her pms and deleted those messages, and then later she said she needed money for some essentials. I cared about her, so I wanted to help, but at the same time I was confused because I wasn't sure why she had come back after so long. Part of me genuinely wanted to believe she had reached out because she still cared about me in some way, not only because she needed financial help.

She asked for around ₹3,000 worth of things. I wasn't comfortable with that, but I still offered ₹1,000. Eventually, I ended up sending her ₹1,500, even though my intuition was telling me not to. I remember thinking that I would probably regret it, but I ignored that feeling because I still cared about her.

After that, things became worse.

I started feeling like I had been contacted only because she needed money. Whether that belief was accurate or not, that's honestly how I felt. My hurt quickly turned into anger.

Instead of handling that emotion properly, I completely lost control.

I demanded the money back, threatened to contact her family and tell them how she's manipulating me, and I said things that I'm deeply ashamed of. Looking back, I know those threats were wrong regardless of how hurt or betrayed I felt. During our phone call, she told me she had evidence of everything I said and that she could use it if I tried to do anything against her. Hearing that made me realize how badly I had handled the situation.

After calming down, I apologized sincerely. I admitted that my behavior was unacceptable, told her I deeply regretted it, and have since decided there will be no further contact from my side, we both blocked each other.

Now I'm left with two completely different emotions.

One part of me feels overwhelming guilt because I behaved in a way that goes against my own values. I hate that I threatened someone I once loved, and I never want to become that person again.

Another part of me still feels deeply hurt because I can't shake the feeling that I was only contacted after months because money was needed. I honestly don't know whether that's an accurate conclusion or whether my emotions are making me see the situation unfairly.

So I'm asking strangers who have no emotional investment in this:

Was I justified in feeling hurt and used, even though my reaction was completely wrong?

Based only on what I've shared, how do you interpret her behavior?

What do you think my biggest mistakes were?

Do you think this relationship was unhealthy for both of us?

If you were in my position, what lessons would you take from this?

Please don't tell me what I want to hear. If you think I'm wrong, say so. If you think she also handled things poorly, say that too. I'm trying to become a better human being and make sure I never lose control like this again.

Thank you for reading.

TL;DR: My ex and I had a long, emotionally unhealthy relationship with repeated communication issues. After months of no contact, she reached out again, and much of our conversation revolved around financial help. She mentioned needing ₹25,000 for college fees, later asked for help with essentials, and I eventually sent her ₹1,500 despite feeling it was a bad idea. I then became convinced I'd been contacted only for money, lost control, demanded the money back, threatened to contact her family, and said things I'm deeply ashamed of. She told me she had evidence of everything and would use it if I tried to do anything against her. I later apologized sincerely and have decided there will be no further contact from my side. I'm now trying to understand whether my feelings of being used were reasonable, while fully accepting that my reaction was unacceptable. I'm looking for honest opinions on both of our behaviors and, most importantly, advice on how to make sure I never lose control like that again.

Guys, I had a breakup on May 11, and ever since that day, I feel like I’ve lost myself. I don’t know how I became so dependent on her. After every achievement, she used to praise me. Back then, I’d just say, “Yeah, thank you,” and move on. But now, no matter what I achieve, it feels like I haven’t accomplished anything. I still love her, but I want to move on. I don’t want to keep living like a heartbroken lover.
However, I’ve been going to the gym for the past month, and it has made me feel better. But at the same time, I keep getting flashbacks. I remember how she used to say, “Wow, your biceps look so good,” and things like that. I don’t know how I’m supposed to forget her.

Sometimes I feel like I should tell her that I still love her and ask if we can get back together. But then I remember that she left me when I had no one. She didn’t even try to talk to me after the breakup. I was the only one making an effort. I don’t know what I should do.

M talking to this guy we matched on a dating app. We’ve only been texting for 1 month, no calls no plans to meet up. I ask him what he’s looking for he goes i don’t know, im not sure. He never complimented me either. Why do men do this? I don’t have no brothers or guy friends, a males perspective would greatly help. **we are not exclusive he never brought that up. This guy would mostly text me during weekends. He would sometimes text me once a day at night time.

This is our convo

So basically I asked him how much more time do you need to figure out what you’re looking for. He goes idkkk. so I said why talk if you don’t know what you want. He goes idk what I want from life and so many things, so why be so sure. Then I said, idk why we’re talking idk where this is going. He then said it can go some where I guess.

My husband keeps saying that I should change my name on all the documents as it could be risky in future and I have had made it very clear that I don’t feel there is any benefit in changing my name.

Today, we went out for dinner with his family and suddenly out of no where this topic came up and my FIL put me on spot asking he will manage all the documentation you just say yes to change the name and my husband also started asking the same in front of them instead of supporting me.

My MIL also started asking why am I uncomfortable changing the name if all the documentation is being handled. I didn’t have any answer to say why I feel uncomfortable but I really felt uncomfortable when they put me in spot.

So, people here can I hear your views on this issue who have got married and who changed their names/didn’t change their names

Hey all,

I'm 26, from a tier 1 city in India (if that matters), and I've never dated before. I have talked to few people online but never dated.

After hearing so many horror stories about dating apps, I've decided to avoid them for now and instead try meeting people organically and dating in person.

That said, I'd really like to hear from people who've actually used dating apps.

Am I overreacting without really knowing what they're like,

Or is it genuinely difficult to find decent people who are looking for a serious, long-term relationship?

For context, I'm not into casual dating, hookups, or FWB.

I'm also quite shy, and the idea of putting my photos and personal details on an app for anyone to see makes me uncomfortable.

Oh, and if this question was asked before, apologies if you've already come across it and this feels repetitive. :’)

Thanks! 🙏🏼

Hi everyone.

I (27M) became friends with a colleague (25F) about 8 months ago. We work at the same company.

During the first couple of months, we became close friends. We spent a lot of time together after work, went on late-night walks, and talked almost every day. Whenever I was feeling low, I would sometimes call her, and she would often answer even late at night. She also cooked for me a few times, and I felt that we trusted each other.

She once shared that during our freshers' training another employee had spread false rumors about her, which made her feel isolated. As we became closer, she opened up about her family and told me she had lost her mother. She also told me that she wasn't interested in dating because she intended to marry someone her father chose.

By then I had developed feelings for her, but I never told her because I wanted to respect what she had said and continue being friends.

Around that time she invited me over because she had made Gajar Ka Halwa for me, but I didn't go. Soon afterward I became busy preparing for a job change, and because of other personal issues I lost touch with several friends. For about six months we barely spoke.

After finishing my course, I contacted her again and we started talking and going for walks occasionally. I thought things were improving, but I noticed she had become much quieter with me. She answered my calls less often and seemed more distant. Whenever I asked if anything was wrong, she said everything was fine.

Later I invited her on a trip. On the way back she looked tired, so I asked if she wanted to rest for a while. She declined, and I didn't realize until later that my actions during that moment had made her uncomfortable.

A few days later she told me that what had happened on the trip had affected how she felt about our friendship. I apologized and tried to explain that I had never intended to make her uncomfortable, but I understood that my intentions didn't change how she experienced the situation.

Eventually she told me that she no longer wanted to continue the friendship because, from her perspective, I repeatedly focused on my own feelings instead of understanding hers. Since then I have respected her decision. I haven't contacted her again, and she hasn't reached out to me.

This experience has been difficult because she was one of the closest friends I've had, and I've been thinking a lot about how to become more aware of other people's boundaries and communicate better in future friendships.

For anyone who has lost a close friendship like this, how did you process it and move forward? What helped you avoid dwelling on the situation while also learning from it so you could build healthier friendships in the future?

TL;DR: I (27M) became close friends with my colleague (25F) over the last 8 months. Our friendship changed after an interaction that made her uncomfortable, and she decided to end the friendship. I've accepted her decision and am looking for advice on processing the loss, learning from the experience, and building healthier friendships going forward.

I am a 22-year-old male. Two years ago, I met a girl online who was the same age as me. We were from the same state, but she lived in Hyderabad.

At first, I wasn't serious about the relationship, but as I got to know her better, I became more attached to her. We talked almost every day for about three months before deciding to connect on Instagram. Things were going really well for about a year. Although we never had the chance to meet in person, we called occasionally, texted every day, and shared many memorable moments.

One day, I opened up to her about one of my insecurities. Instead of understanding me, she reacted harshly and said some hurtful things. We had arguments from time to time, but they usually got resolved after a few days. This time, however, I couldn't tolerate the disrespect. I was deeply hurt, so I chose to say goodbye, and I was serious about never talking to her again.

At first, moving on didn't seem difficult. But after about a month, the reality started to hit me. I missed the familiarity and connection we had built. The following month, I wished her a happy birthday, and we had a pleasant conversation. That made me think there might be a chance for us to reconnect. However, after a few days, her responses became much colder than before.

Since I was the one who had ended things, I didn't feel I was in a position to push the issue. Over the next two months, I reached out several times, hoping we could fix things, but I was mostly left on read. I even asked if we could meet just once so that the relationship would feel real at least once, but she said no.

Eventually, I accepted her decision and tried to convince myself that it was truly over. Still, I found myself checking her profile from time to time, even though I knew it would only make things worse. I unfollowed her and removed her as a follower, hoping that would help, but it didn't. I still get the urge to text her or look at her profile.

Sometimes I wonder whether things would have been different if I hadn't shared my insecurities with her. However, deep down, I know the outcome would probably have been the same sooner or later. It has been more than one and a half years since the breakup, yet I still find myself checking her profile occasionally.

I would appreciate any advice on how to move on and finally let go.

There are three people in this situation:

- Girl

- A

- B

At first, the girl and A were good friends. B didn't know either of them.

Later, B became friends with both of them. Over time, B and the girl became much closer than A and the girl. They would hug, share personal things, talk about everything (including physical intimacy and relationships), and generally had a very effortless friendship.

This made A feel hurt. A eventually told the girl something like, "You were my close friend, and now I see you being much closer with B. It bothers me."

At that time, the girl was in a long-distance relationship.

Months passed, and B started developing feelings for the girl. Around that time, her relationship was on-and-off with her boyfriend/ex. B confessed his feelings to her.

The girl didn't say yes or no. Instead, she said something along the lines of:

«"Either I'm with my ex, or I'm with no one else."»

After that, she became emotionally distant and cold with both A and B.

My question is:

- How should A behave now?

- How should B behave now?

- Should either of them keep trying to stay close to her, or should they both give her space and move on?

I'd like to hear different perspectives on what the healthiest approach is for everyone involved.

So i met somebody through a mental health summit, approx 1 month ago ...

Turns out the guy is nice, respectful, and stable in career. We talked for a while and there were serious talks too. I only date to marry, although my relationships have no worked out in the past... and honestly I had no hopes.

The guy is hardworking and all, from upper caste as well coz this can be an issue later ( pls dont tell me i am discriminating ppl on based on caste. I have dated Sc and st as well, and my experience was not so good)

2 weeks passed and he dropped the bomb, he has CML leukemia...kind of a cancer...

And today after a month he told me didnt tell me about his education and he was diploma ....he was intimidated by my family status and couldn't correct me at multiple times because he was scared or may be he was confused.

Idk how to take this, but this seems like a red flag. All my life I have seen my family (engineers and doctors) and being an engineer myself... how many entire family has looked down upon and being so sarcastic to other people when their husbands were not so good professionally like my family.

My maternal and paternal grandfathers both are engineers and i am 3rd generation engineer....so they always looked down upon others in terms of marriage.... my own father sometimes faced some indirect insult because my all my mausa [ husbands of maasi, i have 3] one of them got promoted to deputy director in psu and mind you, my father retired from a big company in core sector as HOD.

My father was always compared on the basis of his looks his money, and yeah now everyone praises him because of me....i am honestly so proud of me... he faced all this for me....and mother too.

Am I selfish to say no? I am scared to watch this happen all over again with my bf/husband.

I left a decent corporate job four years ago to prepare for the UPSC Civil Services Examination. I am 27 now, and despite giving four years of my life to this preparation, I still haven’t achieved any significant result.

About three years ago, during this journey, I got into a relationship. My girlfriend and I used to talk about our studies, our lives, and almost everything else. Eventually, we fell in love.

The only major difference between us is our financial background. She comes from an upper-middle-class family, while I come from a middle-class family. My father is a Group A officer, but his income is nowhere close to what her father earns.

I always knew that she was somewhat money-oriented or materialistic. However, she repeatedly assured me that our financial differences did not matter to her. She used to say that once I cleared the examination, we could build and spend our lives together. I trusted her and was completely serious about the relationship.

For the past three or four months, however, our relationship has been going through constant ups and downs. We have been arguing frequently, and there has been a lot of tension between us. We did not speak for almost a month, until she messaged me two or three days ago and we started talking again.

Today, she told me that she had been looking at Instagram and had noticed that almost all her school and college friends were now married. According to her, their husbands are well-settled, providing them with luxurious lifestyles, and taking them on international trips in business class.

After saying all this, she called me a loser. She said that I had achieved nothing, that I simply stayed at home, and that I did not even have a job. The way she spoke made me feel deeply humiliated and looked down upon.

It also made me wonder whether she would leave me the moment she found a wealthier, more successful, or “better” partner. I was genuinely serious about building a future with her, but now I feel that money and lifestyle may matter more to her than love or emotional commitment.

I feel completely lost and have been experiencing intense suicidal thoughts. My next examination is in December, around six months away, and I cannot decide what to do. Should I continue focusing on the examination, return to a corporate job, end the relationship, or remain in contact with her?

I genuinely loved her and imagined a future with her. After everything she said, however, I no longer know whether this relationship is emotionally safe or whether I am simply holding on to someone whose priorities are very different from mine.

Please be honest. What should I do?

Context- So me(21f) and my bf(22m) have been dating for 2.5 years now. We were in the same school and class and later started dating in second year of college. Things were bumpy from the start which lead to constant fights but then bit by bit he started to work on himself and started to give me priority, constant updates, comforting me etc etc. i stayed because of his reassurance that he wants to be that better man for me, a man who cant even draw a straight line started making handmade gifts on our anniversary, always listened to what i wanted and tried his best to make me happy ,he never used to cry but later on when we used to fight we both cried … so yeah his walls fell down bit by bit ..and he started becoming that better for me. I stayed because of this and the fact he was sure about me , he gave me a promise ring after a few months of us dating ( we already knew each other and talked cos we were in same class then covid hit and no contact happened)

Issue- so what happened was trust issues. Ive always been hell bent on one thing, anything and everything is fixable but dont lie to me.. everything else in the relationship is going good except trust. He has broken it on multiple occasions in terms of lying about smoking. I already told him before entering into the relationship that i dont date smoker and he said he didnt smoke. Later i found out he smoked and i still stayed, told him to leave it and supported him during it .. but he still lied and continued doing despite some efforts to quit… this went on for 2 years despite multiple fights regarding this multiple ultimatum till feb 2026 i told him that this is the best opportunity to quit since he is at home and has 2 months to himself before going for his mba college.
He finally quit for me and himself both, we took a test and he passed the nicotine test - he was clean.
Most of his lies has only been about smoking and he has lied atleast 50 times by now and i am tired . My dumbass cant even leave him since i am so in love and we both have given so much into this…i always told him .. lets fight lets fix lets stay but just be honest … i even started fixing my reactions so that he isnt scared to tell me.. i stopped fighting as well and started being more understanding.. i constantly begged that always pls be honest i only have one boundary- NEVER LIE TO ME. I told him if there is anything pls tell me cos if i find out myseld i will be broken this time since i have nobody except him

He was clean since past 3 months until recently we went long distance and he joined mba college where he is having 14 hour classes 2 assignment due the same day tests, etc etc so high pressure. I just had some intuition yesterday that he has relapsed so i asked him , he consistently denied it and said we can take a test.. i asked for his transaction history and he still kept lying that no he is clean… after 15 mins of me being persistent he said with a weird smirk that he is fucked in the head and he had relapsed 4 days ago

It broke me completely.. maybe it wasnt even about smoking .. it was about the fact that why would he liw again and again about this despite seeing how much lies affect me … his friends also kept this secret in the past ( in college) due to which he didnt use to pick their call on loudspeaker .. and it made me insecure.. i told him all this that it lead to my nervous system being in fight or flight mode all the time as if what is he hiding now?
Why would he fuck this up despite everything going well…
I am stuck and idk what to do ..he said he will leave again but i cant trust him man
I am way too much in love and my mind is like - everything else is well he is always there for you etc etc then why would u throw away 2.5 years of relationship over addiction

But the lying… it breaks me… it makes me scared it makes me constantly nervous that what is he hiding now?
Idk what to do guys pls help me .. pls help

Pata hai aaj kya hua

I didn't talked to my gf didn't even looked at her like she is a stranger or smth

Ik it's not good

Well so what happened was a day before yest

She was all dry to me while giving attention to her male friend

Which i was asking since a long time that day

She was pushing him n stuff acting playfully

Well i feel this sickness in my chest and heart when any physical touches occurs with my gf ( w male guys obvv )

So i just got silent

I felt like a fool that day

I stopped talking to her

And skipped clg too yest

Later she texted what happened

That she knows it's about that guy ( her male friend )

I said nothing

Well i just feel so bad it really breaks my heart when any physical things happens

I just observe and say nothing later it affects the relationship

So later I just said I can't do this anymore

In the heat of the moment

I said i don't wanna talk to you ever and she left me on seen and maybe blocked me or deactivated her acc

Should i go back to the relationship??

The Problem - i feel I'm no good for her, im extremely possessive i cant help it

I don't wanna change her i want her to be free

Neither i wanna change myself

This jealousy possessive thingy always come in the way

Lingering in my mind that he touched her...

Well it'd be hard for me to see her daily in the clg

I still love her

After i started loving her

I just don't feel to start relationship w anyone again

Ive lost interest in girls

**Help**

PART 2: They convinced me I was crazy. Then I found out everyone else thought I already knew.
When I broke up with him, I thought my life would get easier.

It didn’t.
The breakup didn’t end anything because we were all still in the same class, had the same friends, and spent almost every day together.
At first, our trio became awkward.
I barely spoke to my ex, but R stayed close to both of us.

Whenever I asked her why she was always with him even after everything he’d done, she’d tell me,
“You’re both my best friends. How can I choose one of you? I spend all my time with you in the hostel. If I completely ignore him in class, he’ll feel bad too.”
It sounded… reasonable.

So I believed her.
Eventually, I forced myself to act normal again because I was exhausted. I didn’t want to spend the rest of college crying over one breakup.
So somehow, unbelievably, the three of us started hanging out again.
Looking back now, I wish I hadn’t.

Something else slowly started bothering me.
Whenever I went home for the weekend, R and my ex would suddenly go on trips together.
Whenever I stayed in town…

They never did.
Sometimes R would tell me she was visiting relatives.
At the time, I didn’t think much of it.
Now I do.

By third year, I couldn’t ignore the feeling anymore.
One day I sat both of them down and asked them directly.

I still remember exactly what I said.
“If something is going on between you two, please just tell me. If you like each other, I’ll accept it. I’ll even be happy for you. I just don’t want to find out later from someone else. That would destroy me.”
Instead of answering…

They laughed.
They actually laughed.
They told me I was overthinking.
They asked me how I could even imagine they’d do something like that to me.
They said they were “just really good friends.”
I apologized for doubting them.
I still trusted them more than my own instincts.

Meanwhile, I was falling apart.
I used to be the person who talked to everyone in college.
My classmates.
My juniors.
My seniors.
I loved meeting people.
But after everything that happened, I slowly disappeared into myself.

I stopped leaving my room unless I had to.
I barely spoke to anyone outside our group.
Ironically, I still had a group of ten friends.
I just didn’t realize how alone I actually was.

Then something happened during final year that completely blindsided me.
A few days before my ex’s birthday, R came to my hostel room.

She looked nervous.
She said,
“I need to confess something.”
I honestly thought she was joking.
Then she said,
“I’ve liked X since first year.”
Not “recently.”
Not “after your breakup.”
Since first year.
I stared at her because I genuinely thought she was pulling some elaborate prank.
I even laughed.
She didn’t.
She kept looking down at the floor.
I didn’t know what to feel.
Part of me wanted to believe this was the whole truth.
Another part kept thinking…
This can’t be everything.
Still, I told her,
“If you want to tell him how you feel, then tell him. I won’t stop you.”
I said those words.
But I started crying while saying them.
I couldn’t explain why.
Something felt deeply wrong, even though I couldn’t prove it.
Finally, I asked her to leave because I needed time to process everything.

For the next couple of days, I pretended nothing had happened.
But my ex suddenly started acting strangely around me.
That’s when one of my seniors noticed something was off.
She asked me,
“Are you okay? Did something happen between you and R?”
For the first time, I told someone what R had confessed.
I’ll never forget my senior’s reaction.
She looked completely shocked.
Then she said something that changed everything.
“Wait… you didn’t know?”
I asked,
“Know what?”
She looked just as confused as I was.
Then she said,
“We all thought you already knew they were together.”
I felt like the ground disappeared beneath me.
According to her, R had been telling seniors since second year that she and my ex were together—and that I already knew about it and was completely okay with it.
I had never heard any of this before.
I had spent years questioning my own instincts, while other people believed I had already accepted their relationship.
Later, I learned that several people in my own friend group had been told the same thing.
No wonder nobody warned me.
They thought there was nothing to warn me about.
That conversation with my senior completely changed how I looked at the previous two years of my life.
I walked away wondering one thing over and over again:
If everyone thought I already knew… what else had been happening behind my back?

PART 3: The voice note that destroyed every memory I had of college.
After my conversation with that senior, something inside me broke.
I stopped trying to get answers.
I stopped asking R or my ex to explain themselves.
If they had lied to my face for years, what was one more conversation going to change?
So I quietly walked away from both of them.
We still had internship left, but outside of work, I barely spoke to either of them.

The funny thing is…
On our coat-signing day before internship officially started, both of them walked up to me as if nothing had happened.
R asked me to write on her white coat.
My ex came over too.
We even took photos together—just the three of us, and then with our entire friend group.
If you looked at those pictures today, you’d probably think we were still best friends.
You’d never guess everything had already fallen apart.
That same night, my ex called me asking why I hadn’t written anything on his coat.
I completely lost my temper.
I told him if he wanted someone’s message so badly, he should’ve gone to R instead of calling me after everything that had happened.
The conversation turned into shouting.
He started abusing me.
Then he began sending messages mocking me, saying things like I deserved what happened and that I was too stupid to ever understand what had really been going on.
I didn’t reply.
At that point, I was exhausted.

A few weeks later, something unexpected happened.
One of the girls from our own friend group slowly started distancing herself from everyone.
She later told me she’d realized how toxic the group had become.
For the first time since all this started, someone else understood why I had isolated myself.
One day we sat down and talked.
That’s when she told me something that hurt more than anything my ex had ever done.
She said,
“R has been talking about you for years.”
Not normal gossip.
Not harmless complaints.
According to her, R would regularly gather people in her room and spend hours talking about me.
She told people I was a slut.
She said I never really loved my boyfriend.
She twisted deeply personal things I’d trusted her with and retold them in ways that made me sound like a terrible person.
The worst part?
Everything she was telling people… she only knew because I had told her.
For four years, she was the only person I truly trusted with my personal life.

Then my friend sent me a voice note.
It was almost ten minutes long.
I still remember listening to it for the first time.
It began with R saying,
“This audio is for the people who aren’t in the room right now.”
Then…
For the next several minutes, I listened to my own best friend talk about me.
She repeated things I’d told her in confidence.
She twisted stories.
She mocked me.
At one point, she even joked,
“Haan, ab apni maa ko jaake bataegi.”
That sentence still hurts.
Everyone knew how close I was to my mom.
She knew exactly where to hit me.
In the background, I could hear people sitting in the room.
Eating snacks.
Laughing.
Adding comments.
Listening.
I remember thinking…
Was this happening while I thought these people were my friends?
I don’t think I’ve ever felt so humiliated.

At first, I wanted revenge.
I wanted confessions.
I wanted someone to admit they had destroyed years of my life.
Then one day I realized something.
I had already wasted four years.
I wasn’t going to waste the last six months of college chasing apologies I was never going to get.
So I did something I should’ve done much earlier.
I let them go.

I started making new friends.
I became close to seniors I’d barely spoken to before.
I spent time with people who actually wanted me around.
Ironically, the more people got to know me themselves, the less they believed the stories that had been spread about me.
The remaining months of internship were still difficult because my ex and I occasionally had to interact for academic work.
The strange part was that, despite everything, he still came to me whenever he needed help with his thesis because we’d been assigned the same guide.
I’d helped him academically for years.
I’d even helped R with her work and studies.
One day, when he came to ask me another question, I finally snapped.
I told him to ask R instead.
He became angry.
We argued in front of classmates and seniors.
He laughed at me for being angry.
I walked away.
That was the last real interaction I ever had with him.

Neither of them ever admitted anything.
Neither of them apologized.
To this day, I still don’t know everything that was said behind my back.
And honestly…
I don’t think I ever will.
The cheating hurt.
But that wasn’t the deepest wound.
The deepest wound was realizing that the two people I trusted the most had changed the way I saw myself.
For a long time, I questioned my instincts, my judgment, even my worth.
College was supposed to give me memories I’d cherish forever.
Instead, it taught me that betrayal doesn’t always come from strangers.
Sometimes it comes from the people you would’ve trusted with your life.

So it's about the "spark".. we have been dating for a pretty long time rn.. so would love to know from other people who have been in succesful long term relationships.. (advice regarding ldr is also appreciated)

1. Does the spark usually go away? Is it normal? Or not??

   1. If it does go away can it be brought back? If so then how?
   2. How to manage ldr when meeting chances seem to be zero for hell long periods

And also keeping the age in mind.. I am currently in a very busy phase of my life.. due to college and career.. and she has a load of coursework too.. so how to manage time.. for busy couples?? That too in ldr??

All knowledge is appreciated..🙌

PART 1
I thought I had the perfect college life. Four years later I realized almost all of it was a lie.
When I joined physiotherapy college as an 18-year-old girl, I genuinely thought I was entering the best phase of my life.

Because of COVID, our first two months of college were online. During that time, a guy from my class started texting me. Nothing flirty at first just everyday conversations. We spoke almost daily, and by the time offline classes started, we were already good friends.

On the very first day of college, nine girls in my class naturally formed a group. Out of all of them, I connected instantly with one girl. I’ll call her R.
She became my best friend.

Since I was already close to the guy from online classes, I introduced them to each other.
Before long, we became inseparable.

It was always the three of us.
People in college knew us as the trio.
Eventually, that friendship turned into a relationship. He became my first boyfriend.

And honestly…
He was everything you’d expect from a first love.
He spent almost his entire day with me from morning lectures until around 10 p.m.
He lived far away from college, but he’d still stay back just to spend more time with me.

Whenever I went home for the weekend, he’d beg me not to go because he couldn’t stand not seeing me for two days.
Every single time I left for home, he’d drop me at the railway station.

He even visited my hometown a few times just because he missed me.
He constantly told me how beautiful I was.
If someone had asked me back then whether he could ever cheat on me, I would’ve laughed.
I trusted him completely.

And I trusted R just as much.
Looking back, that’s probably why I never saw what was happening.

Around the middle of second year, people started dropping little hints.
A few friends casually told me they felt something was off between my boyfriend and another girl from our class. I’ll call her P.
I brushed it off immediately.

There was no way.
Then one of my seniors told me she’d seen them together outside college, hugging near the highway.
Again…

I refused to believe it.
I thought everyone was misunderstanding their friendship.

Looking back now, I realize I defended him more than he defended himself.

One day, I casually asked him for his phone.
I told him I wanted to call my mom.
He handed it to me without hesitation and went to the washroom.

R was sitting right beside me.
Instead of encouraging me to check, she kept saying,

“You’re overthinking.”
“He’d never do something like that.”
“You’re worrying for no reason.”

I almost believed her.
But I opened his chat with P anyway.
What I found made my body go cold.
There were late-night conversations from nights he’d told me he was asleep.

There was flirting.
She had sent him selfies.
I don’t even remember reading every message.
I just remember staring at the screen, closing the chat, and feeling completely numb.

I walked out of the classroom and handed him his phone.

I asked him calmly,
“Show me your chat with P.”
He immediately refused.

I asked again.
He refused again.

By then there were classmates, juniors and seniors standing nearby because we were arguing outside the classroom.

Finally I shouted,
“Show me the fucking chat.”
He took his phone from me.

Opened it.
Spent about two minutes looking at it.
Then handed it back.
The entire chat was gone.
Deleted.

That’s when I lost it.
I looked him straight in the eye and said,

“Do you seriously think I’m stupid? You think I’d ask to see your chats without already reading them? I already know what was there. I know what you two talked about. Stop trying to make me feel crazy.”

I screamed at him in front of everyone.
Then I walked away.

The strange part?
He still denied everything.
He followed me.

He kept saying I was misunderstanding.
He kept trying to convince me that nothing had happened.

And somehow…
I gave him another chance.
I know a lot of people reading this will probably wonder why.

The answer is simple.
Because it made no sense.
How could someone who spent every waking moment with me…

Who begged me not to go home for weekends…
Who travelled hours just to see me…
Who constantly talked about our future…
Also be cheating on me?

My brain couldn’t reconcile those two versions of him.

There was one incident that stayed with me for a long time, even though at the time I tried to convince myself it wasn’t a big deal.

Before we broke up, the three of us R, my boyfriend and I went on a short trip together.
R stayed with relatives while my boyfriend and I shared a hotel room.

The first day was genuinely nice.
On the second day, I became really sick. I couldn’t stop vomiting and felt so weak that I was barely able to enjoy the trip. At one point in the hotel room, I became dizzy and collapsed onto the floor. He knew how unwell I was, but he barely reacted.

That evening, I told him I wanted to go back to the hotel because I felt terrible.
Instead of coming with me, he sent me back alone and stayed out with R for another three or four hours.

By the time he returned, I was lying in bed with a fever.

He came up behind me, hugged me tightly, and then started trying to initiate sex.

I kept telling him I didn’t want to. I was exhausted, sick, and just wanted to sleep.
He kept kissing me and trying to persuade me anyway.

I eventually got up and locked myself in the bathroom for a long time because I didn’t know what else to do.

The next morning, something had changed in me.
I barely spoke for the rest of the trip.
I was still trying to process what had happened.
Even after we came back, I became distant.
Not long after that, I caught him talking to P again.
That was when I finally ended the relationship.

So I convinced myself there had to be another explanation.
For about a month or two, things seemed normal again.

Then one day I saw him secretly talking to P again.
That was it.

I ended the relationship.
I thought I’d finally escaped the worst betrayal of my life.

I had absolutely no idea…
that my boyfriend wasn’t the person who would hurt me the most.

Part 2 gets much darker. It starts after the breakup, when R and my ex grew even closer and I asked them both one question that I wish they’d answered honestly. Instead, they laughed at me.

Okay i'm 21M from india and i recently had a breakup in may with my gf of 2.5years and idk i had clocked out of the relationship a while ago before breaking up but i felt like i was not good enough to get another gf so i was stuck in there but later i broke up with her cause of compatiblity issues and many more things. Later on june 19th i met this girl through a mutual friend who is also my neighbour and we really clicked i really liked her she is very innocent and naive and pretty she's the kind who would do anything for anyone she would get hurt but wont let you get hurt kinda person and i really liked her also she has never even touched a guy or talked to a guy. We started texting day and night, we have met 5 times in total again with the mutual friend only but the last time we met she held hands and we hugged this was her first time doing that. Okay now plot twist since we started talking the mutual friend of ours started behaving weird(she is very protective of that friend and she doesnt want her to get hurt) i confessed my feeling to the girl i told her that i really liked her but i needed some time to regain my energy cause i was fully drained in my older relationship and she also needed time cause it was long distance and she was going through something too family related.

One fine day me and her were on a call we were talking and she suddenly asked my if i am a virgin..... i paused for 5 secs and i said no(i was completely honest with her about everything cause i didnt want to start anything based on a lie) and she started behaving cold on that call so i asked her whats bothering her she didnt say anything but later i was like i know whats bothering you its because of my virginity right? I asked and she started sobbing on the call i consoled her for a while and then we talked normally and then she told me that the mutual friend told her that i recently had a breakup and i havent moved on from my ex yet and im using her as a rebound to get over my ex... so she used to overthink and i had told her that overthinking cannot be stopped completely but i'm here so i can overexplain to you and reassure her which i did so many times... now one day this mutual friend went to her house to spend sometime and they did later while leaving she asked her about me and this girl started sobbing itseems... mutual friend didnt have the time to ask her much so she came home and called me i told her everything and she started saying that she deserves better(which she has told the girl too when she was sobbing) the next day that is this monday in the morning the girl called me saying she doesnt want to talk anymore cause she thinks i havent moved on from my ex i told her that if i contact you after a couple of months will she be fine with it she said yes.....and towards the end she said she really liked me but she cant see me the same way anymore and she was really sweet throught the call and consoled me and shit... i called the mutual friend and she told me that she got the ick she doesnt deserve me and it was just infactuation for her... i dont believe her! I think the girl will never say this

How should i handle the situation should i call her and confirm cause if i do that and if its true it'll be easier to move on for me but how do i make her stay

Also i met my ex in the gym today i have no feelings left for her i couldnt stop laughing when i saw her idk why i was laughing the whole time so one thing ik for sure is i have moved on from her

Please help i really like her and want to be with her😭

Also i met with an accident yesterday cause my mind was pre occupied with her thoughts and i was on a bike i didnt brake went straight into a car😭

We have been dating since May 2026, but we’ve been friends since May 2023.

Unfortunately, a day before my birthday his mother suffered a horrible injury. He texted me on tuesday saying she had been hospitalised, he’d been at the hospital all day, and that he hasn’t been able to use his phone or answer texts. She had fallen from a significant height, had facial and internal injuries, and even had a seizure in the hospital. So it was REALLY serious.

He told me he’d talk when he had time. I said I love him and I understand but to not worry about me and focus on making sure she’s okay. He’s so sweet that despite him going through so much, he wished me at midnight on Wednesday on my birthday.

After that, he disappeared and of course I understood. I was worrying the whole time so I texted him that I love him and I hope his mom is okay. He loves her a LOT, like a lot. He’s very very close to her.

At one point in our relationship, he said something that I found hurtful. He said “I love you a lot but I will always choose my mother over you”. This was bad because I never asked him to choose between us. He said it only to showcase how much he loves her. I have a terrible relationship with my mother so I struggle with understanding familial relationships as easily and I also have BPD and it’s very very painful for me to hear something like that.

Anyway, after wishing me on my birthday, he stopped responding. I checked in to see how his mom was and how he is, but he hasn’t responded. Yesterday, I was so anxious and I was afraid that something truly horrible happened and she isn’t here anymore, and he’s grieving her and that’s why he’s so withdrawn.

I was anxious enough to text his best friend to get some information on my bf. He said that my bf is okay, his mom is stable now and she’ll be okay in a few weeks. He said that my bf isn’t doing mentally okay and he’s busy at the hospital.

I said that it’s great that she’s doing well and that he’s okay too, but can he (the friend) please tell him (my bf) that I miss him and I wish he’d text me once reassuring me that he will reply as soon as he can because it’s been quite a while and I’m really worried. I hate uncertainty, but I feel horrible because this situation is out of his control and maybe he needs to be away from me to deal with it. But I don’t know for how long because he won’t speak to me.

It’s been three days!! Is it unreasonable to expect a text like “I’m okay. I’m still at the hospital. My mom is alright. I’ll text when I can, I love you”. It would take less than a minute. Especially because he’s in contact with his friend and not me. But I feel guilty for thinking all this and expecting him to act a certain way and reassure me. I don’t want to make someone’s family troubles about my feelings. But like I said, I have BPD and he knows that. Silence is incredibly difficult for me. I’m trying very hard to seperate my fear of abandonment from what is actually reasonable to expect from a relationship.

If your partner disappeared for three days because of a family emergency like this, would you expect at least one short text, or would you consider complete silence understandable?

I need honest opinions because I do not trust my own judgement right now. I’ve never had this happen to me before (in a healthy relationship).

TLDR: My boyfriend’s mom is in the hospital after a serious accident. He wished me happy birthday and said he loved me, but then stopped replying. It’s been three days and I’m worried. I feel hurt that he hasn’t sent even one text, but I feel guilty for wanting him to

​

I'm a 20M and I've been talking to a girl I met online for about two and a half weeks. We're just friends, but we text almost every day, and I genuinely enjoy talking to her.

The other night she seemed mentally exhausted because of studies. I tried to cheer her up and sent a motivational message, but it didn't really land the way I expected. She replied in a way that made me feel like I had completely missed what she needed in that moment.

Since then, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it.

The strange part is that she didn't get angry, block me, or end the conversation. She even said good night and apologized for something, so objectively nothing major happened. But I still keep replaying the conversation in my head, thinking things like:

- "Did she think I don't understand her?"

- "Did I make her feel unheard?"

- "Should I have just listened instead of giving advice?"

- "Did I unintentionally make things worse?"

Now it's the next day, and instead of feeling normal, I feel guilty. I even don't feel like texting her because I keep thinking about that conversation.

Has anyone else experienced this after talking to someone they care about?

How do you tell the difference between genuinely making a mistake and simply overanalyzing a conversation?

And if you've been on the receiving end, what usually makes you feel understood when you're mentally exhausted over text?

I'd really appreciate honest opinions because I feel like I'm overthinking, but I can't seem to switch my brain off.

I have been talking to this guy platonically. It's been maybe a month. He would take hours to reply like maybe 12hrs + or even a day. I never really cared. I liked talking to him tho. He seemed nice. We don't know each other that well. He was nothing more than a friend.

But he would come and apologize whenever he would take way longer to reply. Like sorry I've been busy. And in my mind I'm like dude who am I to even apologize to.

Three days back we were talking about something which was kinda giving more context to the dynamics between us. Like we found we live in the same locality.

Such a weird moment to ghost me. He hasn't replied since. Its been 4 days.

One of the reasons that I found out was that I was pretty dry in texts with him. My experience showed me to keep all my vulnerabilities and weaknesses safe. Don't show I am an active texter. But I did try to show that I was interested in talking to him. He was always the one who would text once a day and disappear. But maybe if I had shown interest he would have stayed wouldn't he.

The person before him took me for a ride when he knew I was too enthusiastic and less non chalant. Made me protect my heart from then on. Is that wrong?

Anyway what should I do now? Should I check on him? Or just let it be.