r/AmIOverreacting • u/Curvy_Sirenn • 1d ago
👥 friendship AIO? She forgot her wallet…. Again
So my friend and I wanted to go grab some food and drinks from this Mexican spot we go to. When I brought it up that morning to her, she originally said she wouldn’t be able to because her funds were low then she texted me a few hours later saying she’s good and we can go.
We’re eating, laughing and talking, then the check comes. We usually put everything on the same tab and pay for what we bought since it’s just us to. I put my money on the check and we just continue talking waiting for hers, then she starts digging in her purse like she can’t find something. Of course she says she left her purse at home, mind you this has happened a few times before and I’ve cover her tab. She always says she’ll pay me back but I wouldn’t be writing this if that were true.
I’m irritated at this point and I tell her I’m not paying for her meal this time and she’s going to have to figure something out. She ended up calling her brother to give her the money but after I got home she texted me saying why would I embarrass her like that and if I were a real friend I would’ve just paid it and let her pay me back. I told her that this is a reoccurring thing and I never have gotten paid back for the previous times but I just never said anything because I am a real friend.
So now I’m kinda confused because the other people in our friend group is saying I’m wrong. They are calling me weird and saying I should’ve just helped her out this time. What do you all think? Am I overreacting or should I apologize.
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u/Ok-Delivery-1444 1d ago
Once is an accident. More than that is a pattern and there is no excuse for not repaying immediately. If you don’t want to pay for her meal then you’re nor!
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u/According-Koala4441 22h ago
My husband’s industry has a saying “once a favor, twice a gig” couldn’t be more applicable here; she’s expecting it since you did it more than once. NOR. Seems like everyone is just coddling and enabling the behavior. The whole group is wrong.
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u/Lonely_Duck8498 1d ago
Exactly! She’s doing it on purpose
You’re very correct She’s taking advantage
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u/Due-Yoghurt4916 1d ago
What im not hearing is those other friends offering to pay what she owes you
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u/twilight_songs 1d ago
So that's actually HER friend group if they're saying you should have covered it. Again.
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u/CucumberFudge 1d ago
Maybe they've all covered for her in the past and are glad she found a new patsy.
Or they know she'll try them next so gotta keep the current victim in their place to protect themselves.
Either way, not acting like OPs friends.
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u/Emmarie891 1d ago
i’m a chronic debit card loser. if i can’t find it i venmo before their card has been rung. NOR.
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u/Curvy_Sirenn 1d ago
I don’t even leave the house if I feel like I have to budget too much, let alone not having it at all loll
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u/BigRedJeeper 1d ago
NOR - she’s the one who text you and said she was good to go. This was not an accident, it’s a pattern. If I were you, I wouldn’t enter the restaurant unless she has her wallet. No wallet, no dinner.
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u/Many-Hurry8051 1d ago
The fact that the friend at first said she didn’t have the funds to go out and then changed it to she was good to go makes this a premeditated “accident”.
I agree, from now on she can prove she can pay before entering.
Tell the friends who say you were wrong that next time they can send her the money to pay her bill. You have covered her enough.
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u/sparksgirl1223 1d ago
I agree except for the "make sure she can pay before you go."
Id not go anywhere that requires money.
Park, library, and so on.
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u/grejam 22h ago
How did she go from being good to pay for lunch to forgetting her purse in a couple of minutes?
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u/Curvy_Sirenn 1d ago
Lmaooo not a bad idea honestly, but I think I’ll just fall back from her for a while because you’d think we were dating the way she expects me to pay for her😂
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u/BeautifulDeparture19 1d ago
She initially tried to make you offer to pay when she said she had no money. When that didn't work she decided to try to force you to pay after she's eaten. She's a user, a manipulator and a liar. Distancing yourself is a good idea.
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u/CucumberFudge 1d ago
This is exactly what happened. She tried "I'm broke" and the offer to treat wasn't made. So she fell back on "oops no wallet" which is way more sus after saying she was broke, and from repeated history of the same issue.
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u/Royal_Orchid_8012 1d ago
NOR you can only let other people walk all over you so much before you stand up for yourself. It sounds like your friend planned to take advantage of you and was disappointed you didn’t play along like before.
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u/Fash-the-Stampede 1d ago
NOR. She's a leech dude. I had a best friend leech for years. He would smoke my weed, drink my booze, and live on my couch rent free... for years.
Also, she probably has spending issues and is living paycheck to paycheck. Who the fuck questions if they can afford to go out and then later choose to. If you have to ask the question, you don't have the funds to support it.
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u/Curvy_Sirenn 1d ago
And see that’s honestly the root of my problem because she spends so much on designer bags and clothes but when she’s spent it all, now she’s struggling to make it through the week lol, her priorities are horrible
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u/Agile_Menu_9776 1d ago
And she expects her "friend" to make up for her screwed up priorities. She needs to learn that if you buy the designer bag you don't get to go out for lunch until iti's paid for.
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u/BLINDANDREFINED 1d ago
“Oh, no problem you forgot your purse, clearly you have your phone. Feel free to zelle, Venmo, PayPal, or Cash App!”
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u/KornwalI 1d ago
There have been plenty of times that I’ve gone out with friends and rather than split the check up one of us pays and the others Zelle their portion or what they owe. There’s no excuse for this anymore at all
Edit-NOR
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u/Curvy_Sirenn 1d ago
See that’s what we normally do especially when it’s all of us out at once, but I guess they think I’m supposed to be the “mom” of the group and supposed to make sure my kids eat😂😂
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u/Buffalo-Woman 1d ago
NOR those aren't your friends! Find new one's.
She's been taking advantage and counts on taking advantage.
If you set clear boundaries with her perhaps y'all could still be friends 🤪
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u/Curvy_Sirenn 1d ago
I honestly have been feeling like that for a while especially because I was one of the newer friends😔
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u/Amonette2012 1d ago
Heh, you're her new victim.
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u/CucumberFudge 23h ago
Yup! Everyone else "paid their dues" by covering for her in the past. They think it's your turn.
Or at least if you're paying they aren't.
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u/Tavsiyedegildir 1d ago
Why and how do your other friends know about this? Seems like that's the embarrassing part.
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u/Curvy_Sirenn 1d ago
She told them lol, and they are taking her side but I’m the main one covering her tab when she pulls her stunts like this
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u/SanAkron_Like_A_Boss 1d ago
OP please stop being an emotional doormat and lose all those losers. You're too good for them.
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u/Curvy_Sirenn 1d ago
Aw thanks for that🥹 I will definitely be taking a step back from all of them, no way I thought I was wrong for a second😭
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u/Poppypie77 1d ago
If you happen to either go out with this particular friend again and she 'forgets her wallet', call these so called friends and tell them to Venmo you her share of the bill as she forgot her wallet again, seeing as they think it's no big deal to cover her meal! And if you go out as a group again, and any friend 'forget' their wallet, just say they can cover their share of the meal between them seeing as they don't think it's a big deal again. They'll soon change their tune when They are the ones covering your forgetful friends tab all the time!!
Also, stop paying for anything for those friends. The friend who forgets her wallet is doing it deliberately. And it sounds like you're always the one to cover any of those friends in your friend group, so sounds like they all take advantage of you financially.
Little lesson I've learned the hard way....
If they don't transfer the money back within 24 hours, message and say something like "hey could you transfer the money for the meal last night please." Or "hey, just a reminder if you can transfer the money for last nights meal please" etc. And if they haven't done it pretty soon after you text, thenel message them a final reminder on pay day!
If they still don't transfer it then obviously don't lend them any money or cover their bills ever again. If need be, when going out again, check they have their purse and debit card on them, and money in the bank lol. For eg "just checking you've got your purse and bank card tonight and money to pay yeah?Just checking coz I'm not able to cover you again tonight if you forget your purse."
But if someone doesn't pay you back the first time you cover their bills, then don't cover for them again. If they try guilt tripping you, saying it's no big deal, it's not that expensive, il pay you back, you can't leave me here without my meal covered, il get in trouble, you're meant to bey friend, why won't you cover it for me? Etc etc. Just remind them that you were their friend who covered their last meal when they 'forgot' their wallet last time, and they've not paid you back for that either, so you won't cover a second time when you won't get that back either.
Don't let them guilt you into paying again.
But if your friends keep expecting you to cover their meals when they conveniently 'forget' their wallet, then stop hanging out with them completely, as they're clearly just using you for meals out. Also be aware incase they use you for other things, like do they ask you to drive everywhere? Do they borrow your things /clothes and not give them back etc? If so, they're just using you and are not friends. So be aware of how they treat you, if they keep using you, find new friends!!!
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u/SanAkron_Like_A_Boss 1d ago
Seriously. Life is too short. You don't need any of them. Ghost em all. F em. Go out and find better people. You can do this!
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u/KynnJae 1d ago
I wonder what story she told them tbh. I had a friend who embellished stories to our other friends and it was fucking weird.
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u/Curvy_Sirenn 1d ago
I was thinking that but I genuinely didn’t want to argue with them because I already had reservations when it came to them but I always try to see the best in people
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u/calminthedark 21h ago
Her story was "We went out and it turns out I accidentally forgot my wallet. I told OP I'd pay her back, but OP still refused to help me." When one of them says something your response should be this is the fourth time she as forgotten her wallet. She's also forgotten to pay me back every time.
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u/MWREE 1d ago
So you tell them "she hasn't paid me back the last X times this happened nor has she ever covered my meal. If you want to pay her tab than I will gladly cover her next time. Friends help friends so just let me know how you want to send me the money."
If they refuse then you say "oh, so it just isn't a big deal when it is my money but when it is yours suddenly friends don't help out?"
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u/Ohmyprettygarden 1d ago
set up a donation bucket for your friends to drop a few bucks in to cover her. anybody who doesn't drop bucks in doesn't get to criticize. anybody who does drop bucks in doesn't get criticize either.
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u/Agile_Menu_9776 1d ago
Well now that you have smartened up and will not be covering her tab they can cover for her and I bet they will be singing a different song about what's right and wrong after they have covered her several times with no payback coming. You did the right thing. She was abusing your friendship. She wouldn't have paid you back for yet another meal if you had covered it.
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u/BuzzyLightyear100 1d ago
NOR. She knows what she is doing. It's not an accident.
A true friend would pay you back.
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u/No_Still5826 1d ago
NOR. Good for you standing your ground. She should have called her friends for the money! Let them pay for her!
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u/Lilylake_55 1d ago
Doing it once was an accident. Twice or more is intentional.
If she had her phone with her she should’ve sent you the $ using Zelle or Venmo. Or use Apple Pay or Google Wallet to pay the bill herself.
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u/Severe_Feedback_2590 1d ago
“Separate checks, please” before they take your order. Every time with everyone. NOR.
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u/Resident_Ad1806 19h ago
Interestingly, I have a friend who will join us for group lunches/ dinners and ask for a separate check. She has done this every time and we have been friends for a long time. We all eventually learned to deal with it. One thing that bothered us, she would insist that she will not share in the food that we ordered for the table and pay her own separately but always would partake of the table food. Every. Single.Time. Eventually someone told her off and she got annoyed.
Your friend is a mooch. There are different types.
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u/EveningMycologist968 1d ago
NOR
Im applauding you. Its worth losing her as a friend.
After successfully drawing boundaries with one person, it will get easier to recognize bad behaviors with other friends and be honest with them if they are taking advantage of you.
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u/Boysenberry 1d ago
I think you get a share of the blame here for continuing to make plans with her after she hasn't paid you back for previous times when she "forgot" her wallet. If you never insist that people pay you back, they start to assume you don't need the money and can afford to gift it to them. (This is parasite behavior, but parasites choose their hosts based on what the host will tolerate.)
Since you know the pattern you also could have said, before you guys ordered food, "You do have your card with you, right?"
And then once she revealed she didn't, you could have just left without ordering.
She's wrong, but you're also chronically rewarding the behavior, so it's not a surprise she kept trying it and then got upset that you didn't subsidize her again. You gotta actually tell people their behavior isn't okay, not just reward it repeatedly and expect it to stop anyway.
I assume this friendship is over, but if not, stop inviting her to things that involve spending money. Go for a walk in the park with her.
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u/SanAkron_Like_A_Boss 1d ago
Fuck that former friend, and fuck your "friends" who think you're wrong. Ditch all of them and get new, better friends.
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u/the_owl_syndicate 1d ago
Tell her and the others that if she was a "real friend", she wouldn't pull shit like this.
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u/PerceptionWide7000 1d ago
NOR. Your friend is running a classic, manipulative hustle, and you finally had the self-respect to put an end to it.
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u/Istremene 1d ago
I would reply with any friend. She feels comfortable slandering you too that this is the fifth time she has done this to you and you have always covered her before or something like that. Or ever however, many times he said it's been multiple. Don't let her get away with trying to turn the friend group against you. You could also tell them next time she forgets her wallet. She'll have them called the friend that is saying you're weird so they they can pay for her.
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u/Banlish 23h ago
You give your 'friend' an ultimatum: "pay me back SINCE you said you would and we're friends" or you out her on the friend group chat since she was so nice to out you for not covering her broke ass.
Make sure you take screen shots.
It should go without saying, you aren't going to lunch with her again. IF you have to, you just tell her 'since you're so forgetful, let me SEE the money before we go.'
If not you can just say 'sorry train wreck, this isn't your station.' when it comes to getting food with you.
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u/Murky_Statement_9460 17h ago
NOR. Forgetting your wallet doesn't work as an excuse these days with phones having mobile wallets and peer to peer apps. The only people I know that don't have some access to money on their phones are very old or complete luddites. She's using you.
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u/litforya 1d ago
I've honestly resorted to getting friends in my tax bracket... Honestly let me be the poor one lol I'm not paying for no ones tab.
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u/Chemical-Ad6809 1d ago
Don't worry about what other people think. Stop going out to dinner with her. You "friend" should care more about what you think of her than strangers working at a restaurant. She's just trying to turn it around on you. Don't let her. Just say "Nope, you are responsible for yourself & I will not allow you to turn it around on me." If she had the money in her wallet, she could have had her brother bring her the wallet.
It is good to be known as someone who does not put up with other people's bs. More importantly, you will not feel good about yourself if you let others take advantage of you.
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u/Kip_Schtum 1d ago
NOR I think your friends are awfully generous with your money and they may need a demonstration of what it feels like to be on the receiving end of “I forgot my wallet.” Next time you go out with them, stick them with the bill and see if they’re still generous.
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u/notAugustbutordinary 1d ago
When she did it to you the first two times without paying you back you should have stopped inviting her. She said she had no money so the writing was on the wall. Now you’ve allowed her to play the victim and everyone is thinking you’re in the wrong for no longer accommodating this freeloader. NOR
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u/MaryHadALittleLamb20 1d ago
She knew she didn't have the money when you initially asked her but then changed her mind to go. She fully intended to dump you with the bill so she could get a free meal.
That isn't a friend, that is a leach!
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u/Radiant_Fondant_4097 1d ago
Oh fuck off, real friends don't "Forget" their wallet when it comes to meals out.
Getting away with it once maybe if they're a good friend, doing it again they're clearly making a fool of you. So well done on standing your ground making them accountable for their accounts, it's 2026 they can easily pay with their phone or even transfer you money.
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u/RedditMiniMinion 1d ago
She did that on purpose. Please do yourself a favor I NEVER pay for anything for her again as she can't be trusted. I real friend always somehow pays you back money or at least half or something if she running short on money. You're not a door mat or ATM. NOR
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u/Okokfinebutwhy 1d ago
Let the other people in your friend group foot the bill for her if they think you're so wrong. Once is an accident but sounds like this excuse is trending with her. Better yet, skip going out with her at all.
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u/Havana_Brown 1d ago
No. You shouldn't apologize. Just let it go. Don't ask her to go out with you in the future. I diubt she will ask you as you embarrassed her and she knows you arevaware of her tricks.
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u/scarygirlieuk 1d ago
NOR. Give her the list of friends who said you should help her out and tell her that they have all said that they're more than happy to be a "real friend" next time she "forgets" her purse and send her the money to cover the bill.
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u/Upset_Researcher_143 1d ago
NOR, but I probably would have paid and then not gone out with her again. Because if she couldn't come up with it, the server gets stiffed.
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u/Senior-Senior 1d ago
"...the other people in our friend group is saying I’m wrong."
They don't know the whole story. They don't know it isn't the first time, that it's a recurring problem, and that she has never paid you back.
I guarantee she told your friends it has never happened before and that she has always paid you back promptly when she has borrowed money in the past.
Tell them the whole story. No need to be emotional. Just matter of fact. They'll change their tune.
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u/friendlypeopleperson 1d ago
First thing first. As you order, tell the wait person, “separate checks, please.” Say it loudly enough everyone at the table hears. If anyone at the table protests, you could then say, “please make my order a separate check.”
Wait staff appreciate it being said earlier rather than later how checks are handled. Do not think you are “inconveniencing” them or something either. They do checks and payments all day long everyday.
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u/Leesiecat 1d ago
I would give her your other friends phone number to call so they can just help her out.
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u/Any-Somewhere7318 23h ago
Same old story repeated almost word for word. Sick of reading the same thing over and over. Always the same
Friend never pays their share
says this time is different and they have the money
when the bill comes suddenly no purse or wallet or card or it is rejected
get told that they have to work something out
straight away they call someone that immediately gives them the money
everyone you work for tells you that you should have paid
This same story us repeated so often that it is ridiculous and must be an AI story when someone asks for a story about someone not paying.
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u/Adventurous_Gap1202 23h ago
She was digging in purse but left her purse at home. Makes sense. I hate these fake stories.
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u/Monster_Brain_Stew 23h ago
Just ask for separate checks next time. Just make sure your server gets a good tip.
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u/Any_Assumption_2023 23h ago
Yeah, she's a mooch and I'm with you. "Pay you later" never happens, so its no longer on you to pay. You are Not overreacting. You did good. NOR
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u/CatTawny 23h ago
The best thing to do is not go out to eat with this friend one on one any more. If you do still want to go out, you need to anticipate that she will continue to forget her wallet and expect you to pay.
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u/Business_Coyote_5496 23h ago
Did she forget her phone? If not, she can pay right then and there with her phone
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u/Educational_Run400 23h ago
She's not your friend, a friend wouldn't put you in the position in the first place.
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u/No-Highlight-1882 21h ago
Clearly she’s doing this on purpose and you gave her grace previously, so you did the right thing. Maybe avoid restaurants or other activities that require paying on the spot if you continue socializing with her. She’s a selfish mooch.
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u/wonkiefaeriekitty5 21h ago
If she is embarrassed, that's all on her! Face it, OP if she were really embarrassed, she would stop being a leach!
NOR
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u/JoyReader0 19h ago
NOR. She is a mooch and a deadbeat. Stop going to restaurants with her. Or say right up front that this will be separate checks and ask her to produce her wallet before ordering.
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u/redmeraki225 19h ago
All further outings will have to be prepaid. And she needs to repay you with interest. 3% interest accruing daily on the balance owed. Which means if it is $10 and she takes a week to pay you back, you will make $2.30.
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u/x_candydoll 19h ago
You did the right thing, You guys can hang out without going out to eat if she is broke.
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u/WalnutTree80 18h ago
NOR
She knew she didn't have the money when she said she could go.
She'd already established this pattern.
If you still want to be friends and go places with her, check that she has a form of payment on her before you meet her, or as soon as you get there.
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u/CurrencyCapital8882 14h ago
I’m 63 years old. The next time I go out to eat and ‘forget’ my wallet will be the first.
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u/Teddybitch420 5h ago
NOR. I don’t even own a wallet. My cards live in my draws at home. I have Apple Pay and so does everyone else I know. There’s no excuse for “forgetting your wallet” anymore, she purposely put you in that situation
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u/blazew317 4h ago
NOR. Sounds like you need new friends all the way around if they’re taking the side of the moocher. Of course the first one to tell their story always sounds righteous until the other side is heard. Tell your side.
I would either decide that I’m paying when I go out with this person and suck it up because I know this is their modus operandi - OR - I would specifically choose to never go out with them again if it was possible to be put in the paying position. You get to decide where that boundary is for you. It’s obvious from the way you framed this that communication and words aren’t worth the breath they put behind them when you tried earlier in the day to set a boundary.
If your friend group doesn’t see that clearly and continue to take the moocher’s side eventually the whole group will try to dine and dash and leave you on the hook for an even larger bill. Cut them loose before their entitlement hangs you out financially.
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u/Tall-Statement-4917 1d ago
“then she starts digging in her purse like she can’t find something. Of course she says she left her purse at home,”
She’s digging in her purse . . . that she left at home???
AI slop
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u/DanaMarie75038 1d ago
NOR. You are not wrong to call out someone who is taking advantage of you. Let your other friends cover her tab.
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u/Wild_Alternative_138 1d ago
Takers find givers and don’t stop taking until the giver stops giving.
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u/SilentRaindrops 1d ago
If real NOR. But how could you if you are posting the same basic story we read on here day after day.
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u/will7179 1d ago
Ask the people calling you weird to pay for all the times friend has not paid you back.
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u/Adventurous_Cook9083 1d ago
Some people (your other so-called friends) are way too free with other people's money. I think you did the right thing and your return text to her was spot on. The only person embarrassing Miss Cheapskate is Miss Cheapskate herself.
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u/ritlingit 1d ago
NOR - tell those friends to pass around a hat so you can get paid the money she owes you. Then just don’t invite her anywhere you have to pay.
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u/Realistic-Rate-8831 1d ago
NOR, she has done this before and has never paid you back. I'd stop paying also. She is taking advantage of you. She is in the wrong.
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u/Sea-Appearance-5330 1d ago
You can tell the friends if it is so little?
They can pay it.
As for you, you just can't carry her anymore.
I am always amazed how often people will tell you how petty it is to want friends to pay when they say they will
And never do!
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u/SassyRebelBelle 1d ago
NOR….very sorry to say this but if all your “friend group” think YOU are in the wrong, then you seriously need to consider making new friends. 🤔😒
Oh and tell all your “friend group?” You will be telling your friend that THEY are all willing to buy her lunches every time she forgets her wallet!!💥🎯💥😊
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u/Significant_Pie_6806 1d ago
she did not forget her money she never intended to pay for her meal because you were her meal ticket she needs to apologize to you
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u/Aloha_G1rl 1d ago
1st time, no problem I’ve got the tab
2nd time, I’ll get it,but I need you to pay me back by Fri. Then I’d make a plan to meet up on that day to get reimbursed.
3rd time- before we sit down, I’d ask if she was sure she had her wallet or $ to pay & have her check before sitting down at the table. No$,no meal.
You are not being weird, she is. If your friends are willing to listen explain the situation. If not, they’re really not YOUR friends, they’re hers.
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u/FAnna-Banana 1d ago
NOR
OP is using the terms "friend" and ""friends" loosely here.
That person isn't your "friend" and it's obvious that she purposely "forgot" her wallet. She knew from past experiences that you'll cover her tab.
The people who are eating up(no pun intended) her lies aren't your "friends" either.
Because if all of them truly are your friends, they'd tell her to stop taking advantage of you and they'd also defended you and offer to pay off whatever she owes you. But instead, they all paint you as the "mean friend" who was picking on poor, broke ass, lying, manipulative, who CLEARLY lied about forgetting her wallet and is now playing the victim.
Tell me... did she personally handed out invitations to her pity party or what?
Ditch them. You deserve better people that you could truly and affectionately call "real friends".
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u/Dogwoman_woof 1d ago
Who uses a physical card these days? I'm 63 years old and I use Apple wallet. FFS. Is this post even written by a human?
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u/CRAZY_G_C 1d ago
I'm wondering, how far away is the restaurant from her home ? If she needs to use transport to get there, then how did she pay for that without her wallet ? Plus this same excuse has been used so many times by lots of people, either stop going out for food with her or make sure money is sorted for the meal before you order.
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u/Emergency_Pickle7228 1d ago
NOR
I just ended a 10+ year friendship with a girl like this. Never pays, always forgets their wallet, and if she does ever pay she venmo’s you immediately. It never gets better.
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u/CEO_of_my_life 1d ago
She didn't have the money and suddenly does? Yeah, she is using you.
Question her back: Why did you put me in an awkward position again by not having the money to pay for the food you ordered and ate?
Until this happens to your friends, they really won't get it, so ignore them.
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u/Unlikely-Lab-658 1d ago
No. NOR. This friend is a user, and expects you to pick up the tab, because you have in the past. Now she knows you won't do it. And then crying to your mutual friends is user behavior. Tell anyone who says you were wrong, that they are welcome to be the one to pick up her tab and NEVER get repaid. If they have not been on the paying end of this treatment, they will decide if they are okay with taking this shit.
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u/Striking-Package3190 1d ago
I've had a similair situation with a friend. We (3 of us) were going to a comedy show, got tickets months in advance and were really exited for it. On the day of we had to take a train there and on the way to the station, one of my friends suddenly says he forgot his wallet and if we could pay everything that day and he would pay us back. But because he too had the habit to not pay back and count to much on other people to solve his problems, we drew the line there and said no. We got into a big fight, decide to drop him of at home and missed the show because of that. Ever since that moment we never made plans with him if we didn't know for sure he could pay for it himself. Sometimes you need to draw a line in the sand and set clear boundaries. Friends don't let friends pay for them.
As to your case, she mentioned she was low on funds, so you could've expected it to go this way. But I don't blame you for believing her when she said she way good. If she really was good, she could've transferred the money to you on the spot, like other mentioned.
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u/Financial_Eye_400 1d ago
INFO please
How come you never brought it up with her before and haven't asked her to return your money in the past?
Based on what you shared so far, it sounds like you co-created this dynamic. You went along with it for a while and never said a thing, then one day you lashed out. Not saying you weren't within your right to do so, just wondering why you didn't set the boundary before?
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u/FataStar68 1d ago
I broke a friendship one time for exactly the same reason. Three of us were friends and going out a lot and every time one friend forgot her wallet or she “couldn’t reacht it” because her wallet was totally at the bottom of her backpack. The other friend and me covered her many times. We did get our money back but it would be months later and after asking it for so many times.
One night after clubbing we wanted to go home and she wanted to go to the trainstation and wait for the first train (Sundaymorning) but it wasn’t going for 4 hours. We didn’t want to wait that long and said we’ll grab a taxi. Back home we wanted to divide the cost for the taxi by three when she said: I’m not going to pay for the taxi 😳Her explanation of that was that me and the other friend would have taken the taxi anyway so we would have divided it by two. She didn’t want to go by taxi (but she got in anyway) and so she claimend we should have to pay it ourselves. When that happened it finally opened my eyes how she really was. It was the last time I saw her.
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u/Donna56136 1d ago
I’ve read this fable twice in the past week. OP’s friend always forgets the money, OP stands up to friend and refuses to pay for her. Now confused because other friends tell OP she was wrong blah blah zzzzz.
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u/PrinceFan72 1d ago
Your friends' reaction seems to show that either she doesn't pull this act with them, or it's been very rare. She sees you as a soft target and is upset that you no longer are.
NOR
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u/greeneggs_and_hamlet 1d ago
She’s not your friend. She’s just a mooch. Cut her off and see how quickly you lose her as a “friend.” People like that tend to disappear when they can use you anymore. NOR.
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u/Perfect_Age777 1d ago
Your friend has gotten into the bad habit of having you pay whenever she "forgets" her card—even though you know full well she didn't actually forget it.
And as for those friends who call you weird? Tell them to pay next time.
Honestly, I wouldn't even consider this person a friend. Why do you keep going out to eat with her when, in her eyes, you're just there to pick up the tab?
That’s not how friends treat each other. She doesn't respect you; it might be time to cut ties with people like that—both her and the group of friends who blame you for not paying for her. WTF?
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u/Sea-Ad9057 1d ago
Nor next time before you go into the place tell her to check if she has her wallet, you want to see this in person
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u/Pandatams 1d ago
So why didn’t the other friends in the group help her out? Why was it your responsibility?
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u/Ok-Juice-4061 1d ago
How did the incident get to other people? Gheeze, can't people just keep a conversation between themselves?
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u/CareyAHHH 1d ago
NOR
People who are embarrassed by stuff need to stop telling everyone their embarrassing stories. If she hadn’t told anyone, this would be between you, her, her brother, and the restaurant staff. She isn’t embarrassed, she is just using the story to make you the villain.
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u/Koala-Elk8558 1d ago
Ha, this happened to me too with an ex-friend. He did it at least 2x that I can remember. Some people are shameless.
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u/No-Issue-3916 1d ago
You are NOT overreacting. Such people never pay you back and the one day you stand up for yourself suddenly you are the bad guy. No need to feel bad or guilty either. If your friends says you’ve been unfair, let them pay her tab the next time they go out
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u/oldleolady71 1d ago
Absolutely not. As a matter of fact send her a request for what she owes from previous. She wants to be nasty about having to pay for her own food then she’s not a friend to keep. NOR
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u/MikeReddit74 1d ago
I see this same story posted at least once a month. Get some new material. Do your thing, Mods.
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u/myblackandwhitecat 1d ago
NOR. Forgetting her purse once could be a genuine mistake, but forgetting it regularly when you eat out comes across as her hoping a free meal. Tell those mutual friends who are critisicing you that they are more than welcome to pay for her meal in future.
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u/Tboogie-1 1d ago
NOR She did that on purpose because she assumed you’d cover her once again. If you embarrassed her, good. Maybe next time she’ll decline in advance if she doesn’t have the funds, or she will go and pay her own share. She’s a leech and you put her in her place. That has nothing to do with being a “real friend”, real friends don’t take advantage of each other the way she attempted to do.
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u/Broad_Ad_9573 1d ago
Not overreacting at all. If the other people in your friend group think it is such a minor issue and feel so bad for her, they are welcome to pay for her meals from now on. It is very easy for them to call you 'weird' when it isn’t their money being stolen under the guise of friendship.
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u/Flicksterea 1d ago
This is such a common occurrence I have to question people's ability to make friends. Every other post feels like it's this exact same issue. And the outcome is the same. Your friend knew what she was doing the first time she did this and she knew what she was doing this time.
NOR but yeah stop paying and ignore anyone who sides with the moocher.
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u/CattaTronixRex 1d ago
NOR. Add that shit up and ask her “friends” to pay her bill for her since that’s what they like doing.
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u/OperationOk1414 1d ago
We all have one friend who never seems to remember their wallet. The first time, yeah, OK, 2nd time looks suspicious. If it's 3x or more it's obviously intentional and your approach was the right one.
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u/LivinTheDream_22 1d ago
NOA - I’d explain that you’ve paid for her meals multiple times and never been paid back. I’d also NEVER go out to eat with her again. If someone gives you crap then I’d tell them that they can pay for her next five meals.
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u/CrossFitMathIsHard 1d ago
ESH. She's clearly a mooch, but you should know after repeated incidents to ask for separate checks, or simply not go out to eat with her anymore. But embarrassing her likely cost the friendship. That said, maybe you're happy to be rid of her, in which case...
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u/ADampDevil 1d ago
NOR - Not sure people from your friend group realise how often it is happening.
Yeah sure it would be weird not to do it the once, but if she still owes you for several previous occasions then I think you are perfectly justified, and perhaps her little embarrassment will prompt her in doing something about it in future.
she originally said she wouldn’t be able to because her funds were low
This is what annoys me, she seemed fine to duck out of it. At which point if she hadn't burned her bridges by not paying her debts in the past I'm sure most people would say "It's okay I'm inviting you, I'll cover it."
It might seem odd, but people often don't mind paying for friends if they know they are hard up, but what they don't like is friends that say they are going to pay then welch on debts, or continue to take liberties tricking people into paying for them. Financially it might be the same to the friend that ends up paying but honesty is worth something in friendships, that honesty allows they friend to feel generous rather than decieved.
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u/DJShepherd 1d ago
You need to hold her accountable to pay you back for all those other meals and if she’s bringing it to the friends group you can let them all know she’s done this a few times already! Honestly in not sure why you still kept going out for dinner after she’s already not paid you back so those other times. How many times have you paid for her meals and she’s never paid you back? NOR.
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u/Appreciate1A 1d ago
You have every right to be irritated- with yourself. She’s done this before and you knew it. Stop going out with her and setting yourself up to be the self righteous victim.
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u/Rem-Dogg 1d ago
the fact that she called out she didn't have funds, and then retracted to say she had figured something out when she hadn't and just expected you to cover it is tacky. also, why is she looping other people in to have her back when she is dodging bills. You all could have had a cheap bottle of wine at one of your places- she's taking advantage of you.
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u/pinkskynights 1d ago
She totally could have Zelle, Apple Pay, Venmo, Cash App. Blah blah.
She didn’t forget her card.