AIO over my partners religious parents.

[u/divine-feminine420]

For some context I respect other peoples choices, including their religion. Its just gotta to a point where they’re disrespecting me.
They’re VERY Christian. Like youth leaders. They weren’t so overbearing until their tres dias trip last year.. anyway, when they got back from their trip his mother kept trying to force me to go. Saying id benefit from it so much and trying to shove it down my throat. Ever since then she wont let it go. Even getting my partner Christian/Jesus related gifts for Christmas.. knowing we aren’t.
Shes always making jabs at me, talking with his brother’s girlfriend in front of me saying “we LOVE god dont we ___” Then literally pans over to look at my reaction. I never give her one because I know thats what she wants. But its really starting to get to me as ive been with her son for a long time and plan on staying with him.
At dinners she will constantly bring up church and god and what she thinks, however if I were to ever say my opinion it would be as if satan sat across from her.
The other day we’re talking and she assumes* my sibling isn’t Christian and says she would benefit from the church… I was like “she is Christian and she goes to church?” She goes on her spill (judging me passively) and I usually wouldn’t say anything but I said “I have my own personal connection with my spirituality that I feel comfortable practicing at home” she goes on being sanctimonious as always.
These are the type of “Christians” that make non religious people run as far as they can from the church!
She’s been so disrespectful its making me want to say something to put a stop to it. But then id be the bad guy! Just like she wants.
Its getting to the point I dont even want to interact with them anymore. I just wish I could have a good relationship with her but I feel like she wants a “good ole Christian girl” to come in and make her son be the way she wants.

[u/naterbator91]

If you’re partner won’t put his foot down with his mother, it won’t stop.

[u/divine-feminine420 → u/naterbator91]

For some reason they don’t press him the way they press me. It’s getting to me bad.

[u/LevitatingAlto → u/divine-feminine420]

He should be intervening on your behalf by having a convo with them. They are HIS parents. And they are disrespecting you.

[u/naterbator91 → u/divine-feminine420]

If your partner won’t stand up for you and tell his mother to cut it out, it won’t stop. It sounds like your partner would rather not have conflict with his mom at the expense of you and your relationship, which is not a good thing. My parents are religious and my husband and I are not. If they pulled that shit, I’d tell them to stop and apologize for that behavior towards my husband or they wouldn’t see us again. It’s about respect.

[u/divine-feminine420 → u/naterbator91]

I respect your experience and input

[u/gnaughtygnarwhal → u/divine-feminine420]

He doesn't intercede on your behalf? He should be telling them to STFU and leave you alone

[u/_portia_ → u/divine-feminine420]

Time to find your backbone. Tell him that he needs to tell his parents to back off or you won't be visiting them again.

[u/Ok_Recipe7946 → u/divine-feminine420]

Very common. But your partner should be upset that his mother is treating you this way and he bears a responsibility to set boundaries with his family of origin.

[u/Shoesietart]

"I don't attend church. Please stop inviting me." Stand up for yourself and be the bad guy. Otherwise, she'll keep at it.

[u/Flat-Replacement4828]

NOR. People who are this performative with it are sketchy as fuck

[u/divine-feminine420 → u/Flat-Replacement4828]

Mind you they drink, cuss, tattoos, had children out of wedlock and the list goes on. Yet their focus is on ME

[u/No-Koala1918 → u/divine-feminine420]

Wait! What? Just tell them you prefer a different path to the Church of Hypocrisy.

[u/ReTrOGurle → u/divine-feminine420]

Hold up a mirror and say “he who has no sin, cast the first stone”

[u/General-Snow690]

They sound insufferable. NOR.

[u/WhichWitch9402]

Stop interacting with them. If bf wants a relationship with them then he can go see them. You certainly don’t have to.

[u/TinaTurnerTarantula]

NOR but your partner is the one who should be saying something, not you. If they're going to sit there passively every time their parents insult you (and it is an insult), then you don't have a "partner's parents" problem, you have a partner problem.

[u/divine-feminine420 → u/TinaTurnerTarantula]

This is something to think on for sure. However it always seems like moments she targets me isn’t in front of him. And im a very direct person, but she does it in a way where its always teetering the edge. Where if i react I look crazy

[u/mochiblossomkiss → u/[deleted]]

Exactly, pushing religion on someone who never asked for it isn't kindness its overstepping plain and simple.

[u/Ornery_Low_6580]

As a Christian, NOR. You’re right, comments like these do make people turn away from the church and God. Your journey with your faith is yours and yours only, whether you choose to become and Christian or not. Don’t let anybody guilt you into feeling otherwise. 

[u/FamousOnceNowNobody]

I went through the same pointed remarks about being child free; "woe! no grandchildren for me!", " my boy would be such a fantastic father!".

My partner - like yours - did not shut her down either. It showed that he will always be mummy's boy first. I left.

[u/divine-feminine420 → u/FamousOnceNowNobody]

Crazy you say that because Im child free by choice as well, and I’ve heard the comments trust me.

[u/CutePandaMiranda]

NOR. Your partner should be supporting you and telling his parents to mind their own business and stop pushing religion on people. If I were you I would’ve stopped visiting them a long time ago. Your partner can visit and put up with their antics without you.

[u/Butterbean-queen]

You’re upset over your partner’s parents but you really should be upset with your partner for not stepping in and putting a stop to all of this.

[u/FormidableMistress]

You're never going to be good enough for their baby boy. After all this time he's not going to stand up to them for you, you're going to have to do it yourself.

[u/1952a]

My mom was like that. Kept going on and on for years.

One day we were at a birthday party and my mom was spewing her usual drivel.

Then, my son turned turn to her & said "I think it is far more likely that I will see aliens land on the White House lawn then I will ever see Jesus."

The look on her face and all the sputtering coming out of her mouth was priceless.

[u/lonefighter77]

Nor. "I'll stick to my own beliefs, thanks. We don't believe in being a bully and calling it Christianity. I don't force my views onto you, so for the last time, please stop. It's not very Christian of you." As a final straw "If you can't avoid harassing me with your religion, you'll leave me no choice but to avoid the harassment, and stay away until something changes."

[u/CT22Bloom]

Your partner should grow a pair.

[u/Due-Ambassador-4425 → u/CT22Bloom]

“I know you are trying to be kind, but I am not happy discussing my religious beliefs so we can stay close as a family. No discussion.”
It’s called the “broken record.” If you choose your exact words and just say those words every single time she tries to make you answer, no more and no less, no explaining or complaining, just those exact words, I guarantee you that she will get so tired of goading you that after maybe 50 times the whole family will become so tired off hearing your exact sentence that they will make her stop. You cannot allow her to get you involved in another religious conversation or discussion. Say your sentence and then change the subject or take a walk or anything so she is no longer controlling what she is pushing you to do. Be sweet and stand your ground. Nice if your partner wasn’t such a weenie but you don’t need a man to stand your ground!

[u/ObjectiveRepulsive18]

Please someone with biblical knowledge, is there a chapter/verse you can give OP to quote to the parents about not forcing your religion down someone’s throat?

[u/Equivalent-Patient12]

Pack up and leave EVERY time she starts…

[u/Neeneehill]

Next time you see her just say "did partner tell you I started going to church?" in a really excited voice and when she asks which one, name a nearby mosque. Have someone video her reaction.

[u/divine-feminine420 → u/Neeneehill]

This is hilarious

[u/Neeneehill → u/divine-feminine420]

You gotta find a way to have fun with it so you don't stress out. Maybe practice some silly responses that will amuse you but frustrate her.

[u/EndBusiness7720]

NOR. My husband's mom kept hinting that she'd like us to go to church with her. I just said, "My brother's a Priest." No more hinting. The crazy thing is I would have gone with her if she hadn't been manipulative.

[u/divine-feminine420 → u/EndBusiness7720]

Literally it turns you away completely when you see their true intentions.

[u/drumph200]

Fake Christians. Fuck them

[u/Adelucas]

Stop visiting them and interacting with them. You are dating their son not them. This will never stop and the only way to make it stop is not to play. You need to cut them off from you as otherwise they'll run your life. Imagine if you marry your partner. They'll be in your face all the time about your marriage, your children, their education and their spiritual development. I don't know if your relationship is going to last, but while you are in it you need to pull your shiny spine out of its box and tell your BF that what he does with his parents is entirely up to him, you would never stop him seeing them, but you aren't going to take part.

The problem with people who are convinced of their own righteousness is they have no room in their brain for other opinions. You will never change them, so all you can do is avoid them. My mother was no contact with her MIL. My sister and I saw her four or five times in her life. She was also a woman of strong opinions and mom was a woman with a steel spine. She preferred to avoid her completely rather than fight every time they saw each other. Dad saw her a few times a year, but he was always in a foul mood when he got back. Eventually even he cut her off unless it was absolutely necessary. We absolutely didn't miss out on not having that grandma in our lives.

Sometimes you can't have a good relationship with the inlaws. As long as your partner accepts that and stands by you then it's not a problem. If he has the spine of a jelly fish though your relationship is doomed. Mom gave dad an ultimatum, her or his mother. He chose wisely. Fingers crossed your partner does the same.

[u/Nearly_Pointless]

It will only get more intense and more frequent the deeper you go in this relationship. Wait until you have children. She’ll be 100x more than she is now.

[u/Loud-Sandwich-1752]

You have a boyfriend problem not an in-law problem. If he doesn't get his act together and put a stop to this disrespectful behavior - more problems are to come. You need a SERIOUS discussion about his lack of action. Seems like he's not viewing you as a team.

[u/BandicootKlutzy791]

I am not even reading this BS

[u/divine-feminine420 → u/BandicootKlutzy791]

I wouldn’t expect you to see from other perspectives anyway. 👋🏼